Sorry about the long wait! Haven;t been able to update for a month and a half after school started! So the quality of the chapters might not be as well thought out! Anyways, enjoy the late chapter!
"*Yawn* Oh... I need some food..." China stood up in his bed, stretching his arms. He got off of the bed, and put an eyepatch over his missing eye. He ruffled his messy hair, and smelled his breath, recoiling at the smell
"Geez, I should see someone about this..." China opened a closet, and put on his usual clothes. He walked into a bathroom, and came out after a few minutes, with fresh teeth and combed hair. He walked downstairs into the kitchen.
"Hmm... I wonder what there is for breakfast-aru..."
"Oh, I made cereal."
"Hm? Oh, thanks Belarus. Say, where did you... Get... Cereal... Belarus?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you in my house-aru!" China looked at Belarus, who was sitting on the breakfast table, eating cereal and milk.
"Well, remember last night? When I came over?"
"...Oh God, what did I do!?"
"Ew. Nothing, thank God. I just slept in your guest room."
"Guest room-aru? I don't have a guest room..."
"Huh. I was wondering why there were a bunch of clothes in there. Might have been your walk in closet. I thought only girls have that..."
"Just- where's the cereal?"
"Oh. There's some on the table. I made it for you already." China walked to the marble counter, which had a bowl of cereal with milk on it. To his dismay, the bowl was spouting flames that reached up to China's head.
"Belarus!?"
"What?"
"The cereals on f*cking fire-aru!"
"So?"
"You can't pour cereal!?"
"Eh..." Belarus took a sip of her cereal, which had no fire.
"Why is your cereal not on fire!?"
"It dies down after a while, I guess. How's the eye?" China moved his hand across his eyepatch.
"It's good, I guess. I still need to get someone to fix that-aru."
"Hmm... How about you just get a plastic eye?"
"What? No, I can't do that! What if it falls out!?"
"Eh..." Belarus finished her cereal, while she watched China try to put out the fire in his cereal.
"How did you set fire to the cereal-aru!? It's literally 50% milk! 50% liquid!"
"I did worse with Hong Kong's harbor..."
"Geez. At least you're not like Bri...tain..."
"...What?"
"That's it! I can get Britain to help-aru!"
"Wait, you don't have a phone, right?"
"So? Just watch!" China walked to his front door, opening it.
"*Ahem!* BRITAIN! BRITAIN!" There was a silence, followed by more yelling.
"WHAT!? I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW!"
"GET OVER HERE-ARU!"
"WHAT HAPPENED!? DID YOU BREAK YOUR SPINE DOING TAI CHI AGAIN?!"
"JUST F*CKING COME! *Ahem!* He should be here soon." China walked back inside, and sat down next to Belarus.
"Don't you have a better system for contacting people?"
"I'm not wasting money on phone bill-aru. Besides, it excersizes vocal cords!"
"Right. Well, you gonna eat your cereal?"
"Sure, as soon as the fire dies down."
*Ding Dong!*
"Huh. Britain's that fast, huh?" China opened the door, to see not Britain, but a mailman.
"Package for Mr..." He checks the letter he held in his hand. "...Mr. Wang? Yao Wang?"
"That's me-aru."
"Sign here." The man handed him a clipboard, while China took the letter. I'm not sure if that's how mailing letters work, I don't even get e-mails from people. It's pretty depressing sometimes.
"Hm..." China went inside, and opened it. "From Britain-aru..."
China,
I am in a rather inconvenient position to come over right now. My house has currently been demolished, and I am trying my hardest to tidy up. I'm sorry to say, but it would be great if you came over.
-Britain
P.S.: Get a f*cking phone!
"Get phone my ass-aru... I wonder what destroyed his house? Hmm..." China looked up to Belarus, who was drinking her cereal out of the bowl.
"...Yeah?"
"Are you finished with the cereal-aru?"
"Not really. Besides, I gotta clean up the room I slept in."
"Er, sure-aru. It can't be that bad though, right-aru?"
"Eh, long story short; Never mix wine with one of your radios."
"I always do that-aru!"
"Really? Well, in that case, never do that while-"
"Look-aru. Can you just watch over the house for me? I need to see Britain immediately."
"Sure. When are you coming back then?"
"I'll text you about it, I guess. Although last time I texted, I just stole some other guy's phone."
"Okay then... Bye, I guess?"
"Yeah. See you later-aru." China walked out of the door, leaving Belarus all alone in the house. She was about to finish her cereal, but the door opened slightly. China poked his head in.
"And one more thing..."
"Yeah?"
"If you go downstairs-aru..." China's voice turned very serious. "Don't go into the last door on the left..." China slowly pulled his head back out the door, and closed it. Belarus, who really didn't pay attention to half of the stuff China said, didn't hear to much of it.
"...What? Eh, I'll figure it out eventually." Belarus finished her cereal, put it into the sink, and went upstairs.
"Well, home's alone, and I don't have to take care of any babies. Let's see what China has in his house..." Belarus opened the door to China's bathroom, and walked in.
"Boring..." She looked inside the sink cupboard. "Boring..." She looked behind the toilet.
"Bori- Ohh... Is that... Is that a... Ew." Belarus walked out of the bathroom, and went into China's bedroom.
"Hmm..." Belarus looked inside the wardrobe, and the drawers, and found nothing. "Uh... Maybe he's just boring... Belarus looked under the bed, and widened her eyes.
"Oh, hello there..." Belarus reached under China's bed, and pulled out what appeared to be a book. She opened it to the first page, and started reading.
"Hm... Oh... Okay, it's a girl... Oh, nevermind, it's a dude in a dress... Oh, he's bold, doing that in a school bathroom... Are those girls? Waitaminute, do they have peni..." Belarus closed her eyes, closed the book, and slid it underneath the bed, where she found it.
"Welp, I guess I'm not going into this room anytime soon..." Belarus went downstairs, and into the basement. She went to the first door on the right, and discovered that it was a boiler room. Next door to the left was just a laundry area. Next one to the right was the classroom. The only door left was the one on the left, where China told her not to go to.
"...Hmm... What did China say about this door? Eh, f*ck it, I'm not going to listen anyways..." Belarus opened her eyes, and was hit in the face with an overwelming smell.
"*Sniff Sniff!* Oh, geez! What does China keep in here?" Belarus tried to make out the contents of the room, but only saw smoke. She coughed, and felt dizzy, as she walked around the room. She eventually found what appeared to be a strangely shaped fire lamp, and a match. She lit the lamp, which had what appeared to contain black powder, and the room was more lit up.
"...What... What the hell... I can't... Oh..."
Great Britain
"America! America, that's not a toy!"
"So? It can be!"
"But it's NOT! Not in this house!"
"More like ze remains of le maison..."
"I don't need you making comments France!" As France, America, and Britain argued, Canada was off to the side, sweeping up all of the rubble caused by the explosion.
"Hey...Hey guys?"
"Well, at least ma maison est beux enough to not 'ave God will it's destruction!"
"What did you say!?"
"You know what I said!"
"No, I mean I don't understand french."
"Guys?"
"Iggy, what about all that left over money from you old empire?"
"The empire is still in effect! It's just not as strong as it was when you were one of my colonies!"
"GUYS!" The three bickering nations turnede to Canada, who chuckled nervously. "Heh...Sorry... Eitherway, do you mind if you can help me with this?"
"Eh, sure..."
"Hm... Eitherway, I sent China a letter, telling him to come over. Perhaps he'll help..."
"Quoi? Porquoi?"
"Pardon?" America, instead of Canada, answered.
"He said 'What? Why?'." The three stared at America.
"You learned french?"
"Well, when Spain taught me, the words sound pretty similar to french... You live right next to these people, don't you have a dictionary or something?"
"Never bothered to learn. Eitherway, China's not doing alot at home, remember?"
"Yeah, about that..." France spoke up. "Per'aps tu forgot about Belarus, oui?"
"Oh, shit! The eye!" America grabbed France and went further away from Canada and Britain.
"Merde! Watch ze 'air!"
"You think China's still pissed at us?"
"What? Por- Oh... Ze eye..."
"Well, let's hope he's cooled over by then..."
"I wouldn't mind 'im on my ass..."
"France! I'm serious! And I'm America; This is serious if I'm serious..."
"Yeah... We should get to cleaning, huh?"
"*Grumbles* Yeah..." America and France walked back, and grabbed a broom each, starting to sweep the floors of rubble.
China's Basement, Far Door to the Left
"Geez, I just passed out, didn't I?" Belarus got off of the floor, rubbing her eyes and dusting off her clothes. She undid one of her bows, and tied it around her mouth and nose as a mask. She held her hands out in front of her, and eventually found a window.
"Oh, thank God. Let's see if I can open it...Oh, it's so rusty! How old's this room?" Belarus, after much creaking and effort, opened the window, and fanned all the fumes out of the basement. After the stuff cleared out, Belarus rubbed her eyes to make sure she was seing correctly.
"Is this... No, I thought China gave up on this stuff a while ago..." Belarus walked circles within the newly discovered room, taking note of everything. The walls, red with gold dragon designs, with couches, ottomans, and all sorts of furniture. There were opened chests full of pipes, lighters, and cloth bags. Belarus took a bag, and opened it.
"*Sniff Sniff!* Well... Hello opium..." Belarus checked her pockets for her phone, so she could take a picture and blackmail China with it. However, all she found was her wallet. She took it out, and opened it, to see only nothing in it.
"...Hmm..." Belarus looked at the wallet, then to the opium, then to the room surrounding her.
"As long as China's gone, he wouldn't mind... Well, he would, but I don't give a shit..."
Britain's House
*Vroom!* *Screech!* *Sounds of car parking!*
"Aiyaah... It's really bad-aru..." China parked his car in front of the remains of Britain's house. He stepped out of the car, bringing a pistol just in case the people who did this were still here. He slowly walked into the remains of the house, to see 3 human figures and a floating bear holding what appeared to China as guns. China snuck up behind them, and held out his gun.
"Freeze-aru!" The FACE family quickly turned to China, brandishing their brooms in defence. Well, Britain anyways. America dropped his, France surrendered, and Canada just didn't care.
"China! Thank God you're here."
"What happened to this place-aru... It looks like America dropped bomb on here..."
"Well, actually, it was Germany and his-HOLY SHIT!" Britain jumped, pointing at the eyepatch on China's face. Canada simply widened his eyes at China's eyepatch, while France and America shrinked slightly.
"Well, about that, I needed you to do your... 'Stuff'... For it."
"What..." Canada spoke up. "What happened?"
"Well, magical talking polar bear..."
"Oh for fu-"
"It was the Fatass and the Frog who poked out my eye."
"Hey! It was Belarus, technically!"
"Yeah! She was ze one who was doing acupuncture!"
"Acupuncture?" Britain looked at the eyepatch once more. "I knew those needles are no good..."
"Well, nevermind that. I want two things from you-aru."
"Not really in the mood, or the position, for this, but go on." China stuck out a finger for each thing he listed.
"Yi! I want you to hurt France and America."
"Done."
"Hey!"
"Er! I want you to help me restore the eye! San! I want to see how much a phone bill costs-aru!"
"Phone bill? Oh yeah, the yelling and stuff..."
"So, if I help you clean up, can you help me out here-aru?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess..."
"Great-aru!" China beamed at Canada. "Mr. Polar Bear?"
"*Sigh...* Yes, China?"
"Hand the your broom, please. It is much too large for you-aru." Canada gave China the broom, while China petted Kumajiro on the head. Kumajiro turned to Canada.
"I like him..."
"What? Why?"
"He has a certain air of friendliness. Not that you don't have one, Carl..."
"Carl?"
"...But it's like he also lives with bears."
"Okay-aru! Stand back, everyone!" The other nations did as China said, as China started spinning the broom in the air. He swiped it around him, cleaning and fixing every single broken thing in one move. Every vase and table, repaired. The foundation, walls, and every nook of the house was comppletely completed. China agave the broom back to Canada (Well, Kumajiro, really) And turned to Britain.
"So. The eye-aru?"
"How did you... Never in my life... Is that physically... What?"
"Years of watching over more than 4 kids, Chinese New Year's cleaning, and general clean freakness. Now, about the eye..."
"Oh, yes, well, if the house is completely fixed... For some reason-"
"To move le plot forward."
"Yes, thank you, France! As I was saying, if it's completely fixed, come down to the basement." Britain took China down into his basement, leaving France and America alone.
"...Plot reasons?"
"Well, we can't bring in contracters and construction people into ze fanfic. The thing's long enough, no?"
China's House
"So, we can have this little entrance built into the basement window," Belarus said, inside of the opium den. "Attaching a trap door of sorts."
"Will the den have, like, all sorts of women?" Hong Kong measured the window's length and height with some tape measure, recording it down on a scrap piece of paper.
"Wait what?"
"I mean, I'm surrounded by Asian girls, and being a colony of Britain, white girls are pretty common too. Will there be black girls?" Hong Kong said this straight faced to Belarus, who also kept a deadpan face.
"It's an opium den. Not a brothel..."
"Just wanted to see... I mean, with the flat chested rep asian girls get..."
"You... Are a strange... And horny... Asian..."
"Not really horny. Just curious. I've always heard they're well endowed, and that goes for the men too, if you're interested..."
"...Do you want to help me with this or not?"
"Alright, fine. So, how're we going to, like, advertise this?"
"Advertise?"
"Well, you see," Hong Kong began. "Opium dens aren't really common anymore. It died out around the World Wars, pretty much. And it's more illegal than ever, so..."
"Hey. It's Belarus you're talking to. I know what I'm doing..." Belarus took out a phone, while Hong Kong talked to her.
"You know, when you called me over about needing some 'special assistance,' I really thought that you meant something else..."
"Ew, just shush. Hello?" Belarus talked into the phone. "Yeah. Oh, Vatican! Sorry to bother you, but is Romano there?"
"Wait, you're calling Romano!?"
"Shush! Yeah? Romano? Yeah... About that... I was kind of in a rush... You know, I have enough knowledge of italian to know when you're saying 'f*ck you,' to me. Eitherway, you know Mussolini and his thing with the mafia? Yeah, I have a little proposition for you..."
Britain's Basement
"Alright, you are one of the few to know this secret..." Britain and China walked downstairs, into a room with stone walls. There were tables and chairs with books, scrolls, scriptures, and all sorts of things on them. There was also a cauldron, a staff in the corner, candles, and a pentagram in the middle of the room.
"Aiyaah... I won't tell anyone else... By the way, who else knows about my secret?"
"Well..." Britain counted off with his fingers. "You, India, Russia, Japan, Romania, Norway-"
"Wait, Romania? You mean that vampire guy?"
"Yeah, pretty much... Eitherway, you just want a regular new eye?"
"Yes-aru."
"No new colors?"
"No!"
"No cool shapes. Like Ciel from Black Butler?"
"No-aru! And that anime hasn't been made yet!"
"Fine, just a regular old eye for you then..."
"What about you-aru!?" China pointed to Britain's eye. "In your days as a pirate, you wore an eyepatch!"
"Not because I lost an eye, ninny. It was so I could see better in the dark*."
"Wait, what? Nevermind, I just want the eye."
"Alright." Britain grabbed a book off of a table, and flipped through the pages.
"Let's see here... Affect luck, Curse, Aunt Jemimah pancakes, ah! Here!" Britain laid the book down on a stand, so that both he and China could read it.
"Hm... Britain..."
"Yeah?"
"This ain't english-aru..."
"Oh! This is Theban**.Ahem!* It says we need part of your essence, some eye of koi fish, yew wood wand with amethyst point-"
"Look-aru. I don't need to know what you have to do. Just get the things together."
"Alright then. Stand in the middle of the pentacle." China reluctantly walked to the centre of the pentacle, sitting down criss cross. He watched Britain race around the room, picking up a wand, some water, what appeared to be an eye shaped glass, and a bunch of other stuff.
"Okay then. Take off the eyepatch." China moved his hands behind his head, undtying the eyepatch. As it fell to the floor, Britain almost lept.
"What?"
"It's just that, it looks so weird! It looks like a compact vagi-"
"JUST GET ME THE EYE-ARU!"
"Alright, alright!" Britain held up the wand, pointing towards China. "Now... Hold still..."
China's Opium Den
"Wait, so you want me," Romano said, leaning against a wall, to Belarus, "To help you make a drug den?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Hong Kong said. As he said that, Romano turned to him.
"Very well. I'll-a help. But on one condition!"
"And that would be?" Belarus said.
"He!" Romano pointed at Hong Kong. "Needs to-a stop making fake-a Gucci bags!"
"Done. Let's get down to business."
"Wait, what!? That's most of my income! The rest goes to Britain!"
"Well, find another thing to rip off. I hear Japan's new NES is pretty fun."
"Alright," Belarus took out a piece of paper, which was an old english picture of an old Opium Den. It was a black and white photograph of men and women, lying on floors and low couches. "Suppose that we build this den, and we get enough people to come. How're we going to get by China's law enforcment?"
"I can help with that," Said Hong Kong, who was doing some formulae math on a sheet of paper. "I know my way around China's guys..."
Britain's Basement
"Alright now..." Britain stood over China, who was lying down on the floor. "...Wakey wakey, China..." Britain smiled, as China slowly got up.
"Oh... Did I... Did I collapse-aru?"
"Yeah. You see, the mixture of the nightshade poison, and the shock from the charged amber knocked you out. With you unconcious, the spell wouldn't work. Therefore, I had to do the next best thing..."
"Which was?"
"I took a leftover eye from when I stabbed it out of someone, and just popped into the socket.
"WHAT-ARU?!" China got up, and grabbed Britain's throat. "You put another person's eye in my socket!?"
"Oi! If it makes you feel better, it was a chinaman's eye! And it was the exact same as your other eye! Trust me, I took the other one out and examined it!"
"What?! That's no better-aru! *Sighs* Well, at least..." China grabbed a black, shiny bowl on a table, and looked at his reflection. "At least it matches... I need to go home-aru. I don't know what kind of shit's going on there..." China walked upstairs, where he saw America and France sitting on Britain's couch, with a floating bear next to them.
"Oh, one more thing-aru. Mr. Bear?"
"Yes?" It was actually Kumajiro who spoke, instead of Canada, who was just checking his phone.
"Please kick these two idiots for me please." China left out Britain's door, while Kumajiro lifted his claws towards America and France. As he heard screams and reprimands, China got into his car, and started driving to his house.
"Hm... It's rather quiet-aru... How about some radio?" China flicked a switch, and music started playing from the radio. "Patsy Cline, The Beatles, Ray Charles, news about opium den, Ooh! Snoop Dogg-aru...Wait..." China flicked another switch, and a tinny voice spoke
"After an investigation, an opium den has been discovered in the home of Mr. Wang Yao. He is currently not at home, but we are investigating 3 people at the den. One is a cantonese teenager, another is an italian young adult, and the third is an east european lady. They are both suspected of-"
*SMASH!*
China took his fist out of the car radio, and stomped on the gas pedal, not saying a word.
China's House
"Hey! Get those-a cameras outta my face!" Romano flipped off cameras that surrounded him, Hong Kong, and Belarus. Hong Kong simply shrunk behind Romano, while Belarus answered the questions being asked at her by the police.
"Ms., what were you trying to do?"
"I was trying to run a simple western pharmacy. Nothing more."
"Hmm... This doesn't seem like the kind of place you would do so at. Especially in the basement."
"That," Belarus said, quite convincingly. "Was where we were making the medicine."
"If that's so-"
*SCREECH!*
China got out of his car, parked behind the cameraman and the police.
"What's going on, Belarus!?"
"China!" Belarus ran up to China, and faced away from the police.
"Ai! What?"
"It's like... I'll explain after. For now, I'm attempting to open a western medicine pharmacy." Belarus turned to the police again. "Here's my friend, Mr. Wang, who allowed us the use of his basement." A policeman turned to China, who smiled and waved nervously.
"Mr. Wang," He began. " Did you agree to the use of your basement for what they were doing?"
"Er... Yes-aru. I completely consented to it."
"Did you know that one of the ingredients in their 'pharmacy,' was opium?" He held up a plastic bag full of opium, while China examined it.
"Hmm...Aru..." China slowly took the bag, and examined it. "Dear cop, this is nothing-aru!"
"What do you mean? It's obviously opium!"
"No, I mean, so what if opium is ingredient in medicine? This is tame, considering some things that the west uses. Have you heard about Iodine medicine? Or cocaine drops***?"
"Er... No?"
"Drugs are dosed in extremely small proportions, that not only mixed with the other components, treat the person. They also help build up resistance. If you ask me, this seems perfectly normal-aru..."
"Hm... Very well. But if we suspect any funny business," The man leaned in close towards a recoiling China. "We will find you... Come on boys! They're clean... For now..." The cops all went into a car, and started driving away. China turned to Belarus, Romano, and Hong Kong, who fidgeted a bit.
"Now... As for you-aru..."
5 Minutes Later
"Aiyaah... Belarus, I specifically told you, not to go to room on left!"
"Well, you should have locked it."
"Grr..." China examined the opium den, noting how Romano, Hong Kong, and Belarus restored it. The walls were painted into a fresh red, and new furniture was placed around the room. There were jars of opium and pipes on every table, and there was a trap door leading out of the window.
"...You know, we can-a explain..."
"Well, you three can explain after I ask a few questions. Yi! Why did you decide to start another opium den? Er! Why did you get Hong Kong and, out of all people, Romano into this? Sa-"
"Look. I was running out of money. The whole union is, and I thought that if you and Britain monopolized a profit on this, maybe I'd make some money off of it too. And they're here because... Well... Hong Kong has former experience with opium deals, and he knows how things work in Asia as well. And Romano's here because his knowledge of the underworld's just as good as Hong Kong, and he has more ties around the world."
"Okay, but opening an opium den is one of the stupidest things you can do-aru!"
"How come you're against the opium den?" Hong Kong spoke up. "Didn't you, like, have a million of them before?"
"Aiyaah... Well, that was when you were too young to understand. A war between us and Britain was devastating enough. I don't need another opium wars, especially in the midst of a World War."
"Hmm...Well, how about-a this." Romano took out a map. "We spllit the cuts for the opium, by-a four ways. 25% each-a. And instead of in your crappy basement-"
"Hey!"
"We'll go-a here!" Romano pointed to a spot on the map. It was in the slums of a city.
"Hm... I still don't know-aru..."
"China. Weren't you having a funding issue? Your military's not doing too well, I heard. Didn't you have a regiment with only swords?"
"Hm... Good point... Alright then. Just one more time then?"
"Sounds good." Belarus grabbed a few boxes, and a few pipes. "Let's get packing.
4 Hours Later
"Now just-a wait for a second!" Romano said, in the back seat of China's car. "It takes-a 4 hours for you to-a get to a city inside-a your territory, but when you-a go to the eyebrow man's-a house and back, it takes just-a enough for Belarus to find-a some room in your basement?"
"The magic of fanfiction plots." Hong Kong murmered, texting on his phone. "So, where's this place, Romano?"
"I drove-a by it when I came here. It's in a slum. It's-a just an old an abandoned-a warehouse."
"Alright then." Belarus looked out of the window, zoning out. "So, Romano. How dd you advertise the den?"
"Well, I'll explain when we-a get the-"
"We're here-aru." China stopped the car, and stepped out with the other three. The streets of the city were empty, and the buildings were either run down, bland, or both.
"There." Romano pointed at a gray garage door, with bird shit on it.
"Hmm... Well, compared to the other buildings here-aru..." China looked around the area. There was graffiti and broken glass everywhere. "...It seems to be safe..."
"Come on." Belarus opened the trunk of the car, and picked up a box. "Let's get to work. Kong, open the door."
"Yeah, I kinda need the key for the lock..."
"Oh, here. You need to-a put the key into the handle lock-a." Hong Kong took the key, and put it in the lock. He opened the lock, and lifted up the metal door. As China and Romano grabbed boxes, they looked at the inside of the warehouse. It was old and dingy. The insides were gray, and there were cracks on the walls and floor. The only lighting was a single, broken light from the ceiling, and it smelt of old cheese.
"Alright, seems pretty manageable. You got the paint?" Hong Kong turned to Belarus, who put down the box. In it were paint cans, brushes, paintings, and all sorts of decor. As Romano and China hrabbed the rest of the boxes, Belarus looked around.
"Hm... China, how much experience did you have with this opium stuff?"
"I pretty much invented it-aru!"
"Good. I guess you're going to teach me some stuff after all."
*Some seamen back then wore eyepatches, but not because they lost their eyes. They would wear the eyepatch over one eye, and when they go down to a dark part of the ship, they would take it off. It's an optical trick that allows them to see better in the dark
**Theban is an alphabet that used to be used by witches to protect their writings from being discovered by Christians. Due to this, it has become known as the 'Witch Language.' It's just an alphabet different from the latin alphabet, so there's no language for Theban. I'm actually memorizing Theban! Just a fun fact!
*** Look up 'cocaine drops' on google. Medicine back then was a bit less subtle. I'm also pretty sure that I heard something about dog droppings being used as lozenges, and ingesting silver for something.