Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Supernatural. I'm just borrowing the characters.

HEAD SPACE

By: Vanessa Sgroi

Do I blame him? Hell yes, I blame him! But no more than I blame myself. I'd gotten us into this mess by taking the Mark without thinking about the consequences. And really, who am I to talk, yeah? I'd inadvertently brought about Kevin's death a year ago by my own actions yet again. This is what I do—bring about death and destruction at every turn…and not just because of the Mark. If you look at the evidence, it started way before then.

I look at Sam now and my vision goes red with rage. Not really over what he's been doing but WHY he's been doing it. It's all been to save me. Yet he can't see that I'm not worth saving. I've tried so hard to convince him I'm a lost cause. But he's stubborn to his core, and he won't listen. I guess there's a part of me that's grateful for that. A gratefulness that's wrapped tightly in guilt.

I can't look him in the eye. If I do, he'll see the rage. Some if it is fueled by the Mark, its thirst never slaked. But some of it is just pure vengeance on my part. As hypocritically righteous as it may be, it's there and I intend to see it through.

***SPN***

Dean won't even look at me. And who can blame him? It's my fault Charlie is dead. My fault she's shrouded in the backseat of the Impala awaiting her hunters' funeral. I didn't mean for it to happen. I just needed…I needed help. I needed…damn it… I swallow hard as guilt nearly chokes me. I needed allies. And Charlie was one of the best. Not just because she was smart, but because she loves—loved—Dean. Just like I told him—me, Charlie, and Cas—we love him. And we were trying to end the curse that is the Mark of Cain.

I glance at my brother, quickly noting that the cold mask is still in place. I see the rage though. It's in every line of tense muscle, the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, the clenched jaw, the flat, dead eyes. My brother's practically vibrating with fury. How much of it is for me? How much for the Stynes?

I get it now. I get why Dean let Gadreel possess me to heal me. I understand that level of desperation. Because I feel it every minute of every day that passes. I think my desperation and Dean's need for vengeance is an explosive combination. I've no idea where this will end but I have a feeling it won't end well. In trying to avert a disaster, I created a disaster. And there's no turning back now.

FIN