Disclaimer: Nope. Maybe one day. Yes? No? No. Alright.

So... who saw ufotable's version of Archer's UBW and immediately felt both elated and disappointed? And by that I mean elated at the fact that ufotable managed to do both the character and his Reality Marble justice, and disappointed at the fact the Crow's Claw version of the Emiya track wasn't playing at full blast the entire time. Or was that just me?

Cue Bondage Head! You'll know when.

You Have Control

[FINANCING]

"Now then, I'm afraid we have to get straight down to business." Despite his words, Masakaki's ever-present smile never faltered. "I hope you understand. The Bank can't afford to go easy on Entre's, even newly minted ones. Extenuating circumstances, you see."

They stood in the middle of a street. Shirou had to admit, the Financial District was even more impressive up-close. It was like strolling through the middle of downtown Tokyo, but with less people and vehicles crowding the streets. Even small details were accurate, like the location of a ramen stand, or an ATM machine wired into the side of a building. More importantly were the streets, which were painted a sickly crimson matching the skies, and the buildings that seemed to be wrapped in panes of white tiling.

Masakaki had teleported him to this location, wherever it was, instead of letting the taxi cab complete it's journey towards the floating coin in the distance. Thankfully, Shirou had gotten used to the Bank representatives preferred method of travel, and decided not to question it. What he did question was...

"What do you mean, 'business'?"

"You didn't think you'd earn money by doing nothing, did you?" Masakaki asked in what would have been a mocking tone, had it been any different from his usual voice. "Other than a modest investment startup we process towards your account, the Bank expects you to accumulate money by winning Deals." The ethereal man stepped aside, giving Shirou a full view of the street ahead. "If you'll check your wallet, you'll find your standard issue Midas Card. Trust me, you'll need it."

Shirou dug through his pockets and was only mildly surprised by the presence of a strange-looking card that seemed to have taken the place of his usual bank card. It was silver in color, almost metallic in appearance. The Midas logo sat on the lower left, while a large circle in the middle was transparent, with an opaque depiction of what looked like a hill of swords. The letters ACHR were etched on the right, probably some kind of PIN code. "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked.

"The first thing you'll want to do is to run your fingers over the face of your card." There was a ringing sound, and Masakaki checked a pocket-watch he seemed to have pulled from nowhere. "Oh. It seems you're opponent has arrived."

Ignoring the strong urge to ask the representative the plethora of questions gathered in his head, Shirou did as he was told. His fingers swiped across the surface of the card, and the transparent circle spun in place. There was an unpleasant cold sensation, poking and prodding through his insides. Thankfully the feeling only lasted a moment, and the card started to grow. There was a brilliant flash of light, where Shirou hurriedly covered his eyes with his arm and Masakaki smiled maniacally.

When the light died down, Shirou lowered his arm, only to find a man standing in front of him.

The man was tall, even more so than Shirou, whose height was already considered above average by Japanese standards. He had muscles features, and is skin was a tanned bronze. Over his shoulders and across his waist there was some kind of crimson raiment, and underneath that what looked like black armor. His hair was a pale shade of white, and two horns jutted out from the spiked-back locks, each about half a foot in length. Calm and calculative golden eyes scrutinized Shirou, staring at him with a mixture of curiosity and... disappointment? For some reason, that really pisses me off.

The man took a moment to take in his surroundings. When his eyes came back to Shirou, he asked, "What does it say?"

Shirou pointed a finger at himself. "You're... talking to me, right?"

The crimson-clad newcomer snorted. "Anyone else around here?" Shirou felt the need to point out Masakaki's presence, but when he turned around, the representative seemed to have disappeared. The man pointed at the card in Shirou's hands. "The card. What dies it say?"

The would-be hero glanced at the Midas Card. "ACHR. It looks like... Archer?"

The man stared at Shirou with raised eyebrows. "Archer? That's my name?" The newly identified Archer seemed to consider this, before he shrugged his shoulders. "It's as fine a name as any other, I suppose. At any rate, I look forward to Dealing with you."

"...okay," Shirou hesitantly let out.

The two of them stood there, staring each other in the eyes. After a few awkward seconds of staring at the imposing Archer, the newly minted Entre decided to throw caution to the wind and ask the question prodding the back of his mind. "So... who are you?"

Archer looked at him curiously. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm obviously your Asset." He paused, staring at Shirou like he'd grown a second head when the younger man gave him a blank look. "You know, the physical manifestation of your future? Didn't Masakaki explain any of this?" When Shirou continued to stay silent, Archer grew frustrated. "Did he tell you anything?!"

"Not really," the college student answered. "He just said that if I came here I could win a lot of money."

"And you just accepted that? You didn't ask any questions?!"

Shirou had enough sense to know when he'd made a mistake. And looking back, he had been a bit too eager to accept Masakaki's deal. It's not like it's my fault. As soon as he mentioned that I could use the money to fund my dream I - Shirou sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I'll admit, I'm a little... impulsive, at times." Issei told him as much. Normally he'd brush an observation like that off, but when even Shinji started to mention and make fun of it, he knew it was true.

Archer scoffed and crossed his arms. "Alright then, listen up. We don't have much time before the Deal starts, so I'm gonna give you a crash course on how to survive." He pointed at himself. "As I said before, I'm your Asset, the manifestation of your future given physical form. You are an Entre, and it is only through you that I can take action and fight the enemy." He raised a hand in silence when it looked like Shirou was going to interrupt him. "The enemy is an opposing Entre, along with their Asset. Any second now the Deal will start, and they're going to attack us." Archer pointed at the Midas Card still held in Shirou's hand. "And when they do, the only thing that will keep us from going Bankrupt is how you decide to use your money."

The serious atmosphere was beginning to cloud Shirou's mind, and he found himself a little nervous. Is he serious? "What do you mean?"

"You have to spend money to make money, right?" Seeing his Entre hesitantly nod, Archer continued. "It costs money for me to initiate an attack and to defend from attacks. If one of my attacks hit's the enemy Entre or their asset, we earn money, specifically that of the enemy's, and that money will be deposited into our account to be used for more attacks. In other words, we make a profit. However, the reverse also applies, so it's in our best interests not to get hit. There are three types of Flation, or special attacks, that I can use. The first is-"

"Oh? Are you two discussing battle plans over there?"

Both Shirou and Archer's attention were drawn towards the other side of the street. A small waif of a girl was standing there, bundled up in what seemed like purple winter clothes and wearing a fuzzy hat. She was smiling at the both of them, her white hair somehow flowing in a nonexistent breeze as a pair of crimson eyes gazed curiously at them. "So, I'm fighting a rookie today?" Her expression fell into a pout, something bursting with so much cuteness it took nearly all of Shirou's willpower not to fawn over her. "Well, it can't be helped, I guess." She flashed them a brilliant smile full of warmth. "My name's Illyasviel, and I'm gonna destroy the both of you! Try not to die too quickly, okay? That wouldn't be any fun!"

"...what." Was Shirou's eloquent response.

[OPEN DEAL]

There was a sort of whirring sound, and Shirou gazed at the sky to see two... eyeballs(?) hovering above both Illyasviel and himself. The one above him was about the size of a basketball, and it was surrounding by a miasma of orange. The one over the white-haired girl however, was just about the size of a school bus, and a sickly shade of purple miasma hung off of it. He turned towards Archer, the Asset wearing a worried expression. "What are those?"

Archer grimaced. "Our Bank Accounts."

The two Accounts violently crashed together, struggling for dominance. A black line formed where the two collided, and a red timer appeared underneath, reading 666.

Across the street, Illyasviel giggled. "Alright then, it's starting!" A black Midas Card was held in her hands, and as she brought it up to her face, Shirou could have sworn that he saw her crimson eyes flash an ominous golden. "Herakles, come on out!" She swiped the card in the air.

And before them stood a monster.

Simply calling the thing a giant would be an injustice. In reality, it was more like a hulking mass of muscle and Death. It's skin was seared black, a multitude of scars adorning it's body. In it's hand was a huge slab of stone, resembling a crude amalgamation between an axe and a sword. A tangle of ragged black hair fell from it's head like the mane of a lion, and an ominous red glint emitted from one of it's bloodshot eyes. The monster of a man regarded the two of them with it's maddened gaze, before it gathered breath onto it's lungs and let out a beastly roar. "RAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!"

The shockwave from the monster's roar alone was enough to send bits and pieces of debris headed Shirou's way. Archer calmly stepped in front of his Entre, regarding the beast with a pair of calculating eyes.

As Shirou stood there, looking on in fear at the small girl and the monster she seemed to command, only one question was on his mind. "Who are they?!"

Archer settled into a fighting stance, his arms held out to his sides. Motes of light seemed to gather around him, before solidifying into his hands. When the light faded, there were a pair of twin Chinese dao swords, one black and the other white, both with the symbols of yin and yang inscribed above the hilts. As the Asset sized up the monster, he took a moment to turn back towards Shirou. "They're the enemy."

"...they're the enemy?" Shirou asked. He took another look at the monster, then turned to his Asset. "We're screwed."

Archer gave him a sardonic grin. "Yeah, I can't disagree with that."

Illyasviel smiled, but this one was absent of the warmth from earlier. Instead, it looked like the smile of a predator flashing the prey it's teeth. She calmly ran her fingers over the surface of her card. "Microflation," she said smugly, "fifty thousand."

[MICRO]

The monster moved. It was faster than lightning, moving much quicker than a beast it's size had the right to be. In the blink of an eye, Herakles was upon them, it's wretched stone sword raised high over it's head.

"Shit!" Archer dispelled one of his swords and clutched at Shirou's hand. Before the Entre could ask his Asset what he was doing, Shirou found himself flying through the air. For a few seconds, he was weightless. Then gravity caught up with him and he crashed into the concrete, tumbling across the ground before he came to a complete stop. As he lifted himself up off the ground, Shirou turned to face his Asset. "Hey! What the hell was that-!" His inquiry died in his throat.

Archer was holding his twin dao's in an X guard, his muscles taught and his teeth grinding together. Above him was Herakles, the beast pushing down with his mockery of a sword. The ground beneath Archer's feet had formed into a crater from the stress, and cracks were still forming in the concrete. The two Assets were in a deadlock, one trying to squish his opponent with brute force while the other simply tried to survive. Unfortunately, something had to give, and that something was Archer. He grunted in pain as the force behind Herakles' sword multiplied. Deciding to take a risk, Archer quickly back peddled, letting the monster's blade smash into the ground. However, the resulting shockwave was monstrously strong, and the crimson-clad Asset found himself flung through a building.

Shirou stood there, his mind trying to process what had just happened. The display of monstrous strength he'd just witnessed refused to register in his brain.

Just what the hell did I get myself into?

[C]

"Hm. Well, that's just bad luck I suppose." Rin idly kicked her legs out, letting them dangle from the edge of the skyscraper as she observed the battle between Illyasviel von Einzbern and the rookie. "His first deal, and he has to fight the Berserker Duo? Tough break."

{Rin, why are you so interested in this Deal?}

Rin Tohsaka adopted a thoughtful expression. "Well, if we ever end up facing Illyasviel again, I don't want to be caught unprepared. We went in blind last time, and we barely escaped going Bankrupt." She shivered in horror at the memory. "I ended up eating only tea and rice for the next month..."

{Indeed, she is a formidable Entrepreneur. But what do you think of the new Entre?}

"Emiya?" Rin brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, he wasn't Bankrupted in the first ten seconds, so color me impressed. His Asset was even able to hold off Herakles for a bit, and that's more than most can claim." She blinked, her eyes turning a pale golden. "Oh, they're moving again."

Emiya and his Asset were on top of the buildings now, hopping between rooftops in order to avoid Herakles. Emiya was being held by the scruff of his neck like a dog, and by the look of the way he was struggling under his Asset's hold, Rin guessed that he didn't find the situation so amusing. Meanwhile, the hulking mass of muscle chasing them was roaring in unadulterated fury, it's rage further powered by the multitude of Microflations that Illyasviel was casting upon it. All in all, it was akin to watching a mouse being chased by a bear.

{Emiya? Are you acquainted with the man?}

The female Entre shrugged her shoulders. "Not really. He used to help the staff with cleaning and repairs at my old high school. Everyone called him the Fake Janitor. To be honest, I'm surprised he's here." She watched as Emiya's Asset narrowly dodged a swipe of Herakles' sword and retaliated by throwing one of his swords at the beast's face. She was a tad bit surprised when the sword detonated on impact, letting loose a smoke cloud they used to create some distance. "Though, he might just survive, as long as he's got an Asset like that."

{Indeed. Versatility such as that is rare in an Asset.}

Rin brought up her Midas Card. She peered through the transparent circle, and saw that Artoria was observing the battle with hardened eye. With a flick of her wrist, she brought her Asset onto a visible plane of existence. "You're not jealous, are you?" she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice.

Artoria curtly shook her head. "Not at all. I think the two of them would provide an exhilarating fight."

"Maybe." The twin-tailed Entre returned her attention towards the fight, where Emiya and his Asset were hiding on top of one of the buildings whilst Herakles roared in frustration at it's prey having eluded it. "But they'll need to survive Illyasviel, first."

[C]

Archer grit his teeth in frustration. "This is getting ridiculous. We're getting nowhere with this strategy." He glanced at his Entre, who was panting while lying on the floor. They'd taken shelter on the top of this building, with Shirou hoping that maybe Herakles would tire himself out searching for them across the block. I doubt it. Archer stealthily stuck his head over cover, and grimaced at the sight of the monster literally smashing through buildings in the hunt for his prey. Something tells me that thing isn't going to tire out anytime soon.

The Asset joined his Entre on the floor, sitting on the floor while his partner began to rise. "We need a plan of attack. At this rate, we'll run out of money just defending against that monster."

Shirou rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm open to suggestions."

"The most viable plan would be to target the Entrepreneur." Archer idly rubbed his wrists, the bones starting to creak after the strain he'd put them through deflecting Herakles' ludicrously strong attacks. "She seems to heavily rely on her Asset to crush her opposition with brute force. We can't turn this battle into one of attrition, that thing has way too much stamina. So, we cut off the head, figuratively speaking. If we can just get close enough to-"

"We're not doing that." Shirou stated bluntly.

"... and why not?" Archer asked, curious as to what his Entre had in mind.

The would-be hero looked directly into his Asset's eyes. "Because that wouldn't be right, that's why!"

Archer observed his Entre with intense eyes, looking for any sign of doubt. When he found none, he sighed, and beckoned Shirou to come closer. Thinking that his Asset might have a feasible strategy in mind, he leaned in closer...

Only for Archer to flick him in between the eyes, an action which carried much more force than it should have, which sent Shirou sprawling back towards the ground. When he managed to find his barrings, he rounded on his assailant. "Just what the hell was that for?!"

"'Because it wouldn't be right?'" Archer was scowling down at the red-haired Entre with open disdain. "Do you even realize how serious a Deal is?" The Asset stalked towards Shirou, lifting him up by the collar of his shirt. "If we go Bankrupt, that's it, the shows over! And you don't want to take advantage of our opponent's weakness... why, exactly?" He let go of the collar, allowing the college student to stand on his own two feet.

Shirou smoothed out the front of his shirt before glaring at the crimson warrior. "I'm not attacking some little girl just for money, damn it! Ignoring the whole 'you shouldn't hurt other people' lesson they give us in kindergarten, not to mention the fact I have no idea what's going on, she's a little girl! "

"A little girl who, if you'd care to recall, has a hulking mass of death incarnate trying to Bankrupt us!" Archer spit out between grit teeth. And what the hell is kindergarten?

"And just why is that so bad?" Shirou seriously asked. "You keep throwing around the word 'Bankrupt' without explaining what that means! And something tells me that the conventional meaning doesn't apply in this situation."

"Tell me something. You were listening to me earlier, and not just pretending to, right?" Taking the silent glare Shirou sent his way as answer enough, Archer continued. "Well, then you must have caught the part where I told you that as your Asset, I'm the physical manifestation of your future. A concept given shape. When you agreed to become an Entrepreneur, you essentially gave the Bank permission to hold your future as collateral in exchange for access to the Financial District. And as long as you're an Entre, you'll have to participate in Deals, either once every week as mandatory service or by challenging a fellow Entre. Naturally, it's in your best interest to win as often as you can. As long as you invest your money wisely when Dealing, it is possible to make a profit."

"But here's the catch: should you lose the Deal, by coming out with less money than what you went in with, your future... it changes. Even the smallest margin can herald huge consequences. And as bad as that is, at least you have the chance to win it back in your next Deal. However, if you go Bankrupt? Instant banishment from the District. You'll find yourself in the real world, with no money, no one to help you, and most importantly, no future. What's worse is that no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to get it back."

By this point, Archer had calmed down. Hopefully his Entre understood just how serious the situation was. "So, in answer to your question, going Bankrupt is a very bad thing. Not just for you, but for me as well. Because, if you were paying attention," the Asset pointed his thumb against his chest, "… well, I'm your future. And I have no intention of going Bankrupt today. Which means that whatever qualms you have against violence need to disappear, right now."

Even with the explanation, his Entre still looked conflicted. "But we can't attack someone like that..."

Archer sighed, rubbing his forehead before deciding to try one last time to get through to his Entre. "Look, in any other circumstance, you'd probably be right. But you have to think of it this way," he explained. "It's either us, or them." The newly created Asset offered his hand to the prone Shirou, who looked at the offered appendage with an expression somewhere disbelief and mistrust. "Now get up. We've got us a Deal to-"

[MICRO]

"RAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!"

The all-too familiar beastly roar erupted much too close for Archer's liking. He leapt onto the edge of the building, straining his eyesight to locate Herakles. Another maddened roar sounded throughout the city block, and the crimson-clad Asset looked down just in time to see the enemy monster standing at the foot of the building, it's large slab of stone winded far behind it's back.

He's not really going to-

With another mighty roar, Herakles slashed his sword across the supports of the skyscraper, utterly decimating the concrete structures. These was a loud explosion, the windows of the building all simultaneously shattering at the sheer force behind the beast's attack. And slowly, much to Archer's dismay, the building began to shift, collapsing under it's own weight.

Trying, and somehow succeeding, to remain calm despite the disastrous situation, Archer raced back towards his Entre, who looked a bit paler than he was a second ago. Without so much as a word of explanation, he unceremoniously lifted Shirou under his arm, ignoring the words of indignation the younger man was spouting. He dashed towards the edge of the falling building and ascended into the air.

Where Herakles was waiting for him.

The monstrous Asset had intercepted them mid-air, and Archer watched with frantic eyes as Herakles raised it's sword ahead, once again intent on destroying them.

Damn it, there's no way to dodge this one! Unable to bring out his own blades because of the way he was carrying Shirou, and not agile enough to dodge midair, Archer did the only thing he could do: protect his Entre. He faced his back towards Herakles, Shirou held against his chest in an effort to minimize the damage. Archer grit his teeth in anticipation of the agony he knew was to come.

He was not disappointed.

[C]

The resulting impact was akin to an explosion, the fallen Asset crashing towards the ground and sending up a veritable tidal wave of debris and dust. Herakles was now clinging to the side of a building, his fingers digging deep into the concrete as he roared in victory, his prey finally caught.

Illya smiled at the sight.

Normally, the young girl didn't enjoy the pain of others. Quite the opposite, in fact. Before her scheduled Deals, she would always make it a point to visit her opponent and ask them to bow out. Normally forfeiting Deals came with a hefty price - specifically, that of half of your personal fortune. But Illya offered to replace that loss with her own money, a promise that she always kept. Though, her opponents might not have forfeited were it not for her Asset being the hulking monstrosity he was.

Herakles too, was quite docile, unless of course you riled him up. He was Illya's silent guardian, her only protector in the dog-eat-dog environment of the Financial District.

However, this particular Entre was different from the others. He held something akin to value to Illya.

I'm going to bleed you dry. I'll have Herakles pummel you and your Asset to dust until you have only a single yen to your name. Illya smiled, a genuine, teeth-flashing, terrifying expression of happiness. Then I'll have you tell me where Kiritsugu is. Unbidden, a loud bout of laughter escaped from her, the only sound in an otherwise abandoned city block.

Oh, I'm going to have so much fun with you. Big brother.