margaret's son just listed under 'little tully' in the movie credits. i decided to name him herman for the hell of it.

When I was ten years old, my father died. No one would tell me what happened, exactly, but all I was told was that it had to do with his money problems and a family he was dealing with. In all honesty, it didn't bother me too much that he was gone; he wasn't a very good dad.

What bothered me was the man my mother married after Dad's death.

I remember the day that she brought that thing home to introduce me to him. I was watching TV, minding my own business, when the door opened and Mom walked in.

"Herman, would you come here for a minute? There's someone I would like for you to meet."

I got up and walked out with her down the hallway and into the living room. There, with a bowler hat on, was a column of hair. There were no other body parts, just a wall of hair. It looked like Mom had put a wig on a Weeble and put it in the middle of the room.

"Uh… why do you have a weird Weeble in the middle of the floor?"

"Herman, what a horrible thing to say!" she said, walking to the wall of hair and putting her arm around him. "This is Itt, the man I've been dating."

I pointed. "Th-this is what you've been dating? A wall of hair?!"

"Kasmeema mee mer mee." The hair said, moving around a little.

I jumped at the sudden noises coming from it and Mom smiled wide, looking at it longingly.

"Mom, what is that thing?"

"This is Itt Addams, he's a cousin of your father's clients, Gomez and Morticia. We met at a going away party some months ago. I've been waiting to have him meet you… waiting for the right time."

"But Mom, he's a wall of hair! What can you possibly see in him?!" I yelled.

Itt spoke gibberish again, seeming to look up at Mom.

"Oh, he'll get used to it…" Mom looked at me and smiled. "Herman, I'm engaged."

"T-to that?!"

"Oh, you don't know him like I do. He's very sweet, very loving, and would do anything for me. If you let him, Herman, he can be a good father to you as well."

"No! I don't want that thing near me!"

The thing spoke gibberish again.

Mom nodded. "I guess that would be the best… You don't approve of this, do you?"

"It's just… Mom, he's a wall of hair and I can't understand anything he's saying!"

"At first I didn't either but you have to listen closely. He has words and they are full of passion and love. He's been wanting to meet you ever since I told him about you. Please give him a chance…"

I looked at him, Itt, and he gave a small bow to me, talking gibberish again. I smiled a little and looked at my mother.

"Mom, I want to live with Aunt Beatrice."

It's been a long time since I've been back home, almost fifteen years, but I figure it's time to at least say hello. Well, I have to introduce my fiancée to my family and she had to know how weird it had gotten.

"Will your mom be okay with you marrying me?"

I looked at her and grinned. "If she denies you then she is a hypocrite to the ultimate degree."

"You know, you never really described your family to me."

"Well, that's because some of it needs to be shown and I could never explain things to you."

Allie smiled at me and I grabbed her hand. Not that my mother was racist but our family didn't have any black people in it. But Allie was the love of my life and if my mother was happy with a column of hair, then she shouldn't say anything about Allie's color.

We pulled up the house and I sighed, squeezing my hands on the steering wheel.

"Allie, I just want to let you know that my stepdad is really weird."

"You know my dad, Herman-"

"No, I'm talking abnormal. As well as my half sister… Just… He comes from an odd family in general. I left home because of him."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No! No, he's actually quite nice but…" I sighed. "Just, come on and I'll show you."

Allie made a face and we got out. We walked up to the front door of the house and I knocked on it. The door opened and thank God it was my mom.

"Herman, look how much you've grown!" She grabbed me into a hug and then looked at Allie. "Oh my, what a beautiful girl! You must be Allie, the one Herman's spoken so well of."

Allie smiled big and I pulled her to me.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, when I told everyone that you were coming home, they got excited and invited themselves over… I do hope you'll forgive me."

My face went pale knowing that everyone was going to be there. I had gone to a family reunion just once and I wasn't ready to expose Allie to this level of odd.

"Herman? Are you alright?"

"I don't know…"

We walked behind my mother and into the living room. Itt got up.

"Welcome back!" is what I heard.

Allie jumped, hearing what everyone else did, high pitched gibberish.

"Herman, you're back!"

I turned as What came in and she came up to me. I hugged the red head and she looked at Allie.

"Wow, she's really pretty." She glided over to Allie and 'looked' up at her. "Hi, I'm What."

What was actually able to speak at a normal level, unlike Itt. Even though she looked just like Itt, with my mother's hair coloring, it was kind of easy to tell she was a girl because of the thinness of her… frame.

Allie looked up at me, her eyes bugged.

"Herman, can I speak to you?"

"We'll be right back."

Allie turned me around in the kitchen.

"What the hell?"

"I told you."

"I… don't understand."

"It's best if you just go with it."

We gasped and turned.

"Joel…"

"You must be Allie Silver. I'm Joel Glicker, Itt's cousin-in-law." He said, holding out his hand and smoking a cigar.

Allie took his hand and smiled in confusion.

"What has been looking forward to meeting you and tells October all about it."

"But… what is she?"

"We don't know. No one knows. They won't tell us if they are people under there or not but… We accept them because we are Addamses." He took a puff of his cigar. "And Addamses accept everything."

I looked at Allie and she looked at me.

"They won't… hurt me right?"

"No. What is a nice girl."

Allie nodded and breathed in deep.

"Okay, I'll try."

"That's all you can do." Joel said. "They're good people, Allie. Don't worry about that, but they're just a little cooky. They accept what people think is different and venture in the macabre. It takes a tiny bit to understand them but they are the same as everyone else. They love, they grieve… they torture…"

"Y-you married into the family?" Allie asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm not like this by nature. You learn to accept it. But you'll be marrying Herman here, who's been raised by a socially normal standard. You won't have much dealing with the heart of the Addams family, which would be me and my wife. You'll live relatively cooky-free."

I sighed and turned away.

"If you want to leave, Allie, I understand."

Allie laughed a little. "Are you kidding? This is the craziest thing I've ever seen but I like it. I want to know more! Let's get this started!"

I smiled and took her back to the living room.

And so, we got married, with What as a maid of honor and Itt even gave the sermon. Allie and the rest of the audience had no idea what he was saying but everyone knew it was appropriate for the occasion.