Timeline note: Set shortly after Riley's family moves to San Francisco.

Note: Looking at Sadness and Joy, I think this counts as my first crackfic. oO Thanks to StoryLover149 for providing something specific for Joy to obsess about. ;)

Vegetables weren't exactly at the top of Disgust's list of favorite things, but come on, this was getting ridiculous!

"Sadness, what is it with you and onions?" Anger snapped at their resident sprinkler.

Sadness sniffed noisily as she reached for another button on the console. "They destroy the poor things!" she wailed.

"They do that with every other vegetable there is!" Anger boomed, somehow managing to tower over her despite being the shortest Emotion in the room.

"It's so saaaaaad!" Sadness agreed as she pushed another button, and immediately, the screen blurred as if someone had poured a bottle of water over Riley's head.

"No, don't make her cry, don't make her cry!" Fear shrieked as he raced over to try and push Sadness away from the console. "We're gonna cut our finger!"

But as much as he yanked on her arm, Sadness wouldn't budge, was clinging to the console as if holding on for dear life.

Meanwhile, Joy was bouncing around on the upper level like an imbecile on sugar. "We're gonna get omelets, everyone!" she proclaimed as if they hadn't heard Mom tell Riley why she had to chop those blasted onions.

"If Sadness lets us prepare the food!" Anger snarled.

"But those poor onions!" Sadness went at it again as she flipped another switch.

Disgust rolled her eyes. Why did this happen every - single - time? Why couldn't they just let Riley act like the big girl she was for once and help Mom in the kitchen instead of holding her from the actual work with ridiculous outbursts?

It wasn't as bad as they made it out to be, anyway. At least Riley didn't have to clean the mushrooms!

"We can't see a thing!" Fear exclaimed and then clutched his mouth with both hands. The idiot never realized that this effectively muffled his kooky warnings. "What if we drop something?" he whispered, and probably thought he was being dramatic about it. "There must be at least a million germs on the floor! And what if a dog lived here before… before we…"

A dull thump told them that Fear had fainted. Again.

"Omelets!" Joy sang from the upper level and did a somersault.

Disgust clutched her forehead in exasperation. Why was she stuck with these mental people? For life?

It was time that someone acted like an adult about this. Well, but it looked as if she couldn't expect any help from Joy's direction, so she stepped over Fear to approach the console herself. "Sadness, those onions were dead before we chopped them up, and…"

This sent Sadness into a crying fit.

"Look here," Disgust snapped, trying in vain to keep out of the way of the waterworks, "if we keep Riley from doing her chores, we're gonna have to wait longer to get our food, or maybe we won't get food at all. And, um, won't that be sad?"

Would it? She wasn't sure. She never quite understood what it was about a situation that set Sadness off.

The top of Anger's head started simmering. "If Mom thinks she can blame us for those onions thinking they have to…"

"If we do our chores now," Disgust cut in loudly, ignoring Joy continuously chirping "Omelets!" in the background, "then Mom won't have anything to blame us for!" They weren't honestly going to tell her they hadn't realized that by themselves, right?

"Riley, are you okay?" Mom's voice cut through their argument.

Simultaneously, the three standing in front of the console looked up at the screen, just in time for the haze to lift and Mom's face to swim into focus.

"I'm fine," Riley answered with a sniffle not unlike the ones Sadness gave when she was feeling particularly positive - which was a good sign for Sadness but a bad one in Riley's case - and briefly obscured everyone's view by running the back of her hand over her face. "I just have… something in my eye…"

When their sight was back, they could see Mom smile. "Give those here, sweetie. Could you clean the mushrooms instead?"

Disgust groaned. This was not happening.

"Omelets!" Joy exclaimed and flew down the ramp to hug the nearest person she could reach, which happened to be Anger.

"Oh," Sadness muttered as she backed away from the console. "That's fine, then."

"Well, I hope you're happy now!" Disgust snapped and pouted at her - and at Anger, too, for good measure - before turning to leave. Her dramatic exit was ruined by Fear who, just as she stepped over him again, came to and immediately jolted upright to panic about possibly having missed supper.

She pushed him over for almost knocking her out - and because she felt like it - and then, finally, she stomped over to the ramp to hole herself up in the Living Quarters.

Dimwits, all of them. Yeah, Disgust didn't like onions, either. But at least she wasn't being a baby about it!

Note: I tried to look up what preparing mushrooms was called in America and ended up stumbling upon a huge debate of how to do it "correctly." oO Peeling, rinsing, brushing… for the sake of simplicity, I went with "cleaning" and hope no one got pulled out of the story because of it.

Looking at this and Commitment, I think I'll write one of these humorous stories for every Emotion.

Feedback is appreciated! :)