So this is my first shot at writing. I have loved this pair since season 2 and I really think this is what should've happened when Meredith disappeared after the funeral. Criticism is great, feel free to bash the story and give me some feedback.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or Private Practice

She didn't know how she'd ended up there. Well she did, but she didn't. She looked up at the door that stood in front of her and then down at the sleeping baby in her arms, thankful that he had managed to stay sleeping for the majority of their journey. A tug at her pants caused her to turn her head and look down into the tired face of her daughter.

"Mommy where are we?" Zola asked, rubbing her eyes with one hand, the other holding onto her Anatomy Jane doll tightly. Her hair was mused from sleeping in the backseat and she still wore her pajamas from the night before when they had left the dream house and Seattle behind.

Meredith looked at her daughter and ran a had through her hair, sighing heavily. She had been driving for nearly a day straight, stopping only for food and bathroom breaks. The scenery had changed gradually from rain and mountains, to forests filled with enormous redwoods, and eventually palm trees as the family drove south towards their destination.

Meredith hadn't known where else to go, where else to escape, but now looking back to the door that stood in front of her, she was increasingly questioning her decision. She became distracted from her thoughts as she felt her son shift in her arms, alerting her that he was awake with his sounds of gurgling. She bounced her baby slightly, hoping to avoid any crying and gave him is pacifier. Looking up at his mother, eyes open wide, Meredith felt her chest tighten as she gazed into the eyes that looked too much like his father's. Piercing and blue, eyes that had captivated her since the first time she saw them over a shot of tequila, eleven years ago.

She shook her head, trying desperately to keep the memories from before out of her mind, knowing that given the chance, they would overwhelm her till she could feel nothing but pain. She sighed again rubbing her hand across her face and staring at her children a while longer before straightening her shoulders and lifting her hand to knock.

A few moments passed before she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and saw the door open, revealing the house's occupants. She hadn't changed much, Meredith noticed as she took in the woman standing in front of her. Her hair was longer then when she last saw her,thrown up on top of her head into a messy ponytail. LA had been good to her, her skin having gained a light tan and she seemed less tired then Meredith remembered. No, not less tired, she realized, happier. The circles under her eyes were gone and she was dressed in loose sweats and an old shirt, skin wiped clean of make up, a look of surprise appearing on face as she recognized her visitors. On her hip sat a little boy, chubby arms wrapped around his mother's neck. He seemed to be Zola's age, maybe a little younger, and had deep brown eyes and a wide smile, which he showed as he stared at the small family standing in front of him.

Meredith took in the scene and instinctively smiled, subconsciously happy for the woman she once blamed for destroying her life. She breathed a sigh of relief as the look of surprise turned to one of pleasure and she was greeted with a smile and a confused "Meredith?" before being wrapped in a hug by the older woman. Meredith breathed in, taking in the smell of vanilla before pulling away and turning to take her daughter's hand.

"Addison," she said, happy to see no pity or judgment in the woman's gray eyes. "I need some help."

Meredith took in her surroundings and sipped the cup of tea Addison had handed to her as soon as she came back from laying her kids down on the couch for a nap. She examined the wide rooms and the large glass doors adorning the back of the house, leading to a wooden patio that extended to the beach and ocean. The soft sound of waves filled the room and she breathed deeply, taking in the smell of salt and coffee apparent in the kitchen. Getting up to check on her children, she moved through the living room, stopping in front of a book case filled with framed photos.

A large photo of a baby Henry sat in the middle surrounded on one side by a picture of Addison and Amelia on the porch, smiling into the camera and another of the two of them surrounded by a few other people laughing and conversing in what looked to be a kitchen of sorts. Finally she took in the last photo, one of a much younger Addison, her arms wrapped around a dark skinned man Meredith didn't recognize and a younger version of Mark Sloan. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw that on the other side of Mark stood Derek, face turned toward his friends, a smile spread across his face as he laughed about something that had been said.

Feeling her chest tighten again, Meredith quickly turned away and walked toward the couch where a sleeping Zola laid wrapped in blankets, Bailey laying peacefully on the other side, surrounded by pillows to keep from falling. She studied her kids carefully, eyes filling as she felt her heart fill with love for the two as well as sorrow for the horrible set of circumstances life had put them in. The thought that they would never know their father, never know the love and adoration he had felt for them was nearly enough to cause her to crawl into bed and stay there until she woke up from the nightmare that had become her life these past few weeks. Again, Meredith shook her head, refusing to let old memories and grief get the better of her.

The sound of footsteps caused her to turn around, as Addison reappeared downstairs, placing the portable phone back in its charger before making her way into the kitchen and taking out a glass from the cabinets, filing it with red wine. She turned back to Meredith, glass in her hands and indicated to the porch behind them. They made their way over, each carrying a baby monitor, and settled into the chairs, looking out onto the last hints of sunlight.

Taking another sip of her tea, Meredith closed her eyes and tilted her head upwards, taking in the smell of the ocean, relaxing into the chair. She'd always loved the sea, whether in Seattle or in Boston, she could always count on the water to be there, enormous and endless but never budging. Never leaving like everything else seamed to in her life.

Opening her eyes she glanced at Addison who was staring out at the dark expanse before taking a breath and saying, "Thanks for this by the way. Did I ever tell you that? I don't think I did but I meant to. I was just so busy with the kids and getting our stuff upstairs and I'm sure we'll only be here a few days I just needed a change and so I thought of this and now here I am an-"

"Meredith," Addison interrupted, still looking at the ocean. "You're rambling."

Meredith fell silent as she drew a breath and just sat still, giving the older woman time to respond. Silence stretched over the pair for what seemed like an eternity before Addison lifted her glass and, taking another sip, said "It's always calmed me down you know." She turned her head to gaze at her colleague gray eyes meeting blue. "The ocean, it's always calmed me down."

She set her glass on the table before turning her body to face Meredith, who had wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly cold despite the humid air surrounding them.

"You'll stay as long as you need, don't worry about that. Jake's away for a few months and there's plenty of space in the house. I've already talked to him, he agreed it's best if you and the kids stayed with someone you know until you can find a more permanent place and we have more than enough room for all of you so don't worry."

Passing Meredith the blanket that sat on the back of her chair she continued, "I know the last thing you need right now are more questions, I'm sure you've had more than enough of that in Seattle. I'm glad you're here Meredith, but I know that there's a reason you are and all I ask is that you tell me that reason before I call Callie and Amelia so that I can tell them you're saf-

"No," Meredith said suddenly, shaking her head as she pulled the blanket around herself tightly, trying without success to stop the violent shaking that had taken over her body. She was tired, so tired, and the constant hollowness that seemed to have taken residence in her body refused to leave, leaving her feeling something she hadn't felt in a long time: hopeless.

She shook her head once more and looked up at Addison repeating the word and continuing "I left a note. They know I'm safe and I have the kids. That's all they need." She rocked back and forth a little, trying to keep her mind from thinking of her friends and how worried they must be, remembering the numerous voice mails her phone had collected since the previous day.

"Meredith you can't just up and leave everything. Everyone is going to be worried sick, you left your patients and your house, you left Amelia behind and-"

At the mention of Amelia Meredith tensed, recalling one of their last conversations, the night after she confronted her about Owen coming into mind before she could stop it. You've never lost the love of your life. You've never cried over the body of the person you love most in this world. You don't know how that messes a person up. Meredith swallowed hard, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried desperately to ignore the irony of the situation, of her situation. She refused to acknowledge that once again, her life had turned into a horror show that she was forced to watch, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

Realizing that Addison was still speaking, she opened her eyes and raising her voice said "Addison I can't-" she broke off, her voice shaking as Addison fell silent, staring at her intently. Taking a breath she continued "I can't do it Addison. I need to be ok and I can't do that with the phone calls and the texts and the trips and the pity. Because they love me, and they aren't going to let me disappear and go back to the beginning before everything fell apart."

Seeing the look of confusion on the other woman's face Meredith continued, "They'll look at me and I'll see how sad they are. They'll ask me if I'm ok and I'll just be reminded that I have a reason not to be, I'll walk through the doors of the hospital and I won't see anything good. I'll see the place where he was shot and I'll see where he almost died and where he ratted Richard out to the board because of me and where I ruined our trial and-" Meredith paused, clutching her chest as a sob racked her body, the dull pain that had stuck to her ever since police cars had shown up in front of her house in the middle of the night amplifying till it filled every part of her body and she struggled to breathe.

She heard Addison rise from her chair and kneel in front of her, taking her hands and squeezing them tightly, her gaze never wavering while she stood silently. Looking into Addison's eyes, Meredith forced herself to breathe deeply, the whole situation becoming that much easier as she recognized something in Addison that she hadn't seen before. The pain in Addison's eyes was there yes, but instead of the pity she expected she saw something stronger and happier. Pride, Meredith realized as her breathing evened out once more and the pain was once again dulled by the hollow feeling she had grown accustomed to. This time however, the hollowness was accompanied by a little peace, something she hadn't experienced in a had been the first time she had openly admitted why she had run away and although it didn't feel good, it did feel bearable, which at this point was an improvement.

Still holding Addison's gaze she took a deep breathe before finishing "They'll want stuff from me. They'll want me to talk and they'll want to listen and I can't give them what they want because I have nothing left. There is nothing left and I need to find something before Zola and Bailey grow up without a dad and a mom. You can't call them Addie cause I don't think I'll make it if you do."

Maybe it was the fear evident in her voice, or how tears had finally spilt and were now running tracks down Meredith's pale face. Maybe it was the use of the Sheperd's old nickname for her. Whatever it was, Meredith saw something in Addison's eyes break and she sighed heavily before giving a final squeeze and standing up, holding out her hand. Meredith accepted it, wiping her face with the other, as she let Addison guide her back into the house and upstairs to a bedroom.

Giving her a pair of pajamas, Addison stayed with Meredith until she had changed and sat beside her on the bed saying "I'll watch the kids for tonight and take the day tomorrow, We'll figure it all out after you've gotten some sleep." Patting her leg, Addison made to leave, walking toward the door only to stop as Meredith called out "Wait."

She turned, looking back at Meredith as the woman rummaged through her purse pulling out a piece of plastic that had been there for a few days and handed it to Addison. The other woman accepted it, her breath catching as she saw the blue plus on it, recognizing what it meant. She looked back up at Meredith, her face grim as she finally realized why Meredith had chosen her and LA to run to. Her ex-husband's widow just stared at her, looking every bit as grim before confirming what Addison thought could quite possibly be the cruelest joke the universe had ever played.

"I'm pregnant."

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