The doors were still open as Sirius jogged towards the lift. Inside of it, there was a tall man aggressively pushing a button on the panel. Tightening his grip on his helmet, Sirius manages to shove his way in before the other man is successful.

"What floor?"

Sirius stares in disbelief, but the other man won't meet his eyes. In response, Sirius pushes the other man aside and presses every single button on the panel. Take that asshole, he cheers silently.

"Take that, asshole," he also cheers loudly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You started it." Sirius eyes the other man. He's dressed in a shabby suit, either old or secondhand. It's too short in the arms and legs, but fits nicely across his shoulders. Warm brown eyes stare daggers at him, and his tawny hair is lightly ruffled and murderously growling I don't like you, you immature prick.

All in all, Sirius decides the man is gorgeous. Gorgeously shaggable.

By the time they stop at the fourth floor, the other man breaks the silence to cough. Loudly.

Sirius smiles.

"I realise there's not much to look at in here, but could you please stop staring?"

"At what, love?"

"At me," the other man's lips barely move as he responds and he's developed some type of twitch in his forehead. "And I'm not your love, you moronic-"

"No need for name calling."

"Ah!" The other man turns around to face the wall but Sirius can see his shoulders rise and fall with deep breaths.

"Maybe you shouldn't close the door on people, mate."

"I have an interview. I was just trying to get there as quickly as possible and it didn't look like you were in any hurry."

"I was running!"

"Yes...but you still didn't look like you had somewhere to be. You know what I mean."

"I'm an accountant." Loud laughter erupts from the other man as he turns back around.

"Oh really? I don't know many accountants allowed to go to work in leather pants and motorcycle boots."

"Well, shows what you know about accountants," Sirius sniffs.

"Sorry did I offend you? Hard to imagine I managed to hurt you through all that leather."

"No need to be rude...sorry, what's your name?"

"I think there are many reasons to be rude. Also, fuck off."

"Why don't you fuck off!"

"Oh so mature. You know, I do need someone to do my taxes, are you available?"

"What taxes? You don't have a fucking job."

"Neither do you, mate" the other man scoffs.

Yelling in outrage, Sirius leaps across the small space and reaches for the panel. The poor, poor unemployed man next to him, in his ignorance, simply watches as Sirius fiddles with the buttons. Until a blaring sound erupts and the lift staggers to a stop.

The two men stare at each other as the alarm stops and a voice asks what their emergency is.

Eyes wide, the other man reaches past Sirius and does something that starts the lift again. They ride the lift as the voice continues to talk until they reach their floor and step out.

"Remus!" A tall black man wearing glasses calls out as walks towards them.

"Remus?"

"Sirius?"

"James."

"What type of name is Remus?"

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" James is now looking confused and also a little hungry as he glances at a bagel in his hand.

"For his accounting job, obviously," Remus smirks. James blinks and rubs a finger over his bagel.

"Yes," Sirius lets out a giggle, "and everything is accounted for."

"Right," James says slowly. "Remus follow me and I can introduce you to our hiring manager. And then I can introduce some spread to my bagel."

"Sounds good." Remus nods and begins to follow James. Pausing, he turns and calls back, "Just wait here, and you can take me out to lunch after I'm done."

"Excuse me?" Sirius squeaks.

Remus smiles.

"You started it."

Link for great asshole AU prompts: post/117050708072/aus-for-when-your-otp-are-both-assholes