This has been a lot of fun to write, it really is just that; fun.

It won't be updating quite as often as my other story but I will try and keep the wait between chapters to a minimum.

I'd love to hear some feedback.

i don't own Twilight or it's characters.

And action...

Balls. Hairy balls. Fucking, hairy donkey balls.

This is my honest assessment of the current situation that I find myself in.

What is the current situation?

I'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom with a glass of wine, my faithful pack of Marlboro's and two pregnancy tests. The instructions have been smoothed out on the lid of the toilet for easy access, even though I've read them three times.

I'm now waiting for the first one to stew, with my pee on it. I actually managed to get it on my hand; it kind of spurted everywhere, which is so gross. I've washed my hands a lot, just in case you were wondering.

Glancing at the clock on my phone, I realize that it's the moment of truth. I grab the strip; which has also been wiped free of urine. Nope, I don't even look. I need a smoke first. As I puff on what could turn out to be my last smoke, I let my mind wander back to 'that night'.

I stare in shock at my very different reflection. How did that little squirt manage to persuade me to let her loose with, well everything? I don't even look like me, a feeling of unease is now in my stomach and it's flapping around like a fish out of water.

Now, that metaphor is actually more than accurate to describe me at most social events. I'm a bit of a nerdy geek; I'd rather be snuggled up with a good book than going out to clubs. I have to be a contender for the title of 'the most boring twenty two year old in America'.

"Alice!" I yell loudly, even though I know that she's just on the other side of the door.

A small squeak can be heard through it and I sigh at my obvious knowledge of my best friend. The door opens and she peeks in, all I can see is a pair of large, bright blue eyes. I know that I'm going to fold and allow her to drag me out looking like this. I would only ever allow Alice Bandon to get away with such a thing. I don't look bad, in fact I look, kind of good. Maybe a bit slutty with these 'fuck me' heels and the dress is a hell of a lot shorter than I would choose and a fair bit of cleavage is showing.

I huff out a long and loud sigh, wanting the traitor behind me to hear. I want my fucking Marlboro's, because one needs to be in my mouth right now. I stare lovingly at my beautiful, albeit scruffy Converse sitting in the corner of my room. They're going to be so sad, all on their own.

I turn round and stalk past Alice who's wearing a triumphant look on her face; I may have bumped into her slightly on the way out, accidentally, of course.

As soon as I get outside I spark up and let the smoke infiltrate my lungs, taking pleasure in the nicotine rush. I'm going to need a lot of alcohol tonight, Alice has invited so many people to my birthday party, which is supposed to be a surprise but she can't keep her mouth shut even if her life depended on it.

A black car drives past and the guys inside it all yell and whistle. Great. I look like a fucking hooker. Alice swoops past me and into the cab, that just literally pulls up by the curb.

"Come on beautiful. Your carriage awaits." She grins and beckons with her hand, the urge to run upstairs and put my jeans and converse on are almost overwhelming but I don't. It's mainly because I'm a huge idiot and I'm far too soft to her persuasive ways. Also her eyes have just grown immensely and she now resembles that cat in Shrek.

Stupid fucking cat eyes.

Alice blindfolds me, even if she hadn't told me three weeks ago that she was planning this, then I'm pretty sure this would've been a tiny give away. I humor her, well what else can I do?

She would happily kidnap me and she's freakishly strong for such a small human. The next thing I know, the silk scarf is whipped from my eyes and I'm in a large room with far too many people staring at me, as I squint back at them.

I know that my complexion now represents a big fat blotchy tomato and I'm actually squirming from all the staring. Alice takes me round to meet everyone and I lose count of how many people address the girls, my boobs are bouncing around happily from the attention.

I don't remember everyone, a lot are from school, Alice's family is here and some people from work. My Mom and Dad couldn't make it, which makes me a bit too happy. I think that Charlie would either have a heart attack or arrest me for public indecency. He takes his title of, the chief of police, a little too seriously.

I make small talk with a lot of people, whilst pouring alcohol down my neck, more or less constantly. I start giggling while some guy is telling me about harvesting peas and how versatile they are because the thought of purchasing one of those drink dispensing hats with straws infiltrates my mind.

I move on even though I'm pretty sure he's not finished with describing the different ways to make pea soup. It's only been just over an hour when my bladder decides it needs to go to the bathroom. I excuse myself and hurry off to the ladies. I know I shouldn't be drinking so heavily, I never drink. I haven't even eaten much today.

The queue is too long for the ladies so I go into the men's bathroom, I peek in first but apart from the rank smell of urine there isn't anyone in there. I sneak into the one and only toilet, bypassing the urinals, I'm not going to attempt that with my lack of a dick. I don't bother locking the door in my hurry to get my panties down and as I wait for the waterfall to subside, I start singing Copacabana. Just as I am in full swing with the chorus, the door opens.

"Fuck!" I hear his loud epithet bounce around the dirty tiles of the small bathroom.

My cigarette is now mostly ash. I sigh and stub it out as I massage my temple with my other hand. I've been trying to remember the rest of that night ever since it happened, five weeks ago. I can't even recall his face. The small details that I do remember are incredibly hot. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed at home with a hangover sent straight from the devil himself. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend had apparently carried me up to bed, while I was proposing marriage to him. Seems like I'm a flirty and grabby, drunk.

I've been drunk before and had the memory loss that you can get after a heavy night of vodka but it came back, eventually. I can't shake the feeling that my brain just doesn't want to remember, this idea scares me.

I know I had sex, my cooch was pretty certain of this. I've had the occasional flashback of being naked, a strong muscled back. Whoever he is, he isn't here now. I'm stuck in this stupid mess, on my own and completely petrified of finding out the answer that's on that little strip. I draw in a breath and grab it up, it takes a few minutes for my brain to register the positive result before I sink back down onto the floor.

The strip is still in my hand as Alice walks in boldly without even knocking, as you can tell, she respects privacy. I can't look at her, because I know that she can see the strip. I watch as her socked feet edge closer and I suddenly feel the strip being pulled out of my hand.

All I can think about is, I am going to be a Mom. Me, Bella Swan is going to be a Mom to a sniveling little mini human. I'm a single child and I've never really been around rugrats, yet I have one in my belly. I disregard that thought as soon as I think it because I can't even begin to get my head around that and the effort makes me want to vomit all over the bright pink socks in front of me.

I have no idea how to change a diaper, I must rectify this. Right now though I desperately want to slump into my bed and pull the blanket over my head and hide. I want to hide from the truth. I know that's absurd but that's exactly how I feel right now. I don't know anything about the guy; I can't even remember what he looks like.

I have never been this stupid, I've slept with only three people in my life and the one I can't even picture in my mind has left me something in my uterus.

I feel the sobs start to shake me from deep down inside, as I realize that this baby won't even know their Daddy. I welcome the tears as they start to fall and feel relieved by my wet cheeks. I'm crying and I should be crying. This is a huge deal.

I look up at Alice and she looks at me as though she's suddenly afraid that I'll break. I have a crazy grin on my face, I can feel that it's there but don't know how to turn it off. Alice crouches down and envelopes me into a big hug, she coos gently into my ear and starts to rock me back and forth.

Let me know what you think!