Author's Note: This was my take on the aftermath of Derek's death. I'm still not happy about that, btw! But we don't control the TV show. Anyway, this was 99% written before the 2-hour episode after his death so any similarities are purely coincidental (it just took me ages to post it because I'm a perfectionist so I've edited and changed things multiple times since then and finally decided it'll never be perfect so I just have to post what I have!).

There are 2 "spoiler alert" type things in here: I did watch the preview of Owen telling Amelia about Derek's death (the one where it cuts off before her reaction) so for a flashback in the second chapter I did borrow the location and 1-2 lines of dialogue. And then I needed to figure out how I was going to end the fic (endings are not my strong point!) so I included Meredith's pregnancy after watching the episode.

There are random voicemails/text messages included and they're separated by line segments. They just exist because the story actually started as a one-shot about Amelia and the Private Practice people, but then Owen and Zola demanded to be included and it turned into a whole new fic! So, the messages are there, and you can assume Amelia (and others) listen to them at some point, but most of them aren't really answered in the story.

This is a 3-shot, and it's already fully written so I can post as often as you'd like. I'm not one of those people that says I won't post another chapter until I get a certain amount of reviews or anything like that. It depends on when I have time. Although, reviews showing that people are interested in reading more don't hurt either! haha. But seriously, constructive criticism is welcome, as are compliments or even reviews saying you didn't like it. I hope you enjoy though! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the show, or anything like that! And the title is from a song in the musical If/Then so I don't own that either!

She dreaded every phone call she had to make to friends and family members, informing them of Derek's death, every time she had to repeat the story, and every time she had to listen to their sorrow or words of comfort. She took a deep breath, dialed the familiar number and listened to the phone ring.

"Amelia, hi! I'm so glad you called. I've been meaning to call you. I want to hear all about your rockstar surgery on Nicole Herman's tumor. I heard you were a badass."

Amelia swallowed the lump in her throat.

All Addison could hear were muffled noises. "Amelia, are you there?" She knitted her brows.

"I'm here."

"You sound weird. Is everything okay?"

"No, not really."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Derek."

"Is he still giving you a hard time? I will come to Seattle and kick his ass, if you'd like!"

"No, nothing like that. There was an accident. Derek's dead," she replied, no emotion detectable in her voice.

"What?" Addison asked in disbelief. "Wh-what happened?"

Amelia shook her head and shrugged, then realized Addison couldn't see her gestures. "He was coming back from DC. He left his position at the White House to spend more time with Meredith and the kids." She paused before continuing. "There was an accident and he saved a bunch of peoples' lives, but when he was driving away he was hit by a truck. The hospital they took him to didn't do a head CT so they missed his brain injury."

Addison inhaled sharply. "Oh my God. I can't believe it. I don't even know what to say. I never imagined something like this happening."

"I know."

"And you – how are you? Are you alright?"

She sighed. "I will be, I guess."

"Do you want me to come there? I should come anyway, shouldn't I? For the funeral. He was my ex-husband, my family for 11 years, I loved him. I should be there. Is that weird though? Going to your ex-husband's funeral? I mean, he was my ex-husband -"

"Addie, you're rambling."

"Sorry. What can I do?"

"I don't think there's anything anyone can do right now, but thanks anyway. I've gotta go make more phone calls, but I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks for calling me. I'm here if you need to talk or anything."

"Thanks. Bye."

"Bye," Addison replied.

Amelia decided to take a break from the phone calls and went for a walk instead.

Jake walked into their bedroom to find Addison sitting on the edge of the bed, phone still in hand, staring ahead.

"You look like you just saw a ghost. What happened?"

"There was an accident. Derek is dead."

"That can't be right. Remember I read about that scam where people call and say someone was in an accident to get your to give them money?"

Addison swallowed and shook her head. "No, I just spoke to Amelia."

"Wow. I can't believe it. Is she okay?"

"I think so. I don't know." She paused, and then spoke again. "I should go there, right?"

Jake rubbed her back, soothingly. "I'll come with you. We'll look up flights in the morning."

He spoke again, seeing how distressed she looked. "Are you okay?"

"First Mark, now Derek. I just – I can't –" She started to cry, and leaned into Jake.

"Shh, it's okay. It'll be okay," he spoke softly, hugging her close to him.

Amelia hadn't gotten very far on her walk when she felt her phone vibrate. It was a text from Jake. I just heard what happened. Thanks for calling. I'm sure it was hard, but Addie really appreciated it. We'll be there as soon as we can. I'll text you the details. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Thanks. She texted back, quickly. Short and sweet seemed to be the key to communicating lately; she wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone.

She continued walking until she found herself on a main street in the little town near the Dream House. She stopped when she felt her phone vibrate again, signaling that she had a voicemail. As she listened to it, she glanced up at the sign on the building she was standing in front of. "Woody's Saloon," it said.

"Hey, Amelia. It's Kathleen. Mom's driving me crazy, asking all kinds of questions about funeral preparations. I don't know what Derek's wishes were or what Meredith is planning. I tried calling the house, but it went to voicemail. I thought you might know what's going on since you're closer. Call me when you can, or mom will probably call you soon."

She rolled her eyes. She didn't want to deal with her family members, and she really didn't even want to think about funeral preparations. She wanted to drink. She glanced up at the sign again.

'My brother just died. I need a drink. It's just one drink. I can handle one drink. This will not turn into a slip.' Amelia tried to rationalize while standing outside.

She saw a group of people come out, laughing, and she began to crave alcohol. She could taste it sliding down her throat. She imagined how good it would feel to drink enough to numb her feelings, but reminded herself that she could only have one. She knew she wasn't even supposed to have one sip, but she figured under the circumstances she'd make an exception.

Amelia swung open the door and stepped into the bar.

Violet wasn't sure if she should call as the concerned friend, who had lost her husband and could relate, or the therapist who had grief training so she went with a little bit of both. "Hi, Amelia. I'm sorry about Derek. How are you doing? I know you guys were close so this must be tough. I think you should talk to someone. If you're looking for a good way to deal with your grief, I can give you the numbers of some support groups in your area. Or if you just want a friend to talk to, you can call me whenever you want. And don't forget to keep going to your meetings. The death of a loved one can lead to a relapse. I'm sure you know that, and I know it's not really any of my business, but I just want to make sure you're okay. Call me…or call someone, so we know you're alright."

Amelia walked into the bar and drew in a shaky breath as she sat down at the counter. She just sat for a few minutes, thinking about Derek. She began to feel angry. Angry that her arrogant big brother, the Golden Child of the family, had to once again be the hero. 'If he hadn't stopped to save everyone else's lives, maybe he wouldn't have lost his,' she thought. She sighed, realizing that it was their job to save lives and she couldn't really blame him; anyone she knew, herself included, would've done the same thing. Still, she wished she could just stay angry; it seemed easier than feeling the loss.

She signaled to the bartender and ordered a drink. He placed it in front of her as she drew in a deep breath and tilted her head back. She closed her eyes and internally debated, again, if she should drink what was in front of her. It was so close now that she could smell it. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt her phone vibrate a minute later and glanced at the called ID, figuring she'd ignore whomever it was anyway. When she saw that it was Meredith, whose calls she had already ignored twice in the past hour, she decided to answer it.

"Meredith?"

"Amelia," she sounded frazzled. "I'm sorry to bother you. You probably need some space, and even with Derek gone I promise that relying on you for childcare won't become a regular thing, but –"

"It's fine. What do you need?" she asked, hoping it was quick and she could get back to her drink. She heard a child crying in the background.

"I can't get Zola to calm down. I tried to put her to bed and she kept asking for her dad. She doesn't want me to tuck her in. Then she started asking for you. Normally I wouldn't reward her by giving her what she wants when she throws a tantrum, but considering what she's going through I just gave in and tried to reach you. She already woke Bailey up so none of us are sleeping now. Maybe you'll have better luck with her than I am."

"Okay, I'll be there in a few."

After Amelia hung up she tossed some money on the bar next to her untouched drink and headed home. She was a little relieved that Meredith's call had come before she had the chance to take a sip because she knew she wouldn't have been able to stop after just one.

Her phone vibrated again as she walked. It was a text from Owen. Hey. I haven't seen you today so I just wanted to check in. I want to be there for you, but I don't know how. Tell me what you need and I'll be there. Call me when you can.

She sent a quick reply. Thank you. I'm headed home to handle something with Zola. Call you later.

Amelia headed straight to Zola's bedroom when she got home. She found Meredith reading both of the kids a story. Zola seemed to have stopped crying, at least for the moment. She walked in when the story was over.

"See, I told you Auntie Amy would be here soon. Mommy's gonna take Bailey to his room and put him back to bed, okay? Then when you're done talking I'll come say goodnight."

Meredith thanked Amelia as she walked out of the room carrying Bailey.

"What's happening, Zo-zo? I heard you were upset before."

"Yeah, because I miss my daddy"

"I do too."

"I like when he tucks me in and is a tickle monster!"

"That sounds fun." Amelia smiled, sadly.

"You know what else, Zola?" On the walk home she had decided that sharing her story might help Zola feel less alone. "When I was a little girl, not much older than you, my daddy died too. I was sad for a long time, and it's okay for you to be sad. You can tell me or your mom or anyone else if you're feeling sad."

"But I don't want daddy to get dead anymore. I want him to come home and play tea party with me."

Tears pricked Amelia's eyes. "I know. I want him to come home too. I wish he could, but his brain was too sick."

"But you and daddy work on brains. Why can't you fix it?"

"That's a hard question. Sometimes brains are too sick to be fixed."

"Is that what happened to your daddy too?"

"No. My daddy was sick in a different part of his body."

"If your daddy is in Heaven and my daddy is in Heaven, are they playing together? Or maybe they're working?"

Amelia almost smiled at Zola's question.

"Maybe. I hope they're having fun together."

"Me too," Zola said. "But I still wish daddy was here. I miss him."

"I miss your daddy too. And my daddy. But guess what?"

Zola shook her head. "What?"

"Your dad will always love you. They're all watching over us now. I bet your Uncle Mark, Sofia's daddy, is with them too. And so is your Aunt Lexie. And you can talk to them anytime you want."

"How?"

"Just tell them whatever you want to say."

"Good night daddy! I love you to the moon and back!" She called, looking up at the ceiling. She then turned to Amelia. "Do you think he heard me?"

"I'm sure he did." She started to get choked up. "And I know he loves you to the moon and back too."

"You have tears. Are you sad because daddy's not here?"

Amelia nodded. "I am."

"When Bailey is sad I give him a hug and sometimes he stops crying." She leaned over and gave Amelia a hug. "Do you feel better?"

Amelia smiled through her tears. "That definitely helped, Zo. Thank you. Are you ready for me to send your mommy in to say goodnight?"

"Uh-huh!"

Amelia gave Zola a hug and kiss, then stood up.

"Good night, Auntie Amy. I love you!"

"Love you too, Zola. Sweet dreams."

There was a voicemail from Sheldon. Last time Amelia had heard from him, he was on a beach somewhere, so she's not sure how he even found out what happened. Hey, Amelia. I know how tough it is to lose someone you love. I just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay. Call me back when you can."

After telling Meredith that Zola was ready for bed, Amelia walked over to the trailer to see Owen.

She knocked on the door and he opened it right away, hoping that it would be her.

"Hey," she said, quietly.

"Hey, come on in."

She stepped inside, and he closed the door behind them.

"I don't know what to say," he began. "I can't even imagine how you must feel right now."

"I'm not even sure how to feel, I-I don't know." She shrugged and looked down.

Owen moved closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Oh, you know there's no right way to feel. You can talk to me, if you want. Even though we're….I don't know what we are right now, but I'm still here for you, Amy."

Her head shot up quickly, and her eyes blazed with anger. "You don't get to call me Amy! Only Derek can do that. You're…I don't know what you are, but you're – I'm – I have to go."

"Amelia, wait!"

"No," she called as she exited the trailer. "We were smart to end things. This isn't gonna work out!" She quickly turned and stormed off toward the Dream House.