1. So Eden sank to grief (nothing gold can stay)

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost

Thea runs like she never has before in her life. She is not running for her own life though; she is running for someone else's.

Her brother's screaming still echoes in her ears and she knows that it will be seared into her brain forever. And now they're not even together: different vehicles, different parts of the plan, different objectives. Except Oliver had been the one to watch the love of his life die in front of him, and Thea hadn't even been there for him.

Goddamit!

Thea is breathless by the time she gets to the lair. She's just at the door when she almost smacks straight into Roy, who catches her, but also stops her from going around him.

"Roy! Move, I need…"

"Wait. Just wait a second Thea, please." his voice is gravelly, gentle in a cautions way, like he's afraid of what comes next. He looks as if he is three seconds away form a fresh wave of tears: they're right there clinking to his lashes, eyes shiny and red to match his blotched face. And it's the sight of his pain so raw and real that stops Thea, in every way a person can be stopped. Hope (and leg-numbing fear) had been driving her. Up until now, Thea had told herself that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance - no matter how small - that they were wrong. That this was just some giant mistake and Felicity was fine somewhere. Captive, but fine. And that they would rally and make a plan and bust her out, because that is what they do! Team Arrow fights!

But she can't keep up pretending, not when Roy is looking at her like that.

Fresh tears pour down, trailing over the dried tracks of the old ones and Thea can do nothing to help it. She hasn't cried like this since… since before Malcolm. Since before Oliver came back, four years ago.

"Roy…" It's almost a plea.

Roy knows what she's pleading for. He can't give her the words, can't say it aloud, but he doesn't have to. It's all over his face.

"But how can you be sure?" She insists, gritting her teeth against the reality of it. That unconquerable fire in her fights back against the abysmal, against the horrifying, even now. Because Thea Queen is many things but a quitter is not one of them and she will not make the mistake of assuming anything. She has lost so many people; but she knows just as many who had been left for dead and then returned. It really was enough to give one the willingness to hope even in the darkest of moments.

But Roy's hands are gentle as they reach for hers.

She resists him, angrily.

"He is her father, Roy. Her father! Felicity is his only daughter! He wouldn't… he wouldn't!"

And she speaks from experience there. Malcolm Merlyn, her so called father, damaged her - some might say irreparably. He made a killer out of her, his own daughter, because he was twisted and selfish and because he had evil growing in him like a vine. But even though he had put her life in danger and set off a catastrophe they had barely escaped from, Thea knew that Malcolm Merlyn, immoral as he was, would never raise deal a fatal blow to her with his own hand. He wouldn't. And neither would Damien Darhk – whoever the fucker was. It doesn't even matter if Darhk really is the devil reincarnate, because even the devil loves his children. (Right?) He must!

"Thea, listen to me." Roy's grip on her hands tightens… and she fears. Because there is anger in Roy's face now, burning hot and irrepressible. And there is despair there too, of the kind she has never seen in his face before. "I saw it happen Thea. I saw it with my own eyes."

The whole scene is burned behind his eyelids and will feed his nightmares forever, Roy knows it. Even as he says the exhausting words, he sees it.

He sees Felicity grabbed by her ponytail, the gun pointed right at her temple. He sees it as if in slow motion, the way she had stared Darhk in the face without even glancing at the barrel of the gun pointed at her – and then looked away, dismissing him, like he wasn't worth her time. (The utter calm of that decision had chilled Roy's blood) She'd looked at them instead: her friends, trapped on the other side of the floor, steel bars and bullet-proof glass separating them from her and half an army of HIVE agents. A barrier Felicity had put up to keep them out; to keep them safe. The same one that kept them from getting to her...

Oliver had been the first one to understand. Oliver, Digg… one of them; both at the same it – it didn't really matter. Dimly, Roy remembers hearing Oliver screaming her name, but it hadn't really registered. His eyes had been fixed on Felicity, the sharp pain of the gash on his leg bringing her face into startling clarity, even as everything else faded at the edges. Roy remembers her expression perfectly, (absolutely self-possessed and utterly terrified at the same time), the little tremulous smile on her lips, painted battle-red. She had been so scared, but she hadn't looked away from them.

A revelation comes to him like a slap at the back of his head: Felicity had known. The magnitude of this fact sinks into Roy's brain in that precise moment, just as he holds Thea's hands tightly in his. Felicity had never been the kind of person that built people up in her head: she lived in the world – in their world - with her eyes wide open. She had known her father would kill her, known this with a stone-cold clarity that had been a far cry from the denial the rest of them had lived in for months. Oh, they'd known Darhk wouldn't hesitate to kill any of them – they had picked up enough bodies from the streets, dug out enough of his bullets from their own limbs to be certain of that. None of them however, had ever thought he would kill his own daughter in cold blood.

Was it ironic that Felicity had been the only one to see the truth of that man (and accept it for what it was) before any of them had? Had that been the real reason why Felicity had not been surprised and disbelieving like the rest of them, when the click of the safety being lifted had echoed absurdly loud in the chaos around them? There had been no shock on her face; she hadn't even blinked. (Was that courage? Or was it something else…) In that moment, she had been living far beyond fear; living just to look at them. And Oliver, maybe that was what had made him say her name that way, like it was the last word he'd ever say that would mean anything. He had read the truth on her face, and he'd known too.

(And all Roy wants to know now is for how long she'd felt that way. Why she hadn't asked for his help; or if she had and he'd been too stupid to realize it.)

Darhk had pulled the trigger without even blinking, without looking away from the back of Felicity's head. (She hadn't look at him in death. A choice so deliberate it was terrifying, because even in death, Felicity had owned herself completely and Roy couldn't imagine ever being that strong) The gunshot had gone off, Felicity's head had jerked to the side, blood and brain spattering the granite floor and the control panel before her body even made contact with the ground.

He had jerked backwards as if the bullet had been aimed for him, but he hadn't had time to process it, because Oliver's roar had rattled the walls of hard steel around them and Roy had felt it shuddering all the way to his bones. He'd thrown himself at the steel bars even as the elevator shuttered down 36 floors, like he expected them to give, almost broke Digg's hand when he tried to make him stop. It was only after that that Oliver gained some measure of awareness. He quieted down completely then; didn't even twitch anymore - which in Roy's book, was way scarier.

In all honesty, Roy couldn't say he paid too much attention because he had been all too busy crying like a kid himself.

As they retreated, Ttere had been a shitload of people on the line for the status update: the Black Canary, the White Canary, Nyssa al Ghul, the Flash, the ATOM, Firestorm, Jesus fuck knew who else… and all they had heard was the silence of static for those that didn't make it out alive. And maybe this made Roy a bad person, but honestly, the only person he could think in that moment had been Felicity. They heard Nyssa talking, in slow, rounded out words of a foreign language Roy had no idea about, and the words had sounded like a prayer. Her tone had been heavy, sorrowful and someone on the other side of the line sobbed before the link disconnected. Nobody interrupted the daughter of the demon as she said her prayers for the fallen.

Roy hadn't known how to tell her to shut up. He really would rather never talk, ever, honestly. He'd rather not think.

But once in the lair, Oliver had just dropped his bow and walked away from them, to one of the back rooms. Digg kept looking at his hands blankly (they were shaking, even grasped tightly into fists as they were; Lyla sitting close to him, without speaking, without touching). Sara patched Roy up, her eyes misty and honest to god, Roy preferred the pain of a stab wound to the one that was tearing him from the inside.

Nobody was doing anything. There was a strange stillness in the air, a sort of calm before the shitstorm. They were waiting – though Roy had no idea for what. Personally, Roy waited for his breathing to calm down, for the hole in his chest to abate (knowing it wouldn't); waited for Thea to show up, so that he could do whatever she needed him to do. When her tracker told him she was five miles out, he up in the lobby to intercept her, because he knew Thea – he knew that she would vault down those steps and run straight to Oliver. But Roy really didn't think that was a smart thing to do.

So there he is now, looking at Thea's tearstained face, as she insists that Damien Darhk, no matter how evil, would never kill Felicity because she was his blood. She was his only child. And maybe it made sense in Thea's head – she and Felicity had bonded these past 6 months over the whole 'our dads are supervillains' thing, because only Felicity could take something that dark and make a terrible joke out of it.

But there was nothing funny about this now.

"I'm so sorry Thea." Roy gasps out, not even noticing that his tears had already picked up, only reaching out to brush away hers.

Thea shakes her head a little, still unable (unwilling) to believe it. She keeps not believing it when they walk forward into their new base (the lair Felicity had set up for them, the one she had had to come back to because her father was kidnapping her friends!). She doesn't believe it as she looks around to the destroyed people around her, not until Ray Palmer, red-eyed and exhausted, inhales sharply and draws the attention of everyone in the room to where he is sitting.

Jon snaps to his feet immediately, like an elastic being released. "What? What is it?"

In three strides has reached Palmer by the screens. What he sees there knocks the breath out of him – out of them all.

Roy blindly reaches of a chair. His knees give out as if they're made of water. He watches Thea's eyes go wide as she leans in to look, tears falling heavy down her cheeks. Digg is vibrating with barely-contained violence, fists balled tight against this side. Ray Palmer is so pale he might just pass out.

They all stare as the security recording from inside the HIVE base makes it to their screens. 'Un-hackable', Felicity had called them. Which meant that this is Damien's present to them. Ray's hands are auspiciously off the keyboards, as if he didn't dare touch them; as if the intent behind this video would contaminate him if he did.

They watch as Felicity makes her way into the control room with a few surviving ARGUS tech-wizzes (whom she has personally selected and it had been so funny, cause she was nice to them same as she was to everyone, but they all stood a little straighter when she talked to them). They dismantle the servers, running HIVE's operational algorithms to the ground while opening up the cells and releasing the prisoners that had been captured and experimented on like lab rats in the past five months.

She had tried so hard to get away. Digg's lessons hadn't gone lost on her. But in the end it had been useless.

'…no choice to make.' Roy had heard her say that once.

They had missed this part: the part where Damien Darhk tried to override her virus and failed. The part where he shot every single person Felicity had gone into that serve room with, while she screamed (there has been no negotiation involved; just punishment). They had seen the bodies later, but not the executions. Roy feels his insides contort and he is sure he will puke at any moment. He sees Darhk turn to Felicity, gun in hand and the other reaching for her hair and he closes his eyes against that sight. He can't see this again; he cannot. But he still knows the exact moment Felicity is shot; knows it by the way Thea sobs, deeply and openly. And he sees it again in his mind's eye (a waking nightmare): Felicity's body hitting the stark granite, blood blooming around her head, staining her hair red, red… Thea starts crying in earnest and there is a crash somewhere to Roy's left (later he'll realize Digg had shoved the monitors off the table in a rare fit of rage). A sharp pain splits his skull, and Roy drops his head in his hands, groaning.

God, how could this happen?

Thea stands up and with a voice that is a lot shakier than she means it to, she demands to know where Oliver is. Nobody answers her at first. But then she asks again, stronger this time and Ray points her to the back rooms. She goes there, knowing that she is about to find herself in a world of pain but pushing forward anyway.

The room is dark but she doesn't dare turn on the light. He is just sitting there, still as stone and Thea feels like a child all of a sudden. All she has been through, everyone she has lost - none of that has prepared her for this. Not Slade, not Malcolm, not even dying and coming back. Her heart is falling in shreds because she feels Oliver's pain coming off him in waves, crashing into her. He is practically vibrating with it, though he is as still as the column he is leaning against. He doesn't even breathe differently, doesn't flinch when she kneels in front of him. He's not there at all and god she's so scared. So scared and useless and helpless. But Oliver has always protected her, always. Always been there for her, even when she pushed him away in the worst fucking possible manner. She won't leave him alone in this.

She reaches out, takes in hand. He's so cold that Thea almost flinches - the word 'catatonic' bangs around her skull like a grenade with its pin out. But Thea Queen is Moira's daughter and if there was one thing her mother taught her, is to know no fear when it comes to her family. So Thea reaches for her brother again, takes his hand in both of hers, fits herself to his side. He doesn't move, but doesn't push her away either and Thea forces her brain to accept that as a positive sign.

He is there and he is staying, even if she has to dedicate her every breath till her dying day to make sure of it. She won't lose her brother.

Oliver's heartbeat is fast and irregular. His breaths are sharp and short. He shivers from time to time but doesn't say a word. Tears don't come for her brother, he doesn't break. There are a few times when Thea thinks he will, but it doesn't happen. (She doesn't admit it even to herself how much his stillness scares her) When he finally does get up (stumbling) and walks out, Thea follows him. He goes into the other room, takes in the grief-stricken faces around him, of people that weren't even beginning to mourn - and then starts for the monitors, shoves Felicity's USB in it and orders Palmer to analyze every piece of data she gathered. Everything.

"Felicity's virus just uploaded. As of now, we have access to HIVE's movements for at least 12 hours. Palmer…" But Ray just nods and points at the multiple screens where, already, there is a constant streaming of code that so fast that Thea doesn't even catch it. Oliver takes a deep breath, steadying. "I want to know HIVE's movements. I want to know where Darhk is and what he has done with her body."

The whole room sucks in a breath when he says that, looking at him as if he's a bomb about to explode. Thea freezes, but she doesn't need to look: she knows exactly what Oliver is planning.

"I know what you're thinking, Oliver… What makes you think Merlyn will agree?" Digg asks, arms linked rightly over his chest. And if everyone expected a debate, they were surprised, because just like Felicity had been past the point of pain, so is Digg past the point of grief. (And maybe it's a testament to how far gone they are, that Digg doesn't even protest)

"He will." Oliver says darkly, not even a hint of uncertainty in his tone. "Or I'll kill him."

"Killing Malcolm Merlyn isn't the problem." Nyssa hisses, stepping into the fold. "The problem is finding him. Nanda Parbat was been abandoned almost 11 months ago. The League has gone underground; unless they want to be found, you won't be able to."

Oliver Queen turns hard eyes to her. He is not the first man to give Nyssa that kind of look, but being so familiar with the pain he is in, knowing what it means to have one's heart ripped away from one's chest, Nyssa decides to tolerate the insolence. It only lasts a moment anyway, because those cold eyes slide away from her, and to his sister.

And Thea knows deep down that her brother is not angry at her, that he's just angry and hurting and he is trying to keep breathing any way he can, but those eyes of his - so familiar and so foreign at the same time - they scare her. They remind her of the way he used to be those first few weeks when he came back from the island. Cold; detached. Unreachable.

It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that her brother needs something from her and Thea knows exactly what that is. She nods. Thea can get to Malcolm Merlyn the way nobody else can and they both know it. At this point, there is nothing Thea wouldn't do to make her brother even remotely right again. She steps out of the room a moment later.

This has to work she tells herself; it must.

It will.

Because if there is anyone that can fight against death and win, it's Oliver.