A/N: Okay, I know I should be working on my other multichapter stories Destinies & Trust (& I will again I promise very soon!) but having rewatched Il Tavolo Biano recently I wondered what would have happened if Pike hadn't been at Lisbon's house when Jane showed up with the cannoli.

So, here's my (decidedly angsty but ultimately romantic) take on what may have occurred...although I warn you, it may be a little bit rambling in parts as it's a result of me taking my mind off devious plotlines while writing the last few chapters of my story Missing so it may not be entirely coherent but hope it's worth a read. Twoshot as I refuse to start yet another multichapter at this time!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist but hey, I can dream...

Cannoli & Confession

Chapter 1 - Nerves

Patrick Jane was rarely nervous; he had pushed that emotion deep inside him from an early age. It showed weakness his father had told him.

'Act confident and the world will believe every word you say, Paddy' Alex Jane had indoctrinated into him.

Mostly his father had been correct, pained as he was to admit it. More than likely because Alex Jane had never allowed himself to fall in love. He was a user and a manipulator first and foremost. Perhaps he had cared for Jane's mother once but by the point he was old enough to collect his own memories Jane had never experienced his father showing true affection for anyone, his only child included.

But what his dear old dad had failed to inform him was that nervousness could lead a man to experiencing some of life's most epiphanous moments. For him it included gaining a first date with Angela, her agreeing to his hand in marriage, the first few seconds he held his baby girl in his arms. All of these momentous occasions Jane connected with his shaky hands, equally shaky breath, racing heart and clammy hands. They had forced their way into his memory palace of their own volition and taken up pride of place there. Of course not all of the anxiety laced fragments of his life ended in the bettering of it. Opening his bedroom door after appearing on a talk show, hearing panicked breathing on the end of a phone line after the sound of gunshots, a bomb strapped to a chest, rushing into a house and seeing a red face painted over Lisbon's. Although the latter scenarios had at least ended in far less devastating effects than he first envisioned for a few brief terrifying seconds.

As he stood at Teresa Lisbon's red front door, a bag of cannoli in his hand, he caught his breath, hesitating before he tapped on its wood. As he heard a shuffle from inside he speculated if his presence this evening would result in another life changing incident. Whether he would be a winner or a loser by the end of it. As he heard the sounds of the locks being turned he planted a smile on his face, taking a deep breath just as the door opened.

Lisbon pulled the door from inside, frowning instantly when she saw him standing there, tugging her black cardigan around her as she did so to stave off the chill of the evening.

Concerned she asked, 'Jane? What are you doing here at this hour? What's up? Something with the case?'

Shaking his head he smiled again, hoping it appeared relaxed, holding up the bag in front of him, 'Cannoli courtesy of Mrs Aurelio from Il Tavolo Bianco, she made them especially.'

'That was sweet of her' Lisbon replied, but her expression revealing the real question she wanted answered. Why are you really here? But she added instead, 'Come on in, Jane' opening the door fully.

As he sat on her couch he fidgeted with his fingertips as she made tea for them, an excuse to get their bearings for a few minutes alone. Both knew there was tension in the air, had been for weeks, growing between them for perhaps months ever since he'd returned from his island but exacerbated since Marcus Pike had entered their lives. Profoundly so since she'd mentioned the possibility of her leaving Austin for a life in D.C. with the aforementioned Art Crimes agent.

As she placed a mug of tea and a plate of the pastries he'd brought in front of him he asked, 'No Marcus tonight?'

Rather than call him out on the obvious conclusion she was sure he had already figured out as it was after 10.30 at night she simply answered, 'No. He's getting ready for the move to Washington. Has a lot of loose ends to tie up before the move.' She sat beside him on the couch, placing her mug to her lips.

Jane nodded in affirmation, picking up his mug and cradling his hand around it for a few moments before he took a long sip.

'Have you made your decision yet? About the move?' He asked, aiming for nonchalance, as he put the mug back on the table.

'No. Not yet' Lisbon replied guardedly, her lips in a tight line.

'I see. Interesting.'

'Why's that?' she responded, her tone insistent, clearly fed up with running in circles since she told Jane about possibly moving to another state.

He shrugged, mildly surprised at her directness but strangely comforted by it. While it had been her default setting for a decade lately she had shied away from expressing herself so fully to him. It wasn't until this instant he realised just how much he'd missed it. How much he'd missed his 'CBI' Lisbon, a more self assured and taking no prisoners version of what he'd witnessed more recently. He'd seen a glimpse of her when she had heard about Operation Jury Scam but she had clammed up when Pike appeared for their lunch date. Inwardly Jane berated him childishly for even spoiling that particular spectacle, for stopping him seeing that fire in her eyes once again.

He glanced quickly in her direction. She was once such an open book to him but now... He knew how she'd felt about him years ago even if she wanted to kill him sometimes but now...now she was the opposite of translucent.

He cleared his throat, maintaining an amiable tone. 'Well, if you do decide to go then I imagine there's a lot to do, preparation wise, that is. Lots of packing.'

He smiled, looking around her cosy living room, decorated in neutral tones tastefully. 'It's not like this place was like the one you had in Sacramento where you still had boxes in your living room three years after moving in. This place...this is undoubtedly a home. It'll take time to pack up.'

'So packing, huh? That's the reason for me to force my decision? Is that what you're saying?' She rolled her eyes, picking up a cannolo from the plate and picking at some cream from its centre with one of her fingers before licking it off absentmindedly.

Jane was quiet for a few more moments before he took a deep breath. 'Does he make you happy?' he asked quietly, looking at the mug in his hands instead of her, distracted slightly by her mouth as her tongue lapped at the cream on her fingers.

She mirrored his actions, putting the pastry down, blowing on the tea in her hands. 'Yeah, he does' she replied softly after a few seconds.

Jane nodded quickly, biting his lower lip, hiding the devastation he felt from her words.

He finally said, 'Good.' He turned his face towards her, studying her, memorising how the dim light made her green eyes appear a few shades darker than usual and illuminated the whites of her eyes. He spoke honestly, his voice hoarse with emotion. 'Because I want nothing more than for you to be happy. That's the most important thing for me, Lisbon. That you're happy.'

She nodded, tears pricking at her eyes and she looked away from his gaze. Attempting to brighten her tone she replied, 'Even if I do go to D.C. it doesn't have to mean we lose touch. We can visit each other, right? I mean, Washington, plenty of museums and Art Galleries there to keep you entertained for twenty years of visits.'

'Yeah' he said softly. 'Of course.'

She didn't want to face the notion that leaving Austin would inevitably mean the end of her friendship with Jane. She simply couldn't contemplate a future without him being part of it. The hold Patrick Jane had on her had lasted over a decade, an invisible rope that hung between them, binding them to each other, stretching on occasions over time, cities and continents but never breaking completely. Once it was taught and thick with twine and while now it was considerably weaker and frayed along its edges it was still there nonetheless. She wasn't sure if she could be the one to sever it permanently. But somewhere deep down she knew her leaving, by effectively choosing Pike over him, would separate Jane and her more than an ocean had a year ago.

But she couldn't give up on the possibility of him remaining in her life just yet if she did decide to move. 'I mean, it's not like we can't talk to each other, as much as we like. It's not like you'll be in South America where I can't get in touch with you. Used to drive me crazy sometimes when I couldn't respond to your letters.'

Jane nodded, looking at the coffee table in front of him. He asked quietly, 'What would you have written to me if you could have?'

The question caught her off guard and she thought about the answer, a line appearing between her eyes.

'Sounds like a short letter' he smirked as the silence grew.

She shot him a glare then sighed, shrugging. 'I don't know, Jane.'

He turned towards her and raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'You're still a terrible liar.'

She huffed for a moment before her shoulders drooped in acknowledgement. Shaking her head she said softly, 'I guess I would have told you how much I missed you too, like you told me. That life...that life...-'

'-Was increasingly boring without me in it?' he grinned.

Rolling her eyes she laughed. 'The one thing I know I'm not going to be with you is bored, Jane. I have to admit that if nothing else.'

'Why I think that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me, Lisbon' he replied, smiling.

'Not being bored isn't always a good thing, Jane' she came back with immediately, her eyes dancing with amusement.

They took a moment to enjoy the closeness between them again, their ability to mentally spar with each other reignited, if only for a few precious seconds. A wave of nostalgia coursed through him and he wondered if his apparent lack of nosiness had been mistaken by her as a lack of interest the past few months. She had told him to let her live her life, to let her make her own choices. He was honouring her wishes but it seemed to be driving them further apart instead of bringing them closer.

'I really did appreciate the letters' she said softly a few seconds later before he had time to organise his thoughts coherently.

After a moment he replied, 'To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, continuing to write to you for as long as I did.'

'Because it gave the FBI a way of tracking you down?'

He chuckled, shaking his head. 'No. I imagined the more I kept writing the more chance they'd find me.'

'You wanted them to find you?' she couldn't help but enquire, frowning.

'Not at all. It was just...well initially I thought that if I wrote to you a few times then it would quell the worry you might have about me running off. That it would help you come to realise I was okay, you know, coping. But once I started...well I realised how much it helped me too. Made me feel like you were still there, you know, beside me, even if it was only in the shadows.'

She was touched by his honesty, by his admission of just how much he'd missed her although he had put it in words in every letter. 'So then why are you saying you weren't sure you were doing the right thing, continuing to write to me?' she persevered.

He pursed his lips, shaking his head slightly, his eyes downcast, thinking hard about his next statement. Finally he replied, 'Because Lisbon...if I was a better man...a less selfish man I would have stopped. And so allowed you to move on with your life back then.'

She swallowed hard as she immediately understood the meaning behind his words. He had all but admitted he knew she had been in love with him before he left. It was a barely disguised secret of hers but his first acknowledgement of it to her, even if it was abstractly accomplished. She sighed loudly. 'Jane...I...if there had been a good enough reason to move on then I would have at the time. Your letters didn't stop me.'

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. 'Really? Because at times I felt guilty about perhaps holding you back-'

'Really' she interrupted, her face aflame. 'And you feel guilty about pretty much everything so what else is new, huh?' she smiled, diverting the awkwardness with a little humour.

At once he joined in to further ease the discomfort. 'So there were no hunky lumberjacks in Washington State that took your fancy, then?' he smiled.

Blushing still, she laughed. 'Not really, no.'

'But Pike is a different matter, isn't he?' he asked, serious again instantly, staring at her, studying her reaction to his question before she uttered a word in response.

She hesitated and stumbled over her words. 'I think...well...he may be' she replied truthfully.

He nodded, picking up his mug again and taking a sip. She noticed the slight tremble of his hand on the handle. 'He's a good man. I always said you deserved love in your life, Lisbon, finding a good man.'

'Don't you ever think about it?' she asked, feeling she had nothing left to lose and deciding to throw all her chips in, to find out where she stood in his life once and for all.

'Finding a good man?' he smiled, raising an eyebrow to her.

She knew he was deflecting, trying to dissipate the tension but now she wanted truth, not triviality. She shot him a look that told him she wanted a serious answer. He bit the inside of his cheek, his fingers grasping the mug a little tighter. 'You're asking if I've ever given any thought to being in a relationship again?' he asked, buying time.

She nodded. 'Well, have you?'

'I've done my best not to think about it' he replied emphatically after a moment.

She blinked rapidly for a few seconds before rolling her eyes, her temper beginning to get the better of her. Why could he never just give a straight answer?

'Not the answer you wanted?' he asked, slightly amused at seeing her try to keep a hold on herself.

'Not an answer at all' she snapped back.

He sighed, placing the mug on the table in front of him. 'Okay...okay. Unfortunately, though, it's the truth.'

'But why not, Jane? Huh? Red John is gone. It's time you lived your life again. I didn't know them but do you really think they'd want you to be on your own forever?'

At this moment it ceased to be about his feelings for her and more about trying to make him live a fulfilling life. If she was going to be in D.C. then she didn't want him to continue the way he'd been living, perhaps she could convince him of that at least. She wanted him to have what she was trying to have. A life filled with more than work, even if it meant she wouldn't be a part of it.

'You're right, Lisbon. They wouldn't. And...to be honest I thought it would be different after he was gone too. I thought I'd be different. Better, I guess.' He shrugged, exhaling, 'In some ways I am. I mean, at least now I can sleep most nights. Until recently anyhow. But...everything else...I was so focused on catching him for so long I don't really know what else to do with myself than keep my mind busy with work.'

A thought entered her head suddenly. Perhaps she was holding him back by remaining in Austin. Perhaps being with her, working with her every day had made him comfortable, complacent, unwilling to move his life on in a new direction. He had adjusted to his new environment by living his life as he had done at CBI, creature of habit that he was. Surrounded by her and Cho everyday he had reverted back into the man he was back then, just without the lust for revenge at the centre of it. Perhaps the best favour she could do for him was to move away, perhaps that was the impetus he needed to propel himself forward into a new start. Maybe there were women he had felt attracted to but hadn't acted upon to spare her feelings, mixed in with some guilt that he had never reciprocated them. If she wasn't there to see it he would maybe feel freer to explore that possibility, as much as the thought crushed her heart.

'No' he said quietly as these thoughts raged inside her head.

'What?' she replied, frowning as she hadn't asked a question.

'My life would not be better without you in it. Not then and not now. Not ever. That's what you were just thinking, yes? The answer is no, most decidedly, Lisbon. It simply would not.'

'I'm just thinking it might be better for you if I left. To get some space between us-'

'No' he interrupted, shaking his head. 'If you decide to go to D.C. then that's your decision. But I won't have you thinking for a moment that it helps me in any way if you go. If it makes you happy, if that's what you truly want, then you should go. But certainly not to help me.'

She knew they were still running around in circles, skirting around issues like they normally did, giving each other half truths and omitting the important stuff. Truth was she was no better than he was in divulging her feelings either, if she could actually figure out what they were.

'That's the problem, Jane! I don't know what the hell I want!' she suddenly yelled, pent up frustration that had been building in her suddenly released.

He pulled his head back a little at her outburst, opening his mouth in surprise. She was quiet a moment later and sank her head back on the cushions behind her, her eyes closed and shaking her head.

'I...I didn't mean to upset you, Lisbon' he said softly. 'I...-'

'Why the hell did you come here tonight?' she interjected, her eyes open and blazing again.

He glanced at the cannoli and she pushed herself forward on the couch, fingers gripping the seat cushion she sat on. Before he said a word she growled, 'Do not mention the damn cannoli. I know it wasn't because of them.' She stared into his eyes. 'The truth, Jane or god help me I'll beat it out of you.'

A/N: Second and last chapter up next very soon. Thanks, hope you enjoyed, if you did please tell me!