AN- This is something I had actually written in my diary when I was having one of my really bad days, I want to publish it somewhere but I couldn't find anything appropriate so I turned it into a fanfic. Please enjoy and don't review too harshly.

DEAR DIARY

Skye had been given her assignment, poetry. She had to write a poem about something in her life and she knew she had a lot to draw inspiration from. But she didn't need to spend hours on her work live the rest of her class, she just typed up several pages from the journal she had hidden under her pillow.

Sometimes I want to hurt myself

Sometimes I want to hurt other people

Sometimes I want to kill those people

And sometimes I want to kill myself

But I don't, I'm too stubborn for that

People say I complain a lot

And I do, because I don't want to be miserable

I just am. Get over it.

If I tried to kill myself I know what people would say

'It's so sad I wish I'd noticed'

Well I know that at least one person would say

'I wish I'd done something'

Because I do tell people things

And I do make sure they know

And they try to help, because let's face it

I'm not paying for someone to do a worse job

There's no point in a shrink because all they'd say is

'How are you feeling today?'

I can't imagine how spilling all of my secrets to a stranger will make me less anxious

And I really can't see how someone who really hasn't been there can 'understand'

May as well save other people the hassle

Of hearing about another girl that couldn't cope

It might ruin their perfect morning

But it won't be their hearts that broke

Because let's be honest

Unless you've been holding my hand

You'd only have a small piece

Of the hell that I have to face every day

'You don't have to face it alone'

Actually I do have to face it on my own

Because you aren't me

I think I'd know if you were

You can try to comprehend what happens in my little world

But I'm afraid your little bubble is too small for that

And I'm sure the demons that are eating at you

Will seem way worse compared to mine

'The people who mind don't matter

And the people that matter don't mind'

More like most of the people that matter mind

They're just too polite to say anything

Let's be honest here

We're all different people

And this isn't a cry for attention

More a scream of exasperation

Because I'm tired of all the

'You can get through this'

Because your opinion

Probably won't be of much value

And stop saying

'It'll get better'

Because unless you're a wizard

I'm fairly sure you don't know

And I'm not saying

Just give up

I'm saying stop telling other people to carry on

Because it's really distracting

Yes I sometimes feel homicidal

But is it really my fault

You probably said something to annoy me

I suggest you run if that happens

Another point to talk about

I really do put effort in

Believe me you didn't notice

Because you weren't actually there to see it happen

I could call ten colleges

And scour the city with CVs

But until I actually get some qualifications

They don't give a damn about me

I wear a mask

A mask to try to keep myself safe

Kind of like a barrier to stop myself getting hurt

And some of the time it holds

And sometimes the mask falls

The walls break down around me

Some people get hurt

And other people take offense

I can promise you that I try

And that I'm not just moody and loud

I do try to be kind and honest

But for some reason nobody takes note of that

People only focus on the bad

And to be honest that hurts

I try to redeem myself

But all people will say is 'but that happened'

I can list a lot of things that I've done wrong

And the list of things I've done right might not be as long

But it's there and it's real

It's proof that I do actually try

But apparently that isn't even good enough any more

I have to completely change myself apparently

And that is honestly the hardest thing someone can ask you to do

It's not easy, no matter what you try to tell people

You can't just say

I expect this to happen

And neither can I

All we can do is hope and be patient

People say to me that they're patient

And that they are a very calm person

Then you could be able to help me

Not just tell me to go and do it alone

You can tell me that I'm wrong

And that I need to correct myself

But I have something to say to that

Should you make a small change

Because instead of standing firm on your ground

And expecting everything to move around you

Why doesn't everyone just make one small change

Because I'm sure that if you added it up there's be a bigger difference

If a seventeen year old needs to demonstrate this

Then there is definitely something wrong

Because I'm definitely not the wisest person on the planet

I don't even have a driver's license yet

I don't class as an adult

And yet I'm expected to make adult decisions

About things that I really don't understand

It's frightening when you think about it

But there's no point thinking about it for a little longer

I've said enough to make your head burst

And that's not even half of what I've had swimming around in my head

I guess it'll just have to wait until next time