"We can start whenever you're ready."
I don't really know what to say.
"Just be natural, act like we're just having a conversation."
But you're recording it.
"I know it may seem weird but it keeps us all on the straight and narrow. I'm going to move the lens cap off now so we can record." The darkness flutters away revealing a disheveled blonde with two stitched scars on her face. "Why don't you start by telling me how you got those scars?"
The girl leans back in the chair and looks around. I got separated from Daryl and this car abducted me from out of nowhere. I was taking back to Atlanta and held as a prisoner in Grady Memorial Hospital. Because I wouldn't do what the head woman, a cop named Dawn, wanted she would hit me which is where these came from.
"How did you get out of there?"
Rick and the others rescued me; I helped this kid named Noah escape from there and he found Daryl somehow and led them back to me. They were wanting to trade two of Dawn's cops for me and Carol, but Rick didn't think it would work so they snuck in with knives and got to Carol first. When I was heading down the hall to Daryl, Dawn stepped out from her office and tried to shoot me. Rick stepped from the shadows and shot her in the head, taking the bullet meant for me in his shoulder. He saved my life.
"Rick seems to save a lot of people's lives."
That's what he's good at … he's a natural born leader. People don't follow him because they're scared of him, they follow him because they trust him. He doesn't ask nothing from them, just if they join to help out when the time comes. I remember the first time I saw Rick … he was running to our farmhouse with Carl in his arms. Carl had just been shot by accident out in the woods; our farm hand Otis was hunting deer, and shot one … well, the bullet went through the deer and hit Carl in the chest. Rick brought him to us so my daddy could save his life. After Carl got better, Rick and my daddy became great friends, almost like brothers in a way. Rick and his group came to live with us on our property, even helped out around, till a herd of walkers about destroyed everything. Rick kept us safe and we found a prison to live in; everything was good till the Governor busted the front door in with a tank, beheaded my daddy with Michonne's katana and nearly killed Rick. We all got scattered to the wind, no one knowing who was alive and who was dead.
"Let me ask you something, how old is your daughter?"
Judith's not my daughter, she's Rick's daughter by his wife Lori. My sister Maggie had to cut Judith out of Lori because Lori was bleeding out. I've been helping raise Judith because no one would let me do much of anything else. It came natural to me, and with Rick about out his mind with grief, Judith needed someone.
"So you've been a part of Judith's life since the day she was born. You make a wonderful mother to her, you know that right."
My daddy always thought I would make a great mom.
"I wish I could have met him, I have heard nothing but good things from Rick and Maggie, and most of the others who knew him. Can we talk about something though."
Sure, I guess so … what do you want to know?
"Have you ever seen Rick do something so horrendous that it seems like he's lost his humanity?"
I know where you're going with this, so don't … Rick is a wonderful man, and he would do anything and I mean ANY THING to protect the people he loves and cares for. It's like Rick once told us, the living are now the most dangerous mammal on the face of the planet. I can believe that after all I've seen and lived through. There are things that I saw and did at Grady that I am not proud of.
"You can unburden yourself if you like. Like I said, no one will see these unless they need to." Leaning back, she stares at the young blonde. "So tell me, what's it like being around all those men and being so young? Have any of them tried to lay a hand on you?"
Rick would kill them where they stand, so would Daryl and Glenn. It's all good, we're all friends, like a large extended family that is back together. There have been other men, and women, who have tried things and they didn't last long enough to see them through …
"But."
There was this cop at the hospital named Dorman, he decided I was worth the risk and felt me up on several occasions. The last time he did it, he got a lead crystal jar of suckers up side his head and my foot up his ass. Dawn didn't do a damn thing about it, she said that she would let her men do what-ever they needed to stay happy. I slept with my door locked the entire time I was there till Rick and the others found me.
"What would you consider your role in the group?"
I take care of Judith, I do whatever is needed but I am there for her primarily. I guess you could say I am there for Rick too … I'm the person he gets to vent to when things aren't going right. He says I am the quiet voice of reason in his conscience that keeps him from doing things that he shouldn't. I have told him hundreds of times that he is a good man placed in a horrible situation and is trying to make a way for him and his family. That's all that we hope to pray and do in this life now. We have to have something to hold onto.
"Would you like a job? I have been giving the others jobs when I speak to them."
No ma'am, I don't need a job … Judith needs me so I can't let my attention to her falter.
"Why, afraid you'll be letting Rick down?"
No, me taking care of Judith takes a weight and burden off Rick's shoulders. With me taking care of her, he knows she is with someone he trusts and knows how to take care of her. We almost lost her once, we won't go through that again.
"Oh really what happened?"
When the Governor came to the prison and began attacking it, we all got scattered to the winds. Rick didn't know what happened to Judith, all he found was her bloody empty car seat so he thought for the longest time she was dead, but come to find out Tyreese had her the entire time. I bet it was funny to see a huge black man walking around with a little white baby girl in his arms. She loves Tyreese, and he's so gentle with her. I can't think of anyone else, other than me, that she would let be near her.
"By the way Beth, you said 'we' a few moments ago as in you and Rick … is there something going on between you two?"
I don't know what you mean.
"Yes you do, and quit being coy with me. I can understand your reservations with Maggie being your sister and Rick's age, but still … being on the road with him for as long as you have, helping him raise his child … really Beth, there is nothing between you two."
Not for lack of trying on my part, Beth mumbled under her breath.
"Ah, so you are the more willing party of the two. I can understand why he might be hesitant about things with your age and all …"
Then why does he keep kissing me when I least expect it! Why does he put his arm around me at night while we were on the road, why did he always tell me to get behind him and why is it he was always the one to cover me when I needed it. He didn't have to do it, anyone would have done it including Maggie and Daryl, but Rick … he would go out of his way to come for me no matter where I was or the trouble I was in. Even if I didn't have Judith with me, he would still do it! Hell, he kicked a door in to save my life, shattered it in a million pieces with one kick. I have never seen him so filled with rage like he was then.
"That wasn't just rage Beth, that was fear and panic and anxiety … fear and anxiety and panic over the fact he might could lose you again. He was honestly scared when Daryl told him you were missing, I think his feelings were coming out then. This stays strictly between me and you but … are you in love with Rick?"
I don't feel comfortable answering that.
Pausing the camera, Deanna looked at her. "Now, are you in love with Rick?"
"I've been in love with him for a long time, just I never got the courage to tell him. I always thought he'd see me as nothing more than Hershel's little girl with a crush on him," Beth admitted. "You paused the camera?"
"Yes I did, that's how I operate." Reaching over, she unpaused the camera. "Have you ever thought about telling him how you feel?"
I've thought about it, but what would it accomplish? All it might do is put more of a burden on his shoulders that he doesn't need.
"There are wolves in sheep's clothing hiding in here that would love to sink their teeth into Rick … if you get my meaning."
And they don't know what a pissed off Georgia farm girl is capable of either. I am not afraid to do what needs to be done to protect someone I care about.
"Good for you." Reaching over, Deanna slid the cap back over the camera and powered it off. "Do us both a favor Beth, tell Rick how you feel before someone else tries to move in. He needs to know, he needs someone to be with him right now … I can show you the video I made with him if you want. No one else sees the recordings I make unless I feel it's necessary."
"And do you think it is?"
"I do, and I think once you see it you will understand why too."
Pulling on the frayed hem of her shirt, Beth rose and walked over to her. "Show it to me." Smiling, Deanna turned the laptop to Beth and pulled up the video with Rick then hit 'play'. Beth sat down and began to listen intently.
Stepping out into the sun, Beth shielded her eyes as she walked through Alexandria. She watched the kids playing, listening to them laugh, as she kept going. She turned a corner and headed to Maggie's house. Pushing open the front door, she headed upstairs and into her room. Packing what few belongings she had into her bag, she placed it on her shoulder and headed back down. She looked to see Glenn walking in. "Where are you going?"
"I'm moving in with Rick and Carl, he needs me to keep an eye on Judith more since he's working with Deanna now."
"Okay, I'll tell Maggie then." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "You okay?"
"Yea I just finished my interview with Deanna."
"How did that go?"
"Better than I thought and more eye-opening about how she works."
"Just be careful."
"I will." She hugged him and headed outside; she trotted down the steps and began walking across the yard. Crossing over two streets, she made her way to Rick's house and stepped up onto the porch. Reaching her hand out, she went to open the door as Carl appeared. "Oh, you startled me. Where are you going?"
"Over to Ron and Sam's to hang out. What are you doing here?" he asked, heading outside.
"Your dad asked me to stay and take care of Judith since he's working with Deanna now."
"Oh okay," he mused and headed down the steps. "She's down for a nap, so is dad. Hey Beth, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, whatever you want."
"Do you love my dad?"
"What if I did?"
"Have you ever told him?"
"Thinking about it, why?"
"About damn time if you ask me."
"Carl Grimes!"
"What, I'm not blind … I see how you look at him and do exactly what he wants when he wants it half the time before he even knows it. You are always by his side, always taking care of Judith and you even bark at Maggie when she gets on his case. You're in love, admit it."
"What if I am, would it bother you?"
"Me … no. Daryl on the other hand … maybe."
"Daryl Dixon can kiss my sweet tea ass."
"What's wrong with you and Daryl?"
"He makes me so damn mad, thinking I don't know how to take care of myself. He acts like I need to be sheltered and taken care of like I'm Judith's age or something."
"I hear a pissed off country peach coming out," Carl snickered.
"Yea you're right, go have fun."
"Later."
She watched him vanish as she headed into the house. Pushing the door shut, she closed her eyes and felt the cool air floating through the house. She sighed openly then headed upstairs; poking her head in, she saw Judith sound asleep. Walking over, she peered inside Rick's room and saw him setting on the edge of the bed. "You okay?"
"Not really."
Pushing the door open, she walked over and sat beside him. "What's wrong?"
"Can't sleep, can't eat, can't think," he spoke, his voice hoarse. "I find myself even crying at times, yea me I cry and can't stop myself. I feel … overwhelmed."
"We're finally settled again for the first time in a long time, and you probably are anxious about things. You hate being closed in, I know I feel the same way. Give it a little bit of time and things may seem better. It can't be all bad, can it? We're safer than we were out there, and Judith has a place to sleep peacefully since the prison."
"Maybe you're right, maybe it is just making me a bit off kilter, but what about these outbursts of sadness, guilt, repressed anger and rage? Got an explanation for them."
Pondering for a moment, she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Sounds like PTSD or early onset depression," Beth spoke softly, "or you are turning into a murdering schizophrenic who will behead everyone in their sleep then howl at the moon." He gave her an incredulous look as she grinned. Shaking his head, he began to grin with her. "See, I got you to smile. You are not a homicidal maniac, you are feeling like a caged animal. We were out there too long, but we can come back from this. We did once before, we can do it again." Dropping her bag on the floor, she began to run her hand over his back in soothing circles. "Why don't you lay back down and I'll stay with you till you fall asleep."
"Sounds like a winner to me." He paused for a moment. "Where's Carl?"
"He was heading out as I was heading in. Judith is down for a nap, I looked in on her before I came in here."
"So why are you …" He noticed her bag on the floor and let out a long sigh of contentment. "Thank you for wanting to do this, helping me with Judith I mean." Reaching down, he picked it up and rose. "Thank you for wanting to put up with me and my weird mood swings. I don't know how long I will be this way, but knowing you are here with Judith means a lot." Walking to the closet, he opened it and began putting her stuff on hangers with his. "Only other bedroom with a closet. Hope you don't mind sharing with me."
"Not a bit."
"I snore."
"We lived in the prison together for how long?"
"Yea but we didn't sleep together on a regular basis." He paused then turned to look at her. "That didn't quite come out the way I meant it to."
"I know what you meant though," she smiled and patted the bed beside her. "Come back over and sit with me."
"Beth, I don't know if I've told you lately but I am glad you're back with us."
"I am glad to be back to."
Dropping the empty bag in the closet, he walked over and sat back down beside her. Reaching his hand out, he ran his thumb over the stitches on her creamy face. "These are healing up nicely, you can probably get the stitches out of this one soon." Running his hand down her arm, he lifted it up and looked it over. "This seems to be fine."
"Neither the stitches or my arm don't bother me, they quit hurting a long time ago." Reaching her hand up, she ran it over his smooth cheek. "I forgot how handsome you were under the beard. Don't get me wrong, I loved the beard but I love this face too. I like it when you have a little stubble coming out, like you did on the farm or when we found the prison. It made you quite handsome and quite distinguished."
"No one can love a face like this," he growled softly, turning away from her, "not after all the things I've done. You'd be better off looking somewhere else than spending any time on me. I'm not the right man for you Beth."
"Hey," she snapped and turned his face to her, "I don't think so mister. I love you just the way you are so get over it!"
"Really, you could love someone like me."
"I already do."
"Already what?"
"Love you is what. I've been in love with you for a long time now. You are the right man for me, you're the only man for me."
He brought his hand back to her face, running it over her lips. "How long have you felt this way? Since the prison, since Judith was born?"
"No longer, not too long after you came to the farm," she replied, her voice softening. "I was in love with you before the prison and before Judith. I never could understand why Lori kept you at arms length for so long. How could a woman treat such a wonderful, kind, loving man that way when she supposedly loved him to." She ran her hand over his face. "I'm not Lori, I'm not Maggie, I'm not Michonne or Carol … I am Beth, I am my own creature and I don't care what you've done Rick, nothing will cause me to leave your side. I love you Rick, pure plain and simple, I love you."
His hand slid down to rub her neck then pulled her to him, pressing his lips onto hers. She returned the kiss with equal strength and yearning, surprising him briefly as his other arm slid around her. She molded herself to him, pushing him down onto the bed to straddle him. He rolled to where they were side by side, tongues tangling as their legs entangled. He pulled his lips from hers and began to run his hand through her hair. "Stay with me."
"Forever and ever till death do us part," she smiled, caressing his cheek.
"I think Father Gabriel can make that official … one day when we're ready."
"And I will be the happiest woman in existence … Beth Grimes … I love the sound of that."
"Beth Grimes, my life my love," he murmured before beginning to kiss her again.