#30 Who Mourns for Torrent Company

The figure in front of her stiffened, his task forgotten. He whirled around, expressions of surprise, disbelief, and elation battling for control of his features.

"Goose!" he gasped, his face breaking out into a grin.

Before she could process anything, before her stunned mind could even comprehend that on a military base of several square kilometers she had somehow found him, Jules had crossed the small distance between them and pulled her into a one-armed hug. Goose returned the embrace without a second thought, an almost tangible wave of relief crashing over her now that he was solid and alive. It felt almost as if she had finally let out a breath she'd been holding since the moment she first woke up in the MedCenter.

All too soon, however, Jules pulled back and scrutinized her face incredulously as if reassuring himself she was actually there.

"Wha…what are you doing here? How…?" he uttered somewhat breathlessly. "After General Skywalker had you transferred to the civilian MedCenter, I haven't – there hasn't been any news about your recovery."

At the mention of Skywalker, all of her burning questions about Teth came roaring back to the forefront of her mind. That had to mean that Skywalker survived, didn't it? What had happened after she blacked out? Goose opened her mouth to ask, but the words never made it past her frozen lips. A totally unexpected thought had popped into her head. Did she really want to know? Could she handle it if Jules confirmed what she already feared; that all of those men had died in vain?

She was saved from having to make a decision because just then a med droid walked by and informed them tersely that visitors were not allowed at this time, and that patients should return to their beds immediately. Jules muttered some sort of apology to it and headed back toward the recovery wards, but with a somewhat uncertain expression turned and led Goose away from the medbay once the droid was out of sight. She followed him wordlessly through the corridors, still mentally grappling with herself.

It wasn't until Jules stopped walking that Goose realized that the hallway they'd been walking in had suddenly opened up to overlook a cavernous indoor parade ground. The floor they were on wrapped around the perimeter of the massive space almost like a balcony while several stories below them an unidentifiable company of troopers practiced maneuvers. At another time or another place, the precision of their marching may have impressed her. Jules remained quiet, seeming to be waiting for her to speak first.

"Jules," Goose blurted at last, before an awkward silence formed, "What…happened?"

He took a deep breath and fixed his gaze on some indeterminate point within the sea of troopers.

"You suffered severe head trauma on Teth," Jules began slowly. "After reinforcements secured the monastery, you were medevac'd to the medbay aboard the Resolute. Neuroscans showed significant cranial bleeding and a minor skull fracture, and med droids immediately placed you in a bacta tank. Upon reaching Coruscant, General Skywalker managed to pull some strings to get you moved to Republic Central for more advanced treatment."

Goose nodded absently as he spoke.

"What about Rex? And Coric…"

"They're fine," Jules answered a little woodenly. "They left on a shakedown cruise a few days ago, just a supply run to get the new troopers up to speed."

"New troopers?" she whispered in shock. So they had been replaced, just like that…

A shadow fell over his face, and Goose saw his jaw muscle tighten.

"Yeah, a fresh batch was shipped out from Kamino to build Torrent Company back up." Jules said at last, his voice sharp and bitter. "None of them has anything more than Kaminoan flash training under his belt."

A sick feeling began to settle in the pit of her stomach. For the first time, it truly dawned on her that Jules had lost everything. From what Goose understood, those were the men that Jules had been raised with. They were more than just his brothers in arms; they were the only family he had ever known. And they had been replaced like disposable drinking straws. Her mind instantly dredged up a half-dozen platitudes to offer him condolences, but the words died on her lips just as quickly as they formed in her head.

"Jules…" was all she managed to say. He continued to look out at the troopers practicing drills below them, but she had a feeling it wasn't them he was seeing.

Goose finally found her voice and struggled to form the right words. "Jules…. I'm so sorry, about your brothers…"

"It doesn't matter," he practically spat, though his anger didn't seem to be directed at her. "The mission was completed satisfactorily. The Hutt was delivered safely to Tatooine, and a treaty was signed between the Hutt clans and the Republic."

"Jules, it isn't your –"

"I know what you're thinking," he said harshly, "but I should have been down there. I should have been fighting alongside my brothers."

Realization washed over her. He blamed himself for their deaths, because he had stayed behind in the safety of the medbay while his brothers had fought and died. But that was wrong, and it broke her heart to hear him say it.

"That's bantha poodoo and you know it," Goose said evenly. "Teth was a trap, Jules. One more trooper would've made no difference. If anything, you would have been killed too."

"Then at least I would have died with my squad," he said hollowly, his hand not in the sling clenching the railing until his knuckles turned white.

"Jules, don't say that," she practically pleaded. "You were injured…"

He snorted. "You couldn't understand."

"I was there, Jules!" Goose snapped, having had enough. "I watched Torrent Company wiped out before my eyes. Every wounded man I patched up got gunned down, and I could do nothing. It's fekked up. This whole blasted war is fekked up. But blaming yourself won't fix anything."

A long silence reigned between them. Her anger had spent itself just as quickly as it came, and soon enough gave way to regret. His hand still clamped the railing with a grip of durasteel, but his expression was more shaken than anything else. His features slowly relaxed, as if he was going through a well-practiced process of calming himself down, while he stared almost blankly at the troopers marching in formation below them.

"This lot came in at the same as the replacements. I saw them march around too, before they shipped out," Jules said softly, almost to himself. "Seems like all they could do was march. No real experience. Never been in a real battle. How long will it be, before they're all dead too?"

When she met his eyes again, she saw nothing but forlorn resignation left in them. Without thinking Goose reached out to cover his hand with her own, as much to comfort him as to reassure herself. He flinched a little; quietly, she moved her hand so it only rested on the railing beside his. The look in his eyes changed then, as if he had just realized who he had been talking to. More silence stretched between them. Goose couldn't name what it was, but Jules seemed to draw back from her somehow, even if he hadn't physically moved.

"How's the collarbone holding up?" she finally asked tentatively, desperate to change the subject in any way she could.

"Well enough," Jules answered after a pause, sounding fully composed. "Med droid says I'll be able to return to active duty after a few days. I think it'll be longer than that before the swelling goes away, but the med droid's been trying to get rid of me since I got restless and started reorganizing the medbay shelves."

Goose felt a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. So that's what he'd been doing when he dropped those bacta patches.

"And what about your hematoma?" He added quickly, as if embarrassed to have forgotten to ask.

"Nothing a little induced coma couldn't cure," Goose replied with a wry grin. "But seriously, I'm alright. Just needed to wait for the intracranial inflammation to subside."

Her tone was glib in an attempt to reassure him, but she was sure Jules was thinking the same thing she was; Goose could just as easily be dead, or never have woken from that coma. His face registered concern and looked like he was about to make a reply, but the warning look on her face seemed to stop him. Then, as if he had remembered something, he started to fish around in the pocket of his fatigues.

"Your personal effects were removed before you were put in bacta on the ship," Jules said as he handed her a small metal object. "I managed to save this before it went down the garbage chute with your uniform."

It was her flask. The one she'd picked up back on Christophsis and written For Emergencies Only in now-fading ink. It felt like that had been years ago now instead of just a few weeks. Unbidden, the memory resurfaced of sitting there on Teth, thinking about dying. Thinking about taking a drink from it for the first time, but not doing it. She stifled a sardonic snort. What exactly constituted an emergency, if not the prospect of near-certain death by droid army?

"I saw you looking at it, from time to time," Jules continued a little uncomfortably, seeming to take her reverie for confusion. "I wasn't sure what it was for, but I thought you might like it back."

"Thanks, Jules," Goose replied with her first genuine smile in a long time. "It's…a good luck charm."

He returned the smile, even if it didn't quite reach his eyes. Then a small group of troopers wearing red-striped armor came walking down the corridor, chatting amongst themselves. Though they didn't take any particular interest in the two of them, Jules suddenly became all business.

"Right. You'll need a proper uniform, so you'll have to go down to supply. Won't be easy to find a pair of boots your size, though. And you'll have to check in with command, wouldn't want you to get marked AWOL," he rattled off as he headed toward a bank of turbolifts. "And some temporary quarters to live in, probably want to head over to the mess hall sometime soon…"

"And to think I missed the army, even for a minute," Goose muttered under her breath, the ghost of a smile on her lips as she followed after him.

A/N: My dear readers, I am so terribly sorry for my inexcusable absence of (yikes!) almost a full year. Unfortunately, life kind of just got in the way. To those of you still with me, thank you! While this story is by no means abandoned, I just don't have much time to dedicate to it. I will do my best, so please be patient with me as updates will likely be very few and far between. May the Force be with you, always.

ECA