notes: i'm sorry, but i had to do this. it was like an unknown force manipulated me into writing this cheesy blob of dorks. i'm sorry. i like dorks, they make me happy. /slithers away

preview

to be, or not to be

"Miku, Miku, I need your help. Please." Len says, with a very sincere bow. Miku just raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms.

"For what?" She asks.

"For ..." Len meekly taps his fingers together. "Matchmaking."

Miku's face lights up. No, seriously. It lights up. She's glowing so much she can be a star on a christmas tree. Len considers this for three seconds and decides against it. "Oooh. Okay. Who is it? Is it some hot lady? Or have you revealed your secret love for young children? Or is it that one beautiful friend at History class?"

"It's none of them," says Len, flustered. "It's ... Kasane Teto."

Miku is still smiling. Then the smile drops and she frowns. "What? Kasane? That little ungrateful brat of a human being? I trusted you! I thought you had superb tastes, Len!" She cries accusingly.

"Hot ladies and children and Luka aren't good tastes!" Len says defensively. Then, as a hasty afterthought, he adds: "Luka's too out of my league, anyway. She's probably got her eyes set on some really ... well, cool human being."

"You never know unless you try," says Miku with a very perverted smile. Len backs away from her a bit. "Better Luka than Kasane. That twat. I hate her so much, Len, THIS MUCH. LOOK." She spreads her hands wide open and flaps them in a very exaggerating fashion. One of her arms slaps Len's face accidentally.

"Ow! I know, you don't like Kasane Teto, but I still—"

"Ugh, you ... ugh. Don't call her that! I hate her! Absolutely hate her! I hate her as much as I hate mouldy spaghetti! I hate mouldy spaghetti a lot. A LOT." Miku says, and starts flapping her arms again when Len hastily takes her hands and pins them against her waist.

"Why do you hate Kasane Te— Kasane so much anyway?" He asks. He is very aware that his voice is becoming a bit of a whine. Miku obviously notices, because she smirks devilishly. But then the thought of Teto makes her so angry that her smirk twists into a scary expression. Len backs away a bit more.

"You know those darned people who suck the flavour out of potato chips and when you ask them about it, they look at you with a stupidly innocent face and ask you 'what did I do?' Yeah?" She takes a deep, calming breath. "Well, Kasane Teto's like that, except that she EATS THE POTATO CHIP and she will LOOK AT YOU WITH A STUPID SMILE and say," She puts on a simpering, high voice that is supposed to imitate Teto's, "'yes, I ate it. And is there anything you can do about it? No.' she's abhorring." She concludes with ultimate finality.

"But I like her ..." Len mumbles, defeated.

"You're wasting my ultimate matchmaking skills on this. It's stupid." Miku says firmly.

Len looks at her sadly. Her breath hitches. Len even does that cute creepy schoolgirl-ly eyelash thing. He's supposed to look ridiculous while doing it, but he manages to pull it off, somehow. Even Miku can't do it, and she's a girl. She feels very offended.

"Fine," Miku retaliates. It's Len's turn to glow.

"But I don't want to be seen with you, you dorky trash. Or with Kasane, either. You both disgust me." She says with a sniff. "Still don't understand how teenage boys can like a ... a thing like that ..." She mumbles under her breath. The mumble does not go unheard.

"Then how are you going to help me?" Len asks, confused.

Miku thinks about this for a bit while tapping her cheek rhythmically with her fingers. "Through text messages, obviously."

And that is how their story of failed matchmaking and uncountable Teto bashings starts.