Chapter 48

Selfish

Eyes unseen followed our movements from the abyssal black of the cavern. Light, as it always had in dark places, glowed faintly around me. Sif loped just behind me, eyes glowing yellow and Artorias Greatsword clutched in its jaw. The wolf was the size of a horse, shoulders above my head. I'd be hard pressed to hear its soft paws on the stone. Even Sif's soft breathing was nearly undistinguishable from the whispering wind of the cavern. Compared to the soft grinding of joints in my armor and its shifting chainmail plus a good ten pounds or so of jangling equipment the white wolf was imperceptible. Picking our way carefully through the cave we encountered no further Humanity Phantoms or other creatures of sentience. We came to a tall doorway blocked by fog.

I turned to Sif and nodded, "Thank you for the companionship." The wolf offered a quick glance before striding easily through the fog. I blinked in surprise and stepped after to find Sif waiting, looking back at me expectantly. I bowed my head, "Thank you." The wolf snorted and shook itself dismissively. I walked to the edge of a stone outcrop, only darkness below.

Opening my pack I pulled out the bottomless box, from which I took the Covenant of Artorias. Just in case. Sif did not seem to recognize the ring, watching curiously as I put it on. I replaced the box and closed my pack.

"Are you sure?" I asked. Sif growled impatiently. Faster than lightning a gigantic, meaty hand flashed from the abyss and seized me. Without time to even cry out I was dragged into the infinite dark.

I slammed face-first onto marble tile. Coughing violently, I struggled to my feet and looked up at the Darkmoon Tomb. A full moon lit the room through a tall arched window above a giant slab of marble. Emotion stabbed when my gaze fell upon a broken corpse of burned flesh surrounded by a black splash of scorched stone.

Dark Sun Gwyndolin. Darkness crept into my heart, chest tightening. Trying to calm myself I exhaled and inhaled heavily. Burnt flesh filled my nose, mouth, and lungs. I did not cough or sputter, breathing deliberately. The air permeated me, darkness clearing. Gwyndolin was dead, killed by nothing but hatred and rage. The Beast was responsible, and I responsible for the Beast. I had been a blind fool, rampaging and killing at my own leisure. What happened was in the past. All I could do about it now was remember. Stepping over the corpse I walked up the stairs into a large coliseum dusted in snow, shield up and Greatsword on my shoulder.

A sky of gray clouds hung above and below, mountain peaks jutting above the surface here and there. The arena was empty, featureless aside from the snowy arches and stone floor. Tracks of bare feet twice the size of the average human foot trailed aimlessly about the coliseum. I winced, sheathing sword and shield. Kneeling, I put my forehead to the cold stone. "I am sorry." Even if it was a dream, an illusion or other magical trickery, I could not treat it so if only for a few moments. I was seeing these places as either a test or punishment and could not bring myself to refuse it as lies.

I stood over the headless corpse of a woman in cream white robes stained crimson. The soft hum of a Bonfire and murmuring wind, air crisp and cold, green grass underfoot and ancient ruins. Firelink Shrine. I sighed, gazing over at the well in which her head rested. It had been my fault, really. Orlai killed Rhea out of jealousy and my inaction. Yet still it weighed on my mind. I walked between the ruins, climbing the steps and stopping inside what appeared to be a small smithy.

Weapons leaned against the walls or were scattered across the floor. A single wooden stool sat in a corner on one side of the room in front of a large anvil with a hammer resting atop it. The air was hot and heavy but no bellows were in the room. I could almost hear the rhythmic pound of hammer on steel. "Andre." I whispered. His hearty laugh echoed in the back of my mind. Turning away from the anvil and stool I climbed the familiar staircase of wood polished from use and rickety with age.

I stepped into the rundown interior of a roofless church. A massive trap door lead down into darkness at the center of the floor. Turning I looked over my shoulder and back down the steps stone steps of Firelink Shrine at the Bonfire and its astral flames.

This be a dangerous place for love.

I stood at the edge of the trap door Frampt once occupied, staring into its depths. For the first time wondered what Andre had meant when he said those words to me. I couldn't understand if it was a threat, warning, or both. I felt a meaning that he might not have intended. Perhaps I was better off not falling in love? In fact, Orlai had hardly been on my mind. Despite her being why I was trying so hard the reason I'd kept forging on was changing. Once I was just trying to survive. Then I wanted to escape. Now, ironically, I wanted to return. Not just for Orlai or those I'd left behind but for myself. I'd never have peace of mind or freedom if the gods kept running after me and pulling my strings. So, I would need to kill them or run somewhere they could never reach me. Running hadn't worked, be it through time, dimensions, or illusions.

What would happen after they were gone?

Again, I looked over my shoulder. The cell in the Undead Asylum waited half a step behind me. Its bars were open, welcoming me in. For all the distance I had gone, all the places I had been, the people I had met and foes I defeated, I never actually left that cell. If I turned away now that cell would be gone and I would never be able to go back. This was the last chance.

I raised my head slowly, holding up a claw of black steel to the bright sphere of living flame that looked down from an untouchable expanse of blue sky. Grasping that ball, I crushed it between unforgiving talons, shadowing my hooded face in the silhouette of my gauntlet. I closed my eyes, arm dropping to my side, and bathed in the sun's warmth.

Was this it? Was this when everything changed, what the cycle has lead up to? I opened my eyes, looking over the crumbling and ivy-ridden church, and sighed. It once represented a glorious ideal and powerful purpose but now, much like the Age of Fire, it was nothing more than an ancient, decaying relic. Much like me in fact. I snorted with soulless mirth. Or could this just be another cycle that's been happening since the beginning of time? I looked down at the trap door. What if nothing has ever changed?

I did not know, and for once that was enough. I had never known much of anything yet here I was, still fighting. The world hadn't ended yet and I still existed in wake of all my struggles and all my fears. I was immortal anyway, no fear of death meant no fears in life. Unless someone I cared for needed to be protected.

I shook my head with a wry smile. I may not be human in body but my mind had never changed. I had always been at odds with something, always feeling. I was never truly Hollow. I still lived in a sense, experiencing new things every day. I was sentient, contrary to all other Hollows. Better still, I think I knew why.

The Dark Soul.

It kept me going, kept me alive. It gave me meaning and purpose when no others had. However now I'd lost it according to some insane vision. And since coming to Lordran's past I felt much more emotional, thoughtful, and aware. Perhaps the Dark Soul wasn't the reason for my sentience. Regardless I had lost it, to what I didn't know and the Dark Soul was too dangerous to leave alone. That soul, at the very least, was my responsibility. If something happened involving it I would be the one to blame. I didn't want another New Londo incident happening. I'm the Chosen Undead anyway. I've killed gods, demons, lots of scary stuff. I breathed deeply.

Lots of scary stuff.

I dropped into the trap door and immediately crashed face-first onto solid ground with shocking force. I lay unable to move for several seconds as I took in my surroundings. Thick darkness, air stagnant and heavy, a phantom light revealing several feet of gray stone. Monuments rose from the floor, two or three times my own height and black flames roiled behind their silhouettes in a large circle around me. I gasped, paralysis fading, and air filled empty lungs. I scrambled to my feet, shield up and greatsword drawn.

The Earth trembled. A massive creature shrouded in darkness stomped into the faint light. Ferocious crescents of wide antlers sprouted from either side of its head, bright red glowing eyes dotting them. A forest of growths similar to the antlers sprouted from its back in crooked shapes. Its left arm was a thick mass of dark writhing hair that covered most of its body, right holding a cruelly-shaped bone weapon somewhere between a magician's staff and a great axe. Dark energies peeled from the abomination's hulking body and spilled over the limestone cave floor. Black ooze pooled around its hairless, clawed feet, and swelled from the stone itself. The beast halted just outside of the light and slammed a massive hand down to the stone nearly knocking me off my feet. Back arching and lipless mouth opening the beast roared raw power. Reality as I knew it vibrated. Breathing the fetid air deeply I swelled my lungs to capacity and I screamed with all I had, rushing forward. A wolf's howl echoed through the dark and Sif ran alongside me.

Dark energy flaring, the beast raised its massive arm of writhing hair and brought it down directly on top of me. I rolled nimbly to the side and Sif struck at one of its legs. Snarling, the beast slapped Sif away and tumbling into the darkness. Coming to my feet I slashed at its arm, Abyssal blade cutting deep. Roaring, the abomination swiped at me. I blocked, knocked onto back and rolled upright. Dashing forward I hitched the Black Knight Shield and dragged a two-handed slice through the matted hair of the creature's mid-section.

Agony flashed and my vision went dark.

I opened my eyes. Groaning painfully, I extracted myself from the remains of a monument, vision blurry and head spinning. What? I looked up and rolled the next instant, remains of the monument pulverized from a swing of the creature's fist. Back-stepping I took a drink of Estus, pain receding. The monster roared, raising its weapon, and the darkness above seethed. Sprinting for all I was worth I outran a torrent of seeking bolts lancing from above and striking the ground around me. I spun around after and threw myself to the ground. The beast's hand roared overhead harmlessly, demolishing another couple monuments. Leaping to my feet I charged, dodging another swipe, and cleaved the Abyssal Greatsword into its kneecap. Screeching in agony the monster turned to strike me when a blade of blue steel bit into its side drawing another cry from it. Sif dance back, avoiding a hit from the bone weapon. I used the opportunity to plant my feet and swing full-power at the back of the monster's same knee. Bone cracked beneath the blade and black blood rocketed from the wound. Screaming, the abomination fell to its knees, gasping raggedly. Pressing the advantage, I sliced at its neck, icy liquid spilling over me.

The beast spasmed and I flew through the air flipping end over end, black energy searing my body. Hammering back to the ground I tumbled to a stop, lying flat on my back. Pushing myself up I dragged the Estus Flask from my pack, taking a long gulp, and returned it to my pack. Just as I rose a fist drilled into me and I sailed through the air once again. Crashing through a monument I landed in a pile of rubble. Dazed and numb I fumbled for Estus, clumsily drinking as I staggered to my feet. I tasted blood but the pain was already fading. The abomination roared in pain and I looked up. Sif skidded to a stop next to me, Artorias' Greatsword still clutched in its jaws. The abomination raised its staff, darkness swelling around him, when light exploded across the arena banishing the darkness with orange light for an instant. The abomination reeled, one of its antlers and the eyes with it blown off. Exhaling, electricity rippling across my left arm, I grit my teeth in frustration. Missed.

Raising the claw again to call forth another virulent spear of crackling lightning I strained to control its power. With a loud grunt, I hurled the bolt downrange and directly into the chest of the abomination just as it recovered. The spear punched through the beast's chest and burst into a sheet of electricity that spread across its body in a golden wave. Smoking, the beast fell forward.

Breaking into a shambling run I swung the Abyssal Greatsword across the abomination's face, cutting its forehead open. I planted a boot and strained, dragging the Greatsword back, cutting through thick hair and biting deep into flesh. The Greatsword caught halfway through the creature's neck, lodging on its spine. The beast slumped forward, limbs going limp and jaw unhinging. Crinkling my nose in disgust from the stench of burning hair I yanked the Abyssal Greatsword free. Taking the Ivory Talisman in my hand once more I held it high, channeling the power of the Undead Lord Nito, and punched the ground. A forest of fiery orange blades burst from the cave floor in rapid-fire succession, mirror images of Lord Nito's own greatsword forged from enchanted bone and steel. They rose and fell faster than the eye could blink, slicing the abomination into a mangled mound of flesh, burnt hair, and assorted gore that slapped to the ground before me with a slight tremor.

I stood tall, hooking the talisman on my belt, and admired my handiwork. I really did underuse the miracles I had but they ruined the fun. It was better to test your mettle with nothing more than wit, reflexes, brawn, and martial prowess. This time was different because I had a wolf to protect.

Exhausted, I thudded heavily onto my rear, Greatsword clattering to the stone as it fell from numb fingers. Shifting I sat more comfortably, thinking back on the fight. it hadn't gone terribly, only three Estus were needed. If I was alone the outcome would have been extremely different. I probably would have died. A solid fight though. I did wish I could have done it alone.

Something soft rubbed against my cheek and I gave a start, realizing my hook and mask were missing. Sif nuzzled me and gave my face a quick lap of the tongue. I blinked several times, looking around for the hood and mask. My wits weren't entirely together.

"Couldn't have done that alone," I wheezed, meeting the wolf's eyes. "Thanks." Sif snorted, touching its nose to my forehead. Then, without warning, the white wolf and remains of whatever abomination we'd fought faded into ash that drifted into the darkness as I watched. Sitting there, alone and dazed, I wondered for a moment if the whole thing had been another hallucination. I heard a cough, quiet and weak.

I spun around. A Bonfire, an unconscious woman, and a little girl. My attention instantly went to the girl. Small horns protruding from her forehead, long white hair, an innocent white dress and white scaled dragon tail lay crumpled on the stone where the creature had once been. A girl I knew fondly as Doll. I crawled over stiffly and turned her over, carefully cradling her in my arms. I tensed when warm liquid seeped through the joints of my armor.

Terror froze me for a brief instant.

The entire front of her dress was stained dark crimson. I looked down, kneeling in a pool of fresh blood. Doll's breath was faint, barely audible. I reached for the Ivory Talisman, words of healing already on my lips. The Dark surged from below, tendrils bursting up from featureless stone to seize me. "This is the price of selfishness." Hissed unseen voices. I struggled and yelled, but remained silent and unmoving, "Witness one who sought your happiness and their price for your actions." I stared down at Doll, eyes wide and still fighting to free myself.

The little girl groaned quietly, eyelids creaking open the slightest fraction. She looked up slowly and our eyes met. Blearily, she blinked once, "Father." She managed, lifting a frail hand, "You left me." Grasping my cheek, she tried to pinch but achieved nothing more than a light poke. "I was worried," Her voice trembled, "I thought you left me. I thought I was alone." Doll's thin lips twitched into a smile, eyelids drifting shut. "But you came back." Her hand dropped, breathing silent.

"This is the price of selfishness."