Chapter 8: Santiago – Priority

It was 11:34pm at the 99th precinct and only three people remained in the detective's office. Captain Raymond Holt was in his office, finishing his paper work on the Tufton case. The two agents who went undercover for the case were also finishing up their accounts of the sting. Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta sat at their desks, back in their usual attire, working in silence. Neither of them looked up from their work until the Captain exited his office.

"Heading home?" Jake asked.

"Yes, and I advise you both to do the same. This can wait until the morning" Captain Holt said.

"Wow, Captain are you telling us to put off work?" Jake asked.

"Shocking, I know, but I think an exception is in order. You both had quite a day today" he said, as both Amy and Jake looked down at the floor.

"I want you to both know that you did exemplary work. You hit a few snags, but the measure of a great detective isn't in how few mistakes he makes, but how he handles those mistakes, or how she handles them. You should both be proud"

"Thank you, Captain" Amy said, wishing she could bask in his praise like she normally would. His compliment was hard for her to accept this time around. It wasn't that she wasn't proud of her work. She was actually really impressed with herself, but a stone weighed heavy on her heart. She looked at Jake, who still wasn't back to his goofy self yet, and realized this speech was more for Jake than it was for her.

"Yeah, thanks" Jake said, attempting a smile, "We'll be out of here soon, I'm almost done"

"Alright, get some rest you two" the Captain said, leaving the office. Amy and Jake both went back to work without a word to each other. The air felt so heavy and Amy didn't understand it. They won, didn't they? Sure, there was a scary moment there, but other than that, the case was a success! So, why did Jake look so miserable? She was afraid to ask. This kind of behavior was so out of character for him. She turned her attention back to her files in silence.

"Finished, finally" Jake said. Amy looked at the clock and a whole hour had gone by since the Captain had left.

"You should go home, you look exhausted"

"Are you going home soon?" he asked.

"Yeah, I don't have too much left" she said.

"Oh okay, I'll wait for you"

"No, please don't. Go home. I don't want you to wait for me"

"You sure?"

"Positive, thank you though. That's nice" she said, smiling at him. He smiled back and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"I'll see you tomorrow" he said.

"Bye" she said as he left the building. She watched his back as he left, a sinking feeling making home in her chest.

"Don't go" she thought, without warning. The phrase burned itself in her brain. She didn't want him to go. She didn't want him to go.

Now, maybe it was some left over adrenaline from beating down a criminal, maybe she was appreciating how short life was after a near-death experience, or maybe she was just sick of lying to herself, but, for whatever reason, Amy ran out of her office. She ran as hard as she could down four flights of stairs, desperate to catch him. She had to do this now.

She reached the parking lot and whipped her head in every direction, praying he hadn't left. She was about to give up when, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Jake's figure by a couple of trees on a patch of grass.

"JAKE!" She yelled, running to his form, "JAKE!"

Jake had heard her, saw her running to him, and immediately dropped his bag on the ground. Amy made it to him, her breath labored

"Amy, what's wrong?" he asked with worry all over his face.

"Nothing…nothing...I'm fine," she said, her breathing starting to get back to normal, "I just really need to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"I need you to know that this is coming from me, Amy Santiago, to you, Jake Peralta. I need you to understand that, okay?"

"Uhhh oka-"

But he was too slow. Amy had grabbed his face and made their lips collide, so hard that Jake's back hit the tree he was standing behind. She kissed him without holding back, without boundaries, and without anyone telling them to do so. She kissed him because she couldn't deny the truth any longer. She was in love with him and goddammit, she was gonna show him. His hands found her back and they sunk deeper into each other, all hunger and want.

Amy only stopped because she wanted to look into his kind, bright eyes and then kiss him again. Their lips separated and she looked up at him. The warmth in his eyes made her knees weak, but she saw sadness there as well. It confused her. He put his hand on cheek, his thumb lightly grazing it.

"Amy…" he said. The sound of her name made her smile. This was right. This is what all the fuss was over. They had just been too stubborn to see, but now they had and she was so unbelievably happy.

"Amy, we can't" he said and just like that, every good, sweet feeling she had dried up in her veins. She broke herself from him.

"What?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"I'm so sorry, Amy"

"But, why? I thought you-"

"I do. I really, really do"

"Then, why?" she asked, tears starting in her eyes.

"Amy, I almost got you killed today"

"Jake, I'm fine"

"But, you almost weren't and that was my fault"

"Mistakes happen, it's okay. Nobody blames you, except you"

"Amy, do you know why I messed up so bad? Why I said your name and ruined your cover?"

"Our cover was already compromi-"

"Because I care about you so much that I stopped caring about the job. I put your life and civilians lives in danger because I was too worried you'd be taken from me" he said, the most painful expression on his face.

"So, what do you suggest, then? That we just keep going to work, as if how we feel about each other doesn't exist? I don't know about you, but that hasn't been working out so great for me" she said, her throat catching on the oncoming tears. A new level of pain was expressed in Jake's face as he tried to find the words.

"Amy…" he said, still searching.

"What, Jake?" she asked, just wanting him to rip the band-aid off already.

"I'm going to put in a request for a new partner tomorrow" he said, the words crushing him. Amy's heart broke in a place she never believed to be fragile.

"Jake, no"

"We have to, I can't work with you if I'm a danger to you and with the way I am now, I am. This is the last thing I want to do, Amy, believe me"

"Okay, fine, so we get new partners. Then there's no reason we can't give this thing a shot, right?" she asked, a part of her hating herself for sounding so desperate. She was just so damned tired of wanting him, but not having him.

"Amy, I wish…I wish we could, but even if we're not partners, we still have to work together. We're already in too deep, if we go any deeper, my priority will always be 'keep Amy safe' instead of 'catch the bad guy'"

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself"

"I know. I know you are, but I don't think I am" he said. Amy knew that this was his final word. They couldn't be together if they both worked in the 99 and there was no way either of them would ask the other to leave. That was it then. Amy's eyes finally allowed the tears to fall.

"I'm going back to the office" she said with surprising steadiness.

"Let me walk you back" he offered.

"No, no, I'd like to be alone right now," she said, wiping away a tear, "Drive home safe, okay?"

He nodded and she walked back towards the office as she heard his car start. She didn't look back as she heard it leave the lot. It was the saddest sound she had ever heard.

She made her way back to the office, tears escaping her eyes slowly, but constantly. She didn't try to stop them. She had no energy for that. She walked up four flights of stairs, each step making the pit in her chest grow deeper and wider. She reached the office and took in the sight of it. She reminded herself that she loved her job and she loved her co-workers. The thought of them brought the tiniest comfort.

She sat down at her desk and got back to work.

THE END

AN: I'm a fucking asshole. I'm sorry. No really, I apologize. Why did I do this? I hate this. But I also think this is my best written chapter...but literally why did I have to be such an asshole about it? Why can't I write happy things? Please feel free to berate me. I deserve it.

Okay, but seriously thank you *SO* much to everyone who read/bookmarked/kudoed/commented on this fic. I've been writing non-stop for like four days straight because I wanted to get this out to you, since you're all so great. I was really floored by everyone's kindness. Thank you, thank you!

Here's to hoping the finale is nothing like this and I'll see you guys soon! 3 3 3

P.S. I am actual trash.