A/N: So, this is the final chapter. Law school is kicking my ass and I won't have time to write for a while but I still wanted to end this story. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me through this journey. It means a lot! Hope you guys enjoy the final chapter. Here we go.
"San?" "Hmm?" "Are you asleep?" the blonde whispers, not raising her voice. She wants to keep the silence of the night, her thoughts more clear in the darkness. "Yes," the Latina grumbles but turns towards Quinn nevertheless causing the blonde to rest on her side as well, gazing into mesmerizing deep brown orbs that are heavy with sleep. "What would your perfect life look like?" "My perfect life?" Santana asks slightly amused. "Where is this coming from in the middle of the night?" "I don't know," the blonde mutters. "I was just thinking about it. Mine would probably be anywhere with you, you know?" Quinn feels vulnerable admitting this but she continues nevertheless. It's like she physically needs to tell the brunette, her thoughts refusing to keep quiet. "I don't know. Like, it wouldn't matter to me where we were or what we'd have as long as I'd have you. We'd be happy. Living life the way we'd want. Loving life. I think we'd be happy." Santana keeps quiet through Quinn's rant, closing her eyes momentarily, imagining the world Quinn is building for them. "I don't know. It probably sounds stupid-" "-shh," the Latina interrupts her. "Leave it there. It's perfect." Silence falls over them. Both girls minds running through their own thoughts, still facing each other until eyes get heavy and sleep falls over them. Santana falling asleep to the thought that she can't imagine a world without Quinn.
I'm losing my mind losing my my losing control
"Hey, beautiful." Santana leans down to plant a soft kiss against Quinn's forehead, letting her lips linger. Quinn's skin feels different, it's more cold, the softness of the skin Santana loves so much changed, unusual for the brunettes hands and lips that are used to her skin. The beeping of the machines reminding Santana of the events that changed both of their life's.
Sitting down on the chair besides the bed Santana runs her hands through Quinn's hair, willing the blondes body to heat up and remind the blonde of her presence.
"I was at your home, you know. Packing you a bag. I know you'll want to change when you wake up."
"I uhm-" she starts but stops.
"I-I saw Judy. She let me into the house to pack you a bag."
"I know it hurts that they've been absent. I know it hurts you a lot, baby. But they love you, they just don't know how to show it."
Suppressing her tears and letting out a short laugh Santana continues. "I don't know how they couldn't love you. I don't think it's even humanly possible. I know I do. So much."
"Please Quinn," her voice breaks, leaning her head against Quinn's heart gently, the blondes rhythmic heartbeat silencing the beeping of the machines.
"Please baby, you have to wake up. I can't take this any longer, please. Don't punish me like this Quinn, I won't make it without you."
Kissing Quinn's lips softly, her tears falling on to the blonde she whispers, "you have to wake up."
Planting a last, wet kiss against lips that aren't reciprocating Santana's heart breaks more, the longer she has to wait to gaze into those hazel eyes she loves so much.
And she knows the nurse will check on Quinn soon. She has been here every day since the accident, the nurse practically having to throw her out of the hospital. And she tried to sneak in more than once, getting caught as soon as she falls asleep next to the blonde. Her father ordering them to not let her in past visiting hours, knowing Santana won't leave the blondes side at all.
The Latinas behavior has been worry-some.
Going to school reluctantly and spending every free second she has with the unconscious blonde ever since the night he had to tell the brunette what happened.
"Mija," Carlos Lopez calls out, knocking on Santana's door softly. "Sí," the Latina answers, opening the door and settling down on her bed again. She's surprised of her fathers presence, who is usually working at this time of day. "Mija," he starts. "We have to talk." "What about?" "It about Quinn," he replies, catching the brunettes full attention instantly. "What about her?" "Santana," he starts but hesitates, knowing how much this will hurt the brunette and also knowing how severe the blondes injuries are, being her doctor. Taking a deep breath he takes his daughters hands in his own, causing Santana to knit her eyebrows together in concern. "Last night she's been in an accident. It's serious,baby."
Once the words are out the Latina goes silent, fighting and struggling to shut out every emotion she has right now but failing miserably, clutching her fathers arms and breaking down.
-
Santana's angry. She's angry with life. She's angry with God for making the person she loves suffer like this. Angry with Quinn for punishing her like this. Angry with Quinn's parents for being such fuck ups. But most of all she's angry with her self. Angry for being the reason the blondes laying in this bed. Angry for hurting her so much, both physically and emotionally. Angry for destroying them both.
It's late in the evening, the sun settling down, illuminating the sky in a mix of red and yellow. She's walking home, lost in thought until she finds herself at Quinn's door, Judy disposing the empty wine bottles.
Catching sight of Santana she tries to make her way back home only for the Latina to rush forward before the older Fabray can close the door.
The Latina is not fast enough though, banging her hands against hard wood, calling for Judy to open up.
"She's your fucking daughter. What the hell is wrong with you," she calls out her fists banging against the door.
She's projecting her own anger towards Quinn's parents. The hurt and anguish she's been feeling and suppressing this whole time finally blowing up.
" You're supposed to visit her every day. You're supposed to be by her side, she's your
daughter how can you be so heartless?"
"You're supposed to love her no matter what. You're supposed to never hurt her. How could you hurt her like this? Why are you hurting her like this?"Santana chokes, sliding down the door and struggling for air.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen," she whispers brokenly, lifting herself up and running away as fast as she can, as fast as her feet will take her.
.
"I have to admit something but you're not allowed to get mad at me Quinn."
"So, I've sneaked into your house last night. I just felt alone, you know?" she asks but goes on without waiting for an answer, knowing the blonde won't reply to any of them.
"I don't know, I guess I just wanted to be near you. Feel your warmth," she trails off.
"I- I found your journal. I didn't know it was a journal at first Quinn, I swear. I thought it was your sketchbook or something and I opened it," she rushes out.
"You never told me you're writing a journal."
Laughing lightly and shaking her head she continues.
"But I guess that's what journals are supposed to do. Keep quiet about your deepest, darkest thoughts."
"You're so smart Quinn." Santana breathes out astound, her eyes shining with affection and love.
"You have a delicate way of writing. Your perfect."
Kissing Quinn's pulse point she reaches down and takes out a small black journal.
"I hope you forgive me for reading it with you. If you get mad, it's okay too. As long as you allow me to gaze into your beautiful eyes again."
"To Santana: I hope one day, I'll be brave enough to give you this."
Turning the first page slowly and taking a deep breath the Latina starts to read out of Quinn's journal. Santana and I had a fight. A huge one. We both screamed and started crying. She asked me when I would be ready to come out but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't because I'm afraid of coming out. I'm terrified because I'll lose everything and if she realizes how damaged I really am, she's going to leave me and I'll be alone and I'll have lost everything.
May, 25th.
I couldn't tell her that being with her hurts. God, it literally hurts everywhere, my whole body screams from pain but not being with her feels worse. It's worse because it feels a lot like dying.
I just don't want her to leave me.
I love her.
Wiping her tears away, she turns another page.
August, 5th. I came out to my parents. I really did. I told them that I'm in love with Santana and of course they screamed. They told me that I'm a disgrace, that I lost the grace of God, well Russell mostly. Judy was just standing there, pouring herself another drink. He told me to pack my stuff an leave his house but I don't care. I feel free. I hope Santana forgives me for kissing Puck. I know I screwed this one up, but I'll explain it to her. I hope she forgives me. I wrote her a poem I intend on giving her with this book together.
'MY OWN LITTLE CLOSET
My own little closet, sometimes I hate you.
You imprison me in this small place,
too small to live but too big to find my way out from.
My own little closet, why do you make me feel like I'm suffocating in a place I've created myself.
And why do you make me fear the presence of others when there's no one in there besides me and my thoughts.
My own little closet, sometimes I hate you because you provide me with the safety that helps me to go through life, without being looked at differently.
Giving me a place I can be myself even if I have only my own company to do so.
My own little closet, I want to break free from your firm grip and your friends, who help you keeping me in there.
Fear is not a friend to me as it is to you and he scares me.
My own little closet, the society helped me to biuld you around myself, even though I never wanted you, you're here.
My own little closet, I want to love. I want to receive love and show love. To her.
My own little closet, today is the day I'm coming out.' I have to go and win her back. Wish me luck because I don't think I can live without her love.
Santana has to stop, her tears making it impossible to keep reading. Laying down beside the blonde softy, making sure that there are no wires she's squishing, Santana envelops herself in Quinn's presence.
Burring her face in Quinn's neck and inhaling deeply she chokes out through tears, her breath hot and wet against Quinn, "this is too much Quinn. Please wake up. Don't punish me like this please. I'm dying, I don't want to live without you."
And she falls asleep on the blonde, sleep coming easier with her presence.
.
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun
"Quinn stop, it tickles," Santana grumbles out, rubbing her face against Quinn's chest.
"Baby, sto-" Santana yawns but sits up immediately, once realizing what is going on.
"Oh my god. Quinn!"
Quinn's eyes are fluttering, indicating that she's trying to open them. Her hands flexing.
"Oh my god," the brunette breathes out, tears forming in her eyes.
"That's it baby. Come back to me."
3 years, 26.298 hours, 1.577.847 minutes that's how long it took for the girls to admit that they are in love with each other. To taste the words of 'I loves you's' falling from each other's lips.
6 months, 4.383 hours, 262.975 minutes that's how long it took to make love to each other for the first time. To taste the person you love for the first time, the salty skin of her neck, the sweet taste of her nipple, the tangy taste of the most intimate part of her.
2 months, 1.461 hours, 87.659 minutes that's how long it took for Quinn to open her beautiful eyes.
And only one second for Santana to almost lose everything.
And then it happens, hazel eyes shining with life.
"San," Quinn whimpers, her hand seeking out Santana's contact.
The brunette not able to stop the tears from falling.
"Hey baby," Santana cries out with a smile on her face.
"I love you Quinn. I love you so much. I'll get the doctors, baby. They'll make you feel better."
"No," Quinn mutters tiredly. "Don't leave."
"I'm not leaving you. I will never leave you," Santana replies honestly. Getting up and alarming the nurses. Doctors rushing into Quinn's room, Santana father professionally telling her to wait outside.
Several agonizing minutes pass, Santana impatiently waiting outside, biting her nails and hoping they will end the examination soon so she can talk to her girlfriend.
The doctors are checking Quinns viral functions.
"So Ms. Fabray, do you feel any pain?"
"My head hurts but other than that I feel fine. Just tired," Quinn replies weekly.
The staff continuing their work.
"We have to check a few functions. Make radiographs and we'll have to-"
"-can I please see my girlfriend. Please?" Quinn interrupts and asks teary eyed.
"I'm sorry Ms. Fabray but we'll have to check-"
"Doctor Lopez," Quinn turns towards her girlfriends father ignoring the refusal of the younger doctor, gazing deeply into his eyes, letting him read her and her feelings for his daughter. "Please, I just want to see my girlfriend."
"I think we can give Ms. Fabray a few hours to rest, given that we checked the most important vitals and that she seems fine," he states authoritatively, giving no place for discussion. Winking at Quinn he leaves the room, the other staff fallowing him and gives Santana the permission to go in.
The moment the Latina steps into the room times stops, the girls in their own world.
Santana's fists clench, standing a few feet away from Quinn's bed, trembling and crying.
She's quiet, letting her tears fall down, the events of the last several months catching up with her. The hurt, the anguish, the fear, the desperation she's been feeling ever since Quinn's accident.
"San-" the blonde whispers, her hand reaching out as much as she can in her weak state.
Santana shakes her head, closing her eyes tightly, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.
"Baby-" Quinn tries again, the Latinas behavior worrying her but not being able to stand up and comfort her.
The blondes angelic voice breaking Santana out of her reverie rushing forward and throwing herself in waiting arms.
"I'm so sorry," the brunette chokes out, sobs wrecking her body and causing Quinn to hold on tighter.
"I thought I lost you. God, it hurt Quinn. It hurts, I'm so sorry. I love you please forgive me."
"I love you too," the blonde breathes out against the shell of Santana's ear, closing her eyes and living the moment, knowing how short life can be.
And she knows, they both hurt each other. Knows that they both made mistakes. But they're young and stupid and insecurities and fears have a hold at them that is causing them to do reckless things. But hopefully both girls are able to forgive each other for what they have done, refusing to let those missteps destroy each other.
Pressing her lips against the blondes neck and feeling the heat she's been missing this whole time she drags her lips upwards, planting light kisses on her way until she's claiming those pinky lips she loves so much and the very same lips finally reciprocating.
Dragging her fingertips along the skin of Santana's neck the blonde breaks the kiss but let's her lips linger against Santana's nevertheless.
"So soft," she breathes out, opening her eyes. "How can you be so soft?"
They lay at their sides, hands wandering innocently, looking into each other's eyes and pecking each other's lips.
"You tired, baby?" Santana asks after Quinn releases a long yawn.
"Mhm," the blonde nods, her eyes closing involuntarily, falling into a deep slumber.
Santana stays awake, watching the up and down of Quinn's chest, noting the rosy color of her cheeks, feeling her body heat next to hers. Softly, to not wake the blonde, she lays her head on Quinn's chest, listening to her heartbeat making sure she's alive, praying for every God above that this isn't just a cruel dream.
Closing her eyes and enjoying the first peaceful moment in a long time.
.
"So Baby, you ready to leave?"
"God, yes. I can't wait to be out of this room," the blonde replies honestly but avoids eye contact with the brunette.
Santana visited Quinn, before she had to go to school, enjoying a cuddle session with her girlfriend before she had to leave her for a few hours.
They spent the morning in each other's presence, enjoying each other's company and talking about the things they'll do once they're out these doors, Santana promising Quinn a long, hot bath.
That's why Quinn's distance is weird now. In the morning she was happy to leave the hospital and excited but now she's quiet and repellent.
"Okay, careful." Santana lowers cautiously Quinn in to the wheelchair, happy to get Quinn out of this hospital.
The car ride to Santana's is quiet. Quinn gazing out of the window, half way through the ride taking Santana's hand in her own but staying quiet.
After Quinn came out to her parents, her father kicked her out and for the Latina there was never a discussion on where the blonde will live now.
Knowing that she's herself would never allow Quinn to live on her own, she decided that for the last couple of months of school before graduation Quinn will live with her.
Lowering Quinn gently on to her bed, the Latina turns around to leave the room and let Quinn rest knowing that her medication will kick in soon, but the blondes voice stops her in her tracks.
"Brittany came by today."
Santana is stunned.
"Quinn, I-"
"No," the blonde interrupts. "I'm not saying this to pick a fight with you or for you to apologize. I just, I know I hurt you with Puck and denying you. I was-" she takes a deep breath, tears gathering in the corner of her eyes, the Latina hanging on every word leaning against the wall for support.
"I was scared. I thought loving you would make me lose the love of God, that loving you would make me a sinner. But it didn't. You know why, San? Because God put you in my way. Maybe you're my saint."
"Quinn," the Latina breathes out, a single tear rolling down her cheek. It's like that's been all they have been doing these last few months. Crying and hurting each other.
"But you hurt me too. We both have done and said hurtful things but I'm so tired of this San. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore."
"I will love you till you hurt no more, Quinn. Can we please start over," she chokes out. "I won't survive losing you again."
"Come here," Quinn reaches out for the Latinas hands, pulling her towards the bed and enveloping her in a tight embrace, letting the brunette burry her face in her neck and cry silently. "Clean slate, San."
"Clean slate," the Latina repeats, sniffling slightly.
They stay like this for a while.
"How about the bath you promised me?" the blonde smacks Santana's ass lightly, letting out an amused laugh, causing the brunette to lean up and kiss her lips softly and giggling against them.
Tugging Quinn towards the bathroom and undressing her slowly the brunette appreciates the blondes body causing her to swallow hard, overcome with desire but knowing they can't for a few more weeks.
Turning around and filling the bathtub with bathing oil she turns off the water and steps aside, indicating the blonde that the water is ready only for the hazel eyed girl to shake her head and smile mischievously.
"Take one with me?"
"Quinn, I don't think I'll be able to control myself," Santana replies blushing slightly.
Quinn takes a step towards her girlfriend, taking the brunettes hands in her own and running them over her boobs, squeezing the Latinas hands, causing herself to let out a soft gasps.
"Then don't," she breathes against full lips. "I just want to feel you next to me."
"Okay," the Latina leans forward and captures Quinn's lips in a needy kiss, her tongue seeking entrance which the blonde immediately grants, moaning at the first stroke of her tongue, letting Quinn's hand roam over her body and take off her clothes on their wake.
Once goosebumps erupt on their bodies Santana breaks the kiss and lowers herself in to the bathtub, Quinn settling between her legs, her back pressed against the brunettes front.
Quinn rests her head sideways on the brunettes chest, kissing the available skin, rubbing her head against her chest.
"So soft," she mutters.
Santana instead drags the tips of her fingers down the blondes abs, letting her lips linger against her temple.
With time, Quinn's body gets heavier in the brunettes embrace, her medication getting slowly a hold of her.
Kissing pink lips, the Latina whispers against her ear. "Let's get out baby."
"Mhm," the blonde replies, barely able to open her eyes.
Once out the Latina sits Quinn down on the bench, grabbing the fluffiest towel and wrapping it around her girlfriend before grabbing one for herself.
Settling the only half awake Quinn down in her bed, she reaches out for the pj's next to her, dressing Quinn lovingly. The blondes arms wrapping around her waist, refusing to let the brunette go.
Quinn's whining and whimpering, fighting sleep off until she's with Santana and only after the brunettes envelops her in a tight embrace, the blonde sighs and falls into a deep sleep.
.
"Ugh. Please," Quinn breathes out, arching her back.
Santana merely chuckles and takes a pink nipple into her mouth, sucking and liking it softly. Her other hand travels down the blondes body until she is met with wet slick heat. Her fingertips dragging through the girls folds causing Quinn to dig her nails in to Santana back.
Panting and struggling to control her breathing she tries to push those delicate fingers in to her, the brunette giggling and biting down on her nipple.
The throbbing between their legs increasing making it almost impossible to draw out this any longer.
Santana grinds down on one of Quinn's legs, rubbing her wetness all over Quinn.
"I need you", the blonde chokes out.
Santana not having the strength to deny the blonde any longer slowly pushes her long fingers into Quinn, stretching her around them.
The blonde lets out a long moan, arching uncontrollably.
Thrusting lazily at first but picking up on speed, sweaty bodies rubbing against each other, Quinn pushes two fingers of her own into Santana, the Latina momentarily forgetting how to breathe.
"Slow. Slow. Slow," Quinn whispers out once she feels her orgasm building but not ready to let it end just yet, trying to prolong the inventible.
And the Latina slows down, biting down on Quinn's neck, soothing it with the flat of her tongue.
"Baby," it's Santana that's struggling now, begging Quinn to let go, allow themselves to cum and the blonde does, thrusting hard into Santana causing the brunette to fall over the edge, pressing herself and her fingers against Quinn, taking the blonde with her into bliss.
After catching their breaths, the blonde pulls out gazing deeply into Santana's eyes and taking her cum dripping digits into her mouth, moaning at the taste that is distinctly Santana, licking them clean.
Santana licks her own lips, mesmerized by the blonde, her fingers starting to play with the blondes nipples again.
Deciding that she gave the blonde enough time to recover, she kisses down the valley of her breasts, her stomach and finally the girls cum dripping center, licking her way up from the girls folds to her clit until moans are filling the air.
.
School is almost over and even though Quinn missed two months of school she had more than enough points to graduate.
"So baby, I made my decision," Quinn nudges Santana.
It's been a topic they only discussed once, afraid of having to live a long distance relationship.
"Oh, you did?"
Quinn nods.
"Which uh- which college did you choose?" Santana asks, her eyes flashing with fear.
"Columbia," Quinn answers, a little smile playing on her face.
Santana closes her eyes, revealed but also concerned that the blonde is making the wrong decision.
"Quinn," she breathes out. "They pay only half your tuition. You have a full scholarship to-" she wants to elaborate but is caught off by soft lips.
"I want to be with you. I'll get a job at the library or something. I don't care, I'll find something. That's it, okay? We're it."
"Okay," Santana breathes against Quinn's lips, the joy of graduating and leaving Lima behind more strong now, knowing that she won't have to leave her girlfriend behind.
.
"I'm scared," Quinn admits, squeezing the Latinas hand, eying the door skeptically.
"I know," Santana glances sideways at Quinn. In comparison to her, Santana's angry. Angry that the blonde has to have such people as her parents. People who will manipulate you to get their own way, not knowing what love is and how to show any form of affection. Santana's angry because of the hurt they caused the girl she deeply loves, branding her for a lifetime. And maybe her own parents aren't better than Quinn's but at least there was a time when her parents taught her love and happiness.
"But I'll be here, no matter what."
Quinn kisses the back of Santana's hand to thank her silently, before taking a deep breath and knocking on the door.
It shouldn't feel like this. This house should feel like her safe place, not a small cage. It shouldn't contain so many memories of anger and hurt. These walls shouldn't be yelling, these water sprays shouldn't be alcohol. This house should be a symbolism of love, not hatred.
"Quinnie," Judy opens the door, surprised of her daughters presence. "What are you doing here?"
"Don't worry," Quinn replies evenly. "I'll be out in a few minutes again. For good. I just need to pack my stuff."
Judy Fabray nods solemnly, stepping aside and letting both girls in, noting the lovers clasped hands.
"How are you feeling?" Judy asks.
Santana wants to blow up. She wants to scream and punch the living shit out of this women. Her daughter has been in a coma for 2 months and she never, not even once visited her and now she has the audacity to ask a question she has no right in knowing.
Sensing the Latinas distress and her out of anger shaking hands, the blonde just answers with a short, sarcasm dripping "awesome", before rushing up the stairs to her room.
"What do you want to take with you."
"Uh, just my clothes, pictures and books. That's pretty much it," the blonde replies. She doesn't want to spend any more time than she really has to in this house.
Wrapping up her stuff, the girls finish their mission in under a hour.
"Okay, you ready?"
"God," Quinn breathes out. "yes. I can't wait to leave this house behind."
"Let's go then," Santana kisses Quinn's check lightly before descending the stairs.
They're almost out the door when Judy's voice stop them in their tracks.
"I will change. For you."
Blinking rapidly and turning slowly towards her mother, Quinn gazes into her mothers eyes, trying to figure out if this is just one of her drunken rants or if, for the first time, she really means what she says.
Halting the gaze the blonde figures that her mother is indeed sober, at least for the moment.
"Change for yourself," she turns around to walk out the door but hesitates before turning around.
"But I really hope you do," she whispers out before leaving the house.
Months later, Judy Fabray reaches out to Quinn, asking for forgiveness and claiming that she is sober after checking herself into rehab, willing to repair their relationship and get to know her girlfriend, now that she divorced Russell.
And weeks after nights of crying herself to sleep, to the warmth of her girlfriends comforting embrace, she agrees to meet her mother.
.
Only a few days later after graduation they open the door to their apartment in New York.
"Welcome home," the Latina grins cheekily stepping in to their apartment.
"Home is wherever I'm with you," the blonde whispers against the shell of Santana's ear her breath thick and hot, embracing the Latina from behind and kicking the door close with one of her legs.
"I love you."
"And I love you," Quinn presses wet kisses down Santana's neck, sucking on her skin causing the brunette to whimper.
"I think we should inaugurate our new home."
"Oh we should?" the Latina teases. "How so?"
"Sex."
"God Quinn," the brunette moans out, arching her back in to Quinn's touch, the blondes long fingers teasing her nipples through the layers of fabric.
"We don't even have a bed," she chokes out.
"A wall is enough," Quinn moans out, unable to deny herself the brunettes sweet taste any longer, losing and finding them self in each other, over and over again.
And they do. They lose and find each other; they fight and they make up, they yell at each other and whisper words of affection against each other's lips.
It takes months to heal but they do. Finally living the life they deserve.
END