WE HAD AN EARTHQUAKE TODAY! I THOUGHT THE HOUSE WAS FALLING DOWN! It was a wimpy 4.2, but it still shook my whole house and the cats ran around trying to out-run it or something. It made me want to write about that tornado we had last year and that time we had the strongest thunderstorms in recorded history. Batshit crazy weather, that's Pure Michigan.

Leo stood his ground. Karai circled him. Another inevitable fight to the death, their glory marred by confused friendship, mistrust and honor. But until that day; that day when one finally triumphed over the other, looking down at their beloved enemy's body, full of despair at the loss of the friend they never could enjoy, then they would fight.

"You cannot run from me!" Karai shouted, her voice sharp in the static heat of the Michigan summer. "Even to this place."

"I wasn't running from you! I was on vacation!" Leo shouted, momentarily losing his grip as his lingering margarita played chess with his brain cells. "Why do you think I'm wearing shades and carrying a beach umbrella?" He tossed them angrily aside. "Just a minute. Let me look for my katanas. I think Raph packed them in the van under all the food."

Karai sighed and patiently checked her phone while Leo rummaged in the back of the van for his gear. He said, bent over awkwardly, hoping she wasn't watching him in his rather disgraceful position, "You know, we chose Michigan because it has beaches and a very small threat of ninja attacks. Why are you here? Enjoying the craft beer?"

She crossed her arms, annoyed at the accusation of fun. "My father dispatched me on a business trip. As I drove from the airport to my business rendezvous, I spotted Miss O'Neil's vehicle parked in a field next to a barn. Why are you dressed as if you are about to swim while in the country on a dirt road?"

"We stopped so Raph could…" Pee in the woods… "Stretch his legs. You know, you scared him off. You know how fragile he is." Leo pulled out his katanas and tossed his sunglasses in the back of the van next to the beach towels. He sadly placed his margarita on the floor of the van and shut the back door. "I think you should give me a little leeway here since I'm pretty buzzed. I'd never attack you while you were drunk, you know. I have more honor than that!" He made sure to rub in the word honor.

Karai said, "I do not drink. It dulls the mind to threat of attack. One must be aware at all moments." And she lunged forward, her weapon drawn, to prove the point.

Just as Leo raised his swords, scowling at his enemy with the repressed rage of wrongs of the generations of clan, his phone rang with an emergency alert. "Just a minute!" He took a step to the side and Karai stumbled sideways past him, colliding with the van, the tip of her sword piercing the rusty metal.

Leo checked the screen on his phone. "Don't worry. We'll fight to the death in a minute. I bet it's another Amber Alert. One of those woke me up last night out of a sound sleep. They take their Amber Alerts seriously here, I guess. As they should! It's very commendable, don't you think?"

"I think it is commendable, however problematic for the organization preventing those children from being found. It presumes dishonor of the parents removing the child from the home. They may have honorable intentions." Karai worked the tip of her katana out of the van and steadied it with the tip of her shoe as it vibrated.

"How could it be honorable to kidnap a child? That's a bitch thing to say!" Leo scrolled through his cell phone message. "And you know I'm only saying that because I'm drunk. It says there's a funnel cloud over Canada Corners, wherever that is."

Karai searched the cloudy skies, wiping sweat from her forehead. "Canada Corners? You do not even know where it is you parked so that your repulsive brother could relieve himself in plain view of passersby? I surely hope no women witnessed it besides myself. Any woman with a weaker constitution might be put off men for good. It is unwise to release him into the wild in an unknown area."

"I don't live here!" Leo threw his hands wildly in the air. "I'm on vacation! You're the one who insisted on following me and then had to pull over because you saw Raph pissing in the bushes! Please tell me how I dishonored your father's honor?"

Suddenly, the wind increased. A loose window on the barn a few feet away blew open as the wind sucked the tree branches into the air. Rain fell like clear glass pellets and Leo shielded his eyes. "Where's Raph? I told him to go lay in wait to ambush you! I hope he still has his phone. Raph!" His voice disappeared into the violent howl of the wind and the drenching cold rain.

Karai still stood with her sword drawn. Her hair clung to her face and rain dripped down her chin. "Rain, nor wind, nor thunder, which is actually getting really close now, will prevent me from avenging my clan with your…"

"Oh, cut the shit, Karai! Did you see Raph? Raph! Aren't we at Canada Corners right now? RAPH!" Leo shouted into the wind. The trees swayed as if they were made of rubber. "We need to take cover! There's a tornado coming! We can fight in the barn!"

"That is the coward's way out! I refuse…" Karai's words drowned out as the world lit up in the ghostly glow of a strike of lightning and then she clapped her hands over her ears as a deafening blast of thunder filled the air.

Karai opened the barn door and a flock of chickens blew into the barnyard, tumbling along the ground in feathery balls of desperation. A chicken hit Leo in the face and he caught it as it blew past him and secured it under his arm. "Quick! Grab the chickens!" he shouted, rather hysterically.

"The chickens are of no concern to me! Now come here at once where it is safe so that I may kill you quickly! I will be late for my appointment!" Karai backed into the darkness of the barn and made a small sound of surprise as a cow poked her backside with its nose. "Disgusting creature!" she scolded.

Leo watched the chickens helplessly tossing about in the tempest. "I could get them all in one trip though!"

"Do not risk it, you foolish boy!" Karai pulled him into the barn by the wrist and shut the door. "You should not drink. It dulls your senses."

Leo stood silently at the window and watched as it stood open, the rain splashing over the bottom of the casement. He pulled out his phone and dialed Raph's number. No answer. He hung up and tried again. No answer. Karai hadn't attacked yet, so she was probably watching his pitiful display. An incompetent leader that couldn't keep track of his own troops.

"Now you have learned that you must always stay vigilant," she said quietly, her sword point at the back of his neck.

She could take his life in an instant and end the blood-feud of generations. Just one gentle cut to his…

"Raph! Answer your phone! Where are you! Are you too stupid to notice that you're out there pissing in a tornado! And Karai's in here making me look stupid!" Leo shouted irrationally into Raph's voice mail.

He stepped away from the tip of Karai's sword, feeling a small slice and the hot flow of blood and threw open the barn door. It crashed into the side of the barn silently, the impact too insignificant to register in the din of the chaos. A deep black abyss of noise filled the threshold. No trees, no wind, no rain; just a solid wall of nothing. "RAPH!" He shouted at the wall, but it swallowed the sound and it extinguished inches from his face.

"You should come back here!" Karai shouted from the safety of the inner womb of the barn. The cow mooed in distress as she stood in its personal space.

"RAPH! RAPH! RAPH!" He chanted as loudly as he could, his throat shredding with strain. But it still made no match for the thick black nothing pressing into the doorway and Leo staggered backwards a step before holding the doorframe and pushing forward again for another attempt.

And then, Raph appeared, as if from nowhere, in the doorway. He knocked Leo backwards into the barn a few paces, ramming him with his shoulder. Raph's arms were full.

Raph stood there, shaking and dripping wet, six sodden chickens in his thick arms. "The fuckers are fast when they want to get sucked into a tornado!"

Leo didn't answer and pulled both of his swords, turning to Karai. "Now then. We begin!"

"Gladly!" Karai stepped out of the shadow of the cow and dodged a wet chicken, her body tense with the anticipation of death.

Raph sat on a milk bucket and said, "Hurry up, you guys. I think the storm's about to let up and I want to get to the lake as soon as the sun sets. Is Miss Sunshine coming too? I mean, if she lives?"

Leo and Karai fought until Karai told him that not all orphans, kidnapped on the streets, are ungrateful. Leo's heart hurt for her, an unloved orphan, taken in by a heartless killer. Raised only to kill. Were they so different?

"No, you're both exactly the same," Raph said, standing and throwing open the barn door. Drops of shining rain lit up the grass if it were covered with diamonds and an orange and pink sunset glowed over the still trees. "Now shut up and get lost, Karai. Leo, get your margarita. I want to get to the beach before all the hot chicks in bikinis pack up and leave. I mean, we can still watch from the van before it's dark, you know."

As they drove away, Raph said, "Tthe weather here is as bat shit crazy as you and Karai."

Leo agreed as he sipped his lukewarm margarita.