"Hello, I'm Annie," said the dark-haired woman at the next table.

"I'm Phoenix."

"How has your night been so far?"

"I've had better," Phoenix said. "You?"

"Awh, I'm sorry you haven't had a good time," Annie said. "I've had a great time! I met this guy with amazing eyes and cute hair! The cravat thing was a little weird, but I can handle it."

"Let me guess. Miles Edgeworth?"

"You know him?"

"Ever since fourth grade," Phoenix said. "So, Annie, what do you do for a living?"

"My job isn't very interesting," Annie said. She leaned forward. "Tell me about Edgeworth! How did the two of you meet? Do you work together? Do you have his phone number? Because I'm worried he'll reject me, because I came on too strong, and it'd be really awful if I never saw him again because of that. I mean, I don't have to be his girlfriend or anything! We could just be friends! Friends who make out occasionally. (Oh, gosh, did I just say that out loud?) So you see, it's not anything really romantic, so it'd be perfectly fine if you gave me his email address and real address and phone number and Twitter account name."

"I'm not here to talk about Edgeworth," Phoenix said firmly. "I'm here to talk about you! What do you do for a living?"

Annie was confused. "But who wouldn't want to talk about Edgeworth?" Annie asked. "He is so getting put on my list! Should I put yes, or super yes? Is super yes even an option? I mean, maybe it's not! I could always..."

Phoenix tuned Annie out for the rest of their talk. At least she seemed to enjoy the conversation.

"Bachelorette Number Ten...oh no," Phoenix said.

"Bonjour! My name is Jean Armstrong!" said the large man sitting in front of Phoenix. "I am a chef who makes the yummy foods!"

"Mr. Armstrong, did you sign up as one of the women?"

"Oui! I am Clarise Armstrong, a pretty little lady!"

"...You just said your name is Jean."

"Oui, I am both Jean and Clarise! The handsome man and the beautiful lady! A stunning pair, no?"

Phoenix decided to hide in the bathroom again.

Bachelorette Number Eleven was even worse that Jean Armstrong, if that was possible.

"Hello, I'm Wendy," she said, sweetly.

"Ms. Oldbag?" Phoenix asked. "You're still ali-I mean, you're here?"

"Of course I'm here!" Oldbag snapped. "Where else would I be? I'm here to get myself a hot new boyfriend!"

"Okay, you are way too old for this," Phoenix said.

"Love knows no age limit, you whippersnapper!"

"Objection!" Phoenix said. "Tonight's speeddating event is for ages 25 to 35! That's not you!"

"JERK!" Mrs. Oldbag said. "Why, in my day, youngsters would respect their elders!"

She launched on a long rant, and Phoenix hid in the bathroom again. The bathroom was starting to get mighty familiar to him by now.

Number Twelve was a serious-looking woman in a dark blue suit. "Hello," she said. "I'm Nicole Riter. You can call me Nik."

"Hey, that's my name, too," Phoenix said. "Kind of. I'm Phoenix Wright, but my friends call me Nick."

"So, what do you do for a living?" she asked.

"I'm a defense attorney," he said.

"Really?" she asked. "I work for the Los Angeles County Bar Association. I haven't seen you there before."

"I'm more of a freelance attorney," Phoenix asked. He hadn't gotten around to joining any legal associations ever since he got his badge back.

"If you ever want to join, I could help you," she said. "It might get you some more clients."

"That'd be great," Phoenix said. "As long as I don't have to defend any more large mammals! Ha ha."

"Large...mammals?"

"I recently defended a whale from murder charges," Phoenix explained. "It was a lot like one of my earliest cases, where I cross-examined a parrot."

"Oh. You're one of those attorneys," Nicole said.

"Those attorneys? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind," Nicole said. "Speaking of legalities, did you know that the Chief Prosecutor is here tonight? What a scandal!"

"What's so scandalous about it?"

"Miles Edgeworth does not deserve to be the Chief Prosecutor," Nicole said. "I mean, during the SL-9 case, he admitted that he fabricated evidence. Then he faked his own death, to avoid going to trial for it. Not to mention the fact that he constantly goes on nine-month vacations to other countries!"

"Yeah, but aren't those trips business-related? I thought he stopped some kind of international smuggling ring, operating out of Zheng Fa..."

"I heard about that," Nicole said. "Didn't he give up his prosecutor's badge, to go chasing after some black-haired teenager in a short skirt?"

Phoenix's eyes widened. He didn't know about that. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely," Nicole said. "That man does not deserve to be Chief Prosecutor. It sets a bad example for every lawyer in the area. I told him as much."

"I bet he didn't take it well," Phoenix said.

"A minor understatement. He threatened to sue for slander. I doubt he will go through with it, but if he does...well, I'm prepared to defend myself."

"Good luck with that," Phoenix said. "I've faced Edgeworth in court several times now. He's a force to be reckoned with."

"Really?" Nicole asked. "I was under the impression that his last court appearance was with the Blackquill trial."

"Yes," Phoenix nodded his head. "I was there."

"But that would mean you're...wait...Phoenix Wright, the Forging Attorney?"

"I did not give official approval to that nickname!" Phoenix said.

"You caused the Dark Age of the Law!" Nicole accused.

"I was framed! It was all Kristoph Gavin's fault!"

"Yeah, I heard about that. You claim you were framed, because you won a poker game," Nicole said. "Aren't you supposed to be a drunken hobo or something?"

"That was a difficult time in my life," Phoenix admitted. "But it's over now."

"I couldn't believe it, when I heard you got your badge back," Nicole said. "But now it's obvious."

"What's obvious?"

"You're dating Miles Edgeworth. It explains why he set up a rigged jury trial demonstration. Anything to get his boyfriend back on the right side of the law!"

"That...it's...that's not true! If you say any more, I'll sue you for slander!"

"Bring it, Wright! I'm not afraid to fight the establishment!"

I'm part of the establishment? When did this happen? Phoenix wondered. I forget legal stuff so often, I need a refresher on how trials work every single year!