Dear Diary,

I'm not really sure when the last time I wrote in you was, days seem to merge into each other now. It's been two weeks since the diagnosis, actually that might have been the last time I wrote, in that time Zoe has began treatment. Twice a week we take our lunch break together and go up the stairs towards oncology, and she has a series of injections. I can't say I understand the ins and outs of this but if it's going to help her then that's all that matters.

Currently she's on the night shift, whilst I'm at home. I've always hated it when we've been on opposite shifts, but it's even harder now knowing that if something goes wrong, I'm not there. It's only a small comfort knowing that if anything goes wrong that she's already in the right place. Still no one but us and the doctors involved in her case, are aware of the cancer and that's how she wants it to remain, for a while at least. I wish that people did, of course I completely get why she doesn't want people to know, but she's so exhausted all the time that I wish she'd cut back her work hours.

Sometimes she crawls into bed late at night when she thinks I'm asleep, I can hear her sobbing gently against me and it breaks my heart. I can tell she's struggling with this, who wouldn't? She's putting on a brave face and trying to show the world that nothing's up, I know different though. The thing is, for the first time, there's nothing that I can say to make it better, I can't just make this go away. Trust me, if I could, I would have done by now.

Every time I look at her my heart breaks a little to know that someone who means so much to me, is suffering so much. To know that one day she won't be there anymore, that she won't be there to touch or to love. I wish she'd open up a little, to let some of it out, yes it'd hurt me and break my heart to hear how she's feeling but I'd go through anything if it eased things for Zoe a little. I see her watching me sometimes when she thinks I'm not paying attention, I can see her wondering why I'm still there and how much longer will I stay, but when I said 'in sickness and in health' I meant it, I love Zoe more than life itself. I don't know what I'd do without her and it's not something that I can think about either.

Max

A/N This is shorter than I had wanted it to be but it is so hard to write, it makes me emotional to write. I hope you understand. Anyway, I hope this is okay and I haven't left too many of you heartbroken.

Beth x