/:Note:/ Hello, viewers! I'm glad you stopped in. This is my first attempt at writing my own story. I couldn't find any more stories to read, so I decided to write some myself. As I said, this will be my first attempt, so bear with me. Feel free to write nasty little comments about how much you hate it, if that makes your life feel worthwhile. In all seriousness, though, I do appreciate being critiqued, so let me know how I'm doing and how I can improve. Just so you know, this is definitely going to contain adult language (not like poop or butt) and adult situations (not like taxes and mortgages). You've been warned. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Kudos to you if you actually got this far.

**Legal stuff I don't own Harry Potter JK don't read this and you'll never know yada yada yada poof done**

2020 Update- Hey everyone. Remember when a pandemic was just a stupid way to get a story going? Anyway, I'm coming back to this story, and I will probably make some minor edits here and there. I've changed my outline and planning somewhat, as it's been a long while, so my writer's block may (no promises) have been lifted! Hopefully a new chapter will be up in less than a week!

"Attention everyone!" The voice of Professor Dumbledore rang throughout the Great Hall. "Please give a warm welcome to our esteemed guest, straight from the new department of the Ministry, Mr. Ran Diyader!"

Dumbledore's announcement was met with applause, though not all the students seemed overly excited. A few seemed amused, though the aged man could not say why. Perhaps he'd mispronounced the gentleman's name? Other students were clapping wildly, practically bouncing in their seats with excitement. Still others seemed anxious, even dazed, as if they couldn't believe that this was actually happening. Among this group was the Fifth Year Harry Potter.

"I know some of you are still a bit uneasy about what's to come," Dumbledore continued, smiling kindly with a familiar twinkle in his eye. Some of the staff looked around sympathetically. "But this is for the best. Much has changed in a short amount of time, and because of this we need to change as well. If we cannot adapt to the changing of our world, we will soon be lost."

The man introduced as Ran Diyader reached out to tap Dumbledore on the shoulder, and the two conversed momentarily. Dumbledore turned back to the students and smiled, backing up a pace and allowing Diyader to move up and face the student body.

"First off, let me say that I am glad to finally meet you all. You look like a smart, healthy bunch, which is good." Diyader's voice was calming, though a careful listener might detect something more in his tone, as if the man were actually appraising the children. "We at the Ministry of Magic know that our recent actions have distressed many. However, as your esteemed Headmaster said: if we don't act now, the future will be much more distressing. There is nothing right now that you or I can do to change the laws being put into place. However, don't think about this as something bad. Think of the future we can build together if all goes well! Think of your duties to our nation and to your descendants! Think of how you'll all be remembered: your generation as the one that saved us all! Plus," Diyader winked at the collective student body, "I have a feeling you'll all quite enjoy your duty to save the magical world." The man paused for a second to clear his throat and then looked around at the students. He again smiled reassuringly before continuing.

"The Ministry has sent me here to aid the transition of making its recent laws and mandates a reality. But please don't think of me as some bureaucrat or overseer! I'm here to help you all through this. To guide you. To help you. Think of me as the parent who throws his child out the window to get him to use accidental magic!"

When Diyader saw his statement had not reassured the Muggle-borns (or really anyone, for that matter) he added, "or...maybe as a father bird pushing a hatchling out of the nest so it can learn to fly." Again, this did not bring forth the looks of relief he'd been hoping for, much to Diyader's surprise and dismay. Damn those public relations seminars the Ministry required, they were utterly worthless. He shook his head, deciding to just accept the loss and push forward.

"Anyway, my assistants and I will be meeting with all of you in the near future to discuss your standings and what to expect in the coming days and semester. Meeting schedules have been posted in all of your common rooms and in the classrooms. I hope to get to know you all better very soon. Good day." With that, Ran Diyader briskly walked out of the Great Hall. He had a scathing letter to write. The students were left to warily look around at each other and wonder what the next few days might bring.

Harry Potter walked out of the Gryffindor Common Room feeling more nervous than he had in a long time. Sometimes he missed the simplicity of life when Voldemort had still been around. He'd been in more danger, sure, but at least he'd known what was going on. His name was the Boy-Who-Lived. Voldemort killed Harry's mother and father. Voldemort had better prepare to die. Besides the occasional extremely dangerous extracurricular activity, life had been somewhat normal. Now Voldemort was gone, and things had changed dramatically.

It had all started when Harry and Cedric had been transported to the graveyard. Cedric had been killed almost instantly, and the traitorous Peter Pettigrew had captured Harry. Harry had been tied up in order to be used in some arcane ritual that would give Voldemort his body back. Harry's blood, Peter's hand, and Tom Riddle Sr.'s bone had all been used. Voldemort's big mistake, though, had been to trust the rat to brew such a complex potion and conduct an even more complex ritual. (The Potions Master of Peter's day, when speaking in private with the staff, had claimed that if he didn't know better he'd say Pettigrew was trying to get himself blown up.)

Voldemort returned, but he didn't stay for long. When the baby Dark Lord had been placed in the cauldron, the little devil child had started to scream. Harry was still haunted at night by those screams, which were more primal and agonizing than anything he'd ever heard, even Dudley's whining for a fifth bowl of ice cream. A figure, dark red and impossibly skinny, had emerged from the cauldron. It never stopped screaming throughout. Harry had watched in horror as thing brought a long finger to its left arm and suddenly exploded in a cloud of red mist.

The mist rushed past Harry and Pettigrew like an angry storm, whirling and rushing with the echoes of Voldemort's tortured screaming still echoing inside of it. Though shaken, the mist didn't physically damage Harry at all. Wormtail was another matter. The moment it passed he started writhing on the ground in agony, his left arm started spewing out the same mist that had exploded from Voldemort. The mist gathered and grew until it enveloped Pettigrew for a few seconds before slowly going back into its arm. The screaming stopped and the rat looked down, panting and clearly shaken. Then he exploded too. Pettigrew was dead. It took Harry almost an hour to free himself from his restraints and return to the Triwizard Cup. When he returned, everything had changed.

Apparently, Voldemort and Pettigrew had accidentally created a mutated, magical plague. The initial mist wouldn't have caused too much damage, possibly reaching a few miles before dissipating. However, when Voldemort had tried to use the Dark Mark, the magical connection it operated through became contaminated. The plague was sent throughout the world, resisting any attempts to stop it or cure it. Dark and Light magical folk alike were infected until every single adult witch or wizard was contaminated.

The symptoms for most were thankfully not quite so severe as had been Pettigrew's and Voldemort's. Those two had received enormous levels of the contamination, and it had been too much for their bodies to handle. The direct connection to Voldemort and Pettigrew killed all other Marked Death Eaters as well. Around fifty percent of the wizarding community perished somewhat less dramatically after succumbing to disease.

Interestingly, no underage witches or wizards at Hogwarts were infected. The only staff members to die were ones who had been Marked. Many years later, historians and specialists would argue over the cause. Some attributed the immunity to the use of Harry's blood in the ritual, which protected Harry's one true home from being destroyed. Others hypothesized that the castle itself, and the many wards and old magics within it, had protected the students. Everyone agreed that, whatever the cause, this phenomenon had saved the magical world. One might think more focus would be extended to Harry's apparent immunity to the disease, as he had been exposed to the same level of contamination as the Dark Lord and his pet rat. However, this didn't really phase most of the magical community. Harry had already survived a point-blank Killing Curse. He was just special, apparently. Typical wizards.

The disease left as suddenly as it had come, and after a mere two months after Voldemort's attempted return, society was ready to rebuild and move on. Then a discovery was made.

It seemed that the plague's symptoms had not been limited to boils, uncontrollable projectile vomiting, and a red mist that enveloped the infected and smelled like sulfur. The wizarding world soon found that all witches and wizards who had been infected were left completely and incurably infertile.

The Ministry of Magic used every available resource to try and fix the problem. All research resources previously used to find a cure were put toward trying to figure out how to keep the magical population in existence.

It was only when Hogwarts letters started going out (the school's students and remaining staff back in reasonable condition) that a few researchers realized the obvious connection that no one else had even noticed. Every Hogwarts student was perfectly healthy. No other school had escaped the plague so completely. Something about Hogwarts kept had kept the plague in check. Hogwarts was the perfect place, it seemed, to bring to magical population back into sustainable numbers.

On August 15, the Ministry of Magic released one of the most controversial sets of laws in magical history. The law ranked students according to their lineage, health, and magical ability. Students with higher rankings would get more focus and priority since their offspring would likely be the healthiest and most likely to help keep the magical world afloat. You need the best the brightest, after all. If two students matched especially well magically, according to the magical world's equivalent of genetics, they would be paired up and declared legally emancipated and married. All students would be expected to produce at least one child before a certain deadline, which was currently still being debated.

Upon the law's introduction in Wizengamot, quite a number of parents were outraged and tried to fight the law any way they could. However, everyone soon began to realize that this was the only way to keep the magical world in existence. Reluctantly, parents had sent their children off on the Hogwarts Express knowing that the children who returned to them might be very much different than the ones to whom they waved goodbye. Students and parents alike had been anxious, unsure of what to expect. Now the gears were being put into motion as everyone held their collective breath.

Harry opened the door of the office he had been instructed to go to and was a little surprised to find Ran Diyader himself sitting inside.

"Ah! Harry! I'm so glad we could finally meet. Please sit down." The office was well furnished, everything pristine and polished but with a casual air. It seemed to convey a sense of comfort while at the same time showing an immense care for detail and order. At least, that was what the Ministry hoped it would convey to the students. Anything to help put them more at ease.

Harry flopped into a gooshy brown chair that was even more comfortable than it looked. Harry was a bit confused with Diyader's presence. Ron had said all he got was some boring intern reading off a notecard. Harry was about to ask Diyader, but the man interrupted before Harry could voice the question.

"No doubt you have questions," the man remarked almost gleefully. Harry nodded.

"First, I'm happy to tell you that you, out of all male students currently eligible, you have received the highest rank! Congratulations!"

Harry was floored. He hadn't expected this. Granted, he hadn't had any idea what to expect. But still. "S-sir? What do you mean?"

"What I mean, my dear boy, is that you are the best candidate that we have to repopulate the magical world!" Diyader was beaming, clearly pleased that he was the one to deliver the news.

"But...but I'm a Half-Blood! My mom was Muggle-born. How I could I have beaten Ron, Neville, or even Malfoy?" While Harry didn't believe that a little snot like Malfoy was actually better than him, he knew that bigotry in the Ministry ran deep.

Ran Diyader chuckled. "Oh, Harry. The ranking process isn't nearly so simple as blood status. We can't afford to cling to bias when the future of every family is on the line. In fact, blood status almost seems to hurt someone's ranking in general, though there are exceptions of course. Namely the second-ranked male. We based ranks on, among other things, magical potency, physical health and ability, magical and viral resilience, and even character. Some purebloods here can barely cast a decent spell, most of the time because they just don't have the willpower or the care to. They accept mediocrity. We don't want future wizards and witches to have those kinds of traits, when we'll be severely lacking in number as it is, do we?"

Harry had to admit that the man was making a lot of sense. The fewer people in the world like Malfoy, the better.

"Not to mention," Diyader added, "purebloods tend to lack diversity in lineage. You can only inbreed for so long before the whole line falls apart. That's where Half-Bloods and Muggle-Borns tend to have an edge as well."

Harry nodded. Who was he to complain? Everybody likes to be the best. "So, what does this mean for me?" he asked.

"I'm glad you asked!" Diyader practically jumped out of his chair to get a parcel on a nearby shelf. "This contains everything you need to get you started. It has suggested schedules for your classes, maps to some private locations for **ahem** private business, and the keys to both your quarters and some private broom closets. Your quarters will be located near Gryffindor tower. I believe they were previously used for the Head Boy or Girl, should they happen to be of Gryffindor. We've added a few furnishings, so hopefully you'll find the quarters agreeable. Everything else should be explained through notes or files included with your things."

Harry couldn't help but smile inwardly. This man seemed to bending over backward to make sure that Harry was as happy as possible. He supposed that the man didn't want to anger Harry or make him mad, on the chance that Harry might not go along with all the plans if angered. Harry took the parcel and made his way toward the door.

"Oh, by the way Harry" Diyader called. "It just so happens that you and the highest ranked female match particularly well. You two will be one of the few good pairs we've found. You'll be sharing the quarters with her. Since you're a pair, technically you two are now emancipated adults and legally married. And just so you know, some magical rules and wards have been placed. They prevent any female from having sex with a male ranked lower than her, and they prevent any male from having sex with a female ranking higher than him. Not ideal, I know, but with a dangerously low population we need to make sure our best and our brightest have the best chance of having children equally so! For you, as the highest ranked male, this won't really affect you. Hell, you could take it as an opportunity to really get around!" Diyader gave Harry his best subtle-inside joke-reassuring-saucy wink, which he had perfected with the Ministry's mandated body language seminar for public officials. That one had at least been worth all the time and taxpayer dollars!

Harry just watched in horror as Diyader gave him an extremely disturbing wink, which Harry hoped to never see again. He shut his eyes for a few seconds, actively trying to purge his mind of that awful sight.

Unfortunately, as Harry was trying to think of ANYTHING other than what he'd just seen, a thought perhaps even more revolting struck him. "Who's the highest ranked female?" Harry asked quickly, trying to shift conversation as casually as he could manage while silently pleading that it wasn't Millicent Bulstrode or Eloise Midgen. Diyader only smiled.

"You know, I just can't seem to remember off the top of my head. Imagine that. I suppose you'll find out for yourself. Should be a fun surprise!" Young people liked surprises, after all. He knew that all on his own.

Harry shook his head and left, closing the door behind him. It always had to be him, didn't it? Ron would probably have a fit when he heard the news. Maybe they wouldn't declare the ranks of everybody, and Harry could remain anonymous. Yeah right. Why would the universe ever smile on him like that? Maybe he could convince some of the people in charge. It sounded like he already had one girl who he would do...things...with. Not that he even knew what he was doing with that sort of thing. And now he might have to prepare himself for swarms of girls coming after him. Just great. Now people might start calling him something even more stupid, like "The Chosen One."

Harry certainly liked girls. He was, after all, a horny male teenager. However, he didn't like the idea of just doing...things...with every girl he met. At least not right now, when he had essentially no experience with the fairer sex. Things were weird enough around Hogwarts already, without awkward glances spurned from random trysts in a broom closet or wherever else.

Sighing, Harry continued to follow the directions he'd been given to his quarters. When he reached his destination, Harry found himself standing beside a portrait of a banana bunch located right around the corner from the Gryffindor Common Room entrance. Tentatively, he held out the key to the portrait. Without warning, one of the bananas popped out of the painting and grabbed key, pulling it back into the portrait without a trace. The portrait swung open, and Harry was left wondering how he'd get in the next time. Hopefully bananas had good memory.

Harry walked up some stairs until he found himself in his new quarters. He had to admit, if Diyader and his staff were trying to bribe Harry through nice stuff, they were doing a pretty good job. Harry explored the quarters and was quite pleased with what he found.

There was (awkwardly) one bedroom, but it was quite large. The whole room was decorated in the Gryffindor colors, as this was the supposed to be for a Head Boy or Girl in Gryffindor. The ceiling was higher than he'd expect, highest in the center like one might see in a more official building, and there was an impressive looking fixture with candles dangling above the bed. The bed itself looked extremely comfy, completely with soft sheets and many pillows. It had to be at least a King size. There was a closet in room, filled with nice clothes and robes all his size, and Harry could have sworn it was large enough to store an elephant even without magic. Harry noticed that some of the robes seemed to be for formal events, and he had a sinking feeling his presence might be required at some stupid Ministry party or event in the near future. The bathroom was huge. It had a large shower (easily large enough for two people Harry noticed with an audible gulp), mirrors all around, an intricately carved stone sink, and a large jacuzzi tub.

In addition to the bedroom, there was a sizable living area that closely resembled the Gryffindor Common Room. A large stone fireplace with a fierce stone lion on the mantle was on the farthest side, and facing it were too chairs that looked very similar to the incredibly comfy one Harry had sat in for the meeting. A large couch was up against one of the side walls, and the other side wall had too large desks with their own shelves and areas for books and papers. Harry was extremely impressed: this wasn't just some small dorm but almost more of a personal apartment, and a nice one at that! If this was the sort of perk of being Head Boy, Harry could certainly see the appeal!

After exploring a bit, noting that many of his possessions had been delivered to the room and his books were already organized at one of the desks, Harry decided that he needed a bit of relaxation in after all the excitement of the day. He plopped down in one of the chairs, pulled on a woven red and gold blanket, and nodded off into dream world.

Hermione was standing in front of him. For some odd reason, her robes seemed to be much too small, though one could definitely not complain about the new fashion choice. Harry couldn't help but glance at Hermione's smooth, soft legs that her short robes now so easily revealed. He wondered what it'd be like to feel them, let his hands travel up her thighs all the way up to-

Red-faced, Harry quickly shifted his gaze to her face. She was smiling happily, obviously impressed with the room. Seeing his expression, her brows furrowed.

"What's the matter, Harry?"

"I, uh, I was just, well…" Harry could feel a certain bodily appendage growing, demanding to be appeased. Mortified, he tried to shift the blanket so that it wouldn't be so obvious. This was Hermione, after. Albeit a Hermione dressing in much more revealing attire than he'd seen before.

Hermione seemed to read Harry's thoughts. "Oh. Is it my robes?" Hermione looked down at herself. "I don't like them either. Too tight. Plus they sort of restrict your view of me, don't they?"

With that, as Harry's jaw dropped, Hermione unclasped her robes, letting them fall to the floor and displaying her fully naked body. Harry's eyes moved down from her face to settle upon the two beautiful twins in front of him.

Hermione didn't have huge breasts like Lavender Brown or Susan Bones did. Those, Harry thought, were almost too big. Instead, Hermione boasted a pair of nice, perky B-cups. Big enough to be grabbed and squeezed, but not so big that they sagged. Now free of their bonds, her breasts sat serenely in the open air. Her dark nipples, due to the quick change in temperature and maybe something else, were now standing at attention, just asking to be felt and rolled in between a certain wizards fingers.

Harry tore his gaze away from Hermione's boobs and continued downward. He slowly moved his gaze down her smooth abdomen until it settled right between her curvy thighs. Cleanly shaven, Harry could only stare at the beautiful, glistening slit that he swore was almost beckoning him to come closer. By now, Harry Junior was fully awake and demanding some attention.

"It looks like you like what you see, Harry," Hermione smiled, and Harry could only nod. "Perhaps you'd like to slip into something more comfortable. Maybe me?"

SLAM!

Harry practically jumped up in fright, suddenly awakened from what had quickly become one of his best dreams ever. He'd been startled by a slamming noise, which he realized was more than likely the portrait slamming closed. It seemed that the girl he'd be sharing the room with was here. Looking down, Harry sighed in relief. The blanked adequately covered his physical response to that amazing 'd been dreaming more and more of Hermione like that. It felt weird, since she was his best friend, but now he could barely look at her without thinking about her in an entirely different light. Ever since he came back from the graveyard, he'd started to notice that Hermione was, indeed, a girl! Strange how once again staring almost certain death in the face makes one look at things a little differently.

Harry's relief was only momentary, though, as he heard the steps of the new person and was brought back into the reality of what the slamming of the portrait meant. Harryside felt his heart going crazy in his chest. Who was it? Who was he now technically married to? He didn't know that many people outside his close friends, would this person like him? See him as just Harry and not the celebrity most saw him as?

Too nervous to move, Harry decided to just sit in the chair, blanket clenched tightly in his fists, and wait for his roommate/wife to enter. If he got up, he might show off a little more about himself than he'd like. He listened, hearing footsteps coming closer and closer up the stairs. She should be just about the entrance now, he figured.

"Harry? What are you doing here?"

Standing in the doorway, in her arms a parcel just like Harry's, was none other than Hermione Granger.

/:Note:/ Just fyi, pronunciation Harry's helper is "Randy Aid-er." If you cringed while reading that, I'm not sorry. Ok, maybe a little bit. It was the first bad name pun I could think of and it was so bad I felt I had to continue with it. Anyway, I'll try and post the next chapter soon. Hope you liked it!