I don't believe in a perfect world full of perfectly good people, and looking back maybe that's why I've never really lived up to anything. Or why I've never felt completely at home in the fields of Amity- or why I wasn't shocked when I received my test results. There is something that the Amity have right, this meditative idea they have going for them is compelling. It was always the one thing I never quite dreaded about life here. But any appreciation I have for the Amity way of seeking content has been trashed along with any respect I have for this place.

It's all just fake. Not fake in the way a lie might disguise itself but more in the way of a lie forcing itself to be real. Adding a little bit of peace serum into my food was always the way to pacify my raged tantrums or my endless tossing and turning in the night.

They always saw me as something damaged- something that had to be mended and put back together.

I'm done with trying to mend myself, because I don't think I'm broken in the way all of their faces look at me like I am. There is something dark inside of me that I know will be my obstacle to overcome to gain that ultimate end goal- but to "fix" me would be trying to make me back to what I was. But I can't go back. I've changed. I've aged. For better or worse I am the person I am today through the trauma that occurred one miserable night near eight years ago.

The scars on my back from the night will fade with time and the nightmares and constant paranoia will wane away as well. They have to. Time dulls all memories.

"Calla!" The whimsical sound of my mother's voice drifts throughout our open lay out. I breathe in the scent of the fields and my mother's flowers and try not to dwindle on the idea that this will be the last time I can indulge in the redolent scent of my home. With every bad memory associated in Amity I have a good one in this place- excluding my bedroom. I save any break down or nightmare for there and allow the rest to remain untainted and lighthearted.

"Coming Mommy!" I call back as I tug annoyed at my orange skirt. I imagine my journey to the Dauntless Compound will be easier done in pants, but I don't think I even own a pair.

The thought of arriving in Dauntless leaves an evocative feeling in my chest. It is accompanied by the pain of unease as well but at least I've somewhat pacified my anxiety. That's something, right?

"Calla do you really want to be late to your Choosing Ceremony?" My mother asks as she approaches my still unmoving figure. I look away from the bright scenery outside and focus in on the soft face of my mother. More pain in my chest.

I like to imagine I look like her, mostly because of her natural beauty. It is the kind of natural look one would hope to have at least inherited just a bit of. Her soft, light blonde hair matched with pale skin set her aside from the mainly sun-kissed faces of Amity, including my own. My mother being a nurse has had the fortune to maintain the porcelain look to her skin. When I was little I had her skin, but over time I've manage to actually maintain a tan beyond just turning into tomato face. My face has freckled lightly from the sun exposure.

My hair on the other hand I had inherited from my father, red. I'll admit it has been one of my favorite traits of myself a nice distraction with the appearances of new freckles or blemishes. To my mother, I imagine it is an unfortunate reminder of her late husband.

Instead of looking worried by the way I seem to analyze her face, Mom's green eyes just look back at me in silence.

It suddenly becomes apparent to me that she must know what is about to happen. Not very often does a child speak about their plans to defect to their parents, but I imagine both side often know. Avoidance of the obvious has always pained me, for reasons mostly personal.

"I love you." I whisper and her expression changes into a sad smile.

"I know you do, and I love you too Ali." I breathe in her voice and the sound of her nickname for me in, I have to enjoy emotionally squishy moments like this while I can. I don't really see the Dauntless being one for these kind of heartfelt moments. I'm not really either, except when it comes to my mother.

"Just… I'm sorry Mommy." I say and find myself choking back tears. How could I be the girl who has a record of punching and kicking other children, who picked up the knife instead of the cheese and killed the dog?

"Don't ever be guilty, all you are doing is following your heart. What more have I ever asked from you?"

Reassurance floods over me. All this time, I extended my hands in greed towards courage. It just wasn't that easy. I need to overcome that mental obstacle and that means becoming physically strong first.

I wanted to be strong, to not have to be the victim ever again.

So I spent nights doing seemingly pointless activities, reading books that an Amity shouldn't read. All for the sake of what is to happen next. For my future.

To be strong.

That is the final goal, to be strong, to prove my bravery. And as I leave my home for possibly the last time, I begin for the first time to feel something.

I feel brave.

My blood sizzles on the hot coal of the Dauntless bowl and I feel the cool rush of blood dripping over my palm. I cut too deep. The sight of blood never really affected me, if anything it has always been an intriguing thing. Almost beautiful. But whether from the pressure of my decision or the lose of blood so quickly, I find my vision blurring. The sound of shouting Dauntless doesn't help either.

Suddenly I feel like vomiting. Instead of vomiting I take the bandage handed to me and try to suppress the bleeding. I've worked with my mother before in the infirmary and with all the tools Amity uses it isn't uncommon to have a cut like this show up on one of the workers- so I know how to handle the cut.

Slowly making my way to the sea of black, only dotted with the few blotches of color from other transfers. I must look like death to this people. As I pass through to find a seat a few people pat me on the back in congratulations. I fall into the first seat I find and try to focus the world. I find an anchor in squeezing the bandage around my hand and focusing in on the faces surrounding me.

So this is my new faction. One choice and here I am- one second just changed my life. These people know nothing about me besides my Faction of origin and that I've decided to become Dauntless. And that is is exhilarating.

They know nothing about me. Could I have asked for anything better? They don't know what happened to me eight years ago, they don't know that I'm known for acting out or that my father left my mother. They don't know about the time I was attacked on the way to the hub, except one.

I can start fresh.

A pressure is lifted off my shoulders and I begin having to refrain myself from breaking out in laughter. It isn't until I feel a tap on my shoulder that I'm brought back to Earth. A small girl in all grey sits next to me with a nervous face painted across her trembling face.

"Hello," she whispers, careful not to be disruptive.

"Hi." I say unsure why she is looking at me the way she is- almost in admiration.

"I want to thank you-

But before she can finish off her sentence we are pushed forward by the bodies around us, everyone begins jumping out of their seats. We sit shell shocked by the sudden whooping around us. Since when did the Ceremony even end?

"Come on transfers!" Someone says beside us before running along with the rest of the Dauntless.

I get up quickly and know what I need to do and what I'm expected to do- keep up. I turn quickly when remembering the Abnegation girl. "Come on!" I say suddenly finding a wild smile drawn across my face.

She responds with a nod and a smile, she gets up and we begin to run. I have no problem catching up to the rest of the Dauntless but I find her struggling.

Refusing to let go of the first person I've talked to in Dauntless, I pray my bandage stick to my skin, releasing from my grasp to drag the girl behind me. Amity live a much more active lifestyle than Abnegation. But she's going to have to learn quickly. Maybe it is the innocent look in her deer like brown eyes that has had me suddenly attached to the idea of making sure she makes it to the Dauntless Compound, or maybe it is just the Amity in me trying to maintain the peace.

Either way I know that getting left behind means becoming Factionless and I'm not sure I want to see that happen to this girl- she barely passes for fourteen let alone sixteen.

"Are they climbing up there and jumping on the train?" I hear the nameless girl say behind me in ragged breaths. I sigh; of course they have to be jumping onto a moving train. They're Dauntless. No baby steps for newbies I guess.

Not only are they jumping but to even get that far means climbing up the sides of the platform to reach the train tracks.

"Just watch what they do." I call back to her, increasing our speed, but careful not to run as fast as I know I can because then she won't have the energy to get onto the train.

We reach the pillars holding up the platform and I groan as I realize I'm going to have to use my hand, it still stings. I begin climbing anyway, with caution but still a sense of urgency. I look down once to make sure the Abnegation is beginning to climb under me, she is.

I reach the platform with a burning hand, but I made it, and so did the girl.

"Now's the hard part." A Dauntless says as they run past us.

As we sprint alongside the train I notice the number of compartments dwindling. We need to catch up now, or we are going to get left behind. "Push!" I saw just as I let go of her hand to jump and squirm my way into one of the train compartments. Looking outside I stick my hand out for the girl, she grabs it and I pull her inside.

Once we are both safely in, we both stay on the floor; with her trying to catch her breath and me trying to stop the spinning.

"I thought Abnegation were the selfless ones." I hear something snicker. I roll my eyes and sit up by the girl.

"Sit up." I whisper and she does as told, knowing why. No point in us looking weak. "What's your name?" I ask and imagine it has to be something as soft sounding as her appearance would lead you to believe.

"Willow- but you can call me Willa, I like the sound of it better." She says with a grin that reveals a small gap in between her front two teeth. It is less of a hinder to her appearance and more of a small quirk that adds to her character. "What is your name?"

"Cal- yeah Cal." I say stumbling on a decision but decide it sounds right. It feels like me but doesn't entrap me within my Amity identity.

"Thank you very much for helping me, you really didn't have to do that. You should have worried about yourself."

"Hey, you're not Abnegation anymore, remember?" I say and poke her shoulder. "What were you going to say to me back there?" I say as I recall her getting cut off before she could thank me for something.

"I wanted to thank you for transferring. I don't think I would've had the guts if I didn't see- well you know, no one expects people like us to transfer. And I'm not exactly some strong and beautiful Dauntless girl potential anyway." She says.

"Maybe not yet, but if you came here you must've for a reason, right?"

"I shouldn't be here really, my Aptitude tested me for Abnegation I just- I hate it there. I hate even having to wear these clothes anymore." She says as she fidgets in the unflattering gray sheets the Abnegation call clothes.

'Trust me, I understand." I wonder if I still would transfer if I didn't test for Dauntless. I can't imagine not, nothing about living in Amity appealed to me if it meant changing who I was, even the prospect of staying with my mother or the general familiarity probably couldn't have kept me there. I hated it; I hated singing and hated how everyone would just pretend like my voice didn't sound like crap. Happiness there felt fake.

When I look at people in Dauntless they look wild and free, maybe a little bit impulsive and reckless but the way they try and achieve joy through pushing themselves to become stronger always has seemed more real than sitting around a campfire ever could to me. They're strong.

We watch out the windows at the passing scenery, silent. I take solace in the quiet and suddenly realize I didn't even catch a last glimpse of my mother after the Ceremony. I curse silently to myself. I had been too caught up in things. I wonder what she looked like, if she cried.

Looking out the train I see how far we are from the Hub now.

"Ready to jump, girls?" A pierced man says from behind us. We both stare with wide eyes as he opens the compartment door; we watch Dauntless jump in a wave down the train compartments and land onto a concrete roof.

"Not really." Willa says and the man gives a hearty laugh.

"Too bad." He replies as he walks forward to the edge of the train along with the other two in our compartment. I join them and hope Willa has the sense to do so as well. When the first in our compartment jumps I force myself to jump as well, scared of passing the roof without jumping.

Taking too long to notice if I jumped far enough to land on the roof I forget to pay attention to landing on the roof. Attempting to roll like the others too late I find myself skidding across the concrete and feel an immediate burn on my knees. Looks like I ruined my skirt. Great, and above all I have at least ten eyes watching my "elegant" landing. At least I see Willa on the ground next to me.

"Get up transfers!" I hear someone shout from out of view. I don't miss a beat to stand up, brushing the rubble off myself.

Please no one notice how much of a mess I am right now. I desperately plead, if being dressed in bright yellow and orange wasn't enough. At least the gray of Willa's clothes blend into the roof. How envious I am of her right now.

"Listen up!" I choke on dust and stand up to walk towards the crowd joined around a man standing up on the ledge of the roof. The fact he is standing on the ledge of a skyscraper doesn't seem to bother him- but I can see why. He is the kind of man that is a manifestation of a fear in itself. Too intimidating to be bothered with something as petty as the risk of death. "I'm Eric, one of the leaders here at Dauntless. Which if you want to enter- is waiting for you down there." He looks backwards off the side of the building.

People begin to whisper and I frown.

"It's safe right?" Someone asks.

"Jump and find out." Eric responds nonchalantly as his gaze runs over the crowd before stopping in the direction of Willa and I. "You want to be the first to jump, Stiff?" He smirks as if this has a greater meaning that the rest of us don't understand. His entire demeanor was demeaning like that- as if you couldn't possibly understand what was going on in his mind. "Or how about a Dauntless born, so you don't embarrass yourselves by having a transfer go before you?"

A large part of me just wants to push him over the ledge and another wants to leap off myself, I can't help but be curious as to see what really lies at the bottom of the leap of faith. There has to be something. After all they aren't going to plan on killing off all their new members, right?

Then again there was no safety nets between the train and the roof.

"I'll go." A Dauntless born finally decides. Eric jumps down from the ledge and pats the boy on the back before retreating to watch with folded arms from the side. His eyes judging everything about the boy as he climbs to the ledge, looking down for a moment before nearly slipping.

"Jump now or don't jump at all." Eric says and the boy turns to look at him quickly before walking off. It is exhilarating in a way- I know he is safe but to just see someone walk off a building, it's strange. Intriguing.

Jeez who knew I was so messed up?

We all stay silent as we hear screams following the Dauntless born's descent- before the distinct sound of laughter echoes from below.

"Next!" Eric says and I see someone shove Willa from besides me, taunting her. I'm about to say something to the Erudite but as soon as he directs his attention to me I see that I'm no different than her in his opinion. While she is a stiff I'm just some banjo playing Amity. As a Candor girl takes her leap of faith I maintain my eye contact with the boy and push forward in the crowd.

Two people have gone now so I know it is undeniably safe. But going before that Erudite boy makes me feel pride. I glance back at him with a blank look, making sure he sees that some banjo playing Amity is going before him.

"Step right up, Amity!" Eric sneers as he pats the ledge. "Take a good look at the sunlight, not much down there… if you make it down there." I ignore his words and awkwardly climb up onto the ledge, making sure not to have my dress ride up, the stupid thing.

I take a second step onto the ledge and dare to look downward; I can feel my body sway with my thoughts and alongside the fear I contemplate the strange desire to jump. Not wanting to have to be told to hurry, I allow my body to leave the safety of the roof and soar through the hole in the lower building.

My mouth opens to scream but no sounds come out, and when my body hits something it isn't the floor but a net. Bouncing up once, I find myself chuckling as I stare up at the last time at the sun. Eric is right about one thing- not much sun down here.

I feel myself rolling to the side as someone at the side of the net pulls down the net. "Having fun there, Amity?

Not answering, I try to crawl over to the side- not wanting to get crushed by the next jumper.

Holding the net down is a handsome and classically intimidating Dauntless male. He extends his hand, which I take, but instead of allowing him to help me out I make a sad attempt on my own. I'm not much for touching. Elegance aside I make it out of the net just as the next jumper comes screaming.

"Name?" The man asks me, looking at me as if I'm some sort of strange creature.

"Cal." I answer, more comfortable saying it now.

"Third jumper, Cal!"

A/N: I know this kind of story has been done before, but I'm hoping to make it original, and perhaps dark. Dark stories are fun :) Just a little explanation of the setting so things make sense:

-This takes place after Tris' year, so she is at Dauntless and there was never any attack on Abnegation.

-The whole third book, is pretty much not going to happen in this story, some things and ideas will be used but for the most part this is going to be made up by myself

-I don't own Divergent :)

Any feedback is super appreciated! I love reading reviews and any kind of idea or suggestion you guys might have! And I'll happily answer any questions.