He thought about their third meeting, when he had helped Jack capture the dinosaur and won a place at Torchwood 3. The choking gall of betrayal sweetened by hope. Jack's Webley pressed to the back of his head, cold hard words edged in black hate… Jack's lips on his as air and consciousness rushed back. Lisa's memories spilling from a stranger's bloodied lips and the shots…oh god the shots.

He sat up struck his head on the airplane window next to his seat. He winced and absently wiped at the tears on his cheeks. First class bought you enough room and grace for such things to go unmentioned. There was a time when a dream of Lisa would have found him in Jack's arms. Now he took what comfort he could from the blanket of clouds below shot through with golden shards of sunlight.

"Sir?"

He looked over his shoulder, a handsome boyish attendant was smiling expectantly at him.

"Dinner sir, would you prefer meat or vegetable?"

Food of any substance sounded repellant but he had a long way to go.

"Uh vegetable, thank you."

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"Scotch." He blurted it without really thinking. Drinking was not a great idea but…why not? He had hours before the plane would land.

You keep aging?

Yeah, not much, at least so far just the odd gray hair –

But…you can't die.

I don't scar either but I age.

What will become of you?

The burn of the alcohol tore away the memory.

Jack waited in the arrivals area, behind ropes and electronic gates and all the security he could easily bypass. He didn't want that, he didn't want to be spooky all powerful Captain Jack Harkness, he wanted …normal. He wanted to meet his boyfriend after a long flight and get dinner on the way home. Admittedly they were on the wrong side of the Atlantic but a guy can try.

He saw Ianto exit carrying a single bag. He didn't look up, making a beeline for the rows of taxis waiting at the curb. Jack hurried to intercept him.

"Ianto." Jack said and touched Ianto's arm. Ianto flinched and sighed when he recognized Jack.

"We need to talk –" Jack said.

Ianto appeared to think it over. The taxis were nearby but so were the inevitable security personnel, he wouldn't put it past Jack to cause a scene just to get his way. Resigned Ianto nodded.

"Lead the way." He said softly.

Jack managed to spirit them into a high class lounge apparently usually reserved for the sort of people that carry the black American Express car and think less than six figures to run a household on is poverty.

Ianto waited patiently while Jack ordered drinks.

"What do you want Jack?"

"To talk."

Ianto waited letting the silence work in his favor.

"Why did you leave?"

Ianto sighed but was saved from a reply as their drinks arrived. He didn't touch his.

"You know why –"

"No, I don't, I love you –"

"Part of the reason I love you Jack is your strength. You stand strong in the face of so much…shit. Except you didn't once. One time you tried to walk away, tried to run…" He remembered Jack's anguish and fear, closed his eyes.

"Ianto you –"

Ianto opened his eyes. "That darkness in you Jack, the impulse that made you order me to execute Lisa, the same one that whispered to you to run from the 456…that ruthlessness it's in me too Jack."

Jack's face twisted in doubt and worry. "No, Ianto, you're –"

"A liar, a sneak, even a killer. We're all of these things Jack, everyone in Torchwood was. Even your precious Gwen." He spoke without heat, an almost lecturing tone. "I was particularly good at it wasn't I? I kept Lisa in the hub for months, it wasn't until I brought in someone to help that you found her. I lied to you about more than that, who I was, how I grew up. You knew I was a drifter but never asked why I drifted. You know, I still can't tell when you're lying half the time."

Jack sipped his drink.

"I'm not running from you Jack. I'm running from us. I haven't told you everything. When I was shot I learned some things." Now Ianto paused, seemingly thinking over his next words.

"Ianto, let me help you."

Ianto considered Jack's offer then spoke again. "Bychus." His bright eyes watched Jack. Jack's initial reaction was frustration then his expression froze grew confused and he leaned back in his seat.

"Bychus." He said softly then nodded to himself.

"Something is coming Jack, I think I have to stop it or maybe I have to help it … I don't know. I can feel the pressure it's like being in a plane except my ears won't pop. A constant pressure, a rhythm in all my thoughts, it's like standing too close to the speakers at a concert only the beat is my pulse and I can't stop it."

"Broad souled. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You're really asking me that?"

"We defied the laws of reality –"

"No, he did. He forced your hand, I can see it in your eyes. You watch me when you think I'm not looking and I can see the guilt in your eyes Jack. If it had been up to you alone I wouldn't be here."

Jack looked away tears in his eyes. Spurred by an impulse to mercy Ianto leaned forward and took Jack's hand.

"It would have been the kinder choice I think." He whispered. Jack pulled him forward and they kissed hard and rough. Ianto pulled away, sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair then looked across the lounge to the view of the runway.

"I can help you Ianto. If you'll let me."

"I don't think you're supposed to Jack, not yet, maybe not ever." Ianto said wearily.

"Why? Says who? You and me Ianto, think about it –"

"We would be unstoppable?" He asked with an eyebrow raised. "I think that's the problem Jack."

"No, it can't end like this, not like this Ianto, not after everything we've done and seen, everything we've survived."

"I love you Jack, I do, your ruthlessness, your courage, your…" He swallowed and returned to studying the view. "I love you Jack but I don't think we get a vote."

"That's unacceptable." Jack snarled. Ianto rose and picked up his bag.

"I think if you …. Meddle…it will make things worse Jack."

"That's bullshit. This isn't about Bychus or whatever is coming, it's about us. You've always been afraid of us of what it would –"

"You think I'm ashamed of you? Uncomfortable to be in public with you?"

"Aren't you?"

"No Jack I've never been ashamed of you. I just never felt I knew where I stood, not until you brought me back. I love you Jack I always will but we both know you'll outlive me. We both know one day you'll love someone else. Have loved others and I don't mean a night of fun."

"Ianto you're –"

"That was part of the appeal really, to fall in love with an immortal man, it's a pretty safe thing, not like you'll be converted by Cybermen will you?" He said bitterly.

"Ianto, you're everything to me."

"I hope not Jack, I really do, we have what, forty years? is why I hesitated, why I always wondered where I stood because we can't be forever, we can't grow old together and get a cat and bicker and... I might stand tall in the gallery of your heart Jack but I'm still one among many and …and that's confusing. It hurts sometimes. I've never been ashamed of you Jack, even when I should have been. You terrify me and enthrall me but you don't shame me."

"You could have said –"

"Could I? Maybe, maybe I could have. It doesn't matter now."

"I'm not leaving you again."

"That's right Jack, you're not. I'm leaving you. I can't be your everything Jack because when the time comes you'll have to live without me. You can't reach into time like Syriath and risk all of reality for me, for us. I won't let you. I'm leaving you, I'm leaving us."

"What? You're dumping me to save me?"

"I thought you liked experiencing new things Jack, when was the last time someone you loved and loved you back chose to walk away?" Be cruel to be kind he told himself.

"Alice." Jack said softly.

Ianto looked away from the view. "Do you think she still loved you? Still does?"

Jack rose fast enough to send his chair skittering backwards.

"Ah there it is." Ianto whispered.

"What Ianto? If you want to go then go."

Ianto rose and shook his head. "Jack, for what it's worth. If I had been with you, I think Steven would still have had to die."

Jack sobbed.