The attendants on the ten o'clock train from Magnolia to Hargeon had to admit that the main occupant of the third car was by far one of the strangest mages - because what else could he be? - they had ever seen. With his black armor and ragged clothing, he could easily be mistaken for a dark mage and quickly cleared out most of the car.

He seemed a lot less fearsome since the train started though. The poor man was horribly motion sick.

One of the attendants tsked as she poured a glass of water for him. She had seen many motion sick people in her time on trains, but this had to be one of the worst cases she'd ever seen.

"Would you like some water, sir?" she asked sweetly.

He uncurled just enough to look at her. She didn't flinch, but her smile did become a bit more strained as she saw her reflection in the reflective visor.

The sharp edges of the wizard's gauntlets brushed her fingers as he gingerly took the glass with a grunt of thanks. She resisted the urge to scrub her hands on her uniform, retreating to the end of the car. He looks like a demon with that horned helmet.

Well. This would be a story to tell her husband tonight.

Natsu Dragneel hated many things. Beetroots, vulcans, broken bones, to name a few. His primary loathing was directed at all forms of transportation, though some were worse than others. At least with boats, people shared his misery of motion sickness.

Trains proved the worst offender. People packed together inside them like sardines, and right when he could rest, the cars jolted, and before he could recover, they jolted again. His stomach felt like it was doing flips. It took his willpower not to heave. If he had his way, all forms of mechanical transportation would be destroyed.

"Arriving at Hargeon," the conductor said over the intercom. "Please make your way to the doors in an orderly fashion."

Wasn't… Hargeon his stop? Damn, he needed to get off this train.

Natsu reached forward and grabbed the seat in front of him, pulling himself to his feet. The leather groaned under the pointed tips of his fingers.

"Have a nice day!" the train attendant who had given him water earlier called as the doors closed behind him. He was too busy thanking his lucky stars that he was back on solid ground to notice.

"Mommy, that man looks scary," a little boy shouted, pointing. His mother pulled him along a bit faster.

Once Natsu's stomach had settled some, he sat up and took stock of his situation. The port city around him was calm and cheerful, which meant that the tip he had gotten from the guild was ultimately useless.

Great, another wasted journey.

Well, he could investigate who was calling himself 'Salamander'. He didn't particularly care about the title itself, but considering that it was associated with his name…

Not to mention that there was no well in hell that he was getting back on a train for at least a week.

Natsu dusted himself off and began making his way out of the train station. His stomach grumbled at him. Right, food. Need that to survive.

….. eh, I'll take care of that later.

Lucy's day just got a lot better. Even though she had spent way too much on that new key, the spirit was every bit as cute as she thought it would be. To make things even better, an incredibly attractive mage from Fairy Tail showed up. He was sauve and charismatic and she was honestly wondering if she was in love.

Then he showed up.

She felt the spell shatter as the cloaked man elbowed his way through the group of fangirls, easily standing a head above them. Lucy blinked a couple of times.

"Yeah, quick question, who the hell are you?" he asked in a deadpan voice.

"I'm the Salamander," the Fairy Tail wizard gasped, offended. "Haven't you heard of me?" The other man tilted his head ever so slightly. It was almost comical.

"I've heard of the Salamander a time or two," he replied, a faint note of amusement in his voice. "I'll be on my way. Have fun… Salamander."

Lucy stared at him as he ambled away from the group. Ignoring the Salamander inviting all the girls to his party, she ran after him.

"Hey, wait!" she called. He kept walking. "Horn head!"

That got his attention. The stranger turned around and paused.

"Thanks for the save back there," she said, poking a thumb behind her. "That jerk must have been using some sort of a charm spell. I'm Lucy." He made no response, staring down at her in silence. "... Hello?"

"What? Oh. I must have zoned out. You can uh… call me Natsu, I… guess." Was he… staring at her boobs?!

Lucy raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Is something distracting you?"

He tilted his head slightly, definitely staring. "Were you super flat before?"

"Before what?" she asked suspiciously.

"Before you got implants?" Natsu said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Lucy gaped at him in shock.

"You- you- ugh! They're not implants!" she shouted. "For your information, they're perfectly natural!"

That got a reaction out of him. "Seriously? Holy shit, what did your parents feed you?"

At a complete loss for words, Lucy clenched her teeth, spun around, and stormed away. She wanted nothing more than to punch him in his masked face, but he was honestly more than a little scary looking.

"What a jerk," she muttered.

Behind her, Natsu tapped his chin thoughtfully. Then it occurred to him exactly what happened. He lightly hit his fist into his open palm.

"Wait a minute, that was rude, wasn't it?"

Natsu was bored. Not just any bored; the kind of boredom that drove a man to do terrible things just to alleviate the boredom. Like getting into a fight with the city guard or crashing the fake Salamander's boat party. Or maybe getting dessert. He hadn't decided yet.

On one hand, fighting the city guard would probably get him in a good deal of legal trouble, not to mention trouble within the guild. On the other, if he crashed the party, there would be motion sickness. And if he got dessert, he'd probably throw it up on the train. Hm.

He leaned against the stone wall, staring contemplatively out at the ocean. There was the third option of going back to Magnolia, but that was boring. And the very thought of getting back on a train was nauseating.

Natsu was tired. He wanted to sleep for about eighteen hours, but something about the blonde earlier - Lucky or Luna or something - bugged him. Or maybe it was the fake Salamander that was bugging him. He honestly wasn't sure.

Sneaking onto the boat shouldn't be too hard, he mused. I just need to make sure I'm at the station in time to catch my train.

Looks like he had something to do.

Also known as "how long will it take me to pseudo-rewrite seventy chapters.