December 4th, 2007

Less than a week after Seth's coming out, and our family was facing another milestone.

My mom was marrying Charlie Swan.

They'd chosen to do things at the courthouse in Port Angeles. It was a "get the license and be done with it" wedding. I was shocked to even see Charlie in a suit.

The invited guests consisted of the three children they had between them, one son-in-law, one granddaughter, and Jake and Billy. I could only imagine how strange of a group we looked to the outward eye.

Nessie was excited to see a wedding for the first time. I don't think she understood that what she was going to see wouldn't be impressive, but she was more enthralled with the idea of marriage itself than the actual ceremony.

It was the strangest thing to think how Jake and Nessie would marry someday. For all my open disgust of it, I had a masochistic enthrallment with the idea of imprinting. As we sat around in the courthouse waiting for the judge to be ready for us, my attention was drawn to how Nessie and Jake interacted. To be fair, just about everyone's was. Nessie was the only one talking, and the majority of what she said was directed at Jake, just like always.

My mom was fidgeting beside me. I'd never seen her anxious before. I was so used to her calm and collected nature that it was worrying to see her any differently. Still, I didn't intervene. I let Charlie do the calming down (even if I thought he was shit at it). It was their wedding day after all.

To me, it felt like no time at all before it was time for Mom and Charlie to stand in front of the judge and become husband and wife.

The rest of us stood back and watched. Nessie was quiet for the first time since entering the courthouse as she watched everything happen with wide eyes from Jake's arms. I was a bit less enthralled. Instead, I was looking everywhere but at Mom and Charlie. I was happy for them. I was. I just felt awkward watching it happen, and I wasn't sure why that was.

I wanted to vomit when Bella hugged my mom, but considering she hugged everyone in the room but me, I knew it was mutual.

December 6th, 2007

I ran over what I planned to say for the millionth time in my head. The actual act of taking my final had been finished several minutes ago, but I wasn't ready to leave the classroom yet.

Lucas and I had made a deal to wait outside in the hall for whoever finished last. He would be standing out there waiting for me and expecting to go get coffee like we did every morning.

Except this wasn't every morning. This was the last day of our class, and we had no classes together next semester. I'd checked.

It was the godsend I had been hoping for when I'd decided to ask about his schedule for next semester, not that he'd realized.

There had been an awkwardness that never quite left after our failure of a date back in October. Not that Lucas noticed. He had reverted to pretending the date had never happened from what I could tell, and that only frustrated me further. I felt strange being around him, and just like I had feared, that date had ruined any prospects of a friendship. He wanted to date me but didn't make a move because he knew I wouldn't respond well.

It annoyed me to no end if I was being honest. I was tired of watching him try to convince me that he would be the perfect boyfriend. That wasn't the point. I may have thought that was what I wanted months ago when the idea of a boyfriend had felt like nothing more than a mirage in the distance.

Now that I was here at school, I had realized I wanted to take time to explore. Experiencing new things was the reason I was here after all. And, yes, that would include dating eventually, but for now, I wanted to focus on meeting new people. Dating felt scary on a number of levels. Ones I hadn't thought about until the date with Lucas.

But Lucas was never going to see that. I'd become convinced recently, and I wasn't going to leave him with some desperate hope that I would want what he did.

I needed to… break up with him, I guess. If you can use that term for someone you're not dating.

He must have been watching intently for me to leave because, the second I walked out, he jumped up from where he'd been sitting on the floor.

"Hi," he greeted me. It felt unnecessary when we'd been talking to each other an hour before.

"Hey," I returned, more out of habit than anything else.

We stood across from each other in the hallway with me wringing my hands until another student tried to leave the classroom, forcing us to maneuver around to let them through. I was trying to smile, but I could see from Lucas' expression that he realized something was up. I guess the fact I hadn't immediately started heading down the hallway so we could go get coffee had been a good clue.

Maybe I should have done that. The coffee shop might have been less awkward than in this hallway. But then I would have had to either order it to go and given myself away or ordered it for there and then sat and drank it awkwardly. This was better.

"I have something I need to say," I started. It was a stereotypical "we need to talk" phrase, but it did the job.

"Okay." There was a hesitance in Lucas' voice, and I detected a hint of worry in his eyes.

"We won't see each other much next semester, but I think it might be better if we don't see each other at all. Maybe in hallways or something, but I don't think we should purposefully see each other. Like coffee and stuff like we do now. It's not a good idea."

I forced myself to stop with my word vomit and watched Lucas as he frowned at me.

"Okay," he repeated as if it were the only thing he could think to say. "This is because you know I like you, isn't it? We can still be friends-"

"No." I wouldn't let him finish that thought. "We can't. You've known for a long time now that I'm not interested in you that way. I know you have. And this still isn't working. Your feelings for me aren't going away, and I'm not going to want to date you, Lucas. I'm just not going to date anyone anytime soon. I don't think it would be smart to continue trying to be your friend when you're hoping for something else."

The situation reminded me too much of being forced to be around Sam when I didn't want to be. I'd had to get away from him to get over him, and Lucas deserved the same. No matter what he said, he'd move on much faster without me in the picture.

Lucas was still frowning at me. I could see him turning my words over in his head as he thought about what to say.

"Are you sure?"

I could hear the desperation in his voice, the fruitless hope that I would change my mind and declare I was interested in him after all. I just nodded.

Lucas let out a long breath. "Okay then. I guess that's that. I'll, uh, see you around. Maybe."

I nodded once more and inclined my head when he gave an awkward goodbye wave. I stood there in the hallway and watched him walk away until he had disappeared down the stairwell. Then I allowed myself to lean back against the wall to get my bearings back.

One more final. I still had one more final to get through today, and I already felt exhausted. That had taken too much out of me.

The exhaustion ebbed as I started to fill with relief. My friendship with Lucas had been such a struggle since the date that knowing I no longer had to deal with it had me feeling lighter.

I took in a steadying breath and pushed myself off the wall. I could take this final easily. I felt good. Like I could conquer the world.

December 12th, 2007

Winter break should have meant a nice, relaxing few weeks before the next semester started, yet here I was with a crying girl on my couch because, again, I was the only one around to take her while her imprint was at school.

This was remarkably like the day before I started college. Was this what coming full circle felt like? Probably not.

Again, I had no idea what to do, so again, I let her sit there with her book and cry too much to read it.

I would like to say I had come to understand Nessie Cullen over the past year, but that seemed like a task that was impossible to accomplish. She grew and developed so quickly that new characteristics replaced old ones faster than any one person could keep up with. Except Jake. And maybe her parents, but I doubted it.

She'd had more warning this time, had known for months that her entire vampire family except her parents would be leaving, but that hadn't stopped any of her emotions over it.

In many ways, she was a five-year-old. Sometimes that was easy to forget.

"I looked up England online."

I jumped a little, not having expected Nessie to speak. I watched her as she wiped the remaining tears out of her eyes and gave a sniffle. I reached out for the remote and switched the television off, ready for her to continue.

"The weather seems like here," she said. "It rains a lot, according to the Internet. Sometimes the Internet's not right, Daddy says, but I think it was right. Lots of places said it rained."

"I've never been, but I've heard it rains a lot there too."

Nessie nodded. "It probably does then. If everywhere says so. They have deciduous trees instead of coniferous ones. That makes it look different."

And in some ways she was not five.

"I talked to Aunt Rosalie on the phone yesterday. She says Momma, Daddy, and me can come visit after the rest of the family gets settled. She also said Jake could come even though she didn't sound happy about it. Momma said we'd go for a couple of weeks next summer, but that's still months away!"

"It won't be as cold," I pointed out in a useless attempt at cheering her up. "You can do more outside."

"The cold doesn't bother me anyway," she said dismissively before continuing on with her earlier train of thought. "Uncle Emmett doesn't like it there. He says there's nothing good to hunt. Just deer. Uncle Emmett hates hunting deer. They should come back."

And just like that we were back to the five-year-old again.

"They're not coming back, Ness. I'm sorry, but you know they moved for a reason. Someday, you'll move too. You can't stay in Forks forever when you don't age. Your family has been doing this forever, and they'll keep on doing it. Eventually, you have to accept it."

Probably harsh for a five-year-old, but I was exhausted from all the crying.

"I don't understand," she continued, erring on the side of petulance. "Why can't we just stay in Forks and tell everyone? What's the worst that could happen?"

Terrible, terrible things would happen.

"I bet people could get it if we just explained it."

"They wouldn't."

The words were delivered perhaps a bit too abruptly. I hated seeing Nessie's face fall as I said it. She needed to hear it though. She had to understand why it was important to disguise who she was. Otherwise, I could imagine some disastrous situation where she wasn't careful enough.

"You've never been around humans who don't know, Ness. You don't get how they would react. Trust those of us who do. We have more experience with this. You'll see it someday too. Telling isn't a good idea. It may suck, but it's a fact.

"Your family has to move, but you have forever, Nessie. You'll see them plenty in the future. Someday, you'll even live with them again, I'm sure."

Jake would be beyond thrilled about it.

"You have every right to be upset right now, but there's no way to fix it. The only way to make it better is to get over it, not change it. I swear it won't suck as much after a bit."

Nessie stared at me with wide eyes. I had no idea whether I'd said the right thing or not. It was more preachy than anything I would usually say, but it felt like what needed to be said. That wasn't normal for five-year-olds. Wouldn't they have lost interest not too far into that?

I had Nessie's complete attention, but I couldn't tell if she had taken it well or not. Her expression was too neutral.

"Ness?" I prompted, needing some indication from her.

She smiled hesitantly. The sadness wasn't gone from her eyes, but I could see that she was trying to appear happier.

"Thank you," she said, genuine gratefulness in her voice. "You're right that I should listen to you guys. I'm usually good about it, but I guess I just wanted to fix everything."

"Important life lesson: You can't fix everything. Not even close to everything."

She nodded, but I wasn't sure how well she was taking this in. I didn't even know what the limits for a normal five-year-old would be in a conversation like this.

Nessie looked over at the clock.

"Leah, can we watch Magic School Bus, please?"

I shrugged and handed her the remote, letting her turn on her favorite TV show. Her favorite despite the fact she had to remind all of us which parts of it weren't real. I remember watching one day as Jake tried to explain to her the idea that some parts of the show were fiction but others were real. It had taken her a while to get it.

The tears disappeared from her eyes as she watched, and by the end of the episode, her usual smile was back on her face.

She'd be okay.

In fact, I had come to realize that we would all be okay in the end. We just had to force ourselves through the shit and put it behind us. It was a lot of work, but I think Nessie and I could both figure it out.

A/N: I want to thank absolutely everyone who read this story and especially the people who reviewed. It means a lot. As I said at the end of last chapter, there will be a sequel to this. I have everything outlined and know where it's going, but the story isn't written yet. That's my next biggest project this summer besides continuing to work on my original story. My hope is to start posting the sequel sometime before the end of summer. Hopefully sooner instead of later. While I tried to keep my focus with this story on Leah coming into her own on a personal level (getting some idea what she wanted to do with her life, feeling more comfortable in her skin, etc.), my plan for the sequel is to focus more on Leah's relationships with others, whether that's her friendships or potential romances. (More friendships at first though with any romance building up slowly.) If things go according to plan, there will probably be more focus on some big life happenings with other characters as Leah is also getting closer to certain characters and becoming more included in their life. I hope you guys will stick around to read it. 3