The Revelations of a Tortured Soul

CHAPTER 2: OF PLANS AND OF STRONG DESIRES

Once in the car, with Eddie safely sleeping inside his cage placed in the backseat, Alice kept glancing at me as she drove as though she was afraid that any moment I'd go into shock.

"I'm fine Alice," I said in a weak but clear voice. "I'm shocked, and still in denial, and maybe a little hurt about what happened with Kate and how she betrayed me, but you warned me about this, and I've already accepted that being with you, Edward, Rose and Em means I have to constantly face these things. So I'm just coming to terms with what happened. But I'm fine. And I'm sorry I was angry at you for doubting her. I promise it won't happen again."

She seemed satisfied with my answer.

"I told Edward," she blurted out of the blue, making me stiffen. "He's coming back as fast as he can to the hotel so that we could all talk about our plan once we get there. We should have known Aro would not waste one second to get to us. It's not safe here anymore, Bella."

"How is he?"

She already knows what I mean.

"Furious. Worried. You know him. Just … prepare yourself once we get back."

I nodded. Then I remembered what Kate said, about Alice hiding a knife.

"Were you carrying a knife all along?"

"No. I hid one from the tray of desserts she offered to us when you both weren't looking."

If that's the case …

"So, you suspected all along that she was one of them."

"We were all trained to be suspicious, Bella. And my sixth sense never failed me. But the thing that made me sure that she wasn't normal was her room."

"What about it?" I asked, thinking of anything out of ordinary about Kate's room but coming up blank.

"It's too clean. She didn't have anything to show her character. It was obviously set up as a façade."

"What do you mean?" I asked, growing more curious by the second.

"You have your Bible and your rosaries and that statue of some saint in your room; Edward has his piano in his house in New York, though you can't see it unless you enter his bedroom; I have my paintings, canvas and paintbrushes; Emmett, his guns; and Rosalie, her screwdrivers and handheld electronic keys."

"You mean Kate doesn't have her identity."

"Exactly. All the things she owned didn't show her character at all. There were no photos of her, nor books, not even china pieces – they were all too neutral. And she was supposed to have lived there for years."

"She was clean," I noted, remembering the time I stayed with her. She would never even leave a single strand of hair in the bathroom after showering.

"Too clean, apparently, and it stood out for me. But not too organized, or she wouldn't leave a knife with me."

Had I actually stayed with a person for a month without realizing who she really was? I remembered how she helped me from the streets, and bathed me, and cared for me. My adoration for her and how I immediately warmed up to her. Was I too blinded by her kindness to see who she really was? Were all the moments we'd shared fake? Had she never been true to me?

I remember her words to me before she shot herself – that we could have been real friends.

"I'd like to believe that she had been true to me at some point. She couldn't have fabricated all the friendship we shared. That's how I'll remember her," I announced, more to myself than to Alice.

She gave me a fond smile.

"I'm sure that's true. It's hard not to like you. And, however great a spy you are, you don't get to fake everything all the time. Sometimes, you blur the lines and pretend for a moment that your make-believe world is your reality. That's how great spying works."

It was just what I needed to put what had happened behind me.

However, when Alice and I arrived to the hotel, I realized that it was impossible for me to immediately put behind the Kate ordeal, since everyone was worried about our fight against Aro.

As soon as we opened the door, Edward stopped pacing and in a flash, was at my side, hugging me so tight I had a hard time breathing.

"Can't … Breathe …" I managed to say before he let me go, only to hold my face between his palms.

"Are you all right? Are you hurt? Are you in shock?"

I cracked a smile; touched by the overprotectiveness of my boyfriend and the evident concern he had for me. I didn't realize until that moment how I needed his caring nature so that I could feel some sort of normalcy again.

"I wasn't before, but I am now," I responded, conveying all the love I felt for him.

I removed his hand from my face only to kiss his palm. He drew me again into his arms as he cradled my head with his hand, kissing my forehead and murmuring how much he loved me.

A clearing of a throat alerted us that we were not alone.

"So," Emmett began, as though they did not witness any of our open affection, "Kate was one of Aro's men. And from Bella's stories, Kate, and James' gang used to hang out with each other."

Then all of a sudden, in a move so swift I could have sworn I saw him blur, Emmett was instantly in front of Jasper, and in a blink of an eye, I was shocked to see that he was already pointing his gun at Jasper's head.

"You were from James' gang. You could have known about Kate. Why don't you tell us how you told them about Bella's connection to us?"

"Emmett!" Alice scolded.

However, Jasper seemed unconcerned about the gun in his face.

"I didn't know about Kate," he said in a serious tone, staring fiercely at Emmett. "I was a nobody in James' gang. As far as I'm concerned, she was just a common whore."

Emmett smirked though it was obvious that he didn't find anything funny at all.

"And you expect me to believe that?"

"No. I wouldn't have believed it myself."

Emmett made to fire the gun, creating a clicking sound with its bullet-casing. And for the first time, I feared that he was completely serious about blowing off Jasper's head.

"Then why should we believe you?"

"You can shoot me, and you wouldn't still believe me." Jasper stared straight into his eyes, showing no fear about his predicament.

My heart drummed.

"All right, I'll shoot you now."

In my periphery, I saw Alice collapse on the floor in panic.

Fearing to see what would happen, I covered my eyes with my hands.

Then, I heard the gunshot.

Then …

… Nothing.

I removed my hands to see that Jasper was unarmed. He was only breathing hard from the panic he must have been quelling.

I saw Alice peek at them with confused eyes, and the same confusion she felt was probably reflected back in mine.

Finally, Emmett cracked his dimpled smile – the one I was familiar with, and the one that made his teddy bear charm stand out – signaling that the act was over.

"He passed," he declared, making my jaw drop.

"What?" I asked, at the same time that Alice did.

"He had nothing to do with Kate."

Just then, Alice sprang towards Emmett with the most annoyed expression I've seen. Rose was chuckling at the couch.

"I WILL KILL YOU, EMMETT MCCARTY! I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER OUT OF YOU!" Alice threatened as she poised her own gun at Emmett's head. However, Emmett only laughed at her.

"Whoa, whoa, easy there, little Pixie. Bella's here; you shouldn't insult her God that way. And don't be mad at me – it was all Boss' order."

That calmed Alice a little, but the deathly glare she threw at Emmett made it certain that he wasn't forgiven yet. It took me a second to realize that the 'Boss' he was referring to was Edward. I briefly wondered why the same anger was not directed to him since he was the one who ordered Em to test Jasper's loyalty.

Is that how much they respected Edward?

"Apologies, Jasper," Edward said as we both walked closer to them with his arms still placed protectively around my waist. "I needed to know I'm not nurturing a traitor amongst us. I needed to be thorough where Bella is concerned."

Jasper nodded, not seeming even a bit irked.

"It's all right. I would have done the same thing."

A brief glance at Alice layered the meaning of his words.

"Now, as I've said before, we need to discuss our plan against Aro. I know that I've been putting this off for so long because I wanted to be methodical about this. One wrong move and it will all blow up in our faces. I don't want any of you getting hurt. However, after what happened with Bella and Alice, I know that we need to make our move now, and fast."

"What's your plan?" Rosalie asked, joining Emmett to get closer to us.

And with that, Edward told all of us about the plan.

At the end of his discussion, a silence passed amongst us as we digested what he had just said.

Alice was the first one to speak.

"It's too dangerous. We have to be careful who to trust …"

"But it might work," Rosalie cut her off. "This is the best that we have."

"What do you think, Emmett?" Edward asked. I knew in that instant that Emmett's answer would be the pivotal opinion on whether or not we could proceed with Edward's plan.

Emmett appeared to think more about it before saying, "It's risky. But with Aro, there's never anything safe. Yes, we could go through with it."

I thought that was the end, but then Edward surprised us all when he turned his attention to Jasper to ask him.

"Jasper, do you think this might work?"

I was still finding it hard to get used to how they could all be pointing guns a few moments ago and in an instant could act as if nothing unusual had happened. And it amazed me how, after the Jasper ordeal, everyone could easily accept him as part of the group.

There was never a moment where he was purposefully left out whenever we had conversations in the living room. Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward do not even put their guard up against him and would act as they normally do even without him around.

It perplexes me to no end how they could be cordial so easily with him, and how now, Edward even includes Jasper in the plan, as though he'd been with them all along.

"I'd like to point out some things, maybe strengthen the plan a bit, make some finer adjustments, but I think this could work," Jasper answered thoughtfully and it was obvious in the way he spoke that he was sincere.

"All right," Edward nodded. "We have a plan."

And just like that, the weighted air that somehow surrounded us while Edward was talking finally lifted. In a snap, all were back to their usual selves.

"Okay, we'll finally get to kick Aro's butt. This could be fun," Emmett, the easily excited guy that he is, cracked his fingers as if getting ready for a fight. His beefy countenance was enough to fear, but his dimpled smile still revealed his good-humored nature. Looking at him makes me feel a combination of fear and ease.

"So, where will we move next? That's the first plan, right? To find a safe hideout?" Rosalie asked.

"I think Canada would be safe enough …"

"It's too far. We need a closer place, like New York …"

"New York's pretty crowded …"

"Forks," I suddenly blurted out, making them all cease speaking to turn their attentions to me. "It's in the State of Washington, near Seattle. It's a whole other world away from everyone, but not too far that we couldn't catch a plane to travel across the country. It's a pretty small place, but the population is even smaller – just over three thousand people. And it's covered with the forest: we could find a place deep in the woods as our hide-out."

"And how did you know all of this?" Jasper asked, looking at me as if I wasn't making sense.

"I grew up there. But don't worry: I lived with a congregation of nuns, so people there don't really know me that well."

This was news to Jasper, as it was obvious that no one spoke about my history to him.

They were quiet for a few more moments until Edward spoke again.

"It could work. Aro wouldn't know to look there. Forks isn't one of the towns where he conducts his businesses."

And with that, the meeting proceeded with Jasper's adjustments to Edward's plan.

That night, while everyone was busy preparing for our departure to Forks, I took a brief moment to escape from all that was happening by opening a book that I was very curious to read.

Back at the convent, the only books we have access to our library were stories about God and our religion. There was a restricted section were novice nuns, such as myself, were not allowed to go. But it wasn't a problem for me; I wasn't curious about the books' contents in there, certain whatever they were, they were restricted for a reason.

Yet, now that I was no longer in the church, I realized there are a thousand more stories that were restricted to us apart from those in that tiny section of the library. Because, we were never allowed to read popular books common to women even younger than me. There are books written in the era of 1800s; books of romance; books of crimes, or mystery, or supernatural … the list is endless. And now, I finally have one in my hands. It is a story dubbed as a romance. The storyline at the back of the cover looks promising and modest for my taste.

However, just five chapters into the book, it was obvious that the content wasn't as modest as it seemed at first. No wonder such books were not allowed in church! The scenes are scandalous! They weren't too graphically described, but I didn't have to read too much to know what was happening between the two characters.

I couldn't help my blush as I read on, but I also couldn't keep my eyes away from it.

And it begs the question: Why couldn't I keep my eyes away from it?

However, as I read on, I realized that the reason I couldn't stop reading was because I could see myself doing those things with Edward. Picturing us together, intimately like that. It was enough to make me want it so badly that I was feeling on edge.

It would probably be so romantic; to be kissed that way, to feel his arms around me like that, to be looked at …

It was embarrassing – and my face became flame red – but it was also captivating. The passion and love that were written in the pages were very beautifully described and I wanted them for myself.

Ever since the talk I had with Edward about making love the night I was in his room after what we went through with Jasper, I couldn't stop thinking about when I would be ready. That never mattered to me before; never even grazed my thoughts. However, there were moments that kissing Edward doesn't feel enough at all. I kept hearing the word 'more' in my mind whenever we stop.

Am I ready for that intimacy? Am I ready for to be together with him in that way?

Somehow, I found myself nodding in a 'yes'.

To be kissed by Edward over those parts of my body …

Then, without warning, my door opened with a loud bang, making me jump from my languid pose. I instinctively hid my book on my pillow and hastily sat straight on my bed.

Of course, it has to be Edward who saw the whole thing.

"Bella, I'm sorry I did knock, but you weren't answering so I came in …" He started apologizing, but I was already shaking my head for him to stop.

I couldn't look at him in the eye as I spoke.

"No, no, it's all right. I err, what is it?"

"Well, Alice wanted to call you for dinner so I was just about to get you and …"

Then, with a puzzled look, he suddenly closed my door and took two steps closer to me.

My heart was drumming; I couldn't look anywhere but my lap.

"Are you okay? Why is your face so red?" He asked, both in concern and in confusion.

"I'm fine," I squeaked, speaking with an overly high-pitched voice. Clearing my throat, I spoke again, "I'll come down in a moment."

He was quiet for so long that I chanced a look towards his face. Wrong move: because when I did, I realized that he was still trying to figure me out.

Then out of nowhere, he extended his hand towards me to caress my cheeks, followed by my neck, making me more flustered.

"You're blushing … and you couldn't look me in the eyes … hmm," he murmured as he continued his ministrations to my face.

"Stop it," I whispered, too embarrassed to speak louder.

"What's that you're hiding in your pillow?"

"Oh, it's nothing …"

To my horror, he suddenly reached for my pillow so fast I wasn't able to stop him. And in seconds, the book that I was just reading was already in his hands.

"Give that back to me!"

I tried to reach for it, but he was already reading the cover. Every time I try to take it from him, he would turn to the side, blocking my access to my book.

Finally, when he was satisfied, he stopped looking at the book to face me.

Pursing his lips in thought, he inquired, "A romance novel?"

I snatched the book from his hands and then placed it back on my pillow as though the action would make it disappear. But obviously, it was to no avail.

If it were possible, I felt my face heating more.

"Yes, it's a romance, so please, stop torturing me."

With that said, loud laughter erupted from his chest, making me fume from my place.

"So when I came in you were reading about the characters having …" He started saying smugly.

I cut him off by exclaiming, "Yes, yes, they were doing … having … that! That, whatever the thing you're thinking, that."

He laughed louder, making me angrier.

"Stop laughing at me! That's really irritating me."

He had chuckled some more before I was suddenly enveloped in his arms and was being showered with his kisses on my temple and cheeks.

"Oh, what would I do with you, you innocent," kiss, "funny," kiss, "beautiful girl?" kiss, kiss, kiss.

Still not placated, I removed myself from him and glared at him the best that I could. I then walked a few steps away, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and arched my head in indignation.

"So I read a romance about two people being passionate – I'm twenty-three years old. I think I'm old enough."

For the first time, I find his crooked smile infuriating instead of charming. I so badly wanted to wipe it off his face.

"And did Ms. Swan enjoy herself?"

He was definitely teasing me.

"Stop making fun of me. And yes, I did enjoy myself, thank you very much," I answered in the most spiteful way I could manage.

Then, he walked towards me. It was dangerous the way he moved; like a predator cornering his prey. He was so slow and intense in his looks, and it made him look so manly, so sexy.

I gulped – for some reason feeling parched.

"And did Ms. Swan imagine doing some of those things?" He spoke too low, and it did something to my composure. I found myself breathing hard, feeling too heated, and a carnal need I couldn't explain was growing inside me as I looked at him.

"Yes," I admitted with a voice too breathy it didn't sound like mine. "Yes, I do want some of them."

He walked two steps more until he was directly in front of me.

When he spoke next, there was that husky mark in his voice.

"And did Ms. Swan imagine doing them with … me?"

"Yes," I gasped.

He closed the distance between us, and in one solid move, he encircled my waist with his arms, pulling me to him. There wasn't a space between his body and mine.

His lips were frantic on my mouth; they felt needy, warm, and they conveyed all his passion, showing me how much he wanted me.

My arms found their way from his chest to his hair, which they entangled, as I savored the feeling of kissing him.

I could feel every muscle in his body; every lean curve. They were strong, and hard, and they made me feel things … need things … I never did before.

We stopped kissing when we were both finding it hard to breathe.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that his were looking at me so intensely I felt as if they could melt me. They seemed darker, greener than they usually were.

I read it as … desire.

It was for me.

This man desired me.

And it made me feel so good to be looked at in that way.

He was so much better than the man I'd read in the book.

"Are you going to continue or not?" I asked, wanting more; needing more; of this intense passion we just shared.

"Alice was calling for us," he said huskier.

However, he seemed reluctant to follow through with what he said. He then kissed me again on my mouth, which travelled down to my neck, which made me feel something funny in the pit of my stomach.

I was gasping and creating noises that should have disturbed me, but at the moment, I couldn't find in me to care.

Then to my disappointment, he stopped again. This time, he really did let me go from his arms.

"We need to go. This is getting out of hand," he said, trying to calm his jagged breathing, leaving me feeling … unsatisfied.

"But we'll continue this, right?" I asked – more like begged – to him. "Tonight. We'll continue this."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Bella?"

"I want you," I said almost crying as I admitted it. "I want us. Like this."

"You don't know what you're talking about," he responded, making me want to cry.

"We talked about this, right? You told me we would … when I was ready. I'm ready. Now. I've been thinking about it since then, and I wanted to love you. To make love to you. Like that."

There was a desperation in the way I spoke.

"You're not ready, Bella. A few days wouldn't make you suddenly be ready for this."

Why was he opposing this?

Then, the realization hit me, as my unshed tears finally fell to my cheeks.

And then, shame; shame that I was pushing myself on him.

"You don't …" I shook my head, hiding my face from him. "It's all right. I understand," I murmured, as I sat back on the bed with my eyes trained again on my lap.

He was quiet for a few moments until he realized what I was doing.

"Are you … crying? Did I make you cry?"

"No," I said, but it was obvious that I was indeed crying. "I understand. Of course, you don't want me like that. There are so many woman, and I don't know what to do, and …"

"Oh, Jesus, this is frustrating!"

Edward knelt in front of me, clasping both my hands in the process. Then, he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger to nudge me to look up at him.

I did, slowly, and upon doing so, was met with his sincere smoldering eyes.

"Bella, you listen to me and listen well. I. Want. You. I've always wanted you, and I'll always want you. And trust me: this? – This is harder for me than it is for you. Because I've always wanted you … like that. The first time I saw you when you came inside your apartment in New York; I knew that I wanted you. How can I not? You're too desirable for your own good."

I shook my head, for once thinking that he was lying to me. But he forced me to look at him again by nudging my chin.

"Please, Bella, try to understand: just a few days ago, you couldn't even stay with me in one room. Your decision couldn't have changed that fast. You were just getting carried away with what you've read, and what we did. And I'm sorry I have to tease you like that."

"But you promised," I said, like a child being petty over a broken promise.

"I did promise you that we'll do it when you're ready. But you're not. You have to be sure that this is what you want, and I know that it's not … not at this moment, at least."

"How can I prove to you that it is what I really want?"

He sighed as though he was reaching the limit of his patience. Never did I think I would see the day that he would be the one to practice patience between us.

"All right, let's do this: when you can talk about sex and finish your book without blushing, then we'll do it."

"I can talk about s-sex," I answered, but it was obviously a fail, not just because I stuttered on the word, but also because my telltale blush showed up once again.

He laughed a little, and with a smirk, he said, "See? You can't even say 'sex'."

I glared at him, as though glaring would make me win our argument. He only laughed at me some more.

"Oh, you silly, desirable girl. What will I ever do with you?"

And then he kissed me, leaving me sated but not in any way satisfied.

A/N:

I know some of you are disappointed that I made the continuation as sequel instead. But please don't go hating on me. There really is a TON of plot I was thinking about for this sequel, and I will be posting all of them here. I will make sure all of you guys get to read it first before I will publish it. And I'm writing the next chapters for this as we speak.

Please do understand me. I love you all. Thank you a ton to all of you.

Trisha Cuarts