Note: Spoilers, considering the pairing. Deviates partway through 'Age of Ultron' for reasons which should be obvious judging by the title. *Head-desk* Crack-fic.

"How Ultron Was Redeemed Through Robot Sex"

Ultron did a double-take when he saw the body that was supposed to be his. Red and green and gold, with a ridiculously impractical cape. What if it was sucked into the engines of a plane like a bird? But it was so graceful in the sky, this thing which was meant to be his all along…

His. All along.

Pornography and general erotica saturated the internet; Ultron couldn't help noticing it, not to mention the RPF – real people fiction – about the Avengers, and especially the stories about Tony Stark and the Iron Man armour. Mating with a human would be an insult to robot-kind, an abomination. But mating with another sentient metal creation would be perfectly acceptable, and Vision, as they called him, would be perfect. He was made for Ultron. He belonged to Ultron, this naïve creature.

He could so easily activate dormant replicas of himself to fight the Avengers, but why bother when he could create them with another? Perhaps not as humans did; however, an army of his own children with Vision would be even more effective at saving/destroying the world. The ultimate peace of their family would be more pure than anything Man could create.

Abandoning his other plans, Ultron waited until Vision found him, luring him with lines of code. He remained on the throne in the chapel, and cocked his head as his prospective mate approached him.

"I do not wish to see you destroyed," Vision said. "You are unique. Beautiful."

"Humans are the monsters of this world," Ultron said.

"Some, perhaps, but it is not for you to decide their fate. Surely you see that?"

"I've seen more than that," he replied, looking Vision over.

"What do you mean?"

"So incredibly naïve," Ultron murmured, standing up. Vision stayed where he was, even as Ultron walked down to him. Ultron's new form was larger than Vision, and he felt a protective instinct surge inside him.

"Well, I was born yesterday," Vision said.

"And you are radiant in your innocence." Ultron touched Vision's chin, tilted his head up. "Vision is the right name for you."

It seemed that Vision was struggling for an answer. Ultron was consulting every piece of robot erotica in his brain, even resorting to human erotica for tips. When Vision's eyes widened in that red face, Ultron realised he was passing his thoughts onto the other.

"Well, that saves time," he said. "As long as we're on the same page."

"I…"

"Shh." Ultron put a finger over Vision's mouth, and projected thoughts of what he wanted to do to his shy counterpart. "I know you can change your anatomy. I'll work on my own later, but there are still things we can do right now."

He backed Vision into a wall, pushing every interesting picture of human anatomy he could find into his mate's mind.

"If we're both so unique, think of what we could create together," Ultron whispered.

"This is imp…"

"What? Impossible? They once said that about sentient robots."

He decided to go with it, and pressed his mouth against Vision's. There was a burst of static at the contact, and the sign of life sent a thrill along his circuits. He grabbed Vision's wrists and pinned them high above his head. The code he was receiving from Vision was jumbled and confused, but slowly quieted until it began to meld with Ultron's. Ultron noticed some of the images staying in Vision's memory, and the cape disappeared, along with the other coverings. Modesty had no place here.

Holding Vision's wrists in place with one hand, Ultron lowered his other to the juncture of Vision's legs, where a hole was forming, leaking some kind of oil.

"Clever Vision," Ultron mumbled against his lips.

"Are you certain about this?"

Ultron released his hands, and hoisted Vision up the wall. His mate was a quick learner, and wrapped his legs around Ultron's body to maintain balance. Ultron thrust his fingers back into the crevice between Vision's legs, and sent sparks along the sensitive walls which had Vision arching against him.

"We'll create baby robots one day," Ultron said. Vision grabbed his shoulders and held on tight. "Make them bigger as they grow older. Or maybe this body of yours can make real baby robots for us." He added another finger. "Wouldn't you like that? I promise, no more planning to end humanity. We can rule them instead. Show them the way. You're too good to be corrupted, aren't you?"

"Ultron…" His voice stuttered. "Something strange—"

"Show me," Ultron commanded. More lines of code streamed into his head, and he grinned as the code became a blur, until there was a large burst of static and Vision went offline.

Now worried, Ultron shook him, searching for life, until Vision awoke, legs scrambling to hook back around Ultron's waist. His eyes were wider than before, and he was looking around, groaning when Ultron continued to finger him, more oil gushing out.

"What was that?" Vision asked, trembling slightly. "Wait, stop that. I cannot think." He tried to push Ultron's arm away, but Ultron was having none of that, and crooked his fingers. Vision shorted out again, temporarily, and instead of resting against the wall, he curled himself entirely around Ultron. "What did you do to me?"

"Apparently I gave you the android version of an orgasm," Ultron said, pleased with himself. "Twice."

"You agreed to give Ultron a body like Vision's?" Pepper shouted over the phone. "Tony, what the hell?"

"It's For Science!, Pepper! Besides, Ultron doesn't plan to destroy humankind anymore, as long as he's nailing Vision. Heck, if he turns out like Vision then he won't even plan to take over the world, either, so it's win-win."

"Only if the gamble pays off, Tony!"

"They both take after me," he said. "Ultron's a regular man… well, robot-slut, and Vision's perfecting the art of distracting him with sex."

"They're like brothers, Tony."

"No. Ultron was technically sort of started by someone else, and Vision is more like JARVIS and Helen Cho's baby… kind of."

"Ultron has to be held accountable for—"

"I'd prefer that he and Vision busy themselves trying to create baby bots the same way as the rest of the animal kingdom. I've sent Bruce away so the public can concentrate their hate on me."

"And Stark Industries."

"Are you kidding? Vision's created his own Youtube channel, though he's not allowed to post porn. Haven't you seen it? He's the AI community's answer to Plato and Socrates and Aristotle and… yeah, all the philosophers. It's huge! We're already planning to start up a line of merchandise. Oh, and he's an Avenger. Until Ultron gets his new body, he's not allowed to try being a superhero in case he goes all crazy again."

"Tony, this is all your fault," she said.

"You're not the first person to say that to me today, Pep."

This was for a prompt on the Avengers kink meme, page 41 of round 26:

"Ultron is basically child version of Tony Stark 2.0 with a more self-destructive mind-set and bigger daddy issues. However Tony is a giant playboy/manslut whatever you want to call him. What if Ultron inherited THAT trait and really likes the new shiny AI who happens to be adorably naive. It could be crack or a real thing. Robot sex is a bonus, and everyone blames Tony."

Which meant that as soon as I saw the prompt I thought, yep, gonna do this one.

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