Thank you to reviewer alicia9909 I really appreciate the suggestion of a recap (I definitely should've thought to include that on the last one) so here is a quick mid-story recap of what has happened so far:

Amity born Calla Horne transfers to Dauntless and immediately finds trouble despite her knack for endurance. Struggling with strength and even quickly having a falling out with her new friend Erudite born Thea and consequentially Ash, leaving her with Abnegation born Willa and Candor born Connie, and finds herself enemies with Douglas, Harvey, and Cleo who prank and sabotage her whenever given the chance. Determined to grow strong she begins going in for extra training and also has increasingly strange interaction with the intimidating Eric who sets out a puzzle for her to figure out why he asks differently around her. After growing accomplished in fighting, increasing her ranking, and winning the War Game she makes it past the first round of cuts, though not everyone- including Connie's longterm boyfriend- make it.

I believe this is the most important information, any other important things will be explained or reviewed in narration as to avoid confusion.

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." -Pablo Neruda

Chapter Sixteen: Wounds

After the long morning of facing or deepest and darkest fears, the majority took the most natural course of action. Drinking and lots of it. For some, after the tiresome morning my mind felt depraved and grim enough for me to drink until I couldn't think but at the same time I needed my mind to stay sharp. The tension was only worse with an even tighter cut approaching, and the attitude of the group felt heated with dangerous energy from the liquor and simulation, I couldn't let my mind slip. No matter how tempting.

Willa didn't seem like drinking either. Though she looked like she could use it, she had her elbows propped up at our table and was holding her forehead in her hands, the sound of the crowded Pit didn't seem to be reaching her. I was tempted to comfort her, but was unsure how to achieve such. Instead I slipped into myself, looking to the crowd of sweaty bodies in the middle of the room. As if maybe by focusing on other people's life I could distract from my own.

Heading our way was Ash and Connie, the two had left earlier for more drinks, and Ash looked like he was being swayed by an invisible wind. Connie held him up and guided him our direction, but she didn't seem to satisfied with the task, her face held a deep scornful look.

"Cal and Willlaaaa!" Ash sang as Connie forced him into the seat across from Willow and closest to the wall. His body leaned back against the stone and his arms flailed beside him as if he might be flying.

I gave a small smirk, though his appearance was more revolting than humorous, and turned to Connie. Something about the glint in her eyes, the way she yanked out the chair across from me and sat, I could tell that she was a loaded gun. Ready to shoot. My smirk fell and I fingered the hem of my shirt in pent up energy. I could not step out of line with her, that much I knew about her current state. She was drunk, but not enough to be out of her mind, just enough to have a lose tongue.

"This idiot." Connie near growled as she glanced angrily at Ash. "As if I wanted the responsibility of having to care for him, like we all don't want to be out of it for the night, some of us just accept our responsibilities."

I was taken back, and from the way Willa sat up from her slouched position she was as well. The comment was less of the problem- it was the fact Connie said them.

"Take him back to the room then, maybe throw him in the shower and put him to bed, hopefully that'll do the trick." I suggested.

Connie frowned. "Why don't you do it?" My heart to seemed to flip, I knew where this was going, and she was itching for a fight. I wasn't sure I wanted one, especially not from her; I needed all the allies I could get. "Yeah, I'm talking to you, too good for it? I liked you better when you were the scared weak Amity who knew it, now that you got eleventh place you think you're tough shit? Still not good enough to make final cut." The room continued to be too loud, and the world didn't seem to take any notice to what was happening with four Initiates in one corner table, but it sure as hell seemed like it for a moment.

I was shaking, a stomach twisting sensation, rage flooded my entire body and I felt strongly like responding. But I couldn't.

"Why do you deserve to be here?" Connie continued, sadness almost seeping into her voice. I knew she was hurting, that the lose of her boyfriend was too much to currently bare, but as soon as the words slipped from her mouth I knew I couldn't stay there much longer with retaliating.

I stood up, shoving my chair back under the table and striding away from the table. "Cal!" Willa called after me, Ash might have joined in her calls, laughing with no idea the weight of what just happened.

"You fucking coward, come back here! Come fight me, I know you wanna!" Connie shouted after me, screeching, the few Dauntless around us turned briefly as if eager for a fight. I didn't give in. I wouldn't let myself get kicked out of Dauntless over some drunk.

The entire way out of the Pit my blood seemed to boil and my entire body was shaking. And as soon as I left through the opening into the hallway leading back to the Initiate room, I felt my eyes watering. My heart raced. I was in between screaming and crying or a little of both.

Scared. Weak.

I had done so much to prove I wasn't that anymore, and now I felt cold and cut off, was there truth to what she had said?

I was trailing my way back through the familiar path when I heard the first groan of pain. My walk of self pity stopped as my wet eyes traveled to find the source of the noise. As I heard the uneven steps coming in my direction I quickly set off in the direction. Turning the corner, I saw a curled over body leaning against the wall for support. A hand crossed over the large chest to his shoulder as red seeped down both arms in thin droplets.

"Eric?" I said in disbelief, had I collapsed and fallen into a dream? The man bent over injured and in agony could not be the almighty Eric. But as the male looked up briefly, I saw those familiar cold eyes. "Eric!" I shouted and ran in his direction.

"Of course you are the one to fucking find me." He says as I reach him, and I can't tell if he says it as if it is a bad or good thing. I don't mind it, even if he wants to kick me away I won't leave him here to die.

Not him, not anyone. "What happened?"

"Got stabbed." He said and slowly removed his shaking hand to show the source of the blood, a slash in his chest near his shoulder. "Didn't hit anything important, it's fine."

"How do you know it didn't get your lung?"
"I'm not dead yet, Doctor Horne." My last name feels strange on his mouth, and even stranger is when his good arm comes up to fall around my shoulders. His weight falls onto me and my knees buckle under his weight. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd prefer to not be making a visit to the clinic tonight."
"Are you serious? You can be tough without being dumb." The words fall out of my lips before I can stop to realize whom I'm talking to.

'Then again considering I'm the only thing keeping him from collapsing, I might have some leeway.'

"Don't think I'll forget about that one. You're getting cheeky now, don't blame you, you find my weak spot." What was his weak spot? The fact I was currently holding up the majority of his weight and he was bleeding out? It was as good as any, but with the lightness Eric took the comment I begin to assume he is delirious.

"I'm taking you to the clinic." I say and look in the direction.

His fingers dig into my shoulder. "Don't you dare."
"Where the hell are you going to do then?"
"Take me to my apartment, didn't you mention your mother being a nurse in Amity? You can patch me up." He was delirious, at that moment I was sure of it.

His body seems to give out as I'm about to respond, and my words are caught in my mouth. I flip my hair out of my eyes wishing I had braided it before heading it out. Where even was his apartment? Eric's fingers dig further into my shoulder as he groans. "Follow my directions." He swallows, seemingly trying to push away his reactions to the pain. Had I not woken up from the simulation this morning? Eric was asking for help, had allowed me to back talk, and currently was inviting me to his apartment. Was it just this morning that this same Eric was telling me to leave him alone?

I stay silent; the moment wasn't the best to start questioning him. One I had on my mind was just how the hell someone managed to stab Eric in the shoulder without dying a painful death. 'Unless they did and this was there last swing.'

After a painfully long stretch of going through stretches of Dauntless halls and trails following Eric's vague directions, the majority taking us through back ways, avoiding people, Eric begins rummaging through his pockets. I glance down as I drag his body forward.

His bloodied hand pulls out a keycard and shoved it into my hand. I take it and inspect it momentarily. I had expected something more technological advanced and complex for a leader's apartment. Maybe an eye scan or fingerprint check.
"Here," Eric said and gestured his head lazily to a dark grey door. My chest tightens as my heart skips a beat, standing in front of Eric's home feels wrong, like I don't belong here even though the owner himself is being held up almost solely by my own weight.

I fumble with the keycard and the door clicks open, a wave of cold air and darkness meets my eyes as I pause in front of the open door. "Are you going to just stand here?" Eric sneers.

Sighing, I push away my caution and enter the darkness.

It's big, not exactly as big as I imagined, but it's nice, and a little bit cleaner than I imagined. A small kitchen sits in one area of the main living room next to a wall and two doors, and a couch and small round table on the other.

"The couch." Eric groans and I carry him the last stretch to the black couch. Eric lets out grunt as he falls into the fabric. As soon as his weight is off my shoulders I realize just how much my shoulders hurts. I roll my shoulders and try to loosen the muscles as I stare down at Eric. "Under the sink." He says and I nod, shaking off my fear and heading towards the kitchen. On my way I switch on the light switches I pass. Opening the cabinet underneath the sink I find a first aid kit similar to the one my mother had in Amity. I just hope it has enough to take care of Eric's injuries.

'He could die, I'm not trained for this, I should take him to the clinic.' As I glance back at the figure on the couch I realize as much as I'm scared of the idea of failure I am of trying to convince Eric to go to the clinic as well.

I push my hair back and use the hair tie around my wrist to tie it up into ponytail. Eric smirks watching me. "Getting ready for surgery, Doctor?" My eyes narrow at him, he's delirious.

He sits up and moves his hands to the hem of his shirt. My eyes widen and I take a step back. "Relax, I don't know how you're supposed to stitch it up without being able to see it." Eric says as he removes his shirt. I sigh and try to remind myself that this in no big deal.

"Stitches?" I ask, not focusing on his bare chest and instead on the gash now fully revealed. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better too.

Eric takes the first aid from my hands, opening it up. "Scared of needles?"
I'm remind of Peter this morning, and then of the simulation, I shake it off and sit next to him on the couch and take back the first aid kit. Opening it up, I find rubbing alcohol and a cloth. I get up momentarily to wet the cloth first with water. When I return I try to keep my eyes away from Eric and instead focus on the gash. Pretending it is someone else still does little to calm my nerves, but helps with focusing.

As I finish washing away grim and blood I open up the bottle of rubbing alcohol, the strong scent meeting my nose, sadistically I grin at the idea that at least the sting from this we'll somewhat make up from Eric's various stunts. Eric scoffs and I realize he is watching me. "Don't think I'm about to give you the satisfaction of-."

I stop him before he can finish his sentence by placing the alcohol soaked cloth against his wound, a daring move but it was worth it to see his breath intake as he bites his teeth together and gives a small hiss. After the initial pain Eric seems to be back to his stoic "I feel no pain", the only indication of the stinging in the whiteness on his knuckles of his tensed up fist.

"What happened to the damn girl who couldn't handle to be in the room with me?"
A small grin slips onto my lips as I continue to dab the cloth against the gash, gently trying to sanitize the area. "I got brave."
"Too brave, I should knock you down a few pegs, make you do laps or cleaning the toilets or something." Eric mutters through gritted teeth.

I chuckle, its about as teasing as Eric gets, still reminiscent of the him for sure but there was something light about it. It hadn't been there before, especially not this morning, he wasn't even in this good of a mood when he had been kissing me. "I had a good teacher."

"Damn straight." Eric says, a release of breath meeting my hand pulling away and taking the antiseptic with me. "You ever done stitches?" He asks wearily as he watches me search for such tools in the kit.

I blush. "No, not really. I've seen it done, I've had them done, and I sewed but never a person… You could do it yourself you know." I don't bother to mention he could also get a trained nurse to do it, and how they could probably give him something to ease the pain, with him he would take it as an insult.

"I rather have you do it so I can have someone to blame if it gets fucked up, besides I'd have to do it with my left hand." I smirk at that, but the reminder of how easily (and likely) I am to screw this up emerges once more in my head. Trying not to focus on it, I instead find the appropriate string for stitches and a needle. I didn't fear needles, but I was unsure how I'd handle having to sew into flesh. The idea was sickening, but it didn't seem like there was much option.

My mind focuses completely as I hold up the needle to the now clean gash and pause, thinking the process through one last time before finally pushing the needle against the skin until skin broke and the tip sunk into Eric's flesh. I let out a sigh and pause.
"It'd be easier if you did it a bit more sideways, maybe to actually stitch it together and not just poke a needle into my skin." Eric's tone is more strained, more sounding like his usual self this time, I don't blame him- I'd sound that way if I had an untrained sixteen year old poking needles into my knife wound with no pain relievers.

I nod but don't indulge him and instead continue with the suggestion in mind. After the first few stitches a few groans of fear and repulsion, I manage to tell that it seems to be doing even of a job of closing up the gash.

With Eric still in his vulnerable position I decide to make the dare and question Eric before he goes back to silence. "How did this happen."

I pull another stretch of stitching and he hisses something of pain and annoyance. After silence my eyes flicker up to see that Eric has been staring down at me, no longer my handiwork, but me. A frightening amount of intensity that more resembles the last night in the wall than all the times he was threatening and demonstrating his power and intimidation. "Do you really want to go down that path?" I think of the newspapers, of the news of supposed failure in Abnegation leadership, and what Tris had told me. Did I want to know?

"Would you tell me even if I did?" I inquire, my eyes searching with some sort of bravery to search for an answer, but he didn't seem about to make any comment.

After another moment of silence, I finish Eric's stitches. With no task no ahead of me, I could leave- I should leave. Glancing at the door, I make to leave when Eric's good arm reaches out to stop and pull me back down. "Don't go."

My chest swells, this was the man who had told me to get lost just this morning. It seemed Eric was a lot of things. Hot and cold. Intimidating. Captivating. He was also my first kiss. What was I supposed to think anymore? I never thought I'd be with anyone. I didn't want it.

His hand moves up my arm in a slow crawl, like little electric shocks moving up my skin. I can't manage to look at him in the eyes and my arms begin to tremble. "You're terrified of me." He sounds disgusted and the weight of the couch shifts as he quickly gets up, cursing, running his good hand through his hair. He paced of to his kitchen before I hear glass crashing. Another round of curses.

"I'm not that. I know I am an asshole, but I'm not going to force you…" Eric continued from the kitchen.

He thought I didn't like him. My brain was shouting, pounding on the walls of my head, trying to force myself to speak and tell him that I wasn't near afraid of him as I should and that I did want to be with him but I just didn't know how.

"You like me?" It is the first thing I can manage, it sounds small and pitiful but the room was quiet enough for it to be clear.

More crashing. I cringe. Maybe I should be afraid of him. "Do you want me to spell it out? I'm not going to sit here and confess some undying love for you, especially if you can't even stand me touching you, just fucking leave."

"I don't hate you." How do I say what I could never say? The truth pounds against my head, like screaming, I want to scream. It was like a drum.

"Of course, you're an Amity." Eric sneers, sounding more like the Eric I first was introduced to.

The pounding grows and I feel myself explode. "I was. And I'm not terrified of you, I didn't run away from last night did I? You ran away from me this morning. Maybe I should be scared of you- but I'm not Eric." I stand up , my hands clenched into a fist. Eric strides forward until he stands a foot away.

"So then I'm just so repulsive that you can't stand me touching you?"

I scoff, and fold my arms. "I told you, you gave me the choice to leave and I didn't."
"But you did soon enough."
My confidence falters and I look away from him. "It was going to fast. There are things you don't know about me." I barely manage to utter it out and my voice stutters.

I expect a joke about being a Stiff, but it doesn't come. "Why did you transfer?" His question catches me by surprise.

Something crosses my mind and I decide it seems the only way to put it, "We believe that peace is hard-won, that sometimes it is necessary to fight for peace. Amity isn't peace- they are a lie, they see peace as pretending like the world is this amazing and perfect place. It isn't- it never will be. How could I stand to live in a place like that?"

"We do not believe that we should be allowed to stand idly by." I glance up slightly surprised at Eric's following along.

Eric watches me and for the first time since it happened, I realize I want to talk about it. "When I was little, something really bad happened to me, something that isn't supposed to happen in the 'peaceful fields' of Amity. If it wasn't for one of the Dauntless guarding the fence stepping in a saving me… ever since then I kind of hated living there."

"What happened?"
"I was almost…" I don't want to say the word. I hate the word. "I was raped and a Dauntless guard saved me." The silence that follows the confession feels on fire and lasts as long as any silence seems to have gone on. My stomach feels like it is trying to climb into my lungs.

He looks like he wants to fight something or bombard me with questions, but he doesn't. "We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

The only sound that follows is the sound of breathing. The realization of what I've done hits me and it feels like my head had just been spun around a few times and I struggle to keep standing. I had never told anyone except for those who had to know for proper… actions to be taken. But admitting it now feels like a release, like the first fresh breath of air I've taken since that day, it is so overwhelmingly amazing that I feel myself choking back tears.

"You don't need to feel like you owe me anything." Eric starts, but I quickly shake my head.

"I don't." I admit, looking up at him.

Eric is not a hero, he is not the perfect kind soul any Amity girl growing up was supposed to imagine, and I guess he might not even be a good person to begin with. He could be cruel; he has been cruel to me- not even that long ago. But I feel myself grow entangled and know I can't leave, that I can't go back now.

My body moves on its own as I stand on my toes and reach up to press my lips against his and the rooms turns to static.

A/N- This chapter was a difficult one. Honestly it is different than anything I've written and I was so afraid to mess it up I needed a whole week to write it. For obvious reasons it's a pretty important chapter and hopefully I didn't mess it up. Don't think things will get sappy, that now Eric is a perfect little person because of one good moment, things just have their ups and downs. I also hope what happened to Cal does not seem force or taken too lightly, I knew from the beginning it was something I wanted to include even if it wasn't so central to the plot not just to give her a sappy backstory but because I wanted a character that was coming from a dark place and then showing the development, so hopefully no one is offended by it. Sorry for rambling, next chapter will be less dramatic and dialogue and more action so stay in tune for that!

Also I was so happy and surprised when I saw that people are actually still reading! I'm very excited and really appreciated those of you who reviewed and showed your there, it is very encouraging!