Authors Note: October 12th, 2015. Happy Birthday, Emily Prentiss. Hope you're doing well over in London! BAU deeply misses you.

.
..

A little over two years ago…

She could hear before she could see. The incessant beeping pulled her from her haze, and it took several seconds before she realized where she was.

She groaned and squinted her eyes open, revealing herself in a hospital bed. She tried to speak to the nurse that was writing in her chart across the room, but her throat was so dry that it sounded more like a squawk.

"Let me get you some water before you try to speak." Emily recognized as Nurse Brenda said. After taking several long sips of water, Emily could finally talk.

"What happened?"

Nurse Brenda sighed, "I think I should first ask you what is the last things you remember?"

Emily scrunched her eyebrows together, eyes immediately filling with tears as the memories came flooding back.

"I—I remember walking to Matthew's room and I saw a lot of people going in and out of his room. Then it goes black." She stammered out.

"That's because you passed out. Along with the intense amount of stress you've been under, you're also slightly dehydrated because of all the coffee and no sleep."

Emily nodded her head, trying to process the gaps in memory. As she's sorting through the recent events, she stops when she realizes she has no idea what happened to Matthew. She remembers walking towards his room, but after seeing all of the chaos outside his room she has no memory until right now. She fears the worst when she asks,

"How's Matthew? What happened?"

Nurse Brenda visibly cringed, taking a deep breath before saying

"I'm so sorry Agent Prentiss, but Matthew died yesterday morning around 3:45 am. When you walked up to his room, he was being unsuccessfully resuscitated. We knew it would be rare if he would survive the night, so it didn't come as a surprise when his heart became too stressed to recover from the accident."

Brenda decided to give her some space and left the room leaving Emily, once again, alone with her thoughts. Emily isn't a fan of emotions. She is always compartmentalizing her feelings and putting off what she doesn't need to feel right now until later, but losing her best friend is too overwhelming to ignore.

She breaks down. She completely breaks down. The confusion of the last 24 hours hits her and she can't stop her emotions from completely taking over. She doesn't want to, but she sobs harder than she has in her entire life right there in a hospital gown in a hospital bed. By the time she stops, her eyes are swollen and she is exhausted, a familiar feeling.

Emily Prentiss doesn't panic, but all of a sudden she starts to feel trapped. Still alone in her room, she swings her legs over the side of the bed and pulls the IV from her hand and the EKG stickers from her chest. Emily stands up wobbly, trying to adjust to her dizziness. After looking down and realizing that she was only wearing a hospital gown, she searched the room for her clothing. She locates her plain blue jeans and black v neck tee-shirt in a clear plastic bag on the other side of the room.

After carefully making her way over and in her clothes, she turns to look at herself in the mirror. Her face is red and puffy, hair disheveled with bangs astray and she has coffee stains on the bottom of her jeans. Emily sighs and makes her way toward the door, holding onto walls and whatever available object she could to keep her balance.

She finally made it into the hallway, where she was able to walk a little bit straighter. She didn't know where she wanted to go, only that she wanted to get out of there. She walked aimlessly, not realizing until she arrived where she was; the pediatric intensive care unit.

Tears stinging the back of her eyes, she pushed open the doors and sat down next to where the baby was. Emily couldn't take her eyes away.

"I'm so sorry, kid. This is all my fault." she sighed.

Emily held the edge of the crib where the baby was laying and fell asleep, listening to the faint beeping of the few machines across the room.

.
..

"Agent Prentiss….. Agent Prentiss? Please wake up." Nurse Brenda said to the still sleeping Emily

Groggily, Emily grunted some sort of reply, and immediately winced when she tried to move, sleeping in a chair did not do well for her neck.

"I thought I would find you here. You know, it's not very nice to just leave your room and not tell me."

She smiled back sympathetically, still behind on sleep and emotionally exhausted.

"Emily, there are some things we need to discuss, in regards to Matthew, Rebecca and Emilia."

"What is there to talk about? They died." She said back, Emily was in no mood to discuss her best friend's death.

"Matthew and Rebecca died, and I'm sorry for your losses, but Emilia did not. Emilia is now parentless, which means she goes to the guardian that they previously designated in case this situation were to ever occur."

What the nurse was saying finally dawned on Emily, and she couldn't hide her shock from her face when she said,

"Me."

.
..

"You know her middle name is my first name. Matthew and I have been friends since we were kids, and when Rebecca was pregnant he said that if it was a girl he would name it after me. I thought that it was really sweet, but incredibly unnecessary. I didn't need his offspring to have my name to know that he was my best friend."

She was rambling now. The newfound knowledge of her motherhood has sent her thoughts spiraling.

"It's fitting, you know, that she has my name as her middle name. Because I have my mother's name as my middle name, and now that I'm her mother she should have mine."

She choked out the last part of her sentence, getting caught on the word "mother"

"I'm her mother." She managed to say before the tears started flowing down her face yet again.

Brenda stayed silent the entire time, listening to Emily try to cope with the new wave of news she's just given her.

"I… I can't be her mother. I work for the FBI, I'm not home enough to take care of her. I'd be a horrible mother."

"I think that the only reason you have is that you won't be with her enough to take care of her, means you'll be a great mother. You can do it, Emily. And you have options. You're being discharged today, but we're going to keep Emilia here for a few more days to watch her. In the meantime, you can get settled and ready to bring her home.

"I don't live here in Phoenix, though. I was just working a case and when it finished Matthew wanted to get together. And then, the accident happened on our way to meet."

"Where you live doesn't matter. As long as you can and will take care of this baby, that's all that matters. Can you do it?"

Emily thought about it, really thought about her options and about what she had to do. She has no idea how to be a mother, she barely had one herself. She didn't live somewhere where she could raise a baby, her job wasn't kid friendly. But it was Matthew's kid. For a long time Matthew was the most important person in her life, she couldn't give this up. He wanted her to take his baby.

"Yeah, I think so."

.
..

The next few days had been incredibly difficult. She flew out of Phoenix and to her apartment in DC, where she had an interior designer already waiting. If she was going to do this, she was going to do this right.

The two hurriedly made plans, cleaned and organized Emily's small two bedroom apartment. She knew she couldn't stay there forever, but for the time being this was the best she could manage. Emily spent the night, packed more clothes and took a flight out back to Phoenix as soon as she could. She was only gone about 48 hours, but for some reason she still felt guilty. The kid didn't know she was gone, but being away from her just made her feel like she was already neglecting her.

Emily just felt empty. She arrived back at the hospital to collect Emilia, but couldn't get herself to leave. The doctors had already informed her of what Emilia's medical conditions are, the medicine she has to take and what to do if something happens. It was time for her to leave, but she couldn't get herself to walk out the door.

She came to Phoenix on a case, like she had done a dozen times in the past. She worked for the Midwestern FBI section so why wouldn't she? And every time she came she visited Matthew, why was this time any different?

Matthew. Even when she thought of his name made her feel sick and want to cry all over again. Her childhood best friend, the only person she could count on in Rome, was dead. More than that, she now had the responsibility of raising his daughter. What if she did a bad job and disappointed him? The amount of doubt running through her head at any given point was extreme.

But now she had a kid to look after. Right now calling Emilia her daughter was too much, after all Emily wasn't even too fond of babies. But she would do anything for him, and she knew that eventually she would come to love her. It would just take some time.

.
..

Present…

Emily had never felt as much relief as she did when Emilia finally woke up. It had been several hours, many of them touch and go before she finally started to stir. The doctors said all she needed was time for her brain waves to recover from her seizer, there was nothing that could have sped the process along.

At the first sign of a twitch Emily was crying again, never really stopped if she was being honest. Even Aaron couldn't hide his excitement when Emilia started groaning and moving in the bed. When he left to tell the team the good news, they all let out a large huff of air, Morgan even gave Garcia a hug.

After the doctors had given Emily a new treatment for Emilia, she decided it was time to face the team. Since they arrived she hasn't talked to any of them, hasn't wanted to. Her daughter will always be her priority, but now that she is okay she has to take care of her second family. After several minutes of working herself up, she left the room and walked to where they were all waiting.

The moment the team saw Emily they all seemed to simultaneously stop talking, eager and not willing to miss a word.

They were all sitting in the waiting room chairs, spread out enough not to be crowded but close enough were the two farthest apart could hold a conversation. Emily used this to her advantage, by standing in front of them all with a straight back and a schooled face. She loved her team, but she was still the strong FBI agent they knew before.

Rossi opened his mouth to speak, but not before JJ cut in with a hint of venom in her voice "Emily, how could you not tell us?!" She instantly regretted it, not meaning for it to sound so harsh but knowing that's what they were all thinking.

However not missing a beat Emily put on a tight smile and said, "Emilia is fine, thank you. She's going to recover and be just as she was before, so that's great. I didn't ask for you to be here. I didn't tell you about my daughter for a reason, I hope that you respect that." Pausing for a breath she continued, "Unfortunately things will be different now. I won't have to lie to you anymore so I think that's a good thing, but I don't want to be treated any different than I was a few days ago. I'm still the same Emily, that's something I also I hope you realize." Looking around, she seemed to sober up her tone when she finished with "I love you all, truly. I don't think I've really said it to you, but I think of you all more as my family than my real family, excluding Emilia. I want you all in mine and Emilia's lives. I realize that I have some growing to do as well. I'm sorry that you found out like this."

With that she turned around and walked out of the waiting room and down the hallway, not turning around until she made it back to Emilia's room. She said she would face them, she never said she would hold an actual conversation.

.
..

It was two weeks before Emily had to be back at work, Emilia was still weak but recovering quickly, as toddlers usually do.

The team had all come and gone, mostly individually or in pairs. It was awkward at first, seeing the pair of Prentiss' together and not knowing the right thing to say. However relishing in the chance to meet the newest member was the best distraction they could ask for, although Emily had to admit it was going much better than she had planned.

But it was Aaron who made everything the easiest. He called her every day, came over on the nights when he wasn't working, cooked dinner once or twice and even learned Emilia's bed time routine so that it didn't always have to be Emily. He was the one there for her after every one of the teams' visits and after every phone call with her mother regarding the lack of knowledge about Emilia's hospitalization. He was the one who calmed her down every time she mistook Emilia for having another seizer. He was always there, and she loved it. She loves him.

If she was uncertain about her feelings before, she is anything but now. Emily can't help but think about what their life would be like if they were together, Emilia and Jack together more, living under the same roof and coming home together every night. She knows she shouldn't, but she can't help herself. Emily wants them to have a life together. Unfortunately, she has no idea if he feels the same way about her. It would make sense if he didn't, he was her boss and that kind of relationship was more than frowned about. But it would also make sense if he did, he was doing much more than was required of a boss and even a friend. She decided that the next time that he came over, she would tell him exactly how she felt

.
..

Life, am I right? I've said this every time but I'm SO SORRY this took me so long. In the beginning I had a bit of block, and then I got sick for a while and was in the hospital and so I was unable to work on it. Anyways, don't want to get too much into it here but I do talk about it a little bit in my profile bio thing. There is where you can also find my twitter, tumblr, and Instagram (please follow!)

I hope you enjoyed this update! I tried to make it a little longer due to the severe time gap between updates. Know that the next chapter has BIG things coming for E&A, so keep reading! As always please leave a review! They definitely motivate me more than I am.

I can't completely promise that my next update won't take forever like this one did, but I'm going to try my hardest. I'm taking a creative writing class and I'm learning a lot (as well as writing a lot) so I hope what I do in the future continues to get better as well.

Okay, this is an extremely long note so I'm just going to end with a THANK YOU to everyone who fav/followed/reviewed my story and me, you're all wonderful. If you read this far I hope you have a great day, and remember to fav/follow/review! :)