Prue,
I don't know why I'm writing this letter, but you've been in my head these past few days. I don't know why I didn't think to write it sooner when the sound of your name still felt like a knife in my stomach. The only reason I thought of the idea was that I advised someone in my column the other day to write a letter to her husband who died a few months ago. She was terribly upset that she never had a chance to say goodbye, and never got to apologize for all the stupid things she said to him. If that was the problem, I told her to make that right. Write him a letter, I told her, to show him that you still cared for him. Communication helps, even if you're just talking to yourself. And who knows. Maybe he's up there, and he can't get down to say hi, so you have to reach him somehow.
I didn't think to take my own advice until I found an old stash of pictures of the three of us. Before our world turned upside down and took you away, I put them in an envelope a few days and put it under my mattress so no one would disturb them until a while later. I'd hoped we could all sit down to them one day, maybe five or ten years later and laugh at how silly we were. We'd be powerful witches by then, all wise like Grams. We'd look over ourselves at the silliest moments and think back at the times we had. I guess I shouldn't have put it off and shared it with you then. I couldn't imagine that I'd lose you so soon.
The envelope still looked like the day I sealed it, but when I first picked it up, I didn't remember it. I thought I left some money in there, or placed a bill there because I couldn't pay for it. When I removed the pictures and saw the first one, I couldn't help laughing. It was of you after we'd cast the spell on you to attract the succubus. Just like the time we'd turned you into a dog to track the banshee, we changed your body to fight demons. Only that time, you turned into a man! The picture caught you walking 'like a man' for the first time, the look of utmost concentration on your face while you complained about how your newly formed moustache and beard itched.
Even though you'd gained some anatomy and lost others, you still pulled through and fought for us. You put your life on the line so many times for us like that, and you did it without any thanks from Morris or even your own sisters! Well, I wanted to correct that. Thank you, Prue.
The next picture took me back. It was a shot like that old one Grams took of the three of us by the steps of the house. I remember you got us together one Sunday, a few months after Andy died. You made us stand on the porch while you set your camera on a timer, but it went off too quickly. It took a shot of your behind as you were bending over to sit down. You'd just looked back at the camera as the flash went off and you had a funny scowl on your face.
It worked the second time, but I saved the first shot from the trash after you threw it away. I couldn't help myself. Piper was looking over at you and had blinked in her usual fashion, while I sat adjusting my jaw to get ready for the smile. You looked like you were about to moon the camera. I never would have thought to get anything so silly out of my serious sister. Didn't we look like a trio of stooges?
When I went to remove the next picture, they all slipped from my hands and scattered over the floor. I went to collect them, but found myself staring at one of Piper and me drunk at P3. I originally put it in there because we looked so funny, celebrating after vanquishing some demon or another. But that's when I noticed why you took that picture. We were happy, singing and talking loudly, but you didn't focus on how stupid we were. You took the shot right as I put my hand on Piper's shoulder to steady her. It's so like you to notice such a small detail and focus in on it.
I cried for an hour staring through your eyes. You had taken most of the other pictures. You caught Piper cuddling with Leo on the couch in one. They looked so sweet. You'd be happy to hear they're doing well now. After everything that's happened, their marriage has lasted through it all. There was also a good shot of me asleep with my head in the Book of Shadows. I can actually see the drool slipping down my cheek. I even showed that one to Piper later. She nearly doubled over laughing.
I hope you remember us like that, Prue. Because I think the last photo I looked at is how I best remember you. It's a picture I took a few days after we defeated that dark priestess who turned us evil. You said that we needed a reminder of who we are so that this kind of thing could never happen again. I tried to tell you it was magic and that no photograph could stop magic, but you insisted. You took some really good shots of the three of us, separately and together. When you were done, you insisted I take shots of you when you weren't ready for it to complete the set.
This one of you that I took captures everything I remember. In it, you're holding one of Piper's blueberry muffins and a thermostat of coffee, trying to work your black sweater over your shoulders, eat the muffin and leave for work all at the same time. I caught you just as you were leaving. You hadn't expected I'd be up so early, but you managed to smile with streaks of the blueberries smearing your lips just as I snapped the photo. You were always the first one up, and always in a hurry, but you never hesitated to smile.
Even with the light bags under your eyes from the little sleep you'd gotten the night before, you would still get to work on time to meet some celebrity or model that needed to be photographed. You were always quick to move on, even though you did linger after Andy's death, but we knew why you took his the hardest. He was the one guy you could love unconditionally, even if you couldn't be with him. The two of you were quite the pair. If you see him up there, tell him hi for me and Piper, okay?
Cole and I will be getting married soon, so I have to move on, too. When I started to think whether I should marry him at all, I had to let my big sister be my guide. I knew that even though you never really approved of Cole, you would have been the first to urge me to take the step. After all, what's a heart if it doesn't let love in? You kept yours so guarded after Andy, and I don't blame you, but I learned from you. If I don't take this step, I might have to wait for Cole in the next life (he's completely human now if you didn't know) like Andy had to wait for you.
I wanted to apologize for so many stupid things I did, like that woman did for her husband, but I realized something. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry we fought and exchanged heated words, because I know behind it all, you loved me. And that I loved you.
Thank you for being my big sister. I will always keep love for you deep in my heart.
Your sister, Phoebe.
I don't know why I'm writing this letter, but you've been in my head these past few days. I don't know why I didn't think to write it sooner when the sound of your name still felt like a knife in my stomach. The only reason I thought of the idea was that I advised someone in my column the other day to write a letter to her husband who died a few months ago. She was terribly upset that she never had a chance to say goodbye, and never got to apologize for all the stupid things she said to him. If that was the problem, I told her to make that right. Write him a letter, I told her, to show him that you still cared for him. Communication helps, even if you're just talking to yourself. And who knows. Maybe he's up there, and he can't get down to say hi, so you have to reach him somehow.
I didn't think to take my own advice until I found an old stash of pictures of the three of us. Before our world turned upside down and took you away, I put them in an envelope a few days and put it under my mattress so no one would disturb them until a while later. I'd hoped we could all sit down to them one day, maybe five or ten years later and laugh at how silly we were. We'd be powerful witches by then, all wise like Grams. We'd look over ourselves at the silliest moments and think back at the times we had. I guess I shouldn't have put it off and shared it with you then. I couldn't imagine that I'd lose you so soon.
The envelope still looked like the day I sealed it, but when I first picked it up, I didn't remember it. I thought I left some money in there, or placed a bill there because I couldn't pay for it. When I removed the pictures and saw the first one, I couldn't help laughing. It was of you after we'd cast the spell on you to attract the succubus. Just like the time we'd turned you into a dog to track the banshee, we changed your body to fight demons. Only that time, you turned into a man! The picture caught you walking 'like a man' for the first time, the look of utmost concentration on your face while you complained about how your newly formed moustache and beard itched.
Even though you'd gained some anatomy and lost others, you still pulled through and fought for us. You put your life on the line so many times for us like that, and you did it without any thanks from Morris or even your own sisters! Well, I wanted to correct that. Thank you, Prue.
The next picture took me back. It was a shot like that old one Grams took of the three of us by the steps of the house. I remember you got us together one Sunday, a few months after Andy died. You made us stand on the porch while you set your camera on a timer, but it went off too quickly. It took a shot of your behind as you were bending over to sit down. You'd just looked back at the camera as the flash went off and you had a funny scowl on your face.
It worked the second time, but I saved the first shot from the trash after you threw it away. I couldn't help myself. Piper was looking over at you and had blinked in her usual fashion, while I sat adjusting my jaw to get ready for the smile. You looked like you were about to moon the camera. I never would have thought to get anything so silly out of my serious sister. Didn't we look like a trio of stooges?
When I went to remove the next picture, they all slipped from my hands and scattered over the floor. I went to collect them, but found myself staring at one of Piper and me drunk at P3. I originally put it in there because we looked so funny, celebrating after vanquishing some demon or another. But that's when I noticed why you took that picture. We were happy, singing and talking loudly, but you didn't focus on how stupid we were. You took the shot right as I put my hand on Piper's shoulder to steady her. It's so like you to notice such a small detail and focus in on it.
I cried for an hour staring through your eyes. You had taken most of the other pictures. You caught Piper cuddling with Leo on the couch in one. They looked so sweet. You'd be happy to hear they're doing well now. After everything that's happened, their marriage has lasted through it all. There was also a good shot of me asleep with my head in the Book of Shadows. I can actually see the drool slipping down my cheek. I even showed that one to Piper later. She nearly doubled over laughing.
I hope you remember us like that, Prue. Because I think the last photo I looked at is how I best remember you. It's a picture I took a few days after we defeated that dark priestess who turned us evil. You said that we needed a reminder of who we are so that this kind of thing could never happen again. I tried to tell you it was magic and that no photograph could stop magic, but you insisted. You took some really good shots of the three of us, separately and together. When you were done, you insisted I take shots of you when you weren't ready for it to complete the set.
This one of you that I took captures everything I remember. In it, you're holding one of Piper's blueberry muffins and a thermostat of coffee, trying to work your black sweater over your shoulders, eat the muffin and leave for work all at the same time. I caught you just as you were leaving. You hadn't expected I'd be up so early, but you managed to smile with streaks of the blueberries smearing your lips just as I snapped the photo. You were always the first one up, and always in a hurry, but you never hesitated to smile.
Even with the light bags under your eyes from the little sleep you'd gotten the night before, you would still get to work on time to meet some celebrity or model that needed to be photographed. You were always quick to move on, even though you did linger after Andy's death, but we knew why you took his the hardest. He was the one guy you could love unconditionally, even if you couldn't be with him. The two of you were quite the pair. If you see him up there, tell him hi for me and Piper, okay?
Cole and I will be getting married soon, so I have to move on, too. When I started to think whether I should marry him at all, I had to let my big sister be my guide. I knew that even though you never really approved of Cole, you would have been the first to urge me to take the step. After all, what's a heart if it doesn't let love in? You kept yours so guarded after Andy, and I don't blame you, but I learned from you. If I don't take this step, I might have to wait for Cole in the next life (he's completely human now if you didn't know) like Andy had to wait for you.
I wanted to apologize for so many stupid things I did, like that woman did for her husband, but I realized something. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry we fought and exchanged heated words, because I know behind it all, you loved me. And that I loved you.
Thank you for being my big sister. I will always keep love for you deep in my heart.
Your sister, Phoebe.