A/N: It's been quite a while since I've posted anything but, look tbh, I watched Age of Ultron and was absolutely shattered that Clintasha was never going to be a thing and in my sadness I came up with this. I'm also writing a longer piece about the two but I thought I'd start off with this for now.

So I hope you enjoy! Please R&R!

Also, for added affects listen to Stay- Jorge Mendez, it's a lovely piano piece that's quite sad.

He'd asked her one day, after he'd caught her slipping it on innocuously on the way home from one of their missions.

'What's with the necklace?' He looked at her cautiously, not knowing how she would take him prying into her belongings. After his accident on their mission after the battle of New York, she'd been distant from him, instead taking as many missions as she could with Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers whilst Laura helped him recover.

She froze, tensing up visibly before realising her reaction and slipping into the fake, cool and calm persona she often wore when she was uncomfortable, 'A …friend gave it to me as a gag.'

'Oh really?'

'Yes.' She snapped at him before turning away, as if recoiling from his mere presence.

He frowned at her behaviour and watched her for the remainder of the trip back to base, he'd never seen her like this in all the time he'd known her.

Little did he know Natasha was falling apart on the inside at his mere mention of the necklace, and the meaning behind it. It was probably her most precious belonging, and it hurt so much that Clint didn't even remember giving it to her that she didn't know how much longer she could hold it together.

As soon as they got back to base, she sprang out of her seat and ran off as soon as she could. Clint went to follow but hesitated, knowing Laura and the kids were waiting at home for him to eat dinner, he reminded himself he'd catch up with her later.

She crashed through the door to her on-base cabin and could barely stop herself from shaking so she slipped her dirty cat suit off her and switched the water to her shower on, falling down to curl into a ball under the scolding hot water, no longer containing her sobs.

It was early in the morning and Clint and her were strolling along 5th Avenue, New York City, comfortably chatting in the aftermath of the battle against Loki's army. Clint was still struggling with the weight-of-the-world on his shoulders, blaming himself for the killings he made under Loki's command and Natasha was doing her best to try and help him through it.

They were walking past Tiffany and Co when Natasha spotted a necklace, pausing briefly as the pair strolled by one of the large window displays. Clint looked back at her confused and she giggled, 'What're you laughing at?'

'Imagine if we wore friendship necklaces, Tony would chuck the biggest hissy fit that he's not included in our spy gang.'

Clint snorted, 'That's very professional.'

They continued on their walk, Natasha forgetting all about what she'd seen but Clint kept it in mind for later.

He knew she didn't sleep when they were separated.

They no longer kept up the façade that they slept in separate bedrooms, and the other Avengers had pretended to be oblivious to the two agents sneaking out of each other's bedrooms in the morning.

Clint had taken the initiative after the Battle to tell Natasha how he felt about her, taking a big leap in their partnership, but he couldn't believe it when she'd suddenly tackled him onto the bed, kissing him passionately on the lips, murmuring, 'What took you so long?'

They'd been living blissfully at Stark Tower since then, relishing in the extended break SHIELD had given them which was plenty of time for them to sort out their relationship and…to get to know one another even better.

But the honeymoon phase couldn't last forever and soon SHIELD had them doing solo missions to get them back up to speed.

He'd come back from a long camp-out mission in Somalia to find Steve holding Natasha tentatively on his lap while she slept through The Lion King and Steve quickly explained how Natasha hadn't slept in 2 days whilst Clint was gone, and had only gotten to sleep once people were surrounding her.

Clint had scooped her up into his arms and Natasha had instantly snuggled further into his embrace as he led them into his room, tucking her into his bed before quickly stripping and joining her, pulling her into his arms.

'Tash?'

'Hmm?' She looked up from her book to see Clint standing awkwardly next to their/his bed with his hands behind her back.

He sat down on the bed beside her and pulled out a small box out. Natasha hurriedly went to object but Clint gave her a stern look and interrupted her, 'It's not what you think!'

He waited until she'd calmed down a little before continuing, 'Look, I know you haven't been sleeping very well whilst I'm gone and I wanted to give you something that would help remind you that I'm always with you no matter what.' He handed the small box to her and watched nervously as she slowly undid the neat white bow and removed the lid to unveil the small arrow necklace she'd spotted in the window.

She smiled up at him brightly and bit her lip and he motioned for her to turn around. She turned silently and he reached the necklace around her to clasp it, 'Tash, you know that I love you, I just want this to be a reminder of how much you mean to me. And for you to know that even though I might be half way around the world, I'd much rather be with you. So whenever you feel lonely, you'll still have your Hawk right near your heart.' He'd been the first one of the two to say those three little words and suddenly Natasha didn't know why she was holding back anymore.

'I love you too.' She blurted out.

He gasped a little bit, before springing onto her, tackling her backwards, adorning her with kisses that made her laugh, more happy than she'd been in a long time.

'CLINT!' She was almost hysterical as she tore through the base to the medical centre, after receiving word that he'd nearly died after falling almost four storeys out of a window.

She ran to his bedside and cringed at the sight of him, tubes coming out everywhere and his arm in a sling. His head was bandaged up and she knew it wasn't good.

'Miss Romanoff-' One of the doctors tried to move her away.

'Don't TOUCH me!'

'Romanoff, back off.' Fury stood behind her and she turned sharply to stare her boss down.

Fury looked at a loss of words before he continued, his voice considerably softer than before, 'Romanoff, you need to calm down, Barton has suffered substantial brain damage, especially to his hippocampus, and is suspected to have some memory-loss or amnesia on his awakening.'

Natasha was at a loss for words, in shock as she tried to process what was happening, 'What?'

Fury hesitated before continuing, 'The doctors are doing everything they can but the brain is a fickle thing to fix. He is in a medically induced coma so they're saying he won't be awake for at least another week or so. I think it'd be best for you to go home for a while and then come when the doctor's call.'

Natasha didn't have any words to express herself and instead pushed past Fury and settled herself beside Clint, holding his cold, limp hand between her own. Fury sighed as he watched on before turning on his heel and striding out of the room.

She sat there for hours on end, only leaving once she was forcefully taken from his room by Thor and carried back to the Tower to get some rest. It was lonely in their bedroom, but at least no one could hear her crying herself to sleep.

A week later, Natasha received word that Clint had woken up and she quickly changed before rushing to the hospital.

As she strode into his room, she saw him talking to one of the nurses and she frowned slightly before knocking on the door, alerting them of her presence.

'Nat!'

She felt her heart leap in her chest and had to physically restrain herself from tackling him down with kisses, 'Hey.'

'I'm not contagious, get over here.'

She rolled her eyes before slowly approaching him and taking the seat next to his bed.

'So, how're you feeling?'

'Like I got hit by a truck.' She chuckled, so glad to hear him joking around again, scared she would never hear it ever again.

They were silent as she tried to gage how he was, 'So, how much do you remember?'

'Well, I talked with one of our handlers and we went through some of our mission reports and I apparently remember everything right up until a mission simply known as Budapest? Apparently there was a big explosion then and I've forgotten everything since then, which is really unsettling, considering that's two years of my life forgotten.'

She sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to alert Clint that anything was wrong as he rambled on, Breathe girl, we can get through this, it could be worse, he could've not even known who you were, hell, he doesn't even know who the Avengers are. You can do this for him.

'-apparently, well Laura was telling me,-'

She was confused, having spaced out in panic, 'Wait who?'

Clint grinned, raising his eyebrows suggestively, 'The hot nurse I was talking to before. She's great. I caught her staring at my abs, so I asked her out and made her blush which was kinda cute. Anyway, she's was saying how memory loss can-' He trailed off as he watched her tense up, looking as if someone had just sucker-punched her in the stomach, 'Tash? You ok?'

The reality of the situation had hit her and she felt like someone had reached into her and was squeezing her heart, her hands were shaking. She'd lost so much in her life already and the one moment of happiness that life had allowed her had been torn from her in an instant.

She couldn't even form the right words so instead, forced a smile and nodded enthusiastically and motioned for him to continue. He continued on with his thoughts about where does she think he should take Laura to for their first date and with every word, Natasha felt her heart break just a little bit more each time.

After excusing herself quickly from Clint, she'd rushed to his doctor and hurriedly asked them about how she could help him to remember. They'd informed her sadly that his brain tests were showing significant damage and that any stimulus could blow the rest of his memory out and they told her that he was not to be pushed until he started to show better physical vitals.

She stood in shock for a moment as the doctor left her standing in the hallway, it finally had dawned on her that she'd possibly lost her Clint forever. She subconsciously clutched the necklace he'd given her and she made her way into one of the hospital bathroom stalls and exploded into tears, her body shaking uncontrollably. She kept repeating to herself in disbelief, 'He doesn't remember us, he doesn't remember us.'

After she'd finally calmed down, she washed her face and put on her strongest face and made her way back to Clint's room, but came to a halt as she saw the nurse that Clint had been raving on about, Laura, sitting where Natasha had sat at his bedside, laughing at something Clint had said, Clint with a proud smile on his face. Natasha's whole demeanour had dropped and her emotions were falling apart. He didn't remember them, what they had, how much they really meant to each other. At his moment in time, they were partners who were slowly becoming friends, nothing more. It had taken so much of her to open up to him and she knows deep inside she don't think she could ever repeat that.

He was no longer hers anymore.

In a broken stupor, Natasha had decided to walk the whole way from the SHIELD base to the Stark tower, a good two and a half hour walk, and she stared blankly straight in front of her the whole time, not noticing when people bumped into her.

Clint was the only person she'd ever really opened up to, and now he didn't even remember all those precise moments she held dear to her heart. She could feel all her protective walls that Clint had so meticulously brought down over the past couple of years start to build themselves up again as she found no reason to keep them down. Her mind was blank of thought, not knowing what to do.

She passed by a liquor store and purchased four bottles of the most potent vodka they had, drowning herself in the liquid before she reached the tower.

After she arrived, taking the elevator up to the lobby, the doors opened and she saw them all sitting there nervously and she groaned, her drunken mind acknowledging that this wasn't going to turn out good.

She took one step out of the elevator before her leg gave out on itself and she feel to the ground. Bruce and Steve immediately came to her side, Steve scooping her up off the ground even though she thrashed wildly, shouting for him to put her down.

He placed her on the coach and they sat around her nervously. She dropped her head into one of her hands and held the last half empty bottle in her other hand. It was only then that she really payed attention to what she looked like. Her t-shirt (which was Clint's but she'd stolen it) was drenched from the rain she'd walked through but didn't even notice and her shoes were gone, which had left her feet dirty and rough from her long walk. Her hair was all over the place and she knew her face was all puffy from crying.

Steve was hesitant before he whispered, 'We know.'

With that, she broke down, for the first time ever in front of a large group of people. No one moved to comfort her and she was glad. No one could help her right now, not with this. It was a different type of pain and she knew she had to deal with it herself.

They were all silent for a long time before she murmured out loud, 'He can never know.'

They waited for her to elaborate, 'I know you all knew about him and I, but now,' She took a shaky breath in, 'he's already moved on and he will probably never remember what happened here. Anyway, he's better off without me.'

Bruce looked at her with a shocked expression, 'Why?'

'Because I can't have kids! I could see it in his eyes, Clint has always wanted a family but thanks to the freaking Red Room I'm sterile! I can never give Clint what he wants, I was just someone holding him back.'

'But he loves you-'

'Loved! He loved, as in used to.' Tears were streaming down her face.

She chugged back some more vodka before continuing, 'He now has the chance to finally be happy with someone who he truly deserves.'

They all knew that she wasn't going to listen to what they said and she continued, 'The doctor said that any stimulus right now could cause more damage. I've had time to think about it and I've decided it was for the best anyway, these things don't last, I don't know why I expected to get a happy ending anyway.' She looked up at the men around her, 'I loved him. I still love him, but he will never be my Clint. I will probably always love him and that's why I have to let him go. This never leaves this room. You will never tell him of anything I've said.'

They were all silent and she stood up solemnly and made her way into his room, slamming the door behind her and crawling onto the centre of his bed, breathing in his scent and promptly burst into tears.

The weeks following were tough and the team had barely seen her leave Clint's room until one day, they'd seen her emerging from his room with a pile of his clothes and a couple of belongings, some of them his, some of them hers, and watched as she'd strode into her room dumped it onto her bed and slammed the door behind her. They never mentioned the incident ever.

She turned the shower off and retrieved her towel from the rack. Wordlessly she dried herself before opening her bathroom door and striding to her drawers and retrieving Clint's- her old Rolling Stones t-shirt that was too big for her and flopping onto her bed, her hair still damp from the shower.

She laid on her back and took a shaky breath, all the while clutching the arrow necklace to her heart, trying not to think of all the painful memories: Clint introducing her to Laura, Clint asking her how she thinks he should propose to Laura, Clint telling her they were engaged, Clint and Laura asking her to be their Maid of Honour, watching Clint smile down at Laura at their wedding, Clint excitedly telling her that Laura was pregnant, Clint asking if she could be the Godmother of his kids.

It hurt.

It had been five years since his memory loss and none of it had ever come back. And not a day goes by when she doesn't think of the way he kissed her, the way he held her tightly.

The way he loved her.

Now, all she had left to show for their brief moment was a couple of photographs, a note he'd left on her bedside table one morning saying:

Gone for a run to get bagels.

And yes I'll get you one with cheese.

I love you.

Your Clint xx

And the arrow necklace.

She wore it everywhere she could. She honestly tried to move on but she couldn't. Clint teased her mercilessly that she would end up as an old cat lady and she honestly tried to laugh along but she couldn't. Whenever he made a remark about it in front of any of the others, they always stepped in to defend her, knowing how much even to this day that she was hurting, watching him live the life they could've.

She kissed the necklace as she did every night, and whispered in Russian, 'I love you too my Hawk.'

A/N: I really hoped you like it, I found this really sad to write as I was in shock when I found out about Clint's family.

UPDATE: Some people have expressed interest in me doing a follow up piece to this and I thought about it and I have a rough idea of what I could do, if you're interested review or PM me, should I do a seperate 'sequel' oneshot or just a next chapter?

C xx