First Born Sons

Kagome was inconsolable.

There was no one present who could blame her – although this was not an uncommon occurrence, especially given the state of medical practices in the feudal era, it just didn't seem… fair.

How could it happen to them?

Inuyasha was in shock, his yellow eyes dulled and vacant as he held his sobbing, thrashing wife.

His vice-like grip had less to do with keeping the still-recovering woman from injuring herself further, and more to do with the fact that he hadn't been able to move since the smell of death had first hit his sensitive nose.

Kaede was silent as she gently washed and wrapped the equally silent newborn, the creases around her good eye more pronounced than ever in her grim frown.

Inuyasha's ear flicked as the aged priestess approached; his ears had been trained in her direction the entire time, straining for the slightest noise – a whimper, a cry, a yelp, anything – and yet he heard nothing but the slight slosh of water and rustle of robes.

"Kagome, child…" Kaede's cracked voice was lost in the anguished wailing of the young woman, but some sense deeper than her grief alerted Kagome that her child was close by, and she turned to the old woman holding a tiny, bundled body in her weathered arms.

Her sobbing stopped and breath hitched as she held out shaky arms, Inuyasha's grip shifting to allow her to bring the child to her bosom, her hand finding it difficult to move as she pushed aside the cloth covering their child's face.

With the tenderest of caresses, Kagome stroked the cheek of her tiny son, not even flinching at the icy feel of his skin – blue instead of the vibrant, healthy pink it should have been.

Not even his deathly pallor could dampen the overwhelming love she felt for her child… love that he would never get to feel.

How could this have happened?

She had been so excited when she first found out – Inuyasha had been the one to notice thanks to his hyper-enhanced senses, before any of the normal signs had showed themselves, and he'd been the one to tell her, swinging her in circles as she laughed and sweeping her into a kiss that had led to more.

They'd spent so much time preparing – he'd tried to build a crib according to the vague descriptions she could give him of the ones in her time, and with determination and a forced level of patience he'd managed to construct quite the wonder of Feudal-age baby furniture.

She'd put her new sewing skills to the test in creating tiny yukatas and sack-like sleepers – she'd even ventured to make a small quilt, and was glad that no one from this time had any frame of reference by which to judge her poorly hatched together blanket.

Miroku and Sango had offered their fair share of parenting advice until the young couple was feeling more than a little inadequate.

Shippo had already started calling the child his 'brother or sister'.

But now….

Had all their work been a waste of time? How had they not known? How could they have gotten so far, joyous even once her contractions hit, all the time wondering: boy or girl? Black-haired or silver? Would it have golden eyes? Would it have claws? Would it have dog ears?

Kagome fingered the little ears on top of her baby's head, covered with fine, light-colored fur, so much like his father's, aside from the post-mortem stiffness….

She couldn't hold it any longer, and cried again.

She cried for her baby and for her husband and for herself. She sobbed for the empty wooden crib, for the coldness at her chest that her mismatched quilt could never warm, for the thought of the tiny Jizo statue they would set before their hut.

And she cursed the feudal era, for the first time wishing she was home in the present. What had she done wrong? What mistake had she made that a good OBGYN could have warned her about? Surely her modern doctors could have prevented this. Surely they would have seen the signs, or noticed something was amiss… they wouldn't have let her baby die before it ever had a chance to draw a real breath.

But then her husband, her Inuyasha, her love, her lifeline, buried his face in her neck and wept with her, and she cursed herself for being so weak.

The stinging mantra of 'How could I have let this happen?' echoed in Inuyasha's head, made all the louder by the silence of the baby.

'How did we miss this? How could I not tell? How could I have failed to protect you?'

He had always been able to save Kagome – they had defeated Naraku, he had rescued her from inside the very Shikon Jewel itself, had survived – kept breathing, kept going – through the agonizing three years of her absence… but he couldn't do anything now.

He had been so excited. He had had such hopes. He should have known better.

To have a son, an heir, a child of his very own… it was nothing he had ever hoped for in the past, nothing he would have dreamed of before Kagome and outside of being turned human….

Sure the gods had gifted him Kagome, but it seemed that gifting him a son was just too tall an order.

It was no less than a Half-demon deserved.

But… Kagome didn't deserve this.

This child… His child didn't deserve this.

His numbness faded as self-hatred swept over him like a tsunami.

He had brought this upon them.

It was all his fault.

Without him, Kagome would have been living in the safety of the modern era, with a husband as normal as normal could be, birthing and raising children who were vibrant and healthy and alive.

To live without Kagome would mean death for him, but if he could… he would readily, gladly give his life to bring life to their baby boy, to give his wife the life she deserved.

Inuyasha held Kagome and his dead child close and cried his grief and rage and self-loathing in a roar that he himself did not realize he was making.

His wife cried all the more at the sound.

Time was meaningless, Kaede's presence lost on them, all outside distractions dimmed from their senses.

The shrill sound of a sword being drawn from a scabbard was like a bucket of cold water over Inuyasha's head, all senses snapping to attention at the sound of a threat to his family.

But the sight before him only froze him back into the shocked state he had been before.

Without a word, and before either distraught parent could fully comprehend what was happening, Sesshomaru had swung his sword, slashing the empty space on either side of the infant, and the blue skin suddenly turned rosy as the tiny face scrunched before letting loose a garbled cry.

And then he turned and walked away, still without a word, as Kaede rushed over, directing Kagome to hold the crying baby to her breast to give it the nourishment it was sorely lacking, while Inuyasha tore his shining yellow eyes away from the flushed and breathing face of his son to stare at the retreating back of his cold and heartless demon brother.

Leaving the side of his wife and child tore at him, but… he had to say something.

Almost ripping the mat off the door in his haste, he saw his brother walking slowly away.

"Sesshomaru, wait."

The Dog-demon stopped, but did not turn or otherwise acknowledge Inuyasha.

He hated to do this, but the remembrance of his tiny child's blue face and his wife's hysterics wiped away the last vestiges of his pride, and he sank to the ground, kneeling, his palms digging into the dirt, his forhead sinking to rest against the backs of his hands as he forced the words he needed to say out of his constricted throat.

"We thank you… I thank you… Sesshomaru. We… we are in your debt."

"… Sons of the Great Dog Demon do not grovel. Get up."

As shocking as it was to hear such a statement from one who had told him too many times that his rightful place was in the dirt, Inuyasha was only too happy to oblige.

Standing straight, they regarded one another, silently.

But their silence was broken by the sudden lively cries of the child inside the hut and the crying laughter of its mother, and Inuyasha's eyes softened, a smile starting to quirk his mouth.

"I mean it Sesshomaru… thank you."

Sesshomaru lightly scoffed, then said with his usual air of authority "Understand this, Inuyasha: the Tenseiga will not work for him a second time. The dead cannot be brought back twice."

Inuyasha nodded firmly – he understood his responsibility to his family, and he would not fail them again.

Seeing the fire returning to his younger brother's eyes, Sesshomaru continued "You must be able to protect your brood yourself. I cannot and will not be involved further."

"Heh, as if I'd rely on you." But there was no real bite in his words.

How could there be?

Seemingly satisfied, Sesshomaru turned on his heel to leave, but he paused after a few steps.

"Does the child have a name?"

Inuyasha started, but then responded, guardedly "No… we hadn't decided yet…."

Sesshomaru's cold, piercing gaze locked with his brothers over his shoulder, and haughtily, his tone almost teasing, said "Yes, well, don't let your disgusting emotional state allow you to do something so utterly ridiculous as to name your first born after his savior."

Inuyasha almost laughed out loud. 'Why you arrogant little… bastard!'

He didn't even try to hide his disbelief and mirth.

"As if I'd even think of something so stupid."

The smirk on Sesshomaru's face was almost imperceptible as he turned away again, but Inuyasha knew he hadn't imagined it.

With the slightest of leaps, the first-born son of the Great Dog Demon took off into the sky, and Inuyasha watched him go with an expression he'd never held towards the man before as he said softly "I owe ya one… big brother."

And with that he turned back to the hut to kiss his exhausted wife and hold his own first-born son for the first time in the little baby's life.

*Author's Note:

… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

This idea just came to me, and before I knew it, it had written itself.

I'm sure this has been done before, but I wanted to really delve into the emotions here, and try and experience the trauma and shock, and… it was a good writing exercise, but that's not why I wrote it.

I wrote it because I'm a glutton for the pain of fictional characters.

Well, as long as everything turns out alright in the end, that is.