Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

Reading: Olympian One-Shots

I: The Ramen Addicted Rationalist

"So, we have a new one again?" Percy asked as a book appeared before the group.

"Looks like it," Annabeth said as she picked the new book up. The only thing on the cover was a golden omega framed around a familiar red spiral. "No real title, either."

"Aw, man...When are we gonna finish the one with Apoluto in it?!" Apollo groaned.

Artemis rolled her eyes. "I told you not to touch the book, but did you listen?"

"I'm the prophecy god! Looking ahead is what I do!" Apollo pouted.

Percy ignored the squabbling twins and frowned. "If it's anything like that crazy one-!"

"Excuse me, Peter?" Dionysus frowned.

"-I don't even wanna hear it." Percy continued, ignoring the god. Probably not his best decision, but that last one was wrong. ...Even if it did make Thalia sing. That was funny.

"Ramen Addicted Rationalist…yeah." Annabeth nodded while reading the title of the first page. "That's Naruto. I guess I'll take a crack at it."

"I wonder whose kid he is this time?" Hermes mused.

Apollo just huffed while Artemis sighed. "Not Apollo's."

"Quiet, please," Hestia said.

"For those just tuning in, it's ten in the morning on June 1st, 2006. And now we turn to our weatherman Sharon Storm. Sharon, please tell me it's going to be a beautiful day today?"

"Sorry, Steve, but we've got thunderstorms not only expected later today, but for the rest of the week!"

"That's around the time I got poisoned." Thalia frowned.

"Zeus was very weepy at the time." Poseidon pointed out.

"I was not!"

"The weather woman disagrees." Hades pointed out wittedly.

Click.

"–You can't just say things like that, Bones."

Click.

" –Wabbit season!"

"Best gag ever." Hermes and Apollo snickered.

Click.

" –I don't know, what's a motto with –"

Click.

The television screen went blank and the thumb that had been pressing down on the remote's channel button hovered while the owner watched the black screen. A blue line spread across the television and began to move when an obviously disguised voice came through the speakers along with "Stars and Stripes Forever" playing in the background.

Everyone gave a salute to that.

"Citizens of these United States of America." The couch creaked as the television viewer set the remote down next to him and leaned forward. "You have been lied to. Your government – the people you chose to lead and protect you, who you should trust without a shadow of a doubt – has been and continues to this very moment to lie to you."

"And?" Zeus asked, a bored look on his face.

"This is hardly new." Hera rolled her eyes.

Fingertips steepled together as glaucous eyes narrowed on the screen. "So...you chose to make a move today? Interesting."

"Who is our undescribed protagonist?" Leo hummed in thought. "It just baffles the mind!"

Piper shook her head at his antics.

"Black operations continue to occur in several 'friendly' allied countries. Terrorist cells given leeway when bargaining with our intelligence agencies. United States citizens being spied upon, every call monitored, every credit card charge checked. Your president boldly lies to you about what he knows and is even kept out of the loop to ensure he doesn't prevent 'unconfirmed' acts of war."

"Boo! More war!" Ares shook his fist in the air.

"No duh." Scoffed the viewer. He sat back and grabbed a small cell phone riddled with scratches, bite marks and even a red stain on the back. As his thumb glided over the phone's keypad, he snorted. "I'm going to enjoy sending you to prison, Mr. Adam Mitchell."

"…How does he know that?" Percy blinked.

"He's got ESP!" Frank gasped.

"ESPN?"

Everyone just looked at Percy, who shrugged. "What? It's a joke!"

He continued to get dubious looks.

"These are not acts of freedom. They are not acts promoting democracy. These are acts of terrorism, to keep the world under the United States' control. Well, I won't have any more of it. There are four bombs–"

"–In New York City, yadda, yadda, yadda..." The television viewer sat back and held his phone to his ear.

"What?!" Percy gaped, bombs?!

"…I like this guy." Ares grinned.

"You there? Good. Listen very carefully to what I have to say. There are no bombs. Yes, I'm sure. Send the police to a complex with a store at the base, a Pete's Pawn Shop, third floor, fifth room down the hall on the right. Room 305, the zero is gone; he'll be on the toilet with an Alienware laptop. Alienware. Yes, it's a thing. Just look for the idiot on the toilet."

"Okay, how does he know that?" Thalia frowned.

"Please, most of the greatest ideas were thought up on the toilet." Leo passionately declared. Apollo, Hephaestus and Hermes nodded in agreement to his declaration. Athena, if one looked closely, had a light golden flush in her cheeks.

"Ew, gross." The hunter wrinkled her nose.

He hung up his phone and set it down next to him as he looked back at the television. "They better catch this idiot. I practically gift wrapped him for them."

"If the US government does not pay me and reveal the requested retracted documents, then you, the people that are lied to, will suffer for it."

"Because it's clearly their fault," Hades rolled his eyes. "We sure this terrorist is not Zeus?"

The lightning god snarled at him.

"The story's only started." Hestia sighed.

"Okay, that was pretty clever," the television viewer said with a smirk. He sat back and looked at his wrist, where a gray watch was strapped. "And in...Five minutes, I'll get to prove that I'm cleverer."

The television screen went black once again and the viewer shook his head as a newscaster tried to recover from the sudden hijacking of his airtime. A hand went up to scratch the back of his short honey blond hair covered head. The television viewer got up at the sound of a beeping and walked over to his stove in his studio apartment. His hand went to the dial and he turned off the stove. He poured the contents of his pot into bowl and grinned as the steam rose up into his face.

"Hello, noodles of Inari."

"That's Naruto everybody." Hazel giggled.

There was a knock at the door and he turned to it with a grimace on his face. He looked back at his bowl and then to the door. With a frustrated growl, he moved his bowl into his microwave and then walked over to the door to open it.

A man wearing a black suit stood on the other side of the door. His hair ended at his shoulders and was black like a raven's feathers. His face narrow and strong while his blood red eyes had a hardened warlike gaze in them.

"Hey, it's Sasuke…looking Ares-like." Hermes pointed out with a blink.

"Yes! Ninja brat is mine!" Ares cackled.

Hermes hummed. "He doesn't look like a ninja."

"…Dammit!" Ares scowled. He never gets to have the ninja brats.

"You interrupted my noodle time, Sasuke."

A dark brow on Sasuke's face arched up. "You're practically naked, Naruto."

Naruto looked down past his defined abdominal muscles to his boxers and then looked back up at Sasuke. "...It's my apartment, there's no law against being naked in my own home is there Special Agent Uchiha?"

"A Fed? I have a Fed for a kid…Hm." Ares rubbed his chin. "I could work with this."

"I'm just wondering how it even happened in the first place." Athena rolled her eyes.

"You love to take shots at me after I get promoted, don't you?" Sasuke snorted and walked into the apartment, brushing past Naruto as he did. He shoved blankets off of the couch and plopped down on it, his eyes on the news while Naruto went back to his microwave. "So, how'd you know where to find Soundwave? I don't have to book you again for being an accomplice, do I?"

"That was one time...and it wasn't like the charges stuck." Naruto rolled his eyes as he stirred his ramen with orange chopsticks. Naruto captured a few noodles with his utensils and brought them up to his mouth to slurp them down. With a blissful sigh, Naruto walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch. "Alright, I know who he was, because the idiot pulled a similar stunt on his principal when he was in high school. He never changed his 'name' then, nor did he change his password after he graduated. I knew he'd be on the toilet because there are few people in the country who don't feel secure when they're on the john. I knew he'd use his laptop because I had an old acquaintance of mine from the NSA pull some records."

"Well, he's super smart…I wonder whose kid he is?" Percy said sarcastically.

Annabeth beamed along with her mother as she continued to read.

Sasuke blinked and furrowed his brows. "How did you know who he was though?"

"Stumbled across this plan on a private investigation a week ago. Wasn't supposed to happen until the Fourth, give it 'significance'." Naruto rolled his eyes and slurped down more ramen. "As though a bomb threat wouldn't make it memorable."

"The bombs bursting in air," Apollo sang but Artemis stopped him with a look, "Okay, okay, yeesh!"

"Threats are easily forgotten."

"Yeah, I know. Still, the kid wanted to 'inform the people'." Naruto scoffed and put more ramen in his mouth. "The people do have a right to know, but that doesn't mean they want to, let alone are ready to. There are some things that are still too dark for the public to learn."

"Like gods?" Nico asked aloud.

"We do have the Mist for a reason, Nico." Hades told his son.

"Just saying is all."

"...You know, if I wasn't sure you knew the code to my life savings and the checking account for my fiancé's wedding, I'd have a warrant and I'd be looking into your so-called contacts." Sasuke noted as he looked around the small apartment. "Why do you still live here?"

Naruto looked at him with noodles hanging out of his mouth. He slurped them up and shrugged. "It's comfortable, functional and affordable-."

"Your father is a millionaire." Sasuke drawled with a pointed look.

"Oh, Athena, rolling in the big bucks!" Aphrodite squealed.

"I go for brains, not wealth." Athena corrected sternly.

"You could be in the penthouse suite of the Baxter Building."

"That's not a real building. Doesn't count." Naruto lifted his bowl up to his mouth and slurped down the broth, which made Sasuke cringe in disgust. He lowered the bowl and sighed happily. "Oh, Olympus that's so good...And just because Dad has money, doesn't mean I want to use it. That's his."

"Still got daddy issues?"

Naruto glared at the smirking boy. "You know, if I killed you right now, I could proclaim and make it look like it was in self-defense."

"I can do that." Annabeth nodded, which earned her wary looks from her friends. Percy especially.

"Yeah, but you won't." Sasuke chuckled and dusted his pants off as the news came to an end. "I let you finish your ramen out of courtesy and our friendship. C'mon, I've got a job for you."

Naruto grimaced and set his bowl on the table beside him. "A job? You make me sound like a mercenary. Call them cases, please."

"You're good, but you're not that good." Sasuke walked over to the door. "Get dressed, you've got five minutes before I call a judge to get a warrant."

"Just ask your granddad." Ares thumbed to Zeus.

"Don't." The sky lord frowned.

"...You'd do it anyway just for the hell of it." Naruto frowned. Sasuke stopped, turned around with a smirk on his face and reached into his jacket. He pulled a folded up piece of paper out and dropped it on the table beside the door. Naruto glared at him. "Don't just drop it there, it'll get lost in the mess! Misplacing a federal warrant is a federal crime, you know!"

"That wouldn't happen if you found someone to be the next Mrs. Namikaze to tidy the place up." Sasuke shut the door behind him as he walked out.

"Oh, why should the lady clean?" Thalia frowned deeply. Many girls nodded in agreement.

"Sexist bastard." Naruto snorted and kicked the trunk that was repurposed into a coffee table. The lid opened and the papers that were sprawled across it slid to the floor. As Naruto rummaged through his clothes hidden within the trunk, he recalled Sasuke's words and rolled his eyes. "I don't need to find anyone since you, Kushina and Dad keep trying to hook me up with random girls."

"Kushina must be the stepmother." Athena hummed, she didn't know what to think of this development.

"How can you listen to this guy rant and rave about capitalism like it's been sent from the gods?" Naruto asked as he reached for the radio dial, to turn off the raving John O'Malley. Sasuke, without taking his eyes off the road, reached over and slapped his hand. Naruto recoiled with a grimace. "Ow! Ass."

"Driver rights: I control the radio. Unwritten law of courtesy when being a passenger in another's car," Sasuke said.

"Amen!" Apollo nodded. He threw a glare at Hermes.

"It was one time!"

"One time too many! Last time I bring you along as a wingman."

He spared a glance over at his friend and shook his head. "Those are the best clothes you could find?"

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Naruto frowned. He was dressed comfortably in faded and possibly used jeans, brown leather sandals, and an orange shirt with a cooked pie slice pulled back and various math symbols pouring out of it.

"Math." Percy hissed venomously.

"Okay, we've got to get you over this thing you have against math, Percy." Annabeth sighed.

"Ms. Dobbs ruined it for me, forever."

"Excuses!" Hades snorted. "Must've gotten some from his father."

Poseidon blinked. "Ow. I don't have excuses. I have reasons. Zeus uses excuses."

"True."

Zeus scowled at his brothers. "I hate you both."

Over his shirt was a brown leather jacket that fit to his build perfectly.

"You look like a child that just rolled out of bed."

Naruto looked at Sasuke like he'd grown a second head. "I'm twenty-two!"

"I'm barely older than you are and I'm dressed professionally," Sasuke said. "When you're being leased out by the FBI–"

"First of all, I'm not employed by the FBI, I work alongside the FBI, Special Agent Uchiha." Naruto corrected sternly. He drew his hand over his shirt. "Secondly, these are the clothes of a modern college student, which I am–!"

"Online!" Sasuke glared at him. "You could get through any college class with ease, but you don't because you are without a doubt the laziest bastard I've ever met!"

"A son of Athena? Lazy?" Poseidon gasped. "Say it isn't so!"

"Oh ha-ha." Athena glared at him for his mockery. Still, she silently agreed that her version of Naruto could dress a bit sharper.

Naruto pursed his lips for a moment and afterwards nodded as he conceded to that fact. He still crossed his arms and slumped down in his seat. "I don't see why you're so mad."

Sasuke turned to him when they stopped at a red light. "You are purposely dragging your feet, Naruto. You know that the second you graduate from college, your name and your doctorate will wind you up as prime material to receive praise from your mother.

"That's bad?" Annabeth frowned.

She'll send you the coin."

"Oh, yeah, that's bad." The young blonde nodded in agreement.

Athena just looked put out by this.

"She's not going to send me 'the coin'," Naruto said with a roll of his eyes. "And the reason I've been 'dragging my feet' is because I'm waiting for today's technology to catch up with my father's work, so that my theoretical studies and equations can be made practical and I can actually do some good for the planet."

"Captain Planet?" Thalia asked.

"He is a hero," Piper said with a smirk.

Leo chuckled. "Is he going to take pollution down to zero?"

"So not funny." Annabeth told her friends with a frown as they laughed.

"Yeah, sure..." Sasuke looked away as the light changed. They drove in silence for a moment before Naruto smirked and looked at Sasuke.

"Kushina put you up to that, didn't she?"

"...She blackmailed me. Threatened to help my fiancé pick a wedding date." Sasuke grumbled.

"Truly, commitment is Ares' greatest fear." Hades rolled his eyes. "Next to jars."

"Those things are messed up." Ares declared sternly.

"I like pickles," Frank said. "Right out of the jar."

Ares glared at him. "…You are dead to me."

He tapped the phone set on the dash and it turned off. "Speaker was on."

"Ah, you played a CD to hide the background noise on her end. Very clever, Special Agent Uchiha," Naruto said with a chuckle. He relaxed in his seat with a smile on his face and glanced out the window. He blinked when they passed a street sign that he hadn't gone past in several years. "Where exactly is this case?"

Sasuke shifted slightly in his seat. "Just a bit outside the city."

"He's not lying." Apollo nodded.

"Sneaky, how fun." Hermes snickered. "Didn't think Ares' could be sneaky."

Naruto swiveled back to glare at Sasuke. "Outside the city...where?"

"Look, don't worry about it. Why don't you recline the seat and take a quick nap? Keep that freaky mind of yours nice and rested for the case, Sherlock." Sasuke gave his friend a small grin and turned back to the road. Naruto didn't blink. His glaucous eyes narrowed suspiciously and an intimidating glare was locked on his friend.

"That's Athena's glare alright." Dionysus commented as he opened a new can of Diet Coke.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke made the mistake of looking at his blond friend. He looked back at the road and had to slam on the breaks to keep from rear-ending the car in front of him. He glanced back at Naruto. "It's just a small job."

"...I've got another case I'm already working on." Naruto sat back and looked at the road as the light turned green. "You can take me home."

"That is bullshit and we both know it." Sasuke's red eyes gained a rare pleading gleam. "Just take a look at it."

"I don't want anything to do with that place. They're outdated, foolish, and hormonal children.

"He's of course talking about you lot." Dionysus sniffed. "And I agree with him wholeheartedly."

Not to mention the notion of heroism is completely irrational," Naruto scoffed. "Look at yourself. You dropped out of high school and enlisted to be a hero. Now you suffer from PTSD, which has caused you to delay your own wedding out of fear that your own wife-to-be would be put in danger or her heart would be crushed by your own demise."

"Ouch, that sucks." Ares frowned, he was a bit upset for his own kid. How was he supposed to get legacies if his kid didn't procreate?

"That's not the point."

"Not to mention their own stupidity when it comes to the words 'good' and 'evil'."

"I think I found my second favorite!" Mr. D smiled widely. His favorite version would always be his Naruto.

"It's for Chiron, Naruto!" Sasuke cut his friend off with a frustrated yell. Naruto turned to look at him and Sasuke exhaled sharply as he relaxed his grip on the wheel. "He's calling in his one request. Something's happened."

Naruto frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Tell me what you know."

"He got fired." Percy frowned at Zeus.

The god glared back at him. It all worked out in the end, honestly. Why was Poseidon's brat on keeping that fire going? Wasn't that supposed to be the shtick of Hades' kids?

Naruto slammed the passenger door shut and walked up to the archway that hung over the dirt road that led into the strawberry fields. He looked across the hood of the car at Sasuke. "I hate you."

"I'm a Federal agent. You hating me means I'm doing my job." Sasuke nodded towards the dirt road. "Get walkin', Owl-head."

Naruto shook his head. "Cabin Five has the worst insults for people."

"I know, Prissy right? So dumb." Percy mocked.

"So bad that it's good." Ares corrected with a smirk. "Prissy."

It was a shorter walk than he remembered, most likely due to his growth over the years. He remembered the first time his Dad and stepmother dropped him off. He was fourteen at the time and had just fought off his first monster, a Cyclops. It was a stupid thing, easily tricked to ripping out its own eye with its hand to prove that there was a large brain behind it.

"…That's scary cunning," Reyna said. Tricking a cyclops to the point of killing itself? Words truly carried power.

Of course, his father had to tell him about his mother and Kushina started to look up various bodyguards, all of whom Naruto dispatched of with ease – though he was a bit short on his inheritance now due to the hospital bills his father made him pay. What? He was a master at short staff and was a much smarter fighter. He didn't need some ex-Jarhead to protect him.

"Demigods can have bodyguards?" Leo gasped.

"I've seen it a few times in New Rome," Jason said. He shrugged. "Some of the families don't get along."

"Politics!" Reyna groaned.

"Oh shit."

Sasuke's hushed exclamation made Naruto glance at him and then back at the object his friend's red eyes were locked on. Thalia's Pine, the source of the protective barrier around the area, stood tall at the top of Halfblood Hill...but it was not proud by a long shot.

"Look at the rot on the bark." Naruto observed as he drew closer. He rushed ahead and began to inspect the pine. He crouched down to the base with an intrigued hum. Naruto pointed at the base and looked to Sasuke. "There, see that?"

"I very much do." Demeter nodded, which got her odd looks from her family.

"What? The dirt?" Sasuke asked, disinterestedly. "C'mon, we have to meet Chiron."

"Not yet. Open your eyes. Observe. Be the sniper you were trained to be,"

"A sniper? Epic!" Ares grinned.

Naruto said. He pointed insistently at the base. "Do you see it?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and crouched down next to his friend. Red eyes scanned the grass and bark, but before he was about to dismiss the scene, he noticed something. "The roots aren't visible."

"Exactly," Naruto said. He put his hand on the bark and easily chipped some away.

"Hey!" Thalia frowned deeply. He pulled away some of her bark! Not cool.

"This pine is rotting, dying as it were, but like all living things, it's trying to prolong its life by sending its roots deeper to get more nutrients. This causes the tree's base to sink into the ground, but the rot is being noticed. Look here, nature's workers are already starting to make a home."

"Fight on, Thalia!" Demeter cheered.

"I lived." The hunter drawled.

"I know, but still, your other is clearing fighting back. Good work!"

Sasuke watched a few ants scurry out of the hole in the tree and frowned. "What does this mean?"

"That things are a lot worse than what you've told me. Frankly, I'm surprised I wasn't brought in the barrier was brought down. It's offensive, actually." Naruto pursed his lips.

"And there's the hubris." Percy muttered. His words got a pout from Annabeth.

"Well, I didn't want to risk you saying no."

The two young men looked up at the sound of the voice. A creature with the body of a white stallion walked up to them. From where his neck would be was a human torso, dressed smartly like a professor, but with a quiver and bow on his back. By the appearance of the man's face he could easily be mistaken for a middle-aged man. He had dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard.

"Chiron," Sasuke said as he stood up.

Chiron gave him a small smile. "Mr. Uchiha."

"He goes by Special Agent Uchiha, actually," Naruto said. He stood and gave the centaur a look from the corner of his eyes before he looked back at the tree. "How long ago did the barrier fall?"

"Right business, not even a hello?" Piper frowned.

"He's working." Annabeth protested.

"Still…"

"A week ago," Chiron said. "The year round campers have been holding their own well enough, but the gods are furious."

"Yes, I'd think Zeus would be rather upset at the poisoning of his daughter's pine," Naruto said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"Mr. Namikaze, cell phones are not allowed-"

"I'm well over your limits of authority, Chiron," Naruto said with a small glare. He looked back at his phone and proceeded to take several pictures with it.

"He just doesn't care about the monsters?" Jason asked.

"More like he can take care of them." Hazel pointed out if his first encounter with a monster was anything to go by.

He pocketed his phone and looked to Sasuke. "You should go talk to some of Demeter's children as well as Mr. D, find out what he's been doing about this."

Sasuke grimaced. "Do I have to?"

"I know, talking to him about anything other than a party is a snore." Apollo shook his head.

Dionysus huffed. "It's not my fault you don't have anything interesting to talk about."

"You're the G-Man, Sasuke," Naruto said. He put a hand on his chest and smirked. "I'm just a consultant."

"I was told you were a private investigator," Chiron said, his brows furrowed.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "A gross understatement. That would imply I dig through trash, stalk people, spy, and plant evidence."

"He so does." Hermes snickered.

Athena glared at Hermes for the comment. "My child would not!"

Sasuke's eyes twinkled and he smirked. "You do all of those things."

"You were saying?" Hermes asked.

Athena hardly looked ruffled. "Well...Perhaps it isn't for cases, but for his employers."

"Right...Apollo, verdict?"

Apollo blinked. "What? I don't know this Naruto. How am I supposed to know if he's telling the truth?"

"Don't you have a god to interrogate?"

Sasuke's smirk fell and he glowered at the blond. "I hate you."

"I'm a consultant, you hating me means I'm doing my job," Naruto said with a smirk. The two's eyes met, both locked in a silent battle of will for several minutes. Naruto's smirk widened slightly and Sasuke growled before he shoved past the blond.

"It's like watching Annabeth and Clarisse." Percy blinked in slight awe. "Just, friendlier."

Annabeth wasn't sure how to process that, so she focused on reading.

Chiron chuckled as Sasuke grumbled under his breath while he walked towards the camp. The centaur turned to Naruto and gave him a small smile. "I cannot express how grateful I am that you came, Naruto. The Camp-"

"I'm not here for the camp, Chiron." Naruto looked the centaur in the eyes, a frown on his face. "You're taking the fall for something that isn't your fault."

"Lord Zeus' anger-"

"Look, I know that'll appease the kiddies in their cabins, but being the noble dying teacher is not going to work. Without you, there is no reason for Camp Half-Blood to exist."

"He's got a point." Apollo nodded along with the rest of the gods. Zeus shifted uncomfortably at that.

Why couldn't people just let things go?

Chiron looked ready to protest, but Naruto held his hand up. "Save it. You died once already for Prometheus. We can't afford you dying again."

Chiron blinked and a smile spread across his face. "...That's certainly the most affectionate thing you've ever said to me."

Naruto rolled his eyes and waved the centaur off. "Affection nothing. It's only logical to keep the best trainer around to ensure the survival of any future progenies of the gods. If anyone should recognize that, it's Zeus. Oath on the Styx be damned."

"Really, why did we blame Chiron?" Hermes asked.

Zeus pointed to Dionysus.

"What?" The wine god asked with a look of offense. "I wasn't going to get more years stacked against me."

"So you blame the one who actually runs it?" Athena mocked him.

Dionysus shrugged. "Better him then me. And I didn't hear him complaining."

"You should watch what you say," Chiron warned as they started to walk into camp. "The gods are-"

"Fallible. Illogical. More human than they would like to admit."

"We are not." Zeus frowned. The demigods coughed a few times at his comment, the gods looked at them as they offered innocent faces.

Naruto chuckled lightly as he slipped his hands into his jacket's pockets. "Hera gets jealous? Artemis hates men? Zeus becomes angry when his daughter is killed, implying he loved her? Ares enjoys slaughter and warfare?"

"Emotions, you know, it's very human." Percy nodded.

The gods looked grumpy at this. They weren't human! They ruled humans! And human emotions!

"What are you saying, Naruto?" Chiron asked, intrigued and a bit unnerved. The sky seemed a bit darker than it was before.

"Don't play dumb, Chiron. You suck at it." Naruto snorted. "The gods have become complacent with their status as hidden, they've assimilated into humanity, even if they try to keep themselves high and mighty, distant from us. Personally, I think it all started when Zeus ate Metis, he let paranoia – fear – overrule his judgment, which as King, should be infallible."

Hermes whistled. "Shots fired!"

Zeus looked stony at this.

Percy nodded. "Guy's got guts, I'll give him that."

The other demigods silently agreed, but also made note that Naruto was making some good points.

"So you believe the gods of Olympus are...human?"

"Why do you insist on having me repeat myself? Yes, the gods today are no better than humanity. In fact, I would daresay their reactivity has made them worse for the planet," Naruto said. The sky rumbled and he rolled his eyes. "From a logical standpoint, I'm not wrong. Zap me if you want, you won't make me change my mind."

"Yes, Zeus, you can't scare everyone's opinion away."

"And you can't make everyone like you by sinking them to the bottom of the sea," the lighting god said to Poseidon.

"Boys, not now." Hestia frowned at them. This Naruto was making a lot of sense to her, and that was frightening.

"You certainly enjoy tempting him," Chiron said.

Naruto reached into his shirt and pulled out a silver necklace of a multi-armed human. "Do you know what this is? This is a representation of an Asura, an anti-god. The Asuras became proud and vain, believing themselves above ancient law and were called evil for their acts.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! What did they do?" Ares asked eagerly.

Their relatives, the Devas, took it upon themselves to keep the Asuras from influencing mankind through endless war."

"Awesome!" Ares cheered.

Hera just cradled her face. Where did she go wrong?

"Very interesting, but why are you wearing a symbol of evil?" Chiron asked.

"It's not evil." Naruto looked at the necklace before he tucked it back into his shirt. "The idea of 'good' and 'evil' are inventions of mankind, created to define what is helpful to survival and what is not. If the Asuras were never labeled as evil, perhaps humanity wouldn't have made it as long as they did. Or, perhaps the Asuras became too involved with the endless war and we never learned their true reason for seeking out information."

"You still didn't tell me why you wear it," Chiron pointed out.

Naruto shrugged and slipped his hands back into his pockets. "The Asuras weren't afraid to investigate what had been deemed holy and forbidden. Granted it was to increase their own power, but they stood together, seeking out answers whereas closed minded Devas remained within the bounds of the laws, afraid to explore."

Athena hummed. She didn't see anything truly wrong with that really. They reminded her a bit of Prometheus, but other than that the Asura sounded similar to herself. She frowned, did that make her evil in the eyes of the followers?

"Ah...The Asura had a desire to expand their knowledge without fear of punishment...they were straightforward and honest with their desires. Basically, they were six-armed, immortal versions of you," Chiron deduced.

Naruto smirked at the centaur. "Of course."

Chiron shook his head and nodded towards a cabin off to the side. "Perhaps you should drop in and say hello?"

"Pass." Naruto grimaced and walked briskly past the grey building with an owl above the door.

"Oh, tension?" Hazel asked.

"Maybe." Annabeth frowned. She didn't like the sound of that.

"C'mon, I want to see Sasuke sweat while he tries to interrogate Mr. D."

"You are a horrible person."

"I'm part human, what did you expect? Besides, I need to get back at him somehow."

"Such a cruel kid you got Athena." Ares chuckled.

"Where do you think she gets it from?" Poseidon added.

Ares nodded. "Point."

Athena did her best to ignore them while her father scowled.

"And furthermore, Mr. Chi-cha, if I so much as hear you insinuate my sons had anything to do with the sudden increase in – Chiron! Finally, would you tell this blasted brat to get out of my face?" A portly man turned away from the annoyed Sasuke to face the centaur as he entered the big house.

"I guess he isn't a fan of cops." Nico sniggered.

"Too many DUI's." Hermes winked at the boy as Dionysus purpled in the face.

His eyes landed on the blond that was looking around the living room. "You?"

Naruto lifted his hand up in greeting with a hapless smile on his face. "Hello, Mr. D. Sasuke, did you get anything from him?"

"I told him I was investigating on behalf of the FBI and he went all psycho-paranoid on me," Sasuke said with a glower. He walked over to Naruto and punched him in the shoulder. "That was for sending me to the wolves–"

"Do I look like Artemis to you, Sanjay?"

"You dick." Sasuke finished despite Mr. D's interruption.

Percy agreed, you just had to ignore the god. He tried to do that every time.

Naruto just continued to smile while he rubbed his arm. "This is why you run cases by me before you put me in your car."

"I had a warrant for you to come with me!"

"Written and authorized by your mother," Naruto said as he reached into his back pocket and unfolded the paper. He hummed as he pretended to look at it closely. "She also wants me to convince you to pick a date for your wedding."

Sasuke's nostrils flared and he snatched the paper out of Naruto's hands. His red eyes scanned the words before his cheeks began to match his eyes. He crumpled the warrant in his hand and stormed out, grumbling under his breath as he did.

Athena let out a pleased sigh. It was always nice to see her children put Ares' in their place.

Naruto watched him leave before he turned back to the two heads of the camp with a wide smile on his face. "I love doing that."

"Hm, not bad. You seem to have gotten more tolerable," Mr. D said as he made a can of Diet Coke appear out of thin air.

"Like I said, I'm warming up to the boy." Mr. D smirked.

"Why are you back?"

Naruto glanced at Chiron and then looked back at Mr. D. "It's a favor."

"Hm...Shrewd, Chiron. Very shrewd," Mr. D said with a smirk. He plopped down in a chair and relaxed. "So, are you going to try and beg me to let Chiron stay? You'd be the...fourth returnee to do so. I had the other three scampering off to the woods after I turned them into sniveling weasels. Had to change them back, though...I wonder how Athena will react to you being a new barn owl."

"I would be very displeased." Athena glared at the god of wine.

"Oh well, worth a shot." Dionysus shrugged.

"Mr. D!" Chiron gave the god a disappointing frown.

Mr. D rolled his eyes and held up two fingers. "You have two minutes."

"You enjoy this far too much." Apollo muttered.

Dionysus grinned. "I truly do."

Naruto looked at Chiron, who shrugged, and then looked back to Mr. D, his hands folded. "Very well, I'll be blunt then. The poisoning wasn't Chiron's fault."

Mr. D arched a brow. "That was quick. And how are you so sure?"

"Chiron was most likely within the Big House or the barrier when it went down," Naruto said. "The barrier source was pierced by celestial metal, a bronze blade to be precise. Easily obtainable here...or at any grown demigod's home. The poisoner never went into the camp, they didn't have to. He or she was familiar with the source of the defensive barrier."

Percy and Annabeth frowned at this and remembered Silena. It just wasn't fair that she died, but at least she was with Beckendorf now.

"Monsters are too dumb to sniff around, Mr. D wards them off," Chiron said, his arms crossed. "So how would they know the security?"

"You say that like humans can't be monsters as well," Naruto pointed out.

"Spot on," Athena nodded as Aphrodite frowned at this.

"My baby was not a monster!"

"She let a man twist her for his needs." Artemis countered, earning a hurt and hateful look from Aphrodite.

"Score one for the brain baby," Mr. D said with a smirk. He took a sip of his Diet Coke.

"Thank you." Naruto nodded to the god and then crossed his arms. "I believe our poisoner had an informant."

"A traitor? Hm, perhaps I can persuade their parent to let me punish them," Dionysus said with a smirk.

"Uh, no." Aphrodite glared at Dionysus.

Dionysus sighed. "I never to get to do anything fun."

"What if it was Castor or Pollux?" Naruto asked. He didn't flinch as Mr. D glared at him, but he did shrug. "It's possible. Being with daddy for every day of the year while he spouts hate at demigods, causing confusion when he shows them love."

Dionysus frowned. "I take it back, I don't like him."

"I don't like your insinuations, Mr. Name Kanji," Mr. D said with a warning tone.

"I'm just giving a plausible motive, Mr. D, I wasn't stating the facts." Naruto placated. "I'm sure the twins haven't done anything more than simple breaking and entering while on their vacations to visit their maternal grandmother."

"How does he know that?" Leo asked.

"He knows many things." Frank told him.

"He even knows how many squares of toilet paper you use," Piper added with a smirk.

"That's scary." Leo frowned. "And weird."

"...Are you stalking my sons?" Mr. D's face started to turn purple.

"The point, Mr. D, is that any camper of all cabins is a suspect." Naruto elaborated. That seemed to calm the god as his face returned to normal. "Now, Sasuke told me there was an incident last summer?"

Mr. D huffed and looked at Chiron. "Was there?"

Percy rolled his eyes. That was typical Mr. D for you.

"Yes, Mr. D." Chiron sighed. "Before he left, Percy Jackson –"

"Son of Poseidon, aged twelve, son of Sally Jackson, a woman who works at Sweet on America and attends nightly college classes. Recently, she came into some money when a likeness of her missing husband Gabe Ugliano was sold. She's notably well-known and liked by her co-workers and loves her son." Naruto interrupted.

"…I feel uncomfortable now." Percy admitted.

"Same." Poseidon frowned.

The two older men stared at him and Naruto shrugged. "Missing persons case, I was intrigued. I might have lost some very sensitive information on the case though. After all, who cares about what happens to a gambling addict that drinks cheap alcohol and abuses his wife?"

Percy and Poseidon gained stormy looks at the reminder.

Annabeth sighed as she read between the lines. "He figured out what happened to Gabe, but let your mom get away with it."

Percy's stormy look brightened. "I like this Naruto."

"Two in one century, Athena is on a roll." Poseidon agreed.

"...Well, despite your rude assumption about my sons, I think I'm starting to like you," Mr. D said with a wry smirk. He sat back and looked at his can of Diet Coke. "I'm sure Poseidon will be very grateful that Ms. Jackson won't be bothered by this Gabe fellow anymore. Aphrodite says he still loves the woman."

"Honestly Poseidon." Hera shook her head as the sea god looked flustered.

Naruto gave Chiron an "I told you so" look.

Chiron ignored the look and continued. "Yes, well, Percy Jackson was attacked and poisoned by one of the former counselors."

"Former counselor? What cabin?" Naruto asked.

"Lincoln Cat Scan," Mr. D said with a nod.

"They scanned Lincoln's brain?" Apollo looked interested at this.

Hermes laughed dryly. "Funny, dude."

"Yeah, I'm awesome." Apollo agreed as he missed the sarcasm.

"Luke Castellan." Chiron corrected with a shake of his head.

"That's what I said."

Naruto rubbed his chin and began to pace. "Really? ...Interesting. He's gone, then?"

"Yes, Percy was poisoned by a pit scorpion and decided–"

"No, no, I don't care about him." Naruto waved off the centaur. "Luke Castellan...I knew something was wrong with him after his quest. I knew. I should've jumped on it then. Perhaps then I wouldn't have gotten that letter."

"So, he was sending out party invites?" Leo cocked his head.

"Yeah, for the worse cruise ever." Percy nodded.

"The Titanic was the worst cruise, Percy." Poseidon corrected.

"Luke's boat blew up." Percy muttered, that was worse than hitting an iceberg.

"Letter?" Chiron asked.

Naruto looked up. "You mean, you haven't heard?"

Chiron frowned. "Heard what?"

"Spit it out so I can shoo you away!" Mr. D demanded.

Naruto hummed and went to the wall of the Big House and stared at a picture of a blond boy, a blonde girl, and a satyr seated next to the poisoned tree. "Someone is recruiting demigods for an army." He looked at Chiron and Mr. D before he turned back to the picture, focusing on the smiling boy. "And I think I know who it is."

"Well, don't leave us in suspense," Thalia said grumpily.

"This makes no sense at all," Chiron said as he followed Naruto out of the Big House. "I mean, I know Luke Castellan. He was happy! He loved camp!"

"Uh, Herm's kids are good at lying." Apollo pointed out.

"Dude," Hermes glared at his brother.

"Just saying the truth!"

"He's a son of Hermes, lying is in the blood,"

"See? Smart Naruto agrees with me."

Hermes slumped at that.

Naruto said as he made his way towards the cabin of the god in question. "Are you telling me you didn't believe Percy Jackson?"

Chiron looked slightly ashamed. "Well...I hoped it to be a practical joke gone wrong. You know how some children of Hermes get."

"I'm pretty sure I said what Luke told me." Percy frowned.

"Chiron just wishes it was all a lie, Percy. Can you blame him?" Thalia asked.

Percy sighed. "I guess I can't."

"Point taken. However, you let your fondness of the 'experienced' demigod cloud your judgment. What is it with Greek judgment being so easily misled?"

"Zeus? Any thoughts?" Hades asked in a mock serious tone.

"To the Pit with you, Hades."

"I'm already its neighbor." The underworld king shrugged.

Naruto asked with a frown, pursing his lips and wondering if he'd made similar mistakes.

"Please, Naruto, watch your words," Chiron said with a sigh. He looked at his watch. "I have to go, I have an archery class to teach."

Naruto stopped and looked at the centaur. "Chiron, I'm not blaming you for this. You shouldn't either. Luke was very charismatic when I knew him, I can only assume that it grew along with him. He talked me into helping him cheat on one of your history tests once."

"Slick." Hermes whistled with praise as Athena frowned.

"...I always wondered why he got that A plus..." Chiron frowned. He sighed and shook his head. "Well, if I wasn't going to be fired before, I certainly am now. Only this time, Poseidon will be backing his brother's decision."

"I wouldn't do that." Poseidon frowned.

Naruto frowned. "You're afraid of losing this job? Speak up for yourself, Zeus will listen to you if you explain yourself."

"Oh, we've tried, but it never really works out." Apollo grimaced.

"You needed to be punished," Zeus huffed.

Hera gained a sour look at that.

"And let his wrath fall on these campers? On a boy that is misguided? No, Naruto...I won't let that happen. Even if I am afraid of the outcome." Chiron said firmly.

"That's Chiron, worrying more for the brats." Dionysus sighed and sipped his soda. "Such a waste."

"Fear is a necessary evil Pandora released on Man. It is said that the gods released it to curse mankind, to punish them." Naruto turned and resumed his trek towards Hermes' Cabin. "I believe it was done to ensure they survived, by any means necessary."

"Fear makes us human, it lets us live." Nico nodded.

Jason grinned. "This coming from Mr. Spooky himself."

"I'll haunt you, Grace. I swear." Nico glared at the son of Jupiter, but there was no heat behind it.

"...Thank you for your words of support, Mr. Namikaze." Chiron nodded and turned to go to his lesson.

Naruto looked up at the cabin. It hadn't change since his last time at camp, which didn't bode well for the occupants within. He was annoyed by the sounds of chatter that he could hear from outside and sighed. Naruto knocked on the cabin door. "Counselor, I'm here on request from Chiron. Open up."

The chatter got louder, which made Naruto shift slightly in annoyance. He looked up, counted down from ten, and then knocked on the door. "I'm only going to ask one more time, please open the door!"

"Hermes cabin." The Camp Half-Blood campers (Nico and Thalia included) said.

Hermes palmed his face. "Oh this is going to suck."

"Big time." Ares snickered. He leaned forward. "I can't wait."

The noise amazingly got louder and Naruto looked up at the sky. "Hermes, I hope you realize that while I do condone lying, I don't condone poisoning. So..." He kicked the cabin door open and all noise stopped. Kids, a good few mischievously grinning at him, looked from all bunks. Naruto arched a brow. "Oh, it's all fun and games until you're obstructing justice. I'm with the FBI."

"Yeah right," one kid said with a disbelieving snort, turning back to his card game. "Hit me."

"They are so going to get owned." Percy snickered. He loved Cabin Eleven, but they could be a bit much with their pranks.

"He's not lying!" Naruto looked over at Sasuke as he walked up the cabin steps. Sasuke gave Naruto a frown. "What have I said about kicking down doors?"

"It's fun and to let you do it?" Naruto returned. Sasuke continued to frown and Naruto rolled his eyes before he pointed into the cabin. "Show them the badge."

Sasuke reached into his jacket and pulled out his badge, letting it fall open. That made all the grins fall.

"Oh no, not Juvie again!"

"That's not funny." Hermes frowned at the laughing Leo.

Two identical teenage boys' eyes widened considerably and they rushed the door. Naruto and Sasuke stopped them by holding their arms out, making them grunt and fall to the ground. Naruto and Sasuke kept them pinned with their feet on the boys' chests.

"Now that's teamwork." Jason whistled in praise. "They moved wordlessly and in practiced sync."

"Very effective." Reyna nodded.

"Almost Super Effective?" Leo asked.

"No." Reyna told him.

Leo frowned. "…At least play along…"

"We didn't do it!" One of the boys cried out.

"It was just one radio!" The other exclaimed.

"Maybe some CDs!"

"It was only a few hundred dollars!"

"Conner was the one who came up with the idea!"

"Travis was the one who picked the lock!"

Hermes just cradled his face in embarrassment. "Oh, they're idiots."

"Yep." Ares grinned.

"You're not one to talk." Hermes muttered.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Sasuke asked.

The two teenagers looked at each other and then back at the older men. The one that first spoke gave Naruto and Sasuke a suspicious look. "You're not here about the apartment break in on Twenty-Fourth Street?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke. "I told you that was a two man job."

"Oh Us, kill me," Hermes said in pure shame. His kids were supposed to be slick!

"Wow, didn't know they could cave so quickly." Piper said in surprise.

"Shut up, Naruto." Sasuke rolled his eyes. He looked at the two. "So, who are you supposed to be?"

The one with a loose mouth was shut up by the other's hand. "We know our rights! We don't have to talk to you if we don't want to or without a lawyer."

"We're not here to arrest anyone," Naruto said. Sasuke frowned at him and he shrugged. "Honor amongst thieves, it's only logical to let them know that we're here for information only."

"Information?" That made the one teen covering the other's mouth asked. "What do we get out of it?"

"How about not getting arrested for admitting to breaking and entering, theft, and assaulting a federal agent?" Sasuke asked.

"We didn't admit to anything!"

"…Wow Herm, just…wow." Apollo laughed.

"Shut up." Hermes said bitterly.

"You alluded to breaking into the apartment." Naruto pointed out. He looked at the other kids, who were watching the scene with interest and then back down at the two. "And you admitted to stealing one radio, several CDs, money...who knows what else?"

"What about assaulting a federal agent?" the boy asked with a frown.

Sasuke looked to Naruto as he held his arm and rolled his shoulder. "I don't know, Naruto, do you think it was dislocated?"

Hermes pointed at the image accusingly. "That is abuse of the law!"

"I see nothing wrong with it." Zeus rumbled.

"So says the god of justice!" Ares grinned. "Suck it, Speed Stick."

Hermes was horrified that his father was taking Ares side.

"Could've been, but I'm not a osteologist." Naruto shrugged. "Never found it interesting."

Sasuke tilted his head. "I thought you liked Bones."

"I love Bones." Annabeth gave a small gushing grin.

"Me too." Nico smiled.

They looked at each other. "Marathon? Heck yeah!"

"Oh great." Percy muttered to himself. He was so going to be sucked into watching that show. He shuddered. Those remains were so...wrong.

"The murders are interesting, the science of bone study is not. And besides..." Naruto shrugged again. "Emily Deschanel is hot."

Sasuke nodded. "That's true."

"...Okay, we'll talk...Can we get up now?"

"Not yet. Names. Don't play with me either." Sasuke's red eyes glared into the boys' blue ones. "...Well?"

"I'm Travis Stoll, and this is my brother Conner," Travis said as he pulled his hand off of Conner's mouth.

"For the record, Travis ran into you."

"Aw, selling each other out. Classic brotherly fun." Apollo smiled.

Ares glared at him. He was still taking the blame for key scratching Zeus' chariot. Nike was psycho about that.

"Dude!"

"What? I'm not taking the fall for you."

"Oh, so glad to see how much I'm loved. My own brother, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Boys?" Sasuke had them looking back up at him. "About that information?"

"What do you want to know?" Conner asked. He looked at the sandal on his foot and looked up at Naruto. "Wow, pedicure much?"

Ares busted a gut at that as Athena glared at him. "There is nothing wrong with well-groomed feet."

"Yeah, just girly is all." Ares snorted.

"Girls like a man who can groom nicely." Aphrodite smirked to her boyfriend. This made him stop laughing.

"I got Jason to do it," Piper said with a nod.

"Piper!" Jason hissed with a red face as his guy friends looked at him. Jason shifted before he admitted. "It was very nice."

"Oh gods, Jason." Thalia shook her head, unsure whether to laugh or cry.

"Good hygiene goes a long way." Naruto lifted his foot off of the boy and Sasuke did the same for his Stoll. "Tell us about Luke Castellan."

"Why?" Travis asked, both boys still intimidated by the FBI agent.

"We think he may have something to do with the barrier being down," Naruto said.

"Hey, whoa, Luke's not be blood, but he's still a brother. You've got to up the ante a bit to make us talk," Conner said. He gasped as the foot slammed back down on his chest. Hard. A few kids made to get up, but Sasuke deterred them by opening his jacket and showing the uncapped nine millimeter strapped to his hip.

"Might not be a sword, but still ...guns are scary." Ares smiled.

"Why don't we use guns?" Percy asked.

"Because minors with guns are apparently bad!" Ares threw his arms in the air. "Give a teen a sword, or spear or something lame like a bow and arrow and that's fine! But a gun? No!"

Conner gasped again when Naruto started to grind his heel into his chest. "Point taken! Please get off!"

"I knew you'd see it my way," Naruto said as he lifted his foot off of Conner's chest once more. "When's the last time you saw Luke?"

"Last summer?" Travis looked at Conner, who nodded in agreement. They looked back up at the older demigods. "Yeah, he's been off the radar since then. We got a letter, but it didn't mean anything. Just invited us to a yacht he...found."

"The Princess Andromeda." Percy frowned at the nightmare cruise.

"Found? Right...Where was this yacht?" Sasuke asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a notebook and pen.

"Uh, our letter said to go to the coast of South Carolina," Conner said. He and Travis got off the ground. "Anything else?"

"Who was Luke particularly close to?" Naruto asked. "Anyone he spoke with a lot? Girlfriends? Boyfriends?"

"That one would have made a little Annabeth cry." Aphrodite tittered as Annabeth flustered.

"I wouldn't have." Thalia frowned.

"Of course not." The love goddess rolled her eyes at the girl's denial. What a waste.

Travis and Conner curled their upper lips along with many other boys in the room. Even Sasuke gave Naruto an odd look. Naruto looked around and arched a brow.

"What? The Greeks have been practicing same-gender intercourse well since time began. Apollo and Zephyrus are two well-known practitioners from the pantheon, so I don't see why it wouldn't be prudent to ask," Naruto said.

"Amen." Nico nodded. Apollo gave a thumbs up in approval to this.

"...O...Kay...I stopped understanding after intercourse." Travis admitted. He gave Naruto an odd look before he looked at Sasuke. "I don't know about any girlfriends, but he talked to Annabeth Chase a lot, and I think Silena Beauregard had a crush on him."

"What? Oh, man, not Silena," Conner groaned. "Figures, pretty boys get all the chicks."

Sasuke smirked as he wrote down the names. "Yeah, yeah we do."

Apollo snorted. "First pretty boy Ares ever had."

"He's got the more rough handsome types." Aphrodite nodded in agreement.

"Once in a blue moon." The war god shrugged.

"And a lot of guys." Naruto smirked at the glare Sasuke gave him. "What?"

Travis and Conner took a step back from the special agent, who continued to glare at his consultant and friend.

"...I hate you so much."

Naruto shrugged. "Whatever." He looked at the twins. "So, what cabin?"

"Annabeth's–"

Naruto held a hand up. "I know that one. Where's Silena?"

"Interrogation time." Artemis smiled.

"Oh, a steamy one?" Aphrodite thought out loud.

"Ugh, really?"

"They are hot scenes." The love goddess informed. "Plus, roll play is fun!"

"...Too much, Mom." Piper gagged.

"...How do you know Annabeth but not Silena?" Conner asked as he gave Naruto a look like he had just sprouted another head. "Seriously? When did you come here?"

"Stopped coming to camp when I was sixteen."

"...How old are you?"

"Early twenties obviously." Athena rolled her eyes.

"Beauregard. Location. Give it." Sasuke grunted.

"Cabin Ten. She's the counselor, can't miss her," Travis said.

"Thank you." Naruto turned and stuffed his hands in his pockets, prepared to leave. After Sasuke stepped out, Naruto stopped and turned back to the twins. "Oh, and...you might want to get the door hinges fixed."

Naruto grunted as he and Sasuke walked to the pink cabin across the way. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Sasuke asked.

"Thinking. It's loud and annoying."

"Yeah, we can see the steam coming out of ears." Percy grinned.

"Funny, the same happens to you." Annabeth pointed out teasingly as she turned the page.

Percy pouted. "Hurtful…"

"You're not concerned about speaking to her?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Seems there is some tension is in the air." Hazel hummed. The plot thickens!

"I met my cabin's new counselor. Clarisse. Tough girl, worked hard putting watch shifts together. Could be a good Ranger if she ever went into the service," Sasuke said. "It helps to get to know the next generation–"

"My mother's head counselor is nearly half my age and has only obtained that right because of her so-called experience." Naruto interrupted with a grimace on his face. "She's smart, I will admit that, and she either got very lucky or divine intervention to bring her to her group.

Athena frowned while Annabeth flushed as it was true.

She's also extremely proud. Her Fatal Flaw is undoubtedly hubris. She refuses to listen to reason, even when she knows it's the smartest thing to do, because of some sense of morality."

"…Shots fired."

"Leo!" Annabeth glared a she continued to read in a grumpy mood. Stupid older brother...She could listen to advice when she was younger!

"Don't you have morals you live by?" Sasuke asked.

"That's different. She is a child and refuses the advice of someone older, who has seen the world for what it is," Naruto said. He shook his head as they approached the cabin of Aphrodite's children. "Annabeth Chase may be smart when it comes to the world of Greek demigods, but she is an utter fool when it comes to the real world."

"Slap to the face!" Ares laughed as Annabeth looked both embarrassed and angry.

"The young man makes a surprising amount of good sense." Hera nodded in agreement.

"Of course you would say that." Athena noted scathingly.

"It's not my fault your children are overly proud, Athena, to the point where they make mistakes."

The wisdom goddess glared at her step-mother for her words.

"Depends on your definition of the real world," Sasuke said.

Naruto stopped them and turned to face Sasuke, a glare locked on the Federal agent. "It's not humanity that's hiding its existence."

"…Wow, burn." Percy whistled as the gods looked angry at that one.

Sasuke nodded in understanding to that. "Yeah, but she's a kid. You can't fault her for taking things at face value."

"No, but I can fault her for letting her get in the way of her own judgment," Naruto said. They resumed walking to the cabin, going up the steps. "If we go to her and tell her that her friend, an older attractive boy that has not really done anything to her, is a suspect in poisoning Thalia's Pine..."

Annabeth was pink at how narrow minded Naruto was making her sound. She was not that bad!

"...I see your point," Sasuke said. He lifted his hand up and knocked gently on the door. "FBI! Open up!"

The door was pulled open and a beautiful teenage girl with curled brown hair stepped into view, dressed in short jeans and a modified camp shirt to be a sleeveless tank-top. "Ugh, Marcus if you say Female Body Inspector, I'm going to kick your-oh!"

Sasuke gave a small charming grin. "Hi there." He held up his badge. "FBI."

"...Oh, wow, that's a real badge." She leaned against the door and smiled at Sasuke. "I'm Amber. Can I do anything to help you, Agent...?"

"Girls love a man in uniform," Aphrodite whistled.

"She's so forward," Piper sighed.

Sasuke smiled back and lifted his left hand, revealing a gold band. "Engaged. I'm here on business, for Chiron."

"Oh," Amber said with a blink. She sighed. "...Silena's at the stables if you want to talk to her. The others are out doing activities, I'm here because I have some summer homework that Chiron wants done."

"…We have summer homework?!" Percy gasped.

"If you're a year rounder, yeah." Annabeth nodded.

"Horrible." Percy shuddered.

"Thanks," Sasuke turned and walked away. He noticed a lack of footsteps and stopped. Sasuke turned around to see Naruto still on the porch. "Are you coming, or what?"

"You go ahead and get some answers. I think I'll stay here and get to know...Amber?" Naruto asked with a small smile. Amber twirled her hair around her finger and smiled back as she gave him a once over. Her smile widened slightly.

"Mm, smart boys~"

"She best not." Athena glared at the love goddess.

Aphrodite's smile just widened.

Sasuke blinked in shock. "Are you serious? You're flirting now? After all the blind dates your stepmother and I've set up that you turned down?"

Naruto tilted his head and looked up before he looked back at Sasuke. "Yep."

"Unbelievable." Sasuke rubbed his head. "Don't you want to interrogate her?"

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Probably much better without me." Naruto waved his friend off. Sasuke shook his head in disbelief and walked off, which made Naruto chuckle.

Naruto turned back just as Amber adjusted her shirt collar to expose more of her cleavage slightly and her eyes flickered to Naruto's. A smile spread across her face. "Do you have a badge, too?"

"Because I'm sure what she's doing would get her arrested." Piper frowned.

"Piper, sweetie, you are such a little prude. Live a little!" Aphrodite whined like a five year old.

"Maybe when I'm older." The Charmspeaker huffed.

Jason suddenly grew wary and excited all at once for time to pass.

"No. I'm just a consultant. Are you the only one in your cabin?" Naruto asked.

Amber's grin grew. "Yeah. Why? Wanna do something illegal?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yes he can."

"Aphrodite!" Hestia frowned at the giggling goddess.

"Sure thing, cutie."

"Good, I really didn't want to knock you out." Naruto walked in and brushed past the surprised girl as he entered the cabin. Naruto began to inspect the beds with a critical eye. "Besides, it's statutory rape if I slept with you. I'm twenty-two and you're what? Sixteen?"

"See, early twenties." Athena smiled. Besides, her son was too good for a strumpet.

"Huzzah! Athena is right. Again," Poseidon rolled his eyes. "For the first time."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Can we please listen to the story?" Hestia asked. The rivals went quiet, but exchanged glares.

"I'm seventeen. What do you mean knock me out?" Amber asked with her hands on her hips.

"Well, if you didn't give me permission to enter I'd have to first give a big apology to Aphrodite and then proceed to strike you in the throat, cutting your air flow and follow with a hard punch to the diaphragm in order to get in." Naruto hummed as he picked up a rather lacy pair of underwear between his fingers. "Seventeen, huh? Why aren't you counselor then?"

"So, Piper-"

"Shut up, Annabeth. I don't wear those." Piper glared at the blonde with a red face. She wouldn't wear something like that! It was too embarrassing!

"Poor Jason." Aphrodite sighed.

"Mom!"

Amber stormed over to him and snatched the underwear from his grasp. "First of all, don't touch my underwear!"

"...Okay, that image was admittedly very hot."

Aphrodite purred. "Oh, so he likes the angry types?"

"Stop it. Now." Athena glared at the love goddess.

Aphrodite tittered. "Never."

"Secondly, Aphrodite chooses her children gifted with charmspeak to lead the cabin." Amber shoved her underwear in his face menacingly. "And finally, what was with all that stuff you said to the hot FBI guy?"

Hazel blushed furiously. "…Why is she shoving it in his face?"

"I…don't know." Frank admitted.

"Perhaps it is a way to start a courtship?" Reyna jested with a smirk.

"No." Piper frowned.

"I didn't want him to get all 'legally ethical' on me while I searched for evidence that could implicate one of the people who reside in this cabin," Naruto said. While Amber continued to glare at him, Naruto blinked for a moment before he had an epiphany. "...Oh, you're wondering why I alluded to wanting to sleep with you and yet chose not to. Well, aside from the desire to not be labeled as a rapist, I'm more of a redhead kind of guy."

"Well, at least he has a type." Annabeth muttered.

"Too bad for tree Thalia."

Thalia glared at Percy. "Shut up."

Jason shook his head. "I'm never going to be an uncle..."

"Jason!"

Amber blinked. "Oh...That's...reasonable. Wait, you're not attracted to me?"

"Oh, I am. I'm just more into redheads." Naruto shrugged. Amber frowned and stormed past Naruto into the cabin's washroom. Naruto watched the door slam shut and he tilted his head. "What'd I say?"

"All the wrong things," Piper shook her head. Or were they the right things in this case?

Naruto shook his head and walked around the cabin, searching bunks without any care for privacy. He pulled pictures of attractive men and women off of the wall. Minutes flew by as he flipped the cabin twice, tearing it down and then putting everything back the way was to see if he missed anything. The only room untouched was the washroom.

"Wow, thorough." Leo whistled.

"He could beat Cohort inspection." Frank whistled.

"Hey, Amber, can I come in and look around?" Naruto asked as he knocked on the door. He furrowed his brow and knocked again. "Amber?"

The door flew open and Naruto took a step back out of mild surprise. Amber smirked at him and leaned against the doorway. Her brown hair now a slightly wet and dark red.

"Dyed red hair is sexy." Leo gave a low whistle.

"Calypso." Piper reminded him of his girlfriend.

Leo grinned and nodded. "Yeah, she'd look amazing as a red head."

"So," she began with a coy grin. "Am I attractive now?"

Naruto slowly nodded. "...Very much so."

"Smart answer." Amber grabbed the edges of Naruto's jacket and pulled him into the washroom. The door slammed shut behind him.

"And thus, they banged everywhere…even the kids' beds." Ares narrated.

Athena's mouth opened and closed as she failed to find a proper retort.

"Nice fish face!" Poseidon whispered to her. He grinned at her flush and glare.

"Oh gods, what else has gone on in the cabin?" A red faced Piper feared.

Annabeth decided to continue quickly.

Sasuke leaned against his car with his arms crossed over his chest and looked at his watch. It was three-forty, two hours since he had spoken with Silena and other demigods about Luke. He'd been given a letter from one of his brothers, and of course now that he had a precise location, Naruto was skipping out for a booty call.

"A fine booty indeed." Leo nodded.

Piper just smacked him in the arm.

"Ow!"

"Learn anything interesting?"

Speak of the devil. Sasuke turned and glared at his friend. "An underage girl? Really?"

"She's seventeen and two months." Naruto shrugged. "Legal by that age."

"Both Rhode Island and New York law says that's okay." Apollo grinned like an idiot. He was so proud of Athuto (Athena Naruto) right now.

"...She was a brunette!" Sasuke gaped at the blond as he walked past and got in the car.

"Yes. Yes she was," Naruto said with a smile.

"But now? Red is her color." Aphrodite smiled playfully.

"Mom, please stop." Piper whined.

He opened the door. "You texted that you had a lead?"

"...But she wasn't a redhead!"

"You're right, she wasn't. Not naturally."

Sasuke stared at Naruto. "But...But...She's...All those dates Kushina and I set up. The girls Kushina assaulted to dye their hair and I bribed!"

"Wow, he's got a hell load of standards." Nico blinked.

"That does sound a bit extensive." Jason frowned.

Aphrodite grinned. "I'm proud of this Kushina, going so far to ensure her stepson is happy!"

"Not-Ninja Waifu is like Sexy Ninja Waifu with my other kids!" Apollo grinned, even after Artemis hit him.

Zeus looked at Hera, who glared back at him.

"I wondered how you got that Sandi chick to agree to go out. She was a very smart woman and her studies on biological enhancements were fascinating. I felt so bad that she left her tests to meet me," Naruto said. He got in the car and sat down, looking at the passenger mirror. Naruto frowned and rubbed at the red lipstick on the side of his mouth. "I walked through the camp and no one said anything? Seriously? Not cool."

"Too busy laughing." Percy grinned.

Leo snorted. "Or being jealous."

"...I'm going to kill you." Sasuke decided as he got in the car. "And then cover it up."

"Uh-huh. So where's the boat?"

"They'll never find your body."

"I find that highly unlikely."

"I'll scatter your remains across the country."

"Oh, that's a good one," Ares said and made a quick note of it.

"Right."

"Lock the tools I used in federal stores and classify the shit out of it."

"Huh, so Feds do know the best way to murder." Nico hummed in thought with a rub of his chin.

Hazel looked at him. "No."

"What? I'm just thinking."

"And that's what scares me."

"Just drive, Sasuke."

"I hate you so much, Naruto."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Where is it we're going, anyway?"

"You? After this, your body is going six feet under." Sasuke growled at Naruto's chuckle. He pulled back and turned the car around. "But now? We're going to the docks. Tip from my cabin, and confirmed by some guys back in the city. We're heading to Port Jeff."

"Guess they haven't gone looking for the Fleece yet." Percy commented.

Annabeth shook her head. "They didn't until you gave us the coordinates."

"You said to." Percy told his girlfriend.

"Yeah, it's not like we knew there were spies." Thalia pointed out.

"…Sadly true." Annabeth conceded.

"Wake up." A hard punch to the shoulder jostled Naruto from his dreamless, but welcomed sleep. Naruto blearily turned and glared at Sasuke, his hand going to the punched arm and rubbing it soothingly.

"Who taught you how to wake people up?" Naruto asked. He undid his seatbelt and yawned as he got out of the car. Naruto covered his mouth with his fist and shielded his eyes from the setting sun. "Damn...how long was I asleep?"

"Two. Hours." Sasuke grunted as he slammed his door shut. He glared at Naruto. "And you conked out before we even hit traffic."

"Oh that is just the worst!" Apollo whined.

"You fly the embodiment of the sun." Percy told him.

"I still have to deal with planes!" The sun god looked at Zeus with a frown. "I've had a few close calls because you never tell me to avoid stuff!"

"Helps improve your awareness." Zeus retorted smartly.

"Never been able to stay awake in moving transportation. A result of a single father going to drastic measures to make his wailing infant sleep." Naruto droned. He shuddered. "If I'm to keep my sanity, I'm never going to have children."

"He's a genius." Zeus said dryly, which got him hurt looks from all of his children.

Hera scoffed. "That must make you an utter fool."

"Ah, but he's your fool, Hera." Aphrodite grinned at the couple.

Sasuke cuffed him upside the head. "Don't even start. If I have to get married, you have to have children."

"Ugh, last I checked that's not how it happens." Frank surmised.

"It's in the bro-code," Leo said factually.

Frank furrowed his brow. "No…I don't think it is."

"Well, it's in the Bro-Bible!"

Jason blinked. "There's a Bro-Bible?!"

"You have to get married to your fiancé first." Naruto grinned as he rubbed his head, his eyes squinted from the sunlight.

Sasuke glared at him and pulled out a pair of sunglasses to put on. He pulled out another pair and held them out to Naruto.

"Oh!" Naruto blinked and reached for the glasses. "Thanks."

Sasuke pulled the sunglasses away from Naruto's hand and tossed them out into the water. Sasuke then walked off towards the docked ship like he had not just done that.

Ares started a slow clap and smiled widely. "That's my boy."

"Dick." Leo muttered.

"A bit rude, but Naruto's comment didn't help himself." Reyna observed.

Naruto stared after the FBI agent in disbelief. "...That was completely uncalled for!" Naruto looked back at where the sunglasses were thrown before he followed after his irate friend. "So unprofessional."

Naruto caught up to Sasuke, despite having the sunset blinding him, and scowled at him. Sasuke arched a brow, his red eyes concealed by his sunglasses, but Naruto knew that amusement resided in them. The ass.

"The biggest!" Apollo cheered like a slogan.

"Excuse me, sirs, but this is a private dock, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A security guard put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder as he started to walk past.

Naruto winced. "Oh, you shouldn't have done that. He's in a bad mood. His father's blood shows–"

Sasuke grabbed the hand, twisted the arm and drove the guard to the ground in one fell swoop.

Ares whooped. "Yeah, violence!"

"Wow, he just pulled that off like it was nothing." Frank praised.

"When he's mad." Naruto shook his head and shrugged. "I tried to warn you."

With some light strain, the shoulder dislocated and the security guard cried out. Other guards rushed forward, but stopped when Sasuke lifted up his badge.

"FBI. Try me." Sasuke lowered his sunglasses and glared at the men with burning red eyes. The security guards backed off and went back to their posts while Sasuke pushed his sunglasses back up. "I thought so."

"That has to be so useful." Leo pouted, but soon grinned.

"Leo, if you forge a badge…" Piper trailed off.

"Who says I'll forge it?" Leo asked innocently.

"Wow, what happened while I was asleep?" Naruto asked. "Did your mom call you?"

Sasuke ignored him and walked onto the cruise ship, flashing his badge at people he passed. Naruto pursed his lips as he followed.

"Did your dad call?" Sasuke stopped and looked at him, bewildered.

"Punk, kick the loser in your car out while driving," Ares said with a phone motion of his hand to his ear.

"No." Athena copied the action just to mock him.

Ares scowled at her. "You suck."

"Last I checked, you did that on the weekends."

Ares glared at Athena while Hephaestus burst into laughter.

Naruto shrugged. "It could happen. You were one of the best snipers in the world, in the top ten. Ares would like more deaths to occur in war-like acts.

Ares nodded to this, but was loving that his kid was such a good sniper. Suck it Apollo!

It's only logical-"

"Let me stop you right there," Sasuke said. "First of all, Ares and logic, not a combo. Period. Never going to be a thing. Understand?"

"Roger." Everyone but Ares nodded.

"You guys suck!"

Naruto tilted his head in thought. He then nodded. "That sounds logical."

"And secondly," Sasuke said and poked Naruto roughly in the chest. "I'm still one of the best snipers in the world. Don't say it in past tense."

"Maybe." Apollo huffed.

"Jealous?" Ares sneered.

"You're still stingy that my kid was Hathcock."

That shut up the war god.

Sasuke turned and walked away without another word. Naruto arched a brow as he watched his friend walk off. "Stingy bastard."

"I can hear you!" Sasuke called over his shoulder.

Naruto furrowed his brow and followed after the federal agent. He was quiet for a few moments as they walked through the ship and Sasuke asked several people about Luke. The people were distracted, all lost in their own fantasy.

"The Mist at its cruelest." Hazel frowned and dared to ask, "What happened to them?"

"They were food." Percy grunted with a frown.

Hazel blanched. She was really hoping it wasn't going to be that.

Sasuke's temper wasn't helping and it wasn't until they came across a ship hand that they got some good, helpful responses. They were directed to the bridge, and it was only once he cleared the ladder that Naruto snapped his fingers.

"Sakura called, didn't she!"

"Great, Pinky's in this." Thalia grunted.

Sasuke groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, I slept through that? Why didn't you wake me?" Naruto whined as they walked towards the bridge's door. "Her recent findings on the hidden vein system within the human body in Tibet were so amazing! I wanted to know details!"

"An accomplished doctor, huh?" Apollo mused.

"Amazing someone like Ares' boy could get that." Athena scoffed.

"It's the charm," Ares assured, making his siblings snort at the very thought.

"We're not doing this now." Sasuke said as he opened the door to three men, all in their late teens early twenties, standing in the bridge. Sasuke lifted his badge at one of the tall young men in the corner that started to move towards them. "Try it, tough guy. I'll put you down faster than you can growl."

"Ah, welcome, Mister...?" A tall young man with blond hair and a scar on his face smiled at them. The tone was far too pleasant and sounded a bit condescending.

"Luke in a nutshell," Percy said in a bitter tone, which got a sad look from Annabeth. "He was."

"Save the bullshit, Castellan, I was at camp with you." Sasuke growled. One of the two burly boys in the room stepped forward and Sasuke glared at him. "Back off, Fuzzball!"

Naruto put a hand on his shoulder, his eyes locked on the pleasantly smiling teen. "Now, now, Special Agent Uchiha, why don't you go question some of the pretty girls on the deck? I'm sure I can get some solid answers out of Mr. Castellan on my own."

"Yes, battle of wits." Hermes grinned.

"Luke's done," Jason said, he could tell with this Naruto. You just don't mess with him mentally.

"Indeed," Athena nodded. "Naruto has already proven his intellect. He will out do him."

"You're just biased." Hermes scoffed.

"And you aren't?"

Hermes stayed quiet at her retort, which made Athena smirk in victory.

Sasuke scowled and abruptly left; the door slammed so hard on his exit that the wood cracked. Naruto sucked in air through his teeth.

"I'm so going to regret doing that," Naruto said as he turned away from the door and sucked in his lips. "Oh well, eyes on the present, not the past as the saying goes."

"I thought children of Athena loved to look to the past for answers?" Luke asked.

Naruto smirked as he looked back at Luke. "Cute. You think about Annabeth just now? How much your absence is hurting her? How she might hate you now?"

Annabeth squirmed uncomfortably as she continued to read.

Luke's smile fell and his eyes became hard. "Is there a reason you and your federal friend are here?"

The two burly boys moved to flank the son of Hermes. Their skin shimmered before they changed into bear-like men. Naruto blinked at the change.

"Ah. The Bear Boys, that explains Sasuke's puns." Naruto mumbled. He was a bit upset that the Mist affected him as long as it had. He should look into more demigod-related murders, get back into the swing of things.

"I know the feeling." Percy nodded with a pout.

Naruto titled his head and looked at the two humanoid bears. "Well, let me just say that Sasuke has not eaten yet and has eaten bear before. I'm also curious about the taste of an immortal's flesh."

The bears exchanged a look while Luke arched a brow. "Cannibalism? Really?"

"Not cannibalism, they're not the same species as I am. From a god's loins, they may be, but demigods these two are not. Ain't that right, boys?" Naruto arched a brow at the two.

"He's got 'em there." Frank admitted, but blanched at the thought. He was a bear once or twice.

He looked back at Luke when they failed to respond. "Muscle, not brains?"

"More or less." Luke crossed his arms. "Why are you on my ship."

"This isn't your ship," Naruto said. He turned and grabbed a plaque from a wall. "This ship is owned by one Mr. Mycroft Holmes..." Naruto turned the plaque around and looked at it with furrowed brows. "Mycroft Holmes? Huh, go figure."

"Where's Sherlock?" Annabeth wondered.

"He's the blond." Hazel giggled.

Annabeth beamed at that.

"It's my ship." Luke restated with a frown. "I appropriated it for the true ruler of the world."

Naruto looked at Luke and then back at the plaque. "...Do you think if there's a Mycroft, that there's a Sherlock? I wonder if he's a brother. That would be disenchanting. God, I really hope he's not a brother of mine."

"Why not?" Athena frowned.

"Because it takes away from his true skills if he's related to you." Apollo snorted. "Sherlock is pure skill. Period."

Luke smacked the plaque out of his hand and held a bronze blade up to his throat. "Why. Are. You. Here?"

"Why is it that every demigod I encounter has a bad attitude? What happened to being civil?" Naruto asked as he looked at the blade disinterestedly. "You should really take better care of this. This was wielded by a Revolutionary."

"Only fitting that it's in my hands then," Luke said. Naruto snorted and Luke narrowed his eyes. "What's so funny?"

"That he's delusional?" Ares suggested. He ignored the glare from Hermes.

"Nothing, nothing...Well, except for the fact that you think you're a Revolutionary," Naruto said. The blade dug into his neck and Naruto tilted his head up. "Struck a nerve didn't I?"

"He always did have a temper…" Annabeth muttered.

Thalia snorted. "Yeah he did."

"I'm fighting for our lives," Luke said lowly. "The gods have taken advantage of demigods for too long, it's time we show them that we deserved better treatment!"

"Blah, blah, blah." Dionysus rolled his eyes. "Honestly, the boy just rambled on and on."

"And this has absolutely nothing to do with the feelings of love you had for Zeus' daughter before she was turned into a tree?" Naruto asked.

Aphrodite squealed. "Yes! Nailed it right on the head!"

Thalia frowned and looked away at this. After Luke did? She could never feel the same again.

Luke blinked. "What?"

"It was pathetically obvious, you know. You moped around, always went to visit her on weekends or before bed...Like a kicked puppy. It would be cute if it wasn't so sad," Naruto said nonchalantly.

"Wow, blade to throat and he's controlling the conversation? That's…scary." Piper admitted in awe.

The blade tightened against his throat. "So hasty...denial is not healthy for one's mental health."

"What are you saying?" Luke asked with a growl. "Make some sense."

"Good gods, do I always have to repeat myself?" Naruto groaned. "You were in love, you twit! And you expect me to believe you willingly poisoned the tree that protects the camp, the last part of Zeus' daughter that lives?"

"Thalia was dead long before I poisoned that tree!"

"Uh, no, I wasn't!" Thalia snapped angrily.

"Aha! So you admit to poisoning it, then?" Naruto inquired.

"I got him to admit it, too." Percy commented.

"Yeah, but this is before we even went on the quest! Chiron might keep his job!" Annabeth smiled as she continued to read.

"Still though, it's all that remains of her. You're spitting on her grave, the dead don't forget things like that, you know."

"Got that right." Nico nodded.

"I remember a lot of stuff." Hazel added with a frown.

Luke's jaw twitched and Naruto caught it. "Oh-ho...you had a plan. A way to fix the tree...once you emerged victorious from...whatever you call this."

"War." Luke growled as he pulled his blade back. "Choose your side, you either stand with me, or with them."

"We're a them now?" Jason asked.

"Apparently." Percy snorted.

"You mean with Olympus, I assume." Naruto hummed. He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I did wonder what type of man it took to poison a tree and endanger all those children."

"They chose their side when they refused to answer my call!"

"Your call? You mean the letters you sent out in the mail? The party invitations?" Naruto asked dryly. "Were you really that mad no one would make reservations?"

"Really, sending mail? Weak." Ares laughed.

"What's wrong with mail?" Hermes frowned.

"In general, nothing. The problem I have is why you didn't notice?" Zeus frowned at his son.

Hermes quickly looked away from the accusing gaze in shame.

Luke lifted his blade and took a swing at Naruto, but another caught his blade. A dagger, easily as long as an arm with two smaller blades protruding from the base, caught Luke's sword before the swing could complete. Naruto held his dagger effortlessly in one hand and pulled out a collapsible baton in the other.

"Dual wielder, huh?" Jason asked in interest.

"But a baton?" Piper asked.

Reyna answered. "To take down mortal criminals, I would assume."

Piper nodded. "That makes sense."

"What's that for?" Luke asked with a grunt as he tried to force his sword to move. "Are you going to try to attack me?"

"No. This is to stop the wonder twins." Naruto flicked a dial and an electric current shot through his baton. He danced around Luke, keeping the son of Hermes at bay with his dagger's unique design, and jabbed both of the humanoid bears in the chest. They flew through the windows of the bridge with yelps and Naruto looked at his baton in wonder. "Hm...I think fifteen amps might be just a tad too much."

"He's got a mini Master Bolt, cute." Hades chuckled.

Zeus looked crossed between being proud and somewhat annoyed that his symbol was emulated.

"Fifteen amps?" Luke pulled away and took another swing. Naruto backed away from the blade and his thumb rolled over the dial.

"Ten amps can kill a human. I was sure that fifteen would only knock them out." Naruto ducked under another swing and sidestepped a slash. "Do you mind? I'm just trying to talk."

"He can dance well, but I'd rather see him fight." Ares grunted.

"Ballroom Blitz!" Apollo crowed.

"And I'm trying to kill you, so yeah. I mind." Luke took another swing. Naruto continued to avoid and deflect with his dagger.

"He's kind of rude." Hazel frowned.

"When he was trying to kill you, sure." Percy nodded since he had experience with that.

"Always the hard way." Naruto sighed. He caught another slice from Luke and twisted his wrist opposite of Luke's own twisting wrist. "Ah, the infamous disarm. A basic, if not overused technique taught at camp. It took a few practice dummies and a few hired hands, but I found a way to avoid being disarmed completely!"

"Nice." Percy grinned, he had to learn that one.

Naruto looked up at his dagger that was suddenly imbedded in the ceiling. "...Huh, you slapped the palm of my hand. You truly are a prodigy in the art of swordsmanship. Bravo."

"Gets it from daddy." Hermes grinned.

"Ready to die, then?" Luke swung and Naruto stopped it with his baton. Luke stared at the mortal weapon that seemingly stopped his celestial bronze blade. He winced when the baton moved and cracked against his elbow, making the son of Hermes back away and shake out his arm.

"The perfect blend of bronze wiring and mortal metals. You, Mr. Castellan, are certainly unstoppable with a blade." Naruto smirked as he lifted his baton up. "I, however, am a master of the single stick." Electricity danced around the tip of the baton. "Care to test yourself against me?"

"Single stick, so writing that down," Apollo said with a grin.

Aphrodite hummed. "I believe it is a French past time."

"...Point taken," Luke said as he dropped his sword to his side. Luke frowned at him. "You are strong and smart, a true son of Athena. Why don't you join me? Can't you see that the gods don't appreciate you?"

Naruto turned his baton off and collapsed it into a portable form. He tucked it into his pocket. Naruto then jumped up to grab his dagger and pull it out from the ceiling. He sheathed it behind him, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You make a good point. I doubt the gods do appreciate me," Naruto said. He shook his head. "But I don't want their appreciation. I don't want their praise, or their glory, or their position."

"Wow, he's really solitary about all this, huh?" Leo cocked his head.

"Seems that way." Jason agreed.

"Oh...You do want their love. Abandonment issues?" Luke asked, a knowing look in his eye.

Naruto scoffed. "Hardly. I know what my godly mother is like. I've met Annabeth Chase."

"…I don't know if he means it like a compliment or an insult." Annabeth frowned.

"Probably the latter." Reyna told her, which just made the blonde frown further as she read.

Luke frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The gods, all of them, have become too human." Naruto nodded. "Athena is called the goddess of wisdom, to be immortally wise and unbiased. But how is it wise to burden one of the brightest human minds on the planet who could do so much for the people she lords over with a child? It is not wisdom, it is stupidity. Athena ignored her duty, ignored humanity's need for her own selfish desires for a 'hero' that she could use to stroke her own ego. Make her hubris grow."

"…And SLAP to the face!" Ares cackled as Athena's eyes were wide.

"Wow…" Annabeth muttered. That…that certainly put things into perspective concerning her dad.

"You don't like Athena?" Luke's eyes shone. "Join me-!"

"I'm not finished," Naruto said sternly, giving the infamous glare named after his mother that made Luke's silver tongue turn to lead in his mouth. Naruto relaxed his shoulders. "I do not like Athena. However, Athena is still my mother. Like any child, I love both her and my father immeasurably and I am grateful that she decided to bring me into this world. Just because I love my mother, does not mean I have to like her. I understand her. Frankly, that's enough for me."

"Athena, words?" Hermes asked with a grin.

"Not now, Hermes," Athena said sharply, a sour look plastered on her face.

"But she's a god." Luke insisted. "Any problems given to us are their fault. They need to be held responsible for ruining our parents' lives!"

"I completely agree," Naruto said. "They want to rule the world, they should grow up and act like it."

"Shots fired again!" Leo whistled as the gods did not look particularly happy at that comment from Naruto.

"Exactly!" Luke nodded.

"...You're such a fool." Naruto shook his head and made his way for the door. Luke was stunned and did not move to stop him. Naruto stopped and looked at the confused boy. "There's something to be said about a scared little boy hiding in the closet."

"...What are you talking about?"

"A ranting mother, a crazy woman that spouted nonsense."

Hermes flinched with a depressed look on his face.

"Shut up." Luke reached for his sword. Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out his collapsed baton.

"With that kind of life, it's understandable why he'd be mad. And then the girl he loved died...killed by monsters while she fought to protect him. How's she repaid for her sacrifice? She's turned into a tree."

"I'm going to kill you...I'm going to kill you." Luke trembled, his knuckles white on his sword's grip.

"Wow, he's really getting under his skin." Percy blinked. "I thought only I could do that."

"You're not that special Percy," Thalia snorted.

"I like to think I am. Just a bit."

"I hope you don't try, because if you do, you will die here and now." Naruto warned. Luke heeded it, smart enough to know when he was outmatched. Naruto cautiously slid his baton back into his pocket and turned the handle on the door. "What I see before me is not a revolutionist, but an angry child throwing a fit.

"Didn't get enough milk as a baby." Ares smirked.

"Enough!" Hermes snarled.

"Meh, make me."

"Ares." Hera glared at the god and got him to stop.

The result of your actions will not end well for you, Mr. Castellan. The Olympians will be punished for their crimes against their children, universal balance will see to that."

"Gaea." Percy coughed into his hand, getting some small chuckles.

"I thought it was Typhon." Poseidon confessed.

"Who knows?" Zeus sighed while Hades frowned in thought.

Luke glared at him. "I know. I'll make sure of it."

Naruto shook his head. "I'm afraid that you're wrong. I can guarantee that you won't."

"Is that a threat?" Luke asked.

"You can consider it a promise." Naruto left without another word, leaving the son of Hermes to stew in his own anger.

"I can see the angst coming off him in waves." Leo said, looking at Nico.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

Naruto and Sasuke returned that night to Camp Half-Blood, but Naruto did not mention Luke's admission to Chiron or Mr. D. He figured there would be no point. Zeus would not listen to hearsay, even if it came from Chiron. It was an unfortunate truth, bittersweet really.

"Yep." All the gods agreed while Zeus glared at them.

Sasuke had driven Naruto home and then returned to his own house, to be scolded and argue with his fiancé.

Naruto made a bowl of ramen and watched the evening news.

Small cases – missing pets, simple thefts, and dull criminals – occupied Naruto for two weeks before he received a call from Camp Half-Blood. Chiron told Naruto about a recent quest that not only brought the barrier back up, cleared the centaur's named, and convinced Zeus that Luke Castellan had betrayed Olympus, but the impossible (by mortal standards) had been achieved: Thalia Grace returned to life. It went back to Percy Jackson, the young son of Poseidon, and his desire to rescue not the camp, but his friend Grover Underwood.

Percy let a large smile cross his face.

After hearing the tale, Naruto had agreed to make a visit sometime in the summer and meet the boy, ask Thalia some questions about Limbo, and look into a new guardian for the Golden Fleece.

"You know, we never did ask you about that." Annabeth told her friend.

Thalia shivered. "Don't."

Naruto had just hung up the phone when he felt as though someone had joined him. He turned and blinked in mild surprise when a woman with long dark hair and eyes that were a brilliant grey looked at him. The woman was beautiful, dressed in a grey business suit that gave her an image of authority.

"It's Judge Judy!"

"Stop calling me that." Athena glared at the amused Apollo.

"Athena." Naruto greeted.

Well, now he sort of wished he had pants on. It was embarrassing to greet your mother in your boxers and socks.

Laughs came from all around while Athena rubbed her eyes. Yes, it was embarrassing. Extremely so.

"Naruto Namikaze." Athena nodded back at him. "Dionysus has told Olympus of your investigation that he 'forgot' to mention. Did you discover any information that could've cleared Chiron's name?"

"I might've." Naruto grunted in discomfort when a pair of slacks and a dress shirt appeared on his body. "...Really?"

"That's my shtick!" Aphrodite glared at the smug wisdom goddess.

"Not really. We can all do it if we wish. You just do it more often."

"You shouldn't speak to a goddess in your underwear."

"I wasn't really expecting company." Naruto returned dryly. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and allowed himself to breathe. "Is that all you came here for?"

"...Naruto, I know what you think of me. I'm pretty sure all of Olympus knows what you think of us," Athena said.

"And he's not smote yet? Wow, getting soft Owl-Head." Ares grinned.

"Humph, opinions are important." The goddess deflected.

Naruto crossed his arms. "You've become too human. Too comfortable."

"...Perhaps. We are still gods, and while you may not like me, I do care for you," Athena said. She looked around the studio apartment with a frown. "Isn't Dr. Namikaze a millionaire?"

"Why does everyone rag on the simple living style?" Naruto threw his arms up in disbelief. "It's comfortable, affordable, and functional! What more do I need?" He pointed at the goddess with a frown on his face. "If you say a woman's touch I will consider committing matricide."

"Wow, he is very afraid of commitment," Piper giggled.

"He's just not looking right now," the love goddess confirmed.

Athena let a small amused smile spread on her face. "I'm a goddess. It'd be suicide by immortal."

"...Well, I'd give one hell of a try." Naruto crossed his arms again and shifted nervously at the look in Athena's eyes. "But don't get me wrong, I like being alive."

"I do too." Percy nodded.

"Same here." Jason agreed as the demigods nodded their heads, Hazel most of all.

"You don't want to commit suicide, then?"

"Oh no, not at all. I love being alive. There are many things in this life that I'm fond of." Naruto nodded.

"Such as?" Athena asked.

"Ramen, sex, puzzles, ramen, Star Trek, sex, foreign languages, sex, ramen, foreign cultures, astrology, ramen, redheads, and did I mention ramen?" Naruto asked.

"He mentioned sex three times~!" Aphrodite tittered.

"Joy, a deviant." Athena frowned.

Ares grinned at her. "It's exercise!"

Athena scowled at him.

Athena arched a brow. "Four times."

"Make it five. I like the number five. It's so...evenly odd." Naruto nodded.

"Ha-ha! Suck it!" Ares jeered at his sister.

"He likes the number, not you, pig," Athena said sternly.

"My number is five. You're just mad."

He slid his hands into his pockets and frowned when he felt something brush against his left hand. Naruto pulled the object out and unfolded a piece of paper. "...What does Valdez mean?"

"All around badass." Leo answered instantly, but blinked in confusion. "Wait, why does he have my name?"

"Shush and we'll see." Piper told him.

Athena smiled slightly and walked up to her son. She put a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes. "I can see where one of my children's passion lies. You enjoyed the case of the poisoned tree."

"Oh, that's good...I'm going to use that," Naruto said with a hum as he rubbed his chin. "Start a novella, perhaps. Got to flesh it out though, add in more sex and romance, perhaps a murder or two. Readers love that sort of thing."

The more book passionate readers nodded to this.

Aphrodite, however, was giddy at the mention of a sex scene. She liked this Naruto.

"Consider this my test for you, then," Athena said. Naruto looked back at her and she smirked. "You've solved over forty thousand mortal crimes in your life...and only one Olympian case was ever issued to you. You didn't obtain any evidence, the victim hasn't received justice, and you failed to get a reward for your time."

"...I do like puzzles..." Naruto looked back at the paper in his hand. He looked up in time to see the fading figure of his mother before she vanished like she was never truly there. Naruto looked down at the paper in his hand and walked over to a blank spot on the wall next to his futon. He grabbed a piece of chewed gum from the floor and adhered the paper to the wall.

"Valdez, huh?" Naruto crossed his arms and stared at the paper with the name scrawled on it. He looked closer at a small smudge. Naruto sniffed the paper and shook his head "...This is grease? Something to do with Hephaestus."

"Part bloodhound?"

"Don't even jest." Athena frowned at Poseidon, who just smirked at her.

Naruto dropped his hands to his hips and smirked. "Okay, Athena. Challenge accepted."

"Well…that was different." Annabeth surmised the thoughts of everyone.

"Big time." Percy agreed with his girlfriend.

And that is the first of many to come. I just want you all to know my daughter of Hades fic is coming out soon. Just be a little patience.