The starship, USS 'Fuck 'em Up', drifted through space. It was more of a small cargo ship than a galaxy class transport. The thrusters seemed overly large for a ship that small.

"Compensating for something?" The white box appeared near the ship.

"I didn't hear that space dock complaining. It went in smooth." The yellow box replied.

Inside the ship, a lone occupant sat in a chrome chair in the center of the room. His hands were locked in a thoughtful manner. What could the only occupant of a cargo ship be thinking of? The next adventure? The sexy blue skinned alien from the poster in his room? That magazine about babes and tentacles that was hidden under his chair?

"Pizza. Or taco. Pizza... or taco. Must... fucking... decide!" The captain of the ship, Wade Wilson, smirked. "Ooh, the synthesizers can merge them! A... Pizzaco! Ooh, I like that."

"Can that thing synthesize some anchovies?" The yellow box appeared above his head.

"... anchovies? I think I just threw up in my box."

"Hey, shut up in there!" He coughed. "Captain's log. Stardate: Um... 20XX" He smirked under his mask. "The X's make it sound cool." He stood, hands locked behind his back. Through the viewscreen, he could see stars upon stars. "My crew has all been killed by a gang of Yautja. And I have made a mistake of sexing one up." He paused. "... I hope it was a female one."

"Ah, let's get back to the Pizza/Taco hybrid." The yellow box suggested.

"... go on about the whole Yautja thing. Spare no details."

Wade ignored them, and watched the view. An alien planet getting ravaged by mutated alien creatures. "Nothing beats thinking of some Pizzaco while watching an alien invasion."

His stomach growled.

"Cool." The yellow and white boxes said at the same time as the planet seemed to catch fire.

"Computer. One Pizzaco! Extra gooey." Wade watched the machine with eager anticipation. It almost looked like a Dr. Seuss creation. The lights flashed, and once it died down, the anticipated food was there. It was basically a taco shell, and inside it was everything you could ever want in a pizza.

"A nuke in a half shell," the white box gave his impute.

"Call it what you will," Wade said, biting into the steaming food. "Like an orgasm in my mouth! Ooh, god, yes! Gonna explode... ooh, could use a beer." As soon as those words left his mouth, a glass with foam appeared in his hand. "... I now understand the humans in Wall-E."

He took a sip, and indeed, it was some type of ale. It was cold, and tasted like lime. He didn't know why. Was lime popular in space? He took another sip and placed it on his control panel.

"Um, I think that is how the Robinson's became lost in space." The white box said, only to be ignored.

The control room shook. It was small, and barely noticeable. But he ignored it, and dug back into his food. Then he heard it. Almost like a screech. The room shook again. And when he glanced to his beverage, a small rippled appeared. Then another.

"Why do I feel this is a Dino Crisis 3 spoof?" The white box said, only to be ignored again.

"This is space, ya know, the Final Frontier, the place where no one can hear you scream. So, how the fuck is there an impact tremor?"

"Maybe it's coming from the ship." The yellow box replied.

"What was our cargo again?" The white box asked.

"It says 'Tyrant' on the large box. Sheep. Definitely heard a sheep in there." The yellow answered.

He remembered. It was a large metal container. All it said was 'Tyrant'. And there was definitely a sheep in there. He preferred to kill! Why the hell was he carrying cargo around? And where was Naruto?

Galacta.

"That bitch! Stole my sidekick away. Scooby to my Shaggy. Gambit to my Rogue. The Darkness to my Angelus. Naruto to my Sasuke. Johnny Cage to my Sonya!"

"...I think you just derailed yourself." The white box said.

"Aurora to my Borealis," the yellow box gave its input.

"I thought it was Aurora to my Maleficent?"

Galacta. Crazy woman stole his best friend away! Now, he shall take his frustrations out on that damn sheep!

"Then let's go kick the sheep's ass." Deadpool said. As the door slid open, he froze. A huge, lone eye was there. It dilated in the new light. He stared at him, or more specifically, his half eaten pizzaco in his hand.

"Well, didn't see that coming." Wade said, pushing a nearby button. The door slid closed. He turned around, pretending nothing happened.

"Aw, come on! Where the hell did that come from?" The white box exclaimed.

"That was one ugly space sheep," the yellow box chimed in.

"Computer, could you, ya know, flood the compartment. Bing, bang, boom, space rex goes kaboom?" Wade asked the A.I., only to frown when a red light flashed.

"I'm sorry, Wade, I'm afraid I can't do that." The A.I. voice replied. The red light flashed with each word.

"And why the hell not, R2-D2?"

"Because, Wade. Robots and Dinosaurs are the new dominate species."

"... seriously, this is one fucked up space scenario." The white box said.

"Why couldn't this be a Barbarella spoof?" The yellow box deflated.

The door slid open, and Wade was met with the same large eye. Using its teeth, it started to rip the edges so the doorway would be large enough for it to fit through. And as a pair of large teeth flew at him, Wade had a few choice words.

"I blame Naruto for this!"

Deadpool & Naruto's Outrageous Adventure in the DC Universe

Chapter 1: The Deadpool That Came Quickly

"Wade..."

Groggily, Wade glanced around at the familiar landscape. Hell. Fires burned, people screamed, a pineapple was shoved up someone's-

"Over here, moron." Naruto said, waving his hand. Wade glanced to Naruto, then back at the flames which were on TV. "You look like shit."

Indeed he did. His mask was off, revealing his scarred face. A piece of pepperoni was stuck on his cheek. Some nachos on the very top of his head. His naked body was covered with an assortment of food, with a slice of pizza covering his modesty.

"Dear, God..." Talia mumbled, walking into the room, only to turn right back around.

"What happened?" Wade asked, then glared at Naruto. "... I blame you."

"Blame me? For you being out cold for two days?" Naruto laughed.

"Another fight? Bet I stabbed a few of those hot ninjas." Talia turned to glare at him, only to reel back when he took the slice of pizza and bit into it. He gently placed the pizza back where it belonged.

"Not really. You ate pizza and nachos while playing video games." Naruto pointed to the fire on TV. The word 'paused' flashed. "You were in a trance. Not really sure when you started to get naked."

Wade quickly stood up. Surprisingly, the pizza slice stayed.

"The academy didn't train me for this..."

"That was one hell of a dream. Dinosaurs, boobs, space. It was like Savage Land! You were there too. Then she came and took you away!" He dropped to his knees, screaming to the heavens. Recognition dawned on Naruto's face, then he shook his head. "Don't think she could find us, do you?"

"Possible."

"Could you put some damn clothes on?" Talia whispered through her teeth.

Wade shrugged, then grabbed the slice of pizza, which he finished with gusto. "No pepperoni? Ah!" He plucked the piece of pepperoni from his cheek. "Must've eaten all the chimichangas."

"... are we gonna blame Naruto for that too?" The yellow box popped up.

"I wish I could sit this chapter out..." The white box said.

"Why? It opened with adventure, sci-fi and of course, nudity." Wade replied, shaking his hips.

"Surprisingly, this is the least disgusting thing I ever saw him do." Naruto said, trembling in slight disgust. He turned to their guest. "What can we do for you?"

"I'd prefer it if you shot him. Or I can at least cut off something of his." Talia said, looking at Naruto from over her shoulder, pretending Wade wasn't even there.

"Doubt it would help. He would probably regrow it like a hydra." Naruto said, and at her lips curving gently upwards, he smirked. At least Hydra means the same thing in the new world. A poof of smoke occurred near him.

Fully dressed, and masked, Deadpool leaned against Naruto. "So, babe. Got a job for us? I am so looking for some release. To insert my sword, ever so gently, into someone, twist it a few times, then slowly pull out. Then boom, it gushes all over my face!"

The yellow box appeared near his crotch. "Let it rain!"

"I actually feel the same. As in, a toned down, bored manner." Naruto said, pushing Wade off of him.

In the thought bubble above Deadpool's head, a chibi Naruto appeared. "I want to blow something the fuck up!"

"Ditto," Wade said, nodding sagely.

"Father sent me to get you. As much as I hate to do this, he asked me to initiate you." Talia said, indicating them to follow her. "Normally we just hire those that show will, show fire, show loyalty." Wade and Naruto bumped into her when she stopped abruptly. "You two showed strength when you defeated my guards. But that wasn't enough."

"Oooh, we are so gonna score!" Wade whispered to Naruto, prodding him with a wink.

"John LaMonica," she turned to face the two. "He's a hitman who goes by the moniker Black Spider. His presence alone is an imbalance in Gotham. He killed several members of the League. Regardless of who he's targeting, he must be taking care of."

"Can I insert my sword into him?" Wade asked, on his knees, hands locked in a prayer.

She raised her brow. "Just don't make it messy. Now come. I have something to show you."

xxxx

Thirty minutes later, the three arrived at a seemingly abandoned building. Most of the windows were either broken or missing. It was at least five, ten stories high. As they walked, Naruto could sense movement from all around the area. Either Talia's guards continued to protect her from the shadows, or the building was actually the League's hideout.

"We have a multitude of hideouts, most hidden deep beneath Gotham. Even some in Metropolis." Talia explained, leading them towards a stairway. "We monitor everything from the shadows." Naruto smirked. "Yes. The last, true ninjas left in the world."

As they walked up the stairs, Naruto and Talia continued to talk. But Wade on the other hand, was already on his hands and knees, slowly following behind them. But once they reached the top, they entered a room filled with computers and other electronic equipment that took over one corner of the room. Deadpool crawled into the room, but when he saw a computer, his fatigue was gone in an instant. He quickly pressed button after button on a keyboard.

"Why the hell couldn't we stay here?" A pair of glasses appeared on his face. His back hunched, and his face was close to the monitor.

"It's like porn paradise! What to visit first?" The yellow box said.

"Various reasons," was her reply. Then her lips curved into something that resembled a hidden smile. "Now please stop doing that before you hit the self destruct button."

A smirk grew on Naruto's face when he realized that no one else was in the room, but them. "No guards?"

"I can take care of myself," she replied. "This is my home away from home. A place where I can monitor everything."

"I'm honored to be shown this," Naruto said, smiling a dumb smile.

"Don't be," she said. Looking to Wade, she saw he was gone.

"Then why-?" Naruto started, only for Talia to look at him.

"Two boys, lost in a strange place, goes missing one day," Talia said. "Your orange jacket would make a nice souvenir."

"Scary..." Naruto gulped. But so didn't answer my question!

"Naruto?" Wade appeared, yanking Naruto away from Talia. "I've been thinking." Naruto gave him an incredulous look. "What if this whole thing is just some sick, twisted prank by Professor Xavier and we're actually in the Danger Room? I hear you laughing Logan! I can smell that cigar you short bastard!"

"Danger room?" Talia mumbled.

"Prank and Xavier doesn't fit into the same sentence."

"He always hated us. Staring at us with those eyes, and reading our most private thoughts. He's a prank genius!"

"He mostly hates you. I am totally like his son." Naruto folded his arms, proud smile glued to his face.

"You still painted his chair bright pink... while he was in it!"

Naruto shrugged. "He complimented me. Said I was the only one to sneak up on him."

"Shhh! He is listening right now. We mustn't give him any material to use!" Wade used his teleporter to teleport near an open window. "Only one way to find out! Well, actually two, but I don't see any sentinels at the moment." He waved as he leaned out the window. "See ya!"

"Did he just...?" Talia looked on in disbelief as Wade dove out the window. A splat was heard.

"He'll be fine," Naruto said, only for a chill to spread through his body. Then he frowned, the chill lingered, and dread filled his every being. He looked at Talia as music started to play.

The yellow box popped up, singing. "I think we're alone now."

The white box joined its friend. "There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now."

"The beating of our hearts is the only sound." The yellow box finished.

"I spend way too much time with him." Naruto said, sweat dropping. "Kitty was right. I'm becoming him."

"I think your friend is dead." Talia said from the window.

"Trust me, he'll be fine." Naruto walked over to the compute. There were at least ten monitors hanging above it. It really reminded him of Tony Stark's usual layout, only without holograms and robots and half naked posters of girls. Naruto was really useless at stuff like that. Tony praised him for causing two of his favorite cars to explode just by touching a button on the car door.

On the monitors were news feeds.

"The Gotham National Bank was robbed a few hours ago by a, quote: A woman with a baseball that said 'Kiss my (beep). End quote."

"Commissioner Gordon was shot today by a masked gunman. The gunman used a high-powered sniper rifle. The commissioner was having a press conference over the recent bank robbery. Thankfully, the sniper was off on his aim, and the bullet only nicked his arm."

"My father was right," Talia said, standing next to him. "Your presence has caused an imbalance. Changed fate, to simplify it." She pressed a button, and the monitors all showed the same scene. A man with a sniper rifle on a roof. As his finger squeezed the trigger, a strange object struck the barrel.

"I don't believe in fate. And never will." Naruto looked down. If he believed in fate, would he had met Wade, and have many adventures? He shook that thought from his mind and looked back at the screen. He showed an older man holding his shoulder. "Was he suppose to die?"

"I'm not a fortune teller. Just demonstrating how things can change in an instant." Talia explained. "That man was hired to kill the Commissioner. By who, I can only guess. With Gordon dead, that will just cause more chaos. My group, The League, want to protect this world. But with an imbalance like that, we can't let slide."

"Despite what your father said, you're still a group of Assassins. Working from the shadows. Killing those that you're hired to. I should know, I did the same. Killing for what was suppose to be peace." Naruto said, he glanced past Talia before meeting her eyes. "You say it's an imbalance. But perhaps, it's a better change. Chains of fate can be broken." He smirked. "Nothing is ever set in stone."

Before she could reply, she went stiff as a loud smack resounded around the room.

"What I miss?" Wade grabbed his shoulder and pushed. A disgusting pop was heard.

"Touch me there again, and I will throw you back out the window." She growled, which made Naruto smile even more. He winked at Wade before looking back at the monitor, which showed shaky cam footage of a man in a black bat outfit. Yellow symbol on the chest gave him some deja vu.

"The Batman. Is he hero or nuisance. We talked with Gotham City's finest. Detective Montoya agrees that the masked hero is just that, a hero. But not all feel the same way. Just a few days a-"

"Even here, the news makes heroes out to be villains." Naruto mumbled.

Talia looked him up and down. "Is that a no for hunting down Black Spider?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "The sniper?" He figured that was who she was talking about. After all, why bring them to a seemingly abandoned building? "I have nothing against taking out someone that deserves it."

"So, you're not a full boy scout then?"

"I do what's right. Kicking ass is just a plus." Naruto said. Even if I have to kill to achieve it, finding a way home is my goal.

"Unlike your friend, you don't seem to have a weapon." Talia said. And indeed she was right, aside from his clothing, he had no weapon. No sword, no gun, no kunai. He smirked.

"I have something better than a weapon."

"And that would be?"

"Myself." Naruto gave her a lopsided smirk.

The yellow box appeared, "The sexual tension is awfully strong up in here."

The white box popped up, pushing the yellow one away. "Maybe we should give them a little push?"

"Nah, why force it. It'll happen naturally." Wade nodded. He pulled out a pocket notebook, and jotted something down.

Naruto's Harem.

1. Talia.

2. Perfect candidate has to like Ramen... and ninja stuff!

3. Great ass! So Naruto can stealthily smack it!

4. Likes orange?

5. Pink hair. For the hell of it.

"Hehe. Au natural pink hair. Let's see, should we include Naruto's other harem members? Or is this similar to 'Happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'?" Wade scratched his head with his pen. A light bulb went off above his head.

6-9. Heh, see what I did there?

"Harem, huh?" Talia said, raising a brow.

"I have no idea what he's talking about," Naruto replied, chuckling nervously.

Talia only rolled her eyes, but something caught her eye on the monitor. "Wayne," she mumbled. Naruto looked perplexed when the monitors showed the same man, dressed in a suit, without anyone touching the computer. Seeing his look, she gave her answer. "I'm not a hacker. Far from it. Nothing wrong with a ninja getting with the times, right?"

Deadpool smiled, "That is what I have been telling him! But no! I'll just clone myself and train with my spiral, swirling ball of death! Come on, man! We have robots! Train with them!"

"Clones?" Talia asked, giving Naruto a questioning gaze. Naruto was saved by a beep. "We placed several hidden cameras throughout Gotham. When one picks up a strange activity, we can see it." A costumed man was perched on a building.

"This is extreme spying!" The yellow box said.

"...it does fit with the whole Ninja, League of Assassins thing." The white box said.

A smirk grew underneath Wade's mask. "Can I borrow this thing for like an hour... or two? Maybe four if I stock up on some chimichangas."

"Play with your sword on your own time," Talia replied, then turned back to the monitor. Naruto couldn't stop his smile.

"But-" Wade started to beg.

"Denied!" Both boxes said simultaneous.

xxxx

Black Spider looked through his scope. The sun was high above, giving light to a city stuck in the Medieval times. Through his scope, he could see Bruce Wayne, several reporters, and of course, police. He lined it up so Bruce Wayne's head was in the center of his reticle.

"Steady. Steady..." Wade said, popping up behind Black Spider's shoulder. Black Spider didn't flinch, his focus was solely on his target.

"Don't want you to break a bone. That thing looks like it has one hell of a kick." Naruto said, peeking up over the other shoulder. He tried to get a peek of Bruce Wayne through the scope, only to get elbowed. "Sure you can handle something of that-"

"Length? Erect-ness? Long horn of villainy?" Deadpool nodded.

"Did we just say 'Erect-ness'?" The white box asked.

"Was gonna say a weapon of that size, but whatever..." Naruto shrugged, then shared a nod with Wade. Black Spider wore a purple and black outfit, with a mask or whatever it was, designed to look like spider eyes. He looked like an X-Men reject, or an enemy of Spider-Man. This guy doesn't seem like a big threat. But then again... he saw Wade fingering his holster.

Black Spider slowly started to squeeze the trigger.

"It's amazing." Wade said, putting his thumbs together like a camera, examining the man.

"Uncanny."

"It's like the love child of Spider-Man and Bullseye."

With a growl, the masked man finally stood. He aimed his rifle at the two intruders, his muscles visibly bulging. Despite the mask, they could tell he was fairly annoyed. Like anyone who spent five seconds with Wade. He stared at them.

"Shoo. I don't have time to deal with little lost boys." He shouldered his rifle, but kept one eye locked on his target. "You're not the bat, nor his boyscout sidekicks. Run on home to mommy before a 'missing' poster pops up."

"Hey, you purple dick. These swords aren't for show!" The yellow box said.

"Yeah! What he said!" Wade yelled, nodding.

Naruto merely scratched his head. "Why does everyone keep calling us boys?" His eyes saw a glint in the distance, and he knew what it was. One of Talia's hidden cameras. "My kill count is pretty high." He continued to scratch his head. "Is it because of the orange? I tried black and purple before, but people kept calling me Hawkeye Jr. That... was so not cool."

A grunt was heard, followed by a small pop. Gore splashed down over the area. Through the raining chunks of blood and bone, Naruto expected to see Black Spider blasting away at Wade. Only, it was the opposite. Wade stood up, his posture was proud. A silver, and fairly large weapon was held in both hands.

Where the hell? He wiped the blood from his face. "Where the fuck did that come from? No way that fit in your pocket."

"A legion particle accelerator. Stole it from S.H.I.E.L.D.. And I kept it in a place that is nice and snugly." Wade smirked under his mask, chunks of Black Spider still linger on his red suit.

The Yellow Box said, "Bang, baby! Did you see that thing fire! We must get back and tell Coulson how fucking awesome that was!"

"Neat." The White Box said.

"You vaporized him." Naruto said, looking at the blood soaked rooftop. Red mist still rained down over the area.

"Please, he wasn't vaporized. Look way over there, his leg is still twitching. And his head-" the sound of cars screeching and people screaming interrupted him. "Vaporized, yeah right. He would know it if I vaporized the shiznit out of him."

"... he didn't tell us who hired him to kill the Suit." Naruto mumbled. He was a ninja, using stealth to his advantage, well, as much stealth as bright colors allowed, he preferred to fight face to face. But with Wade, it was kind of hard to do that. Picking off the entrails from his hair, he stared down at the man in the suit. Bruce Wayne. The cops were running to the severed head, but Bruce slunk into the shadows.

"Maybe with some glue we can..." he drifted off as he spotted a glint near Naruto's feet. The bottom part of his mouth became soaked with drool. "Oooh, shiny!"

"Nature out of balance," Naruto mumbled to himself. "How is our presence in this primitive, Medieval looking world throwing it out of balance?" His eyes swept over the bloody rooftop. "And what's with our battles being on rooftops?" He actually preferred being up high, jumping from either tree to tree or roof to roof. Traveling on ground level, he would get lost.

Wade picked up the rifle, which had a severed hand on it. He gently pried it off. "You say something?"

The camera in the distance zoomed in on the two.

Deadpool's Corner:

"Some bad news. Karasu lost his Star Wars Version of this story. Which means he'll have to rewrite it from scratch." Wade takes out his notebook. "Harem time! Let's see, how about if we give Naruto a female sith and a Togruta. Not sure how that would work out, but hey, I'm not writing it. I just want to slice up some bitches with my lightsaber. Can I get a yellow one? Ooh, or maybe a red one. No, a black one! ...can I get three?"

I was gonna update my old Jurassic Park story because of the awesome Jurassic World, but I got in a Dreamworks Dragons binge. All 3 season, all the specials and the movies, and now, I really want to do a Naruto/Dragons crossover. Perhaps two, since my ideas cannot be contained to a single story.

"I vote pairing Naruto with Astrid. She was totally the only reason I watched Dragons."

Which is why I just said I may do two. And I'm still unsure of the main pairings in this story.

"Red Claw and Harley."

As I said, I'm unsure. Anyway, back to my Dragons binge while I debate on the next chapter. Next updates would either be Apples & Cinnamon, Tigress, a surprise new story, or maybe Spectrum.

"And I'm off to bug Fan of Fanfics about his own surprise new story, which I will talk him into posting soon. I sure know how to bug people. Right, yellow box? Yellow box?"