There was a baby hitting Gilderoy Lockhart, and that was not a euphemism.

Well, the "baby" was more like a scowling six-year-old, but they were pretty much the same, right?

Harry stared blankly at the scene before him. His brain was saying, This isn't happening, look again! while his eyes were insisting that No, we're looking, it's happening!

A few minutes ago, Lockhart had been declaring to whoever would listen about Harry being his "biggest fan" and his new position as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Then, a small child with a weird curl poking out from his chestnut hair had walked straight up to Lockhart and started smacking said man with his small hand. To the onlookers and Harry's horror, the child started screaming, "Bullshit! Pompous bastard!"

Who the bloody hell raised this kid? he wondered absentmindedly. I never knew a single curse word until I was at least eight! While Lockhart was distracted, he poured the stack of books that was dumped into his hands to Ginny's cauldron. Ginny didn't even notice, instead choosing to keep on watching the scene before her.

This went on for at least ten more minutes until a tanned man came to the shop. His eyes were as green as Harry's, but that's where the similarities ended. The man was tall and looked pretty strong while Harry knew very well that he was below average regarding both height and strength. His arms were practically noodles.

"Has anyone seen Romano?" the man said upon coming in. "He's about this tall, has a curl coming out from his head-"

"Sir?" Harry called out tentatively, "Is this who you're looking for?" He gestured towards the child who was still yelling profanities at an increasingly flustered Gilderoy Lockhart. How the man didn't notice him immediately was beyond Harry's own understanding. Nevertheless, the man's eyes lit up in surprise and delight to see the (extremely) foul-mouthed kid.

"Sí!" the man said, beaming. "Thank you!" He hurried over to the child and scooped him up. "Romano, I was so worried you were kidnapped again!"

The now identified Romano (Wasn't that some type of cheese?) scowled. "Stupid, there's a bunch of people here, how am I going to get kidnapped? Let me down!"

Romano's guardian turned to Gilderoy Lockhart whose red face was finally starting to die down. "I'm sorry that Romano cursed at you so much. Hey, apologize!" Romano grumbled looking sideways. "Romano!"

"Fine! I'm sorry that I interrupted your stupid speech!"

"Oh, it's quite alright. Kids, right? So innocent and funny," Lockhart chuckled while Ginny whispered incredulously to Harry, "Innocent? That kid?" "I am, of course, Gilderoy Lockhart. I assume that you heard of me?"

"Nope!" the man cheerfully said, oblivious to Lockhart's falling face. "I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! And this is my cute little henchman, Lovino Romano Vargas!"

"What the hell, bastard? Why are you giving out our names to complete strangers?" Roma- er, Lovino said irritably.

"It's only polite! Anyways, I'm very sorry about this," Carriedo pointedly ignored Lovino's grumbling of "Speak for yourself, tomato bastard," "Have a nice day!" With Lovino still cradled to his chest, Carriedo swept out the door from Flourish and Blotts, the door shutting behind them with a soft click.

"Thank God that I'll never see that plebeian and that brat again," Malfoy, who had unknowingly been standing next to him, muttered under his breath loudly enough that Harry could overhear.

And for the first time in Harry's life, he agreed with Malfoy full-heartedly.