I really lost touch with my writing for a long while. I'm sorry about the delay but as I said before I didn't want to leave a story unfinished, particularly since the episodes following Paige's departure really cemented my idea for this story in the first place! Thanks for anyone who stuck around to read this last chapter. I'm so grateful for the reads, reviews, and follows. Writing this story and interacting with readers has been a real pleasure.
Chapter Twelve: Endings
Through a Glass, Darkly
Paige lay against Emily as Emily stroked her arm. For some reason Emily's room felt bare to her at this point. She remembered being so amazed at Emily's window seat when she first visited. Now it seemed like nothing. The magic had worn off the room and their relationship. And rather than confronting the issue, Paige was opting to take the coward's way out and she knew it.
"Did you finish packing?" Emily asked. Again.
"Yes." Paige replied, trying to not get irritated. Emily was just nervous.
"I thought three months, I'd get used to the idea of you leaving... but I haven't." Emily sounded sad but not devastated.
"Neither have I." Paige admitted, thinking about how Christmas might be the last time she'd ever see Spencer.
"You'll miss graduation." Paige smiled for a moment.
"My parents say that's just a technicality." Truth is graduation was just a technicality to Paige too. She didn't mind missing it.
"And prom. That was a technicality I was looking forward to." Paige sighed at Emily's words. Being at prom with Emily while Toby and Spencer were there together was one of the main things she wanted to miss. "Maybe if we talked to your parents one more time…" Emily suggested again. She didn't realize that Paige had told her parents she wanted to leave. That she needed to leave for both her and Emily's own good.
"They can't hear anything. I have enough credits to leave early and that's all that counts. They want me someplace safe." Paige knew she shouldn't put it all on her parents. But she couldn't tell Emily the truth without making her suspicious.
"California has earthquakes."
"I pointed that out. It didn't work though." Paige silently begged for Emily just to drop it.
"I'll take you to the airport." Emily offered. Paige scoffed.
"My parents will take me. You don't have to do that." And Paige knew Emily would probably end up blowing her off for something related to Alison anyway. Ever since they had gotten back together, they had constantly competed with the specters of Spencer and Alison. Alison was an albatross hanging off Emily's neck even if Emily couldn't admit it to herself.
"I don't have to, I want to." Emily assured her. Paige sat up and turned to face her, confusing Emily. "What?"
"I heard a song the other day. Old song. The girl says, 'Your eyes. It's a day's work just to look into them.'" And that was true. She could gaze into Emily's eyes all day, and never quite find what they were looking for together.
"Well, that was a bust." Spencer said. She hoped she could get Jason to plead her case but it seemed unlikely he would budge.
"Spencer." Emily said, trying to caution her.
"No, Em, just... You should go, okay? Go, be with Paige, because at least one of us deserves a good last day in Rosewood."
"Paige honey…I would just prefer we take you to the airport. We are still your parents after all." Paige's mom cautioned, gently touching Paige's hair. Paige cracked a small smile through her tired eyes. She was actually tired from crying.
"I know…but you'll be coming soon to help me settle in. I don't know when I'll see Emily again." Paige stated flatly.
"Are you sure she will come with enough time to spare? It's getting close to the time you should leave."
"She'll be here." Paige answered, even though she thought it could go either way. Then the doorbell rang out, and Paige's heartbeat spiked as she stood up. She couldn't believe it. This was actually early.
But when she glanced through the peephole, she realized it was Spencer who had come, looking anxious. Paige opened the door and Spencer practically fell into her arms.
"I didn't think I'd see you again." Spencer said, trying to memorize Paige's scent. Paige closed her eyes and leaned into Spencer's embrace, the rest of the world melting away.
"Em…oh…how are you Spencer? Are you going to take Paige to the airport?" Paige's mom asked, sounding disappointed. Spencer quickly broke away from Paige – too quickly and shook her head as she blushed.
"No Mrs. McCullers. I just wanted to say goodbye in person." Spencer's words came out choked and barely audible. She was having trouble keeping her breathing under control.
"Would you mind if we had a moment alone mom?" Paige asked. She didn't wait for the answer as she nodded for Spencer to follow her upstairs to her stripped room.
"Yeah…that's uh, fine honey." Her mom said, sounding confused.
Once they got up to the room Paige shut the door and wrapped one arm around Spencer's waist and used the other to gently rest her hand on Spencer's chest, feeling the other girl's rapid heartbeat. It mirrored her own.
"I told Emily to come spend the day with you. I tried to stay away but she's caught up in trying…" Paige cut Spencer's explanation off.
"To get Alison. I know. It's always about Alison with Emily." Paige explained before taking Spencer's chin in her hand and drawing her into a slow, long kiss. Spencer sighed and responded, trying to deepen the kiss before Paige pulled away.
Once they broke apart they just looked in each other's eyes. Then Spencer began to push Paige gently towards the bed. Paige shook her head.
"We don't have time. My mom could walk in." Paige reasoned, but Spencer shook her head.
"I know that. I just need to feel your body next to mine." Spencer explained, curling up against Paige's frame. They laid there against each other for as long as they could. Paige's body thrummed with a feeling so intense she could barely stand it. It could never be enough. She could never get enough of Spencer Hastings.
Spencer closed her eyes and tried to focus on how good it felt to be wrapped in Paige's arms. She would give anything for more time. But she knew she couldn't stay. It was already a huge risk having even come to Paige's house tonight.
"She might be coming any moment now. I should go." Spencer sadly admitted.
"I know. Thanks for coming." Paige said, even though it broke her heart for this moment to end. For things to end with Spencer so soon. Spencer held Paige tighter for just a moment longer before breaking their contact. But as she walked out, she paused in the doorway. Her back was still to Paige.
"If I was yours…you wouldn't have to wait by the phone if I said I'd be here for you. I haven't always been an easy person to date. I know why now. I had never been with the right person before." Paige hadn't seen Spencer's face as she spoke, but she could tell the other girl had been choked up.
"Spencer…" Paige whispered, her own voice catching. Spencer kept walking before she could even think of the right thing to say. So instead she waited a moment, then rushed to her window to watch Spencer walk away into the night.
As she was talking to Aria, her cell phone began to ring.
"What is it?" Aria asked, nodding towards the phone.
"It's Paige. I wanted to take her to the airport, but she has to leave now." Emily explained, frustrated to have to reject another phone call from Paige.
"Oh, maybe that's what you should do." Aria half-heartedly suggested. Emily shook her head, thinking about Alison.
"No, we have to do this together."
"Mom? You're right…it's time." Paige said, trying not to cry. "I'm going to need you to take me to the airport after all." She knew she couldn't be too upset with Emily given all she had done to the other girl. But it still hurt to be let down one last time.
Emily couldn't believe Paige was still in the airport. She was desperate, trying to reason with Paige and convince her to stay.
"Paige, you don't have to go. They arrested Alison for killing Mona. She's in jail." Paige's stomach did an unhappy flip.
"She won't stay there." It was all Paige could think to say.
"Yes, she will. Tell your parents, they have to let you stay. It's safe now."
"Emily, I have to go." Paige stressed. She couldn't tell her the real truth but she had to try and explain somehow.
"Listen to me, you don't."
"Yes, I do. I've thought about this for months, and I do."
"Why?" I'm in love with your best friend. She's all I think about Paige thought to herself.
"First, because my parents want me to."
"Okay. Well, we can fight that."
"I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I've used so much energy fighting and being afraid, I'm worried I'm not gonna have anything left to just live. You know what I mean." The moment those words left Paige's mouth she knew it was the truth. She had to try and make a clean break from Rosewood. Her presence was hurting Spencer and Emily at this point. Even Emily's next words were softer, accepting.
"Yeah. I guess I do."
Out, Damned Spot
"I know you must miss Paige" Spencer said, carefully watching Emily's reaction. But the other girl barely registered Spencer's words.
To Plea or Not To Plea
"Spencer, Mom went out of her way to track down her friend who works at St. Andrews. It wasn't easy getting you that interview. I don't want to go on another interview. Yesterday was embarrassing enough. It's not like you to run away. The Spencer I know would stay and nail it just to prove a point." Melissa explained.
"Okay, I'm not running away. This just isn't a good time for me to be here."
"Why?"
"Because there's a lot going on with my friends and..." Paige, Spencer thought. She entertained, just for a moment, confessing to her sister. Finally telling someone how she truly felt. But she was still a coward.
" ...Toby." She finished lamely.
"What's going on with Toby?"
"I don't know. We're not really talking right now. He became a cop to try to protect me. And now his job is ruining our relationship." At least that was all partially true, if not completely unfair to Toby. His job was a fracture to their already strained relationship but it certainly wasn't the reason they were headed for a crisis.
"Sounds like being here is what you need. Sometimes relationships run their course. But you can't see it until you have a little distance." Melissa's words twisted the knife in Spencer's gut. She tried to say it again, being careful with her words.
"It's not... it's not just about Toby." She started cautiously. If anyone could understand about her feelings for Paige, someone she was never supposed to care for, it might be Melissa.
"You know what the best part about living here has been for me? Getting a fresh start. Away from all the Rosewood drama." Melissa dismissively said, trying to cut her sister off. She was worried Spencer would outright confess to murder. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear or see anything else incriminating again Spencer.
"Yeah, that must be nice."
"This could be your future, too. Don't miss out on the opportunity." Melissa offered. The conversation was effectively over. The chance to come clean had come and gone.
Welcome to the Dollhouse
"Spencer, don't start..."
"I didn't start anything. The quitter did. That's what you do, isn't it, Emily? You quit things. When things are too much for you, you just throw in the towel. I mean, you quit the swim team. You quit Paige. You even quit Maya." On paper, Maya was the ultimate teardown. She had died, forces far beyond Emily's control. Spencer knew that's what made it such a perfect insult to hiss at Emily. But what she said about Paige wasn't true either. Paige had quit Rosewood altogether to spare herself and Emily.
Songs of Innocence/Songs of Experience
Spencer waited for what felt like hours, but was really only about forty seconds before excusing herself to the bathroom. Eight missed calls and double as many texts. She hadn't been able to get away from her family and Toby since finally escaping the doll house. It took about half a ring before Paige picked up, the connection crackling from the spotty cell service.
"Spence." She breathed. Spencer closed her eyes but the tears started falling anyway.
"Paige." She sniffled and tried again so her voice wouldn't crack. "I saw you had called and texted."
"I have to come back." Paige whispered, and then Spencer heard her voice break as she started crying too.
"No Paige. I'm…we're all going to be fine. We just need time." Spencer said. Paige could not quit now.
"Is it true? Andrew was responsible? He…he did those terrible things to you. To Emily." Spencer shook her head. Paige didn't know yet.
"We are still trying to piece it all together. But he might have been involved yeah." Spencer said quietly. She didn't have long. Toby would be coming over any moment and her mother was probably hovering outside.
"I hate myself for leaving. For not being there for you." For a moment, Spencer allowed herself to imagine Paige having been there when she'd gotten out of the doll house. She would have run straight into her arms in those desperate moments.
"Don't say that. Don't even think it. You did the right thing." Spencer said.
"No I didn't I left. I quit instead of really trying. Spencer being away from Rosewood I realize how narrow-minded we were being. We could have come clean. It would have hurt Toby and Emily but they would have gotten over it." Spencer shut her burning eyes. She was exhausted and the tears made her even more tired. "We could have gotten past all the high school drama…" Spencer winced and cut the other girl off.
"I love you Paige." She could hear Paige's sharp intake of breath. But the silence just lasted a moment.
"I love you too." Paige said. "Maybe one day…" She weakly offered.
"Paige please. I can't…I can't do this." Spencer couldn't do hope like that. Hope breeds misery. She could hear Toby call her name from outside the bathroom door.
"I have to go." Spencer whispered.
Last Dance
"I wrote about what it means to support someone unconditionally even when they haven't been entirely honest with you. And how everybody needs somebody to be inspired by. Somebody who sets the bar really high. Somebody who'll put someone else's needs before their own.. ...and then not resent them for it. Somebody who always expects you to do the right thing.. ...and then forgives you when you don't."