The rum was burning his throat, pain slipping down as he took another sip of the amber liquid. It had been a good distraction at first, the alcohol dimming his infernal anguish. But lately, as the weeks passed, its salving effects had lessened. His body was becoming more and more tolerant and, even when he tried to drown his sorrows in heavier liquor, it wouldn't work anymore.

Every time he closed his eyes, the picture of Milah's lifeless body filled his mind. He remembered calling out to her, but the wind had been knocked out of him and his voice got no further than his throat. He remembered his hand being pinched, his wrist throbbing and his arm shooting with pain, but still tried to pull it from its confines to help her.

That was the reason Killian lost his hand. He lost it to save her, but instead, he just lost them both. After a three-week stint in a coma, the doctor claimed that he could have saved it if he had let it be, if he hadn't tried to save her. The doctor said he was lucky that it was only his hand, that he had woken up from this coma altogether.

Luck? Killian scoffed in the doctor's face. Sure, he was alive. But what kind of life was he going to live without his other half? Without the only light in his darkened world? Without the only person who had ever truly seen him? Without her? He was no stranger to death; his brother, mother, and father all passed away before the time he was eighteen.

He moved to America and started a new life, one that could rid himself of the demons holding his heart. He started college and met some friends and, through them, Milah. For eight years, she had been his, and he, hers. It was a love story for the books. He made her adventurous, daring, and spontaneous. She made him kinder, softer, and loving.

But now? Now he was lonely.

Now that the alcohol was no longer working, he had to find a new way to forget. He tried, for a while, to live with the memories, with the feelings, but it was too hard. He had to find a way to forget. He looked at the card for Mr. Gold's Escort Service. Was it a way to forget? Absolutely not. But he was out of options.

Killian could have tried to go to a bar and woo a girl for the night, but he didn't want to do that. Not only would he be unable to keep up a delightful mood for that long, he didn't feel right about bedding her with no intentions of anything more. He settled for calling an escort service, to sleep with someone and have no strings attached. He may never see her again, and that would be okay. And, he'd be able to give her something in return.

Killian kept telling himself that that made it okay for him to go through with this.

He heard a knock on the dingy motel room door – he couldn't bring her back to his and Milah's house, knowing what he was going to do and who he was going to do it with. He knew this was in no way cheating, that he was free to do what he wanted, but it didn't mean he had to do it in his bed at home, where the mere color of the walls made him sob.

Placing the old fashioned glass on the table and tossing the business card next to it, he stood up and swayed over to the door. Killian brought his hand to the knob as he heard another knock, and slowly, he opened the door.

A blonde haired woman stood before him in a very, very short dress. It was black, skin tight, and barely covering her ass. He gave her a once over, trying to decide if he could actually pay her to sleep with him, before accepting his new fate.

"Mr. Jones?" the woman asked, and Killian's eyes shot straight to the woman's. She had clearly used her most seductive voice, one that did things to him that were beyond his control. He nodded as he began to use his left arm to gesture her in. As soon as he realized his lack of hand, his face flushed and he hid it behind his back and waited for her to come in.

Killian noticed her swaying her hips a bit more than what was probably natural for her. She was fluid with her motions, and he couldn't figure out how she could be so graceful with the high heels she was wearing. She placed her bag on the motel chair before turning back to him.

Killian lifted his right hand to scratch behind his ear. It was starting to get raw from all the attention – he used to shift between right and left pretty equally. Now that it was purely on his right, the skin was beginning to hurt whenever he touched it, but his nerves outweighed the pain.

"Well, Mr. Jones—"

"Killian," he interrupted. "My name's Killian. And, uh, what do you want me to call you?"

She gave him a smile. "You can just call me Swan."

Killian furrowed his eyes at her. "You truly wish me to believe your name is Swan?" he asked, confused at the name he was supposed to call her.

She sauntered over to him, bringing her hand up to his face and dragging the smooth backside down his cheek. "Believe what you want, Killian, but that's what you should call me tonight." She nearly purred his name as she settled her hand at the nape of his neck, rubbing a circle pattern behind his ear and sifting her fingers through his hair. "I do have a few rules before we start."

Killian nodded in agreement, waiting to see what she had to say. She went back to dig through her purse, finding a small, black square and placing it on the table. "This is non-negotiable," she challenged, as if he was going to tell her to leave since he had to wear a condom.

It was true, Milah had been on the pill and he hadn't needed to fumble with one in ages, and he was entirely unsure how he was going to put it on with one hand, but he knew that if he was going to do this one-night-stand and never see her again, he had to go along with her rules. "Understood," he murmured, feeling slightly embarrassed by her rules. "Although, I might need a bit of help…" He couldn't help the pink that now tinged his cheeks, but she seemed to have no problem with his answer.

"I won't spend the night here. As soon as we're through, I'll be leaving." Killian hadn't even thought about the after, but he couldn't help but feel thankful she didn't want to stay. He didn't know if he could wake up tomorrow morning and have physical evidence of what he did.

"Of course," he said.

"I have one more rule." Swan walked over to Killian again. "I need the money upfront."

Killian's heart panged, knowing that he was going to pay this woman to have sex with him, but he walked over to the night-bag he had brought and took out a checkbook. "How much do I owe?" he asked, finding a pen on the motel nightstand.

He brought his eyes up to hers, waiting for her answer.

"Three hundred."

He looked down at his lap and began writing the designated amount on the check. "To whom shall I make this out?" As Killian said the words, he realized he really was doing this. This was really going to happen.

Swan swayed her hips once more as she made her way to the bed, sitting down slowly and placing her lips right next to his ear. "Just make it out to Mr. Gold," she whispered before beginning to nibble it slowly.

Killian shivered as he wrote "G-O-L-D" on the line, followed by his signature. He passed it to her. "I don't pay you directly?" he asked.

Swan pulled back from her ministrations and gave a slight chuckle. "Mr. Gold takes care of us." She ran her hand up and down his arm. "Although, I doubt you want to spend tonight talking about my boss…" She licked her lips as she stared directly into his eyes. Killian passed her the check, and she double-checked the amount before placing it into a secure spot in her purse.

Killian had been slightly nervous before, but nothing compared to now. Not only was he apprehensive, he was also slightly embarrassed and ashamed of the decision he was about to make. When Swan turned back towards him, he abandoned all feelings, just imagining that he had gotten this girl to come here for other reasons. "I, uh… I want you to know that I've never done this… ever."

Swan paused in her spot. "Are you a virgin?" she asked, and Killian couldn't tell if her tone was one of pity or curiosity.

"What? No, absolutely not!" Killian replied quickly, making sure there was no room for her to misunderstand his words this time. "I meant… you know." When Swan stared at him under furrowed eyebrows, he leaned forward and whispered, "uh, with a prostitute…"

Swan stilled at the term, and Killian could tell it took every ounce of her being to force herself to relax. "That's what they all say…" She finally stood before him, pushing him further on the bed so she could straddle him. "Well, there's a first time for everything," she murmured, peppering a kiss to his jaw line.

"And, about my hand… or lack of…" Killian shot a look toward his stump, holding up a handless arm in her direction. "Is this going to be a problem?"

Swan looked over at it before taking her hands and placing both of them around his arm. She then lowered her lips to the rough skin, leaving a mark from her lipstick. "Not at all," she said, licking it before turning back to face him.

Swan let his hand go and turned back to him, placing a hand on each side of his head. She leaned down and pressed her lips on his, pulling back and looking at him under her heavily painted eyelashes. "Is this okay?"

Killian stared into her green eyes, surprised he was able to get lost in them. He gave a slight nod, and she lowered herself to kiss him again. This time, she grazed his bottom lip with her tongue, willing him to open himself to her. When he did, she began a dance, pushing him further into the mattress.

Swan backed up from him, and he watched as she toed off her shoes and brought her hand up to the back of her dress.

Keeping deep eye contact, she slowly guided the zipper down her back until the dress naturally fell off her body.

Killian rolled off of her, panting heavily and feeling sated for the moment. He was surprised at how much he enjoyed himself, a small smile pulling at his lips. Swan clearly knew what she was doing, and every inch of his body was thanking her for it. He tiled his head to the side to look at her. She was staring at the ceiling, breathing just as heavily as he was. She seemed to be counting in her head as she steadied herself.

When she looked at him to make sure he'd come down from his high, she slowly sat up. Killian wasn't quite sure what to do in this moment. He had already paid her, and she said she wasn't going to stay, but it felt awkward watching her stand up to dress herself and leave.

Just as he was about to reach out to her and pull her back to a post-coital bliss, she walked around the room, just as naked as the day she was born, without even looking at him. "Well, big boy," she said, still using her seductive voice and stirring something within his stomach. She nodded towards him before saying, "it looks like my work here is done." Swan finally brought her eyes up to him as she was pulling the dress over her head. Her hair was a complete mess, and she pulled it into a messy bun.

Killian began to frown. "Oh, uh, thanks…?" He mentally hit himself, thinking how stupid he must sound in this moment. Thanks? What a pathetic way to end the night!

Swan dipped her head in acknowledgement as she sat at the table and began to put on her shoes, avoiding any glances at him. She then checked in her purse to make sure the check was still in there, as if there was a chance he could have stolen it while they were doing what they were doing.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for a bit?" Killian closed his eyes in embarrassment. He really didn't know what he was doing.

"I don't spend the night with clients," Swan's voice was cold, the seductiveness gone in an instant, as she stood and started walking towards the door. She looked like she was determined to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"Will I see you again?" The words came out of his mouth before he got a chance to comprehend what he was saying. This was supposed to be a one-time thing – a chance to scratch an itch Milah could no longer scratch and make him forget all his troubles for the night.

She turned the knob on the door and opened the only exit from the room, finally glancing back at him with a neutral look before saying, "That depends. You'll have to call Mr. Gold and ask for his Swan. Want me to turn on the lights for you?" When he declined, she walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her without another word.

Killian stayed in the bed for a minute before depositing the condom and cleaning himself up, changing into a pair of basketball shorts he had brought along with him. He slowly made his way back to the main room, flopped down on the bed and hid under the covers.

He ran his head through his hair, looking out the small crack between curtain and window and seeing the darkened night sky. His heart beat fast as his brows furrowed, deep in thought. He'd been right – sex had made him forget about Milah.

But now? He felt worse than ever.

The very worst part of it was that something inside of him, deep, deep down wanted to see Swan again.