Hello world. Have you ever read a fanfiction was just so terrible you wanted to throw up? You probably have. This is just a statement against that. I'm going to compile every bad fanfiction trait I can think of into one story. If you can think of any pet peeves that I haven't included, let me know and I'll add them in. (Long as it's K+)

And just to clarify, I've done many of these things in here in earnest. So I'm sorry; I'm a hypocrite. But still. I just needed to get all of this out.

(Thanks for advice from: princessbinas, RayLedgend, Cookiesplzandthnx, CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk, dannyphanfiction, meme police (guest), Renzy Fantasia, mama dean (guest)!)

Anyway, are you ready for the mindnumbingness?

One day Danny was strolling down the street when Vlad came an attacked him!

"I will kill you!" he shouted, even though in the original show Vlad didn't actually want to kill Danny.

"Go away fruit loop!" DAnny shouts...already saying his nickname for Vlad because that happened in the show or something.

"Never, little badger!"

Danny's POV:

I shout "Going ghost!" and turns into my ghostly alter ego, Danny Phantom. Danny Phantom is a ghost who protects the citizens of Amity Park from other ghosts, but my parents and some other people think I'm evil. It's a hard life being a superhero. As Danny Phantom, I have snow white hair and glowing green bright neon lime eyes that can pierce your soul. Not that you already knew this after watching the show..

So me and Vlad fight for a bit and we shoot ectoplasm for a bit. In the show, I always makes bad puns and taunts, but the author is too lazy to try to think of anything so take my word for it. Imagine that I am shouting a bunch of bad puns and it's funny and stuff.

No POV:

"I am going to murder your dad and marry your mom!" Vlad shouts, even though he has no reason to shout it out.

"Never!" Danny shouts, getting super emotional and defensive, even though he alreddy knows this. His eyes glow red for a moment, and he uses his ghostly wail, and he nearly destroys vlad! *dramatic music*

Then the Red Huntress flies in. "I'm going to cream you, ghost kid."

"Wait, Valerie!" shouts Danny, feeling the need to shout a lot. "I'm really a Good guy!" He really wanted Valerie to now that he was a good guy so she would stop hunting him.

"Ya, right!" shouts Valerie, not believing him. I felt the need to point out that she doesn't believe him even though that was already obvious. Valerie shoots him with her gun but Danny dodges it The next one hits him, though and he gets knocked out. White rings appear around his body and he turns back into Danny Fenton.

Valerie gasped. Suddenly all that anger melted away and she felt guilty and she ran over to Danny and tried to help him. When he wakes up, she sobs and hugs him, saing "I'm so sorry, Danny, I didn't know it was you!"

Danny nods. "Well I should have told you I'm half ghost."

Valerie gasped. "Like Danielle?"

"Yes," Danny said, "She's my clone. Vlad Masters aka Vlad Plasmius created her because he wanted a perfect son. Now excuse me while I spend three lengthy Paragraphs explaining how I became a ghost and all the amazing things that I've done and a bunch of other random information that I don't actually need to tell you right now but I'm going to say it anyway because the author really wants you to find out so you can be properly shocked and feel sorry and all."

Valerie;s POV:

I was properly shocked and felt sorry and all. I hugged Danny again and told him that it was all my fault, and that I'll never shoot him again, because my character is known to be understanding and apologetic.

No POV:

Little did they know that Vlad saw the whole thing... This is an attempt to build suspense.

The next day, Danny, Tucker, Sam, and Valerie were hanging in the Nasty Burger when Vlad walks in. This is an attempt to bring the suspense to a climax, even though it hardly lasted and really had no effect on the reader whatsoever.

Danny and Sam gasped, and, at the same time, shouted, "What do you want?"

Tucker coughed and said, "Love birds."

Sam's POV:

Danny and I blushed, shouting, "We're not lovebirds!" because using a running gag from the show is supposed to make the story seem more canon and more funny.

Vlad nods. "Yes, you are," because it's even more funny to have the villain ship too of the main characters.

I mean I totally had a crush on him but I didn't want anybody to know!

No POV:

"Danny glares at him, and almost goes ghost, even though they're in public. "You have two seconds to tell me waht you're doing here, fruit loop." It's even more funny to have the nickname said twice in one chapter even though Danny only said it a few times in the entire show.

Vlad smiled. "It's okay, I'm not here to hurt you. After I saw that scene between you and Valerie that was supposed to be heartwarming but really wasn't, I realized the error of my ways and now I'm good now."

"Yay!1!1" everyone shouted. Sam thought there was ulterior motives, but than she saw the authentic look on Vlad's fac and realized he was telling the truth. You will have to take my word for it, because in the show Vlad would never have a change of heart so quickly but I want it to be perfect in my story so just imagine that Vlad's transformation is believable and actually happened.

"My PDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa" Tucker moaned. This character likes technology, after all, so it's supposed to be funny to include this pointless line in here or something.

Everybody laughed, because overused jokes are soooooooo silly.

"Guys!" Jazz shouted, running into the room. Her arms were raised because she was scared...

"What's wrong asked Danny?

Jazz was so scared that she nearly cried. But than she did! "Your biggest enemy ever just came charging in for the sake of plot convinience! And he's teamed up wit three other terrible ghosts even though the villains have already been defeated!"

"Oh no!" everybody simultaneously shouted at the same time, in unison.

Danny gasped, which is supposed to be appropiate even though he literally just reacted to the news in the last paragraph. Jazz's news was just that shocking. Gasp!

"It's the evil version of me, isn't it" Asked Danny, feeling scared at the thought of the evil version of him.

"Yes!" Shouts Jazz. By now she had stopped crying because the author aparently forgot about that little detail. "I would of come earlier but I was so uncharacteristically terrified!"

"ya but how did Evil dan get out?" wandered Tuker.

"Skulker and Fright Knight and Pariah dark must have teamed up or something!" shouts Jazz. (A/N: I'm unaware of the common fanfiction convention of putting authors notes in the bottom lol and nvm that this is interupting the flow of the story and that i cant be botherd with spelling in the authors notes. Anywho, i just wanted to say that im sorry that in case your wondering why they teamed up even tho they all hate each other, its caled creatvie lisense so give me some slack lolol just pretend their friends now or something b-cuz im too lazy to come up with a belivable idea hahahahaaa. dont like then dont read okay this is my story and now im getting all defensive and plzzzzzzzz review!)

"Hang on," Jazz said, looking at Vlad in surprise and suspicion because she was surprised and suspicious. "What are you doing here?" Suddenly she tries to protect everybody form this evil evil person.

But then Sam laughs. "I'm going to give you an entire summery of what happened in this fic so far even though the reader's already know and will probably be annoyed having to go over it all all over again. So Danny was strolling down the street when vlad cam up" jazz gasps here even though its not all that shocking and things obviously worked out "and then danny beat him up" everybody except vlad cheered, and vlad just rubbed his head in the memory of getting beat up "and then valerie came and found out Danny's secret" Jazz gasps. "Which secret?" "The secret that I'm a half ghost," says

Danny, and Valerie smiles, suddenly totally okay that her arch nemesis and sort-of-ex-boyfriend are one and the same...

"Okay," sam continues, "anyway, now Vlad's a good guy now because that scene wormed his heart and he saw the error of his ways."

"Wow, that's amazing!" shouts Jazz, because it really was amazing and completely plausible. She went up to Vlad and hugged him. "I guess you really are my Uncle Vlad!" (A/N: This is such a heartwarming scene. I can't even.)

Tucker: You know, since things are working out, why don't you tell your parents?

Danny: I don't know. What if they rip me apart molecule by molecule?

Sam: It's okay, Danny.

And after a couple of lines worth of agonizing conflict, Danny agrees and decides to tell his parents.

"Mom, Dad," says Danny, working up the nerve to tell his his secret. He's very very nervous. I'm not good at writing scenes with emotion, so I'm going to cut to the chase know.

"Remember that portal incident?" Danny spends four more lengthy paragraphs telling his parents all about him being a ghost.

Jack's POV:

I am shocked. My son's a ghost? but then I crack a joke about fudge and say that Danny can be my sidekick. This is a clever joke because in the show that's what I might do.

Maddie's POV:

I break into tears when I realize all the torment I've put my son through...we have a family hug and Jack and I promise to make our weapons so that they can't hurt Danny. I love my son, ghost or no ghost!

No POV:

Suddenly, Danielle flies in. "Hi, everybody! I'm back!"

Danny gasps. "DAniele! You scared my half to death! Well the other half lol"

Everybody laughed at the insanely original joke.

Danny and Dani spend several paragraphs summarizing everything that happened in Kindred Spirits and D-Stabilized, even though the readers have almost defiantly seen those episodes.

Jack and Maddie instantly agree to adopt Dani. Jack shouts, "I'm not letting a Fenton live on the streets!" Danni hugs Danny and calls him Dad and Danny discovers then that in a way, she's his daughter. Suddenly he feels super duper defensive over Dannie and swears he will keep his little baby girl form any harm.

Suddenly, Evil Dan, Pariah Dark, Fright Knight, and Skulker all crash in... Ember, Youngblood, and Spectra join them...

...But it's okay, because Danny has his family!

While Danny, Dani, Jack, Maddie, and Jazz, fight the ghosts as a family, they are joined by Sam, Tucker, Vlad, and Valerie, who help them fight. ThenSam goes to the Ghost Zone and finds Dora, Frostbite, and Clockwerk, who all agree to help fight.

Suddenly, Pariah Dark marches up and grabs Jazz by the neck! and then danny is angry and the anger and burning rage is filling his veins and his eyes were filled with blood red the color of blood...white flames are filling up his face...he's angry and oh man it's terrifying.

Sam's POV:

Oh no Danny is turning into his evil self this is no good! I run up to him not that its dangerous or anything and then i give him a great big hug. "DANNY!" I cry, tears sobbing down my crying face. "DONT TURN INTO HIM I LOVE YOU!"

Suddenly DAnny was hugging me back.

Danny's POV:

I was shocked. Sam loved me? The shock was so shocking that I immediatly turned good again and hugged Sam back. "I love you to Sam forever and always. Ready for an incredibly sappy speech about our love and eternity even though it's totally out of place and there's a battle going on?"

No POV:

During Danny's romantic monologue, the battle rages on.

Right when the Fright Knight is going to stab everyone to death, the entire wall exploded! Everyone randomly turned to see a new girl. This girl is flying, has white hair and green eyes, but her skin is a pretty pink and rainbows seem to be flying out of her!

Sam, who is super smart and stuff, shouted, "Who are you?"

"I am Dazzle!" shouted the girl, whose name was Dazzle. She flew around and knocked all the baddies out. Than, to everyone's shock, she transformed into the most beautiful woman ever, wit amazing hair and adorable cheekbones. Everybody who saw her instantly loved her because she was just that superly incredible amazing!

"Your a halfa too!" cried a stunned Youngblood, who was feeling so surprised that he was shocked.

"Ya in fact I am the most powerful half ghost ever to walk the face of the planet!"

Well, everyone was just amazed with that and after being upset for like half a sentence, Danny instantly accepted this newcomer. She joined Team Phantom, and became Sam's best friend because the author doesn't believe that it's fair for Sam's best friend to not be a girl.

The next day, the extended team ran all around town stopping baddies wherever they went. There was the Box Ghost-Danny gave a charmin monologue about how he met Box Lunch in an alternate future-and then all the bad guys came back because Danny forgot to send them back to the Ghost zonE! It was the biggest battle of the centurie.

Then, Dazzle got hit by a fatal blow. She lay on the ground and with her last breath, turned into a full ghost, and then into an angel. Jazz and Sam had to wipe each other's tears, it was so emotional. Dazzle the angel flew away, swearing to watch over them for the rest of their lives.

"Thank you!" shouted Tucker, who felt sad because he was in love wit Dazzle secretly. He was miserable and sad, but than he realized that his heart belonged to Jazz or Valerie anyway and so things were all right after that.

The battle continued. Pariah Dark nearly destroyed the Entire town. A little girl was sitting in the middle of the street for no apparent reason, hoping and praying that the amazing Danny Phantom would rescue her. This girl's name was Sue.

Then Harry Potter joined the fight, and everybody realized that he was the long lost twin brother of Danny, separated at birth! OMG!

The Guys in White showed up, too, and tried to hurt Danny and Dani. But then Danny discovered a new ghost power and stopped them. But then the entire world found out his secret and accepted him for who he was. Paulina squealed because Dannny was so in love with her an NOW he was the hot Ghost Boy. She made herself prettier but Danny rejected her with a cold glare and Sam gave Paulina a sassy hair flip and that was the last anyone ever saw of pauina.

Finally, Vlad traps Skulker and the other in a thermos, reconciles with Jack, and Clockwork takes the evil ghosts back to the Ghost Zone. Danny and his friends follow him.

While in the Ghost Zone, Johnny 13 and Kitty sing them a cheerful ballad...and then Frostbite and Princess Dora announce to everybody that Danny is the new Ghost King!

"Wow!" shouts Danny. "Why me?"

"Because you're the title character and your cool" everyone shouts!

Danny is really happy. He is the king! "But wait! What about my life back in Amity Park?"

"It's okay!" says Jack. "I've got a solution where you can be the Ghost King and still have a life at home! Of course, this solution is impossible, but this is a fanfiction so let's pretend anyway!"

Everybody cheers...

Danny and Sam kiss, and than Tucker kisses either Jazz or Valerie. But then he kisses his PDA, which he's given some cute pet name like Honey or Darling Dear or Shirley.

THE ENd!

Epilogue:

Ten years later, Danny and Sam are married, and then they're sitting at home with Dani, who's now their adopted daughter or something. A tear trickles down Danny's face beca use Jazz died or something three years ago and his youngest daughter was named after her and this new Jasmine who's nickname is Minnie looks just like Jazz with the same eye color and same hair color and she's just as smart too

But then a ghost comes crashing in, and Danny, Dani, and Danny's five half-ghost children all fight the evil ghosts.

Then they all laugh and go out for pizza.

Yay!