Cas waved Sam over and took him out of ear shot. "He is a cad of the worst sort. I think he deserves to be punished."

Sam groaned, "Is this going to delay my gratification?"

"Yes but I promise it will be worth it."

The pair spoke in whispers punctuated by giggles while a nude and impatient Dean knelt on the bed watching them. "My boner isn't going to take care of itself."

He rudely thrust out his hips, "Sam, get your booty over here toot sweet." He wiggled his eyebrows at the pretties. "Bet you didn't know I speak French. There are other things I know in French like ménage a twat. It means I like twats which you both have."

Sam nodded to the Prince, "I'm in. He deserves it."

….

Alfie pulled a MacGyver to escape the drawer. He found a rubber band, a paper clip and a stick of chewing gum and fashioned a crude hand drill and a routing bit out of the items. He stuck the tip against the inside of the drawer and started turning the hand crank. "Come on paws, don't fail me now."

Alfie heard someone yell, "Ow!"

"Don't worry Sam, in about an hour I'll be outta here to save you!"

…

Dean was over Sam's lap pinned down while Castiel spanked him with a silver handle hair brush. After another swat Dean whined, "What did I do except want to make you both feel good?"

Sam rubbed his captive's sore bottom with a cool hand, "We want a little romance and respect."

Castiel dropped the brush and gave Dean's bubble butt another slap, "Did you hear that?"

A defiant Dean laughed at them both. "I am who I am so get used to it bitches."

He was spanked without mercy by them both until he wiggled against Sam's lap, let out a moan then promptly fell asleep.

Sam pouted, "Now my thighs are all sticky."

…..

While Dean was sleeping off the spankgasm Castiel and Sam dined with the Queen. She grilled both boys about Dean's intentions then pointed out the court would never accept someone like him as a royal consort.

Castiel explained to his mother that he didn't want to marry Sam and would rather remain single if it meant he couldn't marry Dean. She said that was fine, he could continue to grow his vegetables until a more acceptable masculine male came along.

Disheartened, the Prince left the table and Sam followed.

….

Dean woke up bookended by pretty boys. Both were suddenly very shy after the spanking they gave Dean. Sam was especially demure knowing what was about to happen.

Dean pulled them both in then kissed Sam. He decided to try the romantic approach and spoke sweet nothings in the virgin's ear.

"Sampunzel you are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on."

Castiel gasped, "You said that to me right before you took my virginity."

"Cas, Sam is the most beautiful creature over six feet tall. You are the most beautiful under that."

"Oh, ok."

Dean patted his shoulders, "Come on you big girl sit on my face and I'll get your sweet treat ready for the monster."

After much careful maneuvering Sam slowly settled on Dean's face and waited for something to happen. "Oh! Oh what is that…it feels like a snail sliding inside my cookie jar."

Dean came up for air, "Don't worry about it."

He grabbed a handful of booty and squeezed as he buried his face inside Sam's sugar walls giving the maiden a good tongue lashing. Soon Dean was squashed as Sam swiveled his hips and ground his honey pot over Dean's face.

"Ooooh Deeeeeean!"

Dean should have worn some sort of apparatus that gave him the ability to breathe when performing carnal acts that caused excessive amounts of moisture.

A true fact, later on Dean would invent the sex breathing tube. Another true fact, Phillip J. Snorkel would steal Dean's idea and become rich and famous selling his invention to divers around the world.

Sam found himself flipped on his back and a member of massive proportions was shoved balls deep in his who-ha. Dean pounded the virgin taco so long that the Prince wanted in on the action.

"I'll prove to Mommy that I'm a real man."

He mounted Dean from behind and forced his ramrod inside the perky pink starfish. Dean yelped then tried to push Castiel off but with Sam's giraffe legs anchored around his waist the three were locked together until the crescendo.

Alfie had MacGyvered a blindfold and ear plugs out of a paper bag, dog collar and teacup saving his delicate sensibilities from the offending sight and noises.

…..

Dean was trapped, "Cas…Cas pull out."

The Prince yawned as he rolled off making a soft pop as his dick slid out of Dean's tender posterior. "That was nice."

Sam dropped his legs and Dean rolled off him landing on the other side. "I feel like a real woman now. Dean that was wonderful."

Dean got out of bed and hobbled to the door, "I have to take care of the rug burn on my face and soak my sore ass." It wasn't quite what Dean had signed up for.

…..

Eight Months Later

Naomi paced back and forth in front of Sampunzel and Castiel who were both sporting big bellies. "How could you both let this happen? I don't want that cad marrying my son. Sampunzel Dean is all yours."

Sam did a fist pump, "Yes!"

Dean who was leaning casually in the doorway peeling an apple added his two cents. "I want conjugal visits with Cas and shared custody of the kid."

The Prince begged, "Please Mommy, otherwise I'm back to gardening. Plus you know a child needs its father."

The negotiations began with Naomi. "Fine Dean, you can bed my son with protection."

"I bed your son without protection but we keep track of his monthlies on a calendar so he doesn't get knocked up again. Little Dean doesn't wear a rain coat, sorry."

"Fine, liberal visitation but conjugal visits only one a month."

Dean agreed knowing full well after he visited the kid he was going to bang Castiel anyway. "Sure whatever you say." He winked at the pregnant Prince and Castiel fluttered his lashes at Dean.

….

Alfie officiated the wedding between Dean and Sampunzel. He wore a little collar he MacGyvered out of twigs, an acorn and a candy wrapper.

"Do you Sampuzel take this jerk to be your mate?"

Sam was dressed in white lace and so was their baby Alabaster Star. He looked lovingly toward Dean and answered, "I do."

Alfie sighed wearily and turned to Dean. "Do you Sir Jerkalot take this fool Sampunzel to be your mate and make sure the baby always has diapers?"

Dean grabbed Sam's boob and gave it a squeeze, "Honk honk. Sure."

Sam and Dean exchanged rings and unbeknownst to Naomi, Dean slipped a ring to Castiel.

"By the power vested in me by no one in particular I now declare you Jerk and Wife. Kiss the bride."

Dean took Alabaster from Sam and handed her off to Milky Eye who was now the official royal nanny.

Dean first dipped Sampunzel and laid a wet one on him then grabbed Castiel the maid of honor and kissed him. He whispered, "I'll give you a honeymoon when I get back blue eyes." Dean pinched the plump cheek of his son Zappa Jasper, "Be a good boy for Mommy."

Gabriel had finally come back to the castle with his fiancée Fergus in tow. Somehow they managed to fall in love. It was a strange match not made in Heaven but still it worked for them. Gabriel was a wiseass and Fergus was a snob. Luckily both were perverted without an inhibition between them. The intercourse was outstanding.

When Sam tossed the bouquet Gabriel caught it and batted his eyes at Fergus. "Now you have to make an honest man out of me."

Fergus rolled his eyes and snorted, "I'm not even an honest man so why should I make you one?"

Gabriel spotted Alfie packing up his tiny bible and collar in little bag made out of milkweed pods.

"Hey there little guy. Think you can marry me and Fergus?"

Alfie looked over at Fergus who was sipping champagne and looking very bored, "Are you sure?"

Gabriel gave a shrug, "It's not like anyone is beating down my door with a ring. Anyway Fergus is hung like a horse."

Poor Alfie puked up the acorn he ate earlier at the thought of them doing some sweaty humping, "Gross, fine but it's going to cost you."

"What do you want?"

"Kick Rowena in the butt for me."

"Deal."

A few minutes later were saying their vows in front of the squirrel. Alfie had crafted the couple matching bands out of a shed snake skin, a used band aid and a bottle cap. The rings were lovely.

…..

Sampunzel and Dean stayed happily married and eventually moved into the castle. Dean was already there several nights a week for visitation with Zappa and then did some long and hard visiting with Castiel.

Dean had an aversion to birth control so he never bothered to check the Aunt Flow calendar. As a result there were many children fathered by Dean.

Queen Naomi gave in and changed the marriage laws so Dean could make an honest boy out of her son. She realized that it was less embarrassing to introduce Dean as Castiel's husband rather than a cucumber.

Sampunzel's incredible braid was displayed along with the Crown Jewels in the Queen's Gallery. It lay coiled like a pretty snake among the shiny gems and precious metals.

Sampunzel decided he like his bob and never great his crowning glory to great lengths again. After all, it served its purpose. He found a hero handsome enough to finally rescue him.

Castiel planted flowers now instead of vegetables in his garden. He happily shared the love of the same man with Sam.

Dean may have been a bit of a jerk and a layabout but he turned out to be a good father and superb lover, having as many ménage a twats with his bitches as possible.

They all lived happily ever after.

The End