birthday present for the lovely Ashley (timelordinvictus on tumblr)

As far as I know this should only have one more part but I'm aware that I have an awful track record at predicting these things.

title is from "Glory and Gore" by Lorde

John Smith was one of Rose Tyler's favorite people in the palace. He'd been hired as a footman just after her seventeenth birthday and the crown princess had taken an instant liking to the man who always had a smile and a story for her when they crossed paths and treated her like a person instead of a royal. The two of them quickly became friends and would often hole up in an obscure corner of the garden or empty room and talk for hours, forgetting their respective duties and ranks.

By the time Rose turned eighteen everyone in the palace knew they were best friends and the butler had given up and permanently made John's afternoon duties looking after the princess, doing anything she required and accompanying her on any outings. It was a common sight to see them running through the hallways or across the grounds hand in hand. It had raised eyebrows of course, but the rumors died down when it became clear that there wasn't anything improper going on between the footman and the princess. No one could fault the princess for making a friend, even if that friend was a servant.

It was two days before Rose's twenty-first birthday when everything changed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Rose was pacing the blue sitting room, waiting for John to show up. She still had twenty minutes before the butler released him from his morning duties but she'd been so desperate to escape last minute fittings for her coronation gown that she'd gotten to their meeting place half an hour early.

Her coronation was in two days. Her mum was formally abdicating and handing power over to Rose on her twenty-first birthday. Rose was expecting it. This had been the plan since she was sixteen but that didn't mean she wasn't nervous. The thing was she couldn't tell just anyone that she was scared of becoming the queen, that she was scared she'd mess something up during the coronation. She had to appear to be calm and collected and ready to accept the responsibility of leading the country.

She was ready, she was just nervous and John always knew how to calm her down after listening to her fears. She needed her best friend to remind her that she was more than her title and more than ready to take the throne because of that.

Rose started to get worried when John was a full thirty minutes late. Normally he made it to their rendezvous a few minutes before she did and was almost never more than a few minutes late.

She waited another fifteen minutes and then went looking for him. Rose checked all of their normal haunts first. The library, their almost forgotten corner of the garden, the room in the East Wing that was inexplicably full of stools, and a final check of the blue sitting room all turned up nothing and Rose was forced to seek out the butler to ask where John was.

She had never been particularly fond of Wilson, the butler, but it couldn't be denied that he did his job well. Rose found him in his office and knocked quietly on the doorframe to announce her presence when she saw he was busy with the account books.

As soon as he looked up and saw who it was he scrambled to his feet to bow deeply while Rose suppressed a sigh.

"Your Highness. How may I be of service?"

"I'm looking for John. Do you happen to know where he is?" She watched as a look of discomfort crossed Wilson's face before he composed himself.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, Your Highness, but Mr. Smith was dismissed last night and immediately escorted off the grounds after being accused of stealing."

Rose couldn't hide her shock. "No, John wouldn't steal. You must be mistaken."

"The items he was accused of taking were found in his quarters, Your Highness. I am sorry, I know you were close to him but there was no mistake and protocol was followed to the letter." Wilson's face softened as he saw the disbelief on the princess's face. "He was not the man any of us thought he was and it's better we found out now rather than later."

"Yes, of course," Rose said, slipping into her unflappable royal persona to hide her turmoil. She couldn't afford to let people see cracks in the façade. "Thank you, Wilson. I'm sure you did what you thought was best."

She walked away feeling like there was a void opening up inside of her. John wouldn't really leave without saying goodbye, would he? She guessed there hadn't really been a chance for him to do so if he'd been escorted away but…nothing about this felt right.

Rose pressed her lips into a hard line, determined to fix this somehow, get to the bottom of it all, because she knew John wouldn't steal anything. She just needed a chance to talk to him. She changed course, heading towards the office of her chief guardsman. Hopefully he could spare some men to go find John and bring him back to the palace.

At the very least she needed to say goodbye.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Rose received word that John had been found five days after her coronation, an event that had seemed hollow and lonely without a certain pair of brown eyes to seek out in the crowd or a certain hand to pull her out to the garden when the party threatened to be too much for her.

It was the day after she received word that John was finally back in the palace. The guards escorted him to the gold sitting room where Rose was waiting. She dismissed the guards immediately, leaving her and John alone.

As soon as the door closed, John looked up from where he'd been studying the floor, locking eyes with Rose. Their gazes held for a long, charged moment, neither of them moving an inch.

John broke it first, looking away from Rose as he bowed deeply to her, falling into formal behavior that he'd never used with her before, especially if they were alone.

"John," Rose started, voice breaking on the familiar, beloved syllable.

"Your Majesty, please allow me to offer my congratulations on your coronation. The kingdom is lucky to have you." John didn't acknowledge her attempt at speech, pressing on in a voice that seemed hollow. Indeed, it was lacking all of the usual verve and vivacity that colored his normal speech.

"John, I'm still me. Just because I'm the queen now doesn't mean I stopped being Rose. Why-" she stopped, blinking back tears that had formed during his formal address. She needed to get control over herself. "Why are you acting like we're strangers? You're still my best friend and you know I don't believe any of this nonsense about you stealing something."

"Rose," he paused and swallowed hard, eyes flickering to her face briefly before fixing on the curtains behind her. "We can't be friends. You have so much to lose and people didn't like you being so close with a footman when you were a princess and they won't tolerate it now that you're the queen."

He was opening his mouth to continue but Rose cut him off. "I'm the queen, John. I'm allowed to be friends with whoever I choose. It's not anyone's business but my own!"

John's eyes snapped to hers, trying to impress the importance of the situation on her. "Yes it is. There are people who want to make sure you're surrounded by people who will only give you advice and counsel that has been previously approved by a select group. They were afraid you would seek my advice instead and knew they couldn't bribe me to do what they wanted so they framed me for stealing and ran me out in the middle of the night."

"Who is this 'they' you keep talking about?" Rose couldn't hide her growing shock and concern. John was implying that this went far beyond the two of them, that there was a conspiracy of some sort to govern her and her reign.

John just shook his head, unable or unwilling to divulge any more. "We're from two different worlds, Rose. We've pretended for years that that wasn't really the case but the fact remains that you're so far above me and we can't be to-" he stopped, swallowing the end of the word as he looked away from her again, "we can't be friends. It's time to stop pretending and accept reality."

Rose's heart had started beating wildly when John cut himself off. It'd sounded like he was going to say they couldn't be together, together in a way that was more than friends. He'd never expressed a romantic interest in her before. Rather, he hadn't expressed a romantic interest in her that Rose had caught and she'd been paying attention, hoping to see interest on his part.

For her part, she'd been in love with her friend for years and had been devising a way to tell him and to elevate his status so people wouldn't raise eyebrows if they were together. She didn't care about their respective ranks but she knew there were many who would.

Trying to calm herself, Rose answered him. "We've been living in reality. I'm not better than you simply because I was born into a different family and, as far as I'm concerned, anyone who thinks otherwise can sod off."

His eyes shot to hers and she thought she'd finally provoked him to make one of his trademark quips about how she didn't talk like a royal but he remained quiet.

The silence stretched between them, tense and uncomfortable in a way it never had been before. John was torn between wanting to run from this conversation and all its pitfalls and wanting to stay because he thought this might be the last time he'd be able to see Rose, to be able to talk to her.

Rose took a step towards him. "I don't…I can't lose you because of what people might say or think." Words were sticking in her throat and she hoped he understood what she was trying to say. She didn't care what people thought of her friendship with John, or what they may think if she were to enter into a relationship with him. She needed him by her side in whatever capacity she could have him, especially if there was a conspiracy afoot that was threatening her new reign.

"Rose, we can't. In a few minutes I'm going to have to walk out that door and we'll go back to our respective lives, just like we're supposed to." He looked straight at her. "Our friendship was never going to last forever, it couldn't. Right now is the easiest time to terminate it so that's what we need to do."

"No, I don't accept that," Rose said stubbornly. John sounded completely set on the course of action he'd just laid out but she knew him, knew all of his tells, and knew that he didn't really want to be saying any of it.

"You have to," he pleaded. "It's what's best for the country, Rose. Trust me."

"Always."

"Then let me walk away. Forget about me."

"You're asking me to do the impossible, John." She closed the distance between them, reaching up to cup his cheek with her hand, making him look at her. "If this is really what you want, I'll let you walk out and I won't look for you."

She moved her hand down to rest over his pounding heart. "For what it's worth, I want you stay. I really want you to stay so we can figure all of this out. But I promise, if you want to leave, if you don't want me, I'll let you go. I will never forget you though, no matter what you choose."

"Rose-" This time it was his voice that broke. The singular syllable told her everything she needed to know—he was still planning on leaving, even if it broke both of their hearts.

Rose took a deep breath, preparing herself and trying to prevent the tears from falling. She had nothing to lose if he was already walking away. Time to put it all on the line. "If you're going to leave, I want you to go with the whole truth, John. I need you to know exactly what you're walking away from. You've been my best friend for years and there weren't many secrets I kept from you but there was one big one."

She chanced a glance at his face and saw his curiosity being aroused before she looked away.

"The truth is that I've been in love with you since I was eighteen. Maybe before that." She felt him stop breathing, her hand still resting on his chest. Rose looked up, needing to know his reaction and allowing him to see the truth of her words shining in her eyes. "I didn't know what to do about it and you never showed any interest in being anything more than friends so I didn't press you. Your friendship means everything to me and I didn't want to lose it but…"

She trailed off, knowing he'd understand that she was finally confessing because she was losing him anyways. The world was a cruel place and love so often a cruel emotion.

There were tears gathering in John's eyes as he gazed down at Rose, mouth slightly open like he was at a loss as to what to say, a rarity for him. Instead of finding words, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss was soft and sweet and Rose felt a tear escape her because it was everything she'd dreamed their first kiss would be but it didn't feel like a new start.

It felt like goodbye.

John broke the kiss and pulled away from her, taking a step back to put distance between them. "I want to stay, Rose. I do. But I can't. I can't tell you all the reasons why and I've probably already told you more than I should have, more than what is safe. I know you want answers but I can't tell you. We just…we can't be together."

He sounded wrecked, didn't look any better. Before Rose could find her voice to beg him to stay, to argue with him and ask him to explain, he turned and walked out of the room without another word.

Rose could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks and spared a thought to hope the guards wouldn't come back in the room without invitation. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. For them she had to be royal and immovable and right now she was just a woman with a broken heart.

She wasn't giving up though. She was determined that she would see John again. This couldn't be their end. He wasn't walking away by choice and Rose wasn't going to let someone steal happiness and the chance of future joy from either of them. If she thought he didn't want her, she would've honored her promise to not go after him and let him go but this was something else entirely.

His kiss might have felt like goodbye but it had tasted like love and she was in no way willing to let it be their first and last.