Hi everybody!

Note: For everyone who has been telling me that Ken's first name is "Kaneki", I would like to inform you that in Japanese, the surname is first and the given name is second, so when he's called Kaneki Ken, in English, the translation would be "Ken Kaneki," in which case...Ken is, in fact, his first name. Thanks!

Also, hello to new readers and old! Here's the first chapter since...what? 2015? I have a lot of catching up to do on the series, but I was able to get this chapter out at last. I hope you enjoy it!

Lastly, I hope to garner a few more reviews for this chapter than I have for the ones past, at least initially. Part of the reason I lost inspiration for this story and it hadn't been updated in so long was because of such a mild reception. In fact, if all you lovely people hadn't keep reviewing, favoriting, and following, this story probably wouldn't have been updated again. I don't demand reviews, but they do inspire me and let me know the story is appreciated, so while I'm definitely not saying, "If you don't review, you don't get any updates!" by any means, in the interest of full disclosure, when the story doesn't get any attention, it makes me think people aren't reading it, and then I don't see the need to put effort into writing it.

Basically, I have a lot of projects that I can being working on, both fanfic and original, and it's just not a priority to write a story that isn't consequential to anybody. But right now, I do know it's consequential (to quite a few people, in fact!) so I'm hoping the update helps and that I can get a new chapter out sooner rather than later!

Cheers, and really, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Asymmetrical

Chapter Six

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.

-from "Kindness" by Naomi Shihab Nye

I sat in the guest room of a very small, utilitarian apartment. My hair was messy, as though I'd been sleeping and not bothered to brush it when I woke up. The room was more or less bare, just the bed upon which I was sitting, a small nightstand beside it with a lamp on top, and a door to the shared bathroom. Why my benefactor even had a two-bedroom apartment when he was ostensibly an unattached male, I didn't know. The walls were bare and the sheets and coverlet a bland, boring grey. The futon was hard, harder than it was at my house and undoubtedly would cause my sleep to be more disjointed than it would normally, but I didn't have the option of returning home right now.

That fucking god damned bastard Kirishima Ayato.

It turned out that my flashback was too much—if reincarnation was an actual thing and not just huge joke on my already fucked up past life, it was a damned good thing people didn't remember their deaths. Apparently, it had the ability to outright short out your brain, because as soon as I remembered my stalker stabbing me and then cradling my head lovingly, sobbing over me as I died, I had done possibly the most cliché thing I could have done: I passed out.

The epic confrontation that had ensued was apparently not so epic, according to Koutarou. They arrived and Ayato was predictably furious, but apparently hadn't made the connection that I had called them to help me, because he hadn't said anything about me being a ghoul. As soon as it was said, I knew that Koutarou would want to check—even if it was just as simple as a needle prick. Then again, I had remembered a little factoid about Tokyo Ghoul that had evaded me for almost all my life: hybrids weren't just legends, we were beloved. It would have been a huge help to Aogiri Tree if they could have me in their back pocket.

They wouldn't at all if I had anything to say about, because I was certainly not feeling very charitable to them right about now. Or ever.

Ayato had fled, and if there were any other ghouls in the vicinity, they hadn't attempted to help. It was a blatant retreat, although for what reason I wasn't sure. I didn't particularly care to find out, but I would assume that Ayato was not exactly eager for a rematch with the people who had bested him once before. What were the chances, had I not been involved, that he would encounter the exact same doves that he had fought only weeks before?

Slim.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door of the guest room, which was to be considered my room while I stayed, I supposed. It was special treatment, but I certainly didn't mind. I was safer here than anywhere else in Tokyo.

"Aiko-san? May I come in?"

"Yeah," I called, and if my tone was listless, well, I didn't have much to be happy about right now, did I?

Koutarou entered, holding two steaming mugs of what I immediately identified as coffee. It was late in the day, but I wasn't too concerned about it. I doubted I would be sleeping much tonight anyway.

"How are you doing?" he asked, although the answer should have been a bit obvious. It was probably just for pleasantries' sake.

"Not…not too good." I paused, trying to muster up the will to act. Reliving my death and having a near reenactment had left me in pretty bad spirits. "I…I wish they weren't targeting me," I said truthfully. At this time, I was so worn, so broken, and this man was being so kind to me, going out of his way to help me when it really wasn't warranted—inviting a near stranger into his home? Preposterous, and yet that was what he had done—I just didn't want to lie.

A sudden urge to just tell him that I was a ghoul assaulted me, and I mercilessly tamped it down. His genuine kindness to me was overwhelming my duplicitous intentions towards him. Had we stayed with the same dynamic, me slowly able to get closer to him and worm my way into his confidence, I wouldn't have felt bad about lying to him. It was necessary. And it still was, but it was so much harder now that things had changed.

Koutarou looked at me with sad but hard eyes and placed his hand on my shoulder. I couldn't stop myself from flinching, and I knew that bothered him, would bother anybody, but he took the high road and ignored it. "Do you know why they're targeting you?" he asked gently.

I looked up at him miserably. "I don't know." The lie was like acid on my tongue.

He scratched the back of his head, apparently deep in thought. "This…pursuit of you…how long has it been going on?"

"It started the day you saved my life," I replied dully. "I hadn't heard anything from him…them…I don't know…until today. And then, well…" I shivered.

"CCG has done some investigation…" Koutarou told me. He looked hesitant, but I nodded for him to go on. He cleared his throat and went on, "Your apartment was ransacked…and they made a very overt threat."

I looked at him, urging him to go on.

"Well," here he looked slightly uncomfortable, "there were packages of human meat left on your counter. Honestly, I wasn't planning on your stay here being anything more than temporary, but until we can find and eliminate this ghoul, you'll be better off staying here. I'd completely understand if you'd rather go into protective custody, but-"

"No." I shook my head emphatically, my fervor bringing a bit of life back into me. "I'd really rather be here with you."

The words sounded a lot less intimate in my head, but they obviously didn't come out the right way, because both Koutarou and I blushed. Koutarou looked away, staunchly focusing on the wall opposite us and making it quite obvious when he removed his hand from my shoulder.

"If…that's what you want, then I'm perfectly fine with it," Koutarou said, his cheeks tinged with red.

I nodded, and awkward silence ensued.

Eventually I knew had I had to say something. "Am I still going to be able to go to school?" I asked, and although my phrasing belied it, I was completely happy to stay in the house at all hours of the day, except for the inevitable times I'd have to eat.

It was going to suck, but I was going to be spending quite a bit of time at morgues. It'd get obvious pretty quickly, but as long as they couldn't tie it back to me…well, I doubt there would be as much upset about a dead body missing than a human being killed for the purpose of being eaten.

I certainly couldn't risk Kanou-sensei sending me care packages.

With that thought in mind, I noted that I should make an effort to contact him at some point. He hadn't called me back yet.

"The CCG will talk to your teachers and your assignments will be delivered here. You shouldn't leave unless you're accompanied by myself or another armed investigator," he said.

I nodded, and then yawned, my coffee untouched. "I think…I think I'm going to get some sleep," I said. It was only seven at night, but I had no more energy to interact with him any longer.

"You've had a very trying day," he agreed sympathetically. "I'm just down the hall if you need anything. We can go over more safety protocols tomorrow."

I nodded and tried to smile at him, but it was more of a grimace. "That sounds okay. Don't let me disrupt your routine too much, though."

Koutarou looked at me seriously for a moment. "Aiko-san, the life of every human is sacred. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you."

And then he turned and left, and I was left feeling horribly guilty, for the first time in a long time hating myself. Because I wasn't human like he thought.

I was a ghoul, and if he knew any better…

He'd want me just as dead as Ayato.

The next week passed in a blur of lies, sneaking out to a nearby morgue, schoolwork at the small, two-person dining table, quietly vomiting up the hearty takeout that Koutarou brought home for us when I couldn't claim anxiety had made me lose my appetite, and on one rare, blessed occasion, visiting my brother.

I didn't have the time or courage to go as far as the warehouse to train. It was too risky; Koutarou's apartment was almost double the distance to my little gym than from my previous apartment, and I wanted nothing to do with Ayato or Aogiri Tree or any such bullshit, so tempting them by going that far away from my protection on my own would just be asking for it. The only time I voluntarily left the house by myself was to sneak out and steal a body—only one had been necessary so far—from the morgue before it had been embalmed. I was pretty sure that it wouldn't be a terrible fuss, as I had left no trace to give me away. It had been simple to 'borrow' a pair of gloves from the embalming station, find the body of the person I'd decided upon, and hijack it from the room. The lack of fingerprints, struggle lifting a dead body, and the clean escape I made meant that although there could possibly be a lawsuit for the missing body, it would never be traced back to me.

Anyways, I had been reading the newspaper and checking the obituaries for a few days before so that I could find someone who had either left behind no family or at least very few members. That person had been Yamaguchi Suzume, a elderly lady in her nineties would had been cursed to the fate of having all her loved ones die before her. The cause of death had been old age, and I made my way over to the morgue as soon as possible, hoping she hadn't already been embalmed.

Needless to say, she hadn't. But I had cut it close, I was sure.

I gorged on her body and then, after having picked it clean, I scattered the remnants as best I could among ten different dumpsters. It wasn't the cleanest of work, but I needed to sneak back in before it got too late. I had to sleep just like anyone else, even if I usually needed less, and there was also the fact that I had stuffed my stomach to the brim in preparation for a long fast. If too many bodies disappeared from a singular morgue, it would raise suspicion, as well as the fact that I felt more than a little guilty eating humans, despite that they were dead, right under Koutarou's nose.

When I got home, I took a long shower. I'd made sure not to get any blood on my clothes, but I was sure I still stank of it.

More importantly, though, was the fact that I got to see Ken that Saturday, Koutarou as my detail. I found out that day that Ken had been moved from the ICU to a regular hospital room, which made my heart soar, though I still didn't know how long it would take for him to wake up.

The most important thing that happened, however, was that I got to see Kanou-sensei at last.

He greeted me warmly at first, but his expression flickered at the sight of a CCG Investigator in my company. Koutarou introduced himself, and Kanou-sensei easily regained his calm benevolence. He updated me on Ken—"He's past the worst of it, and now all we can do is wait for him to wake up"—and then, he asked to speak to me, as the only actual legal family, in private.

I was glad he initiated it because if I had asked Koutarou to leave, it may have seemed a little suspicious, or at the very least ungrateful. But with the doctor requesting privacy, my bodyguard and, dare I say it, friend had little to no reason to argue.

And he didn't. He simply nodded at me with a meaningful look and told me he would be waiting outside.

Once Koutarou was out of hearing range, finally, I got to speak with my benefactor.

"It's been a long time," Kanou-sensei said, motioning for me to take one of the seats at Ken's beside while he pulled a rolling chair beneath him.

"It has," I agreed. "I have to thank you for the care packages. They were really useful for hiding from Ken."

He nodded gravely. "About him—I have good news for you."

Kanou-sensei told me nothing I didn't already know about Ken's surgery and Rize's organs' involvement in saving his life, obviously expecting my spirits to lift knowing that I would no longer have to deceive my remaining family. I was torn, though.

Of course I was glad that Ken was going to live. I would rather him be like me, even if artificially, than dead. That was not in question. It was just that I had promised myself, had tried so hard, for this to not have happened, for this to never be necessary.

But my own weakness had led to this conclusion, which only made it strike home all the more that I needed to be stronger, strong enough to defend my brother so that he didn't have to suffer, not by Jason, not by anyone. It made it clear that I had to get back into my own home so that I could get stronger the way I needed to, and when Ken woke up, that would be what happened. It was a good excuse to get a new apartment, even if it left me vulnerable to Aogiri Tree, because I would always been vulnerable if I couldn't improve myself.

I had to be more careful than before, though. Ken would become a target right alongside me, and if the connection between us became known to anyone at all, it would be all the harder to protect us. We would basically become a two-for-one package to anyone who wanted hybrids on their side…or in their stomachs.

Or dead.

When Kanou-sensei stopped talking, I schooled my expression into one of wary delight. "I'm glad I won't have to hide," I said hesitantly, "but how will he feel about all this?"

Kanou-sensei shrugged good-naturedly. "Does it matter? It's irreversible, and he has you to smooth the transition. He's superior, just like you, now. He doesn't have much to complain about, does he?"

I frowned at the blasé, almost uncaring words coming from his mouth, but in the end decided that it wasn't worth arguing about. I didn't like the way he called Ken and me 'superior,' as it edged into a territory I didn't really want to consider, but I didn't dare antagonize my benefactor. In the end, no matter how callous his words, he hadn't said anything untrue. It did matter how Ken felt about it, and he definitely would consider this something to complain about, but he also did have me to help him transition and there really was no going back. He was a hybrid now, and the alternative was that he would have died.

As a whole, I supposed I was grateful, so I said, "You're right. Thanks."

And then I updated him on my situation—Aogiri Tree targeting me, my need for the CCG to protect me for the time being, the new address I'd be getting once Ken woke up and could you please send those care packages after we move in?, and, in a burst of inspiration, I asked if he knew anything about how I could get stronger so I could protect myself.

"You can't already?" he asked skeptically.

"Not against ghouls older and-slash-or more experienced than myself."

"Then get more experience," he said blandly, and recommended I go up against other ghouls until I built up the knowledge needed to protect myself. That, in tandem with my training regime, would definitely make a difference.

And if I was killing ghouls in the process? Well, I considered that a simple matter of striking those ghouls before they could go after me and my brother.

So I left with a plan, contingent as it was on Ken waking up. Koutarou and I took the subway back to his neighborhood, and once we were inside the door of his apartment, he asked, "Are you feeling better?"

I looked at him, momentarily confused, before realizing that I was calmer now, with a smile on my face and a little bounce in my step. "Well, it's always good to see my brother, and now that he's recovering, yeah, I'm in a pretty good mood."

Koutarou smiled at me, warm and soft. "I'm glad. It's good to see you back to normal, or as much as you can be in this situation."

I grinned at him, unable to hide the coloring on my cheeks at the smile that was so gentle, so…fond. It wasn't really something that should have been aimed at me, only a little more than an acquaintance, a friend at best, but I treasured it anyway.

"Thanks," I said quietly. "I have to say, I'm not complaining about the change of pace. It's…not fun, all this stuff going on. But once Ken wakes up, things will definitely start getting better."

At this, Koutarou frowned, but before I could ask what was putting that look on his face, he shrugged it off. "Well, I think it's about time for dinner. What are you feeling like?"

I named sushi, which I had liked in my old life, and resigned myself to gagging down something I normally would have enjoyed. It was depressing, really, not even being able to choose to eat something I knew tasted good.

I managed anyway, and when I went to bed that night, I was immeasurably hopeful about the future.