CHAPTER 41

Unable to decipher Edward's expression, which looked extremely sombre, and immediately afraid that he had come to tell her he'd decided their relationship was definitely over, Bella froze in the middle of the room, unconsciously wringing her hands as she waited to hear the words which would confirm her worst fears and break her heart.

Tears were already welling up in her eyes, and seeing her distress, Edward stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms, slowly rubbing his cheek against the silky softness of her hair, as he closed his eyes and inhaled her scent in an effort to calm his suddenly racing heartbeat.

Moving back a little, he scanned her face, before seeming to come to a final decision.

"Bella, I have to tell you that whatever happens I can't let you go. I love you."

Stupidly all Bella could do was stand there, too shocked by what he had said to either move or speak. A jumble of emotions was whirling around in her head, making her feel slightly dizzy, and her main thought was that she needed to sit down.

She vaguely knew she should have been pleased he'd said the words she'd been waiting for, but despite all her earlier resolutions she still couldn't quite believe he meant them. Perhaps he would be better off with someone more like Jane, someone who completely understood his world and would always know how to behave and how to respond. Was she really what he wanted or needed?

Seeing Bella standing there looking deathly pale with that uncertain look on her face, made Edward begin to worry that after all it was too late, that his coldness had finally driven her away. But he knew now that he at least had to try to convince her, or he would regret it for the rest of his life and in the end he decided to admit all of the truth, to himself and to her.

"Bella, how can you still not understand, you ridiculous woman? You saved me. I was barely existing and you brought me back to life. I love you so much. Please don't give up on me now."

Perhaps it had been the recent reminders of Alice's pitifully wasted life, but when Edward had phoned downstairs to make sure the cab had picked Bella up, the relief he'd expected to feel in doing the right thing and letting Bella go, failed to materialise and instead he was hit by a crippling wave of pain, which was so much worse than anything he'd already suffered over this nightmare of a weekend, that he instantly knew he'd made a terrible mistake.

The thought that he might have messed his life up so completely this time, that there was no possibility of going back, filled him with dread, but finding Bella wasn't answering her phone, all Edward could do was to leave a message apologising and asking her to wait. Then barely stopping to check on Jasper, and loudly cursing his colossal stupidity, he ran out into the street to search for a taxi, desperately hoping Bella wouldn't already have left for Charlie's before he could get to her and beg her to give him another chance.

The flat felt so empty that at first he'd thought he was too late and he'd had to battle against an unaccustomed surge of panic as he ran from room to room. And when he caught sight of Bella through the open door to the studio, the relief was so overwhelming that he promised himself if she would only give him the chance, he would do everything in his power now to make her happy.

Whether that meant hearts and flowers, handcuffs and blindfolds, a cottage in the country with roses round the door, or revealing every thought and emotion he'd ever had, it didn't matter. Because in that moment, before she'd turned and seen him standing in the doorway, the last piece of the old Edward had slipped away.

He'd been so blind and so stubborn not to have realised it before, but despite trying to cling onto all his old certainties for so long, he had been imperceptibly changing and healing from the very first moment she had stumbled into his life and now he truly understood that Bella was, and always would be, everything to him. Not only was he hopelessly in love with her, but he wanted the whole package: marriage, babies, growing old together. Nothing less would do.

He wanted to hold her and never let her go, and promise to be hers forever, but he couldn't risk scaring her by putting too many demands on her all at once. So having quietly admitted the truth, he waited as patiently as he could, while Bella turned his words over in her head. And as her eyes slowly refocused on his face, he saw the exact moment when she understood what he had wanted her to hear and the joy he saw bubbling up inside her was immediately reflected in his own eyes.

They would talk later, but for now, unable to stop himself reaching for what he had almost denied himself forever and barely able to contain the feelings which were flooding through him, Edward slowly coaxed Bella forward and began to unbutton her shirt, softly kissing each small area of skin as he uncovered it, making her smile and sigh as the familiar warmth began to spread through her body.

For the thousandth time Bella thought she had never seen anything as gloriously beautiful as Edward. She would always be amazed by the fact that somehow he had allowed her to lay claim to him and her heart suddenly twisted with the knowledge that in admitting he loved her, he had also given her the power to hurt him. When she thought about how much he had already been hurt in the past, she was still slightly anxious that she would somehow let him down or disappoint him, until it occurred to her that she was probably the best chance he would ever have of finally shaking off the experiences which had haunted him all his life.

Staring into Edward's eyes, Bella wondered how she could ever have thought of them as chips of green ice. In the bursts of strong sunlight which shone into the room as the clouds swept across the sky, she could make out small flecks of black, gold and amber around his pupils and as she melted into his touch, she felt as if she was being consumed by green fire.

Suddenly she remembered she had to tell him something too and she struggled in his arms, anxious with the need to make him understand. But after biting her lip and trying to collect her scattered thoughts, she smiled when she realised that after all what she wanted to say was really quite simple. Making an effort to look him straight in the eye, she therefore let go of the last of her fears and insecurities and finally allowed herself to completely believe in his love for her without any question.

"I love you too Edward, always and forever."

Her reward was the answering smile which lit up his face, softening his stern features and crinkling the corners of his eyes. With a joyful whoop he swept her back into his embrace, making her scream with surprised delight, as he crushed her against his body and kissed her with a passion which made her head spin and her pulse race in anticipation of what would follow.

Soon they were both naked and Edward reverently laid her out on the dust sheet she had forgotten earlier, against which her skin seemed to shimmer, so flawlessly smooth and pale in contrast to the rainbow colours of the paint spots splattered on the floor around them. Kneeling at her side, he drank her in with heavy lidded eyes and traced a slow zigzag trail across one breast and down her body, making her breath catch and shudder.

Moving his gaze, Edward smiled boyishly again, and ran a finger lightly down Bella's face as if he was making sure she was really there, before bending to meet her waiting lips. And as they swiftly became lost in each other once more, the sun came out from behind a cloud, wrapping both the oblivious lovers in a blanket of heat and throwing out a dazzling beam of light, which glinted off steel and glass as it swept across the tops of the tallest buildings, chasing away the lingering shadows and bathing the grey city landscape in a golden glow.

THE END

(sometimes only a leap of faith will do)

Thank you for reading my Twilight/New Moon story.

Now that Bella (with a bit of help from Alice natch) has succeeded in rescuing Edward from self destruction, I'm leaving it there before the rabid hordes and the demon baby turn up lol!

A huge thank you to everyone who's ever reviewed, rec'd or PM'd me with encouragement & especially to those of you who've regularly reviewed or otherwise gone totally above & beyond - you rock!

It's been kind of fun but also very stressful & I need a long lie down now (too old for this!)

happy holidays

xx Sue