Skye sitting in on May's training seemed to be her new thing. Every morning she would arrive to the gym, closely followed by the younger agent, who would sit by the wall and watch with her large dark eyes.
May didn't know how to communicate that Skye didn't have to do this, any of it. She knew that Skye felt bad for hitting her, and she would admit that she packed a punch, but she had told Skye that it was okay, that she didn't need to make it up to her.
They weren't friends.
That thought was the one that consumed her, that had consumed her for over a month. Skye didn't need to apologise because she hadn't done anything wrong. She had been trying to protect people she cared about, and she had. Protected them from her.
Skye had tried to backpedal, to explain, claimed that May was more of a mother to her than Jiaying had ever been, but it was too late. Melinda hadn't noticed how close she had gotten to Skye. Now she had, and she needed to stay away.
But Skye wouldn't let her.
She followed her to training, tried to sit beside her when she was doing work on the couch, brought her tea and food with a smile so bright that Melinda could almost fool herself into thinking was genuine, but she could never forget how much it all hurt.
Losing Skye hurt too much, so it was best to not get attached again.
But for some reason Skye felt responsible for her now, and she wouldn't accept any of the brush-offs that May threw her way.
It hurt when Skye said she was dangerous, but it was true. She was dangerous, people feared her. Skye knew what she had done in Bahrain, so of course she didn't want May to teach her anymore. She didn't need to apologise for that. Melinda had made her farewell, wished Skye her best, and moved on. That was how she worked.
But the world had other ideas, and had sent Melinda in to find the SHIELD agent who had been captured. When that happened she found herself again fighting a powered girl she had wanted to protect in the attempt to do her job.
Melinda didn't know why she let herself think these thoughts in a common area, and she cursed herself, trying to wipe the tears away with the heel of her hand, only to have them replaced with more.
As if on cue, her shadow appeared, face falling at the sight of her. "May..."
Skye hurried over and tried to hug her, but May shoved her away so forcefully that she fell off the couch. Without missing a beat, Skye curled up on the floor beside her, resting her head on May's knee.
Melinda clenched her fists, trying to stop this. She needed to push Skye away, she needed to stop caring about this girl, but a weak part of her couldn't help but want her there. The silent tears wouldn't stop and May took deep breaths to keep it all in, forcing her muscles to relax and the tears to abate.
She didn't notice when her hand had started gently stroking Skye's hair, but the way the girl leaned in to the touch was not lost on her. Damnit, she was trying so hard to stop caring about her, and she just couldn't do it. "Why do you keep doing this?" She whispered, not really intending to articulate it.
Skye shifted slightly, leaning in closer. "Because I love you. And I screwed up." It was so much easier to say this stuff when May wasn't looking at her. "I was looking for my parents for so long, it's the first thing I ever wanted. Then Cal was a psycho, but Jiaying... she was so nice, and so... perfect, she was too good to be true." She really was. "And I came back and saw you again, and- I was furious with myself." She heaved a sigh. "I found this gift-wrapped perfect mom, she was textbook, everything I wanted."
Melinda was receding in on herself again. Skye was right, Jiaying was good for her. Better than she had ever been.
Skye kept talking. "And I came back, and I was so happy to see you again. I kept thinking, this was my family- here, with all of you. And I'd been trying to find my parents for my whole life, and I was so angry with myself that they weren't what I really wanted." She would have hugged May if she could. "I was angry that I loved you all so much, and I took that out on you. I'm so sorry, May."
She had just stopped crying for Gods sakes. "You don't have to be sorry." She said in a choked voice. "You never lied."
"You're not dangerous." Skye said with such conviction that Melinda almost believed her. "You're skilled. It's not the same thing. I should never have said that, I shouldn't have brought up Bahrain in front of Coulson, I shouldn't have rubbed it in your face, I shouldn't have hit you, I shouldn't have acted like you have no reason to care about me, but that's all on me, got it? So stop acting like you think I was right."
This was concrete proof that Skye knew her too well, because that was exactly what May had been thinking, what she had always been thinking. She had told Phil what had happened to drive him away too; it had worked with Skye. They didn't need her. Tell the most important people in your life about the most despicable thing you have ever done, and they will leave. It had been Melinda's failsafe, the easiest way for them to understand why she didn't deserve them.
The best way to shut people out.
But it didn't, for whatever reason. Skye was following her around every second she could. Phil was giving her more space, but he made sure she was eating, and she saw the look in his eyes sometimes, one of concern and compassion, not of rightful disgust.
Melinda didn't understand it.
Skye seemed to read her mind. "What if it was me?" She asked. "What if I'd been in Bahrain instead of you, and I'd..." She didn't want to say it.
"You wouldn't do that." Hollow, but true. Skye would never hurt a child, not like she had.
"I might have. I don't know." Skye mumbled. "But forget what you think I'd do, what if I had? Would you hate me?"
That was a low blow, and May didn't reply. She didn't want to think about Skye being in her place in Bahrain, because it too easily became Skye taking the little girl's place instead, and she had had that nightmare too many times.
Skye knew that not replying was tantamount to admitting that she was right. "I'd rather you hate me than yourself; I'm the one who screwed up." Skye squeezed her eyes shut. "But I need you, I-I... I can't keep going without you, I'm not that strong." Quietly, trying not to cry. "I can't lose anyone else." Because she was losing May now, and Skye knew that it was her own fault, but she was trying like hell to fix it and she couldn't, and that broke her heart.
May shifted and Skye's heart dropped through the floor. She had done it again, and now May was leaving, again.
To her surprise though, Melinda only moved forwards in her seat until she slid down out of it and was on the ground beside Skye. She was even more surprised when May pulled her into a hug.
It was mechanical and awkward and stiff, but Skye returned the embrace so tightly that she knocked the air from May's lungs. This wasn't what May usually did , and it meant so much. Skye buried her head in the crook of her neck and felt May sigh softly, though this time with an edge of contentment. "I can't get rid of this Skye." Any of it. How she was feeling, even if she had forgiven Skye for what she had said. What she had done in Bahrain could never be undone, and Melinda would never forget it.
Skye only hugged her more tightly. "I'm not asking you to." She mumbled. "Just... let me help, please. You help all of us and you never want anything back, you can let us in." When May made no reply, she continued. "I love you, we all love you, and whenever you need us we'll be there."
"I love you too." It had been over seven years since those words had passed her lips.
Skye knew how much those words meant, especially coming from May. "Don't push us away anymore, okay?"
"I'll try." She said, catching the inside of her lip between her lips and working it back and forwards. It was hard. It was hard to admit this truth.
The truth was that Melinda loved her team.
The truth was that she was scared out of her mind of losing them.
But the truly terrifying truth was that they really were a family.