So I deleted my fic about China being the yaoi nation with Xu Shu and friends trying to stop it. I decided to merge it with my letters fic so you'll be able to send letters to Xu Shu while I continue the yaoi epidemic.
Nemesis The Asshole,
If you want someone to do something that involves risking their lives go talk to Jia Xu or that new guy that just got promoted. And please do make Guan Yinping less stalker-ish.
Xu Shu
Sima Zhao,
What happened? Is daddy menstruating and calling you a mistake again?
Xu Shu
Ma Chao,
Pang Tong cut his connection with me when once he found out I left Shu.
Xu Shu
Sima Shi,
No I do not have a cache of meat buns stored in my room. Leave me alone and get a life.
Xu Shu
Shu,
So rumors have been saying that you finally grew a pair. Am I hearing this right?
Father
Father,
Yeah that's right? What the f*bleep* do you want?
Shu
Shu,
Just thought I'd check on you and see how've you been.
Father
Father,
Why bother. You haven't been in touch with me since I studied with Zhuge Liang.
Shu
Shu,
Oh yeah that's right. Are you still blowing him?
Father
Father,
He wishes. Besides I'm in Wei right now and I got a better position here.
Shu
Shu,
Awww, did Mr. Sleeping Dragon outshine you again like before graduation? Remember? When he got the highest average in the school and you were second?
Father
Father,
(You little turd) No, there's this 17 or 18 year old girl who for some reason wants my genitals. I don't know about you but the last thing I want to be remembered for is for being a pedophile.
Shu
Shu,
Wow really? No girl ever wanted to approach you when you were young. I'm surprised you turned her down.
Father
Father,
Even if I wanted to I'd still have to deal with her papa-bear older brother.
Shu
Shu,
The rumors were lies. You still have a mangina.
Father
Father,
HEY. I could get a girlfriend if I could. I just can't get one right now is all.
Shu
Shu,
Oh so you're gay is that it?
Father
Father,
Not at all. It's just that there are only three women that I'm allowed to get with. And to top it all off, one is married to my boss's son, one is old, and the other raped me and is also married.
Shu
Shu,
DAMN KID. Props.
Father
Father,
Stop calling me kid I'm 34. And you're commending me for being used and discarded?
Shu
Shu,
Well that's how it worked with me and your mother.
Father
Father,
What are you talking about?
Shu
Shu,
Well before your mother and I got married she slept with a bunch of dudes while she was married to someone else. I was one of the dudes she slept with.
Father
Father,
You're kidding.
Shu
Shu,
Nope not at all. In fact if you ask some of the guys in Wei right now, they probably heard of her somewhere.
Father
Then Xu Shu sent letters to the male generals in the Wei Army including Cao Pi and Cao Cao that had a picture of Xu Shu's mom and a message saying "Do you know this woman?"
Xu Shu,
Oh yeah STD's were like pokemon for her she had to catch em all.
Xiahou Dun
Xu Shu,
I heard that she would blow two villages in a day.
Xiahou Yuan
Xu Shu,
I remember when I served Dong Zhuo I saw him and her get busy A LOT.
Zhang Liao
Xu Shu,
When I served Zhang Xiu people around would call her Lady Cock Wrangler.
Jia Xu
Xu Shu,
Sex with her made me want to become a better man.
Guo Jia
Xu Shu,
I've seen her visit Yuan Shao a lot when I served him.
Zhang He
Xu Shu,
Men in my village said she was almost like a drug dealer, except after selling her crack she would wash it and reuse it. Wonder what that meant?
Dian Wei
Xu Shu,
I heard that when she visited Xiliang the officers would say how much she was like the horses. She would give em free rides.
Pang De
Xu Shu,
She worked our farmers in the corner. Not me though.
Xu Zhu
Xu Shu,
I think I captured her before. But she ended up blowing the guards and ended up escaping. I saw it. It was beautiful.
Cao Cao
The others responded saying how they haven't heard of her. After reading all the letters Xu Shu was on his bed in fetal position, facing the wall, questioning his existence.
Suddenly, Yue Jin and Li Dian walk in after hearing what had happened. "Hey buddy. You okay?" Yue Jin asked.
"I don't know. Is China unified yet?" Xu Shu responded.
"No."
"There's your answer."
Li Dian walked up to him to help him out. "C'mon Xu Shu you can't be like this for the rest of the day. Let's do something together."
Xu Shu turned around to face him and asked, "Like what?"
"We haven't had a drink in a while. I bet it could easily take your mind off stuff, you'll feel better afterwards."
"Sure I guess it'll help."
Xu Shu got out of his bed and the three were making their way to the closest tavern in Xu Chang. As soon as they got there, they were sitting by the counter and ordered some wine. They were having a great time laughing and drinking. But out of all of them, Xu Shu was becoming drunker than the rest. Suddenly Guo Jia walked in and Xu Shu remembered the letter Guo Jia sent to him about his mother, he went stood up to confront but was barely sober enough to stand.
"Hey YOU motherfu*hiccup*er!" Xu Shu said slurring his words. "And that's what you are. Hehehe, s-s-see what I did there." he chuckled at to Yue Jin and Li Dian who just awkwardly laughed.
"Oh hey. What happened to you?" Guo Jia asked turning himself in his seat to face him.
"Stand up. Let's go." Xu Shu said raising his fists.
"You wanna fight me? You can barely stand."
"Shut up!"
"Alright whatever you say, I'll make it quick and painless."
Xu Shu delivered his first swing but it fell short as he collapsed to the floor.
What felt like a few minutes passed for Xu Shu and he woke up looking at the clear day sky. He blinked a few times until he saw Takatora Todo standing to the right of him. Xu Shu immediately sat up "Wh- Why are you here and where the hell am I?"
"Japan." Takatora replied.
Xu Shu stood up and to the left he could see nothing but ocean and to the right was a small Eastern Army cavalry squad and Takatora.
"WHAT THE FU-"