Discovering Us

Set season 4 - early on when Chandler first has feelings for Kathy. She's still dating Joey and they haven't 'crossed the line' yet. I was re-watching the scene where Chandler announces to the gang that he's in love with Kathy and noticed he kept shooting little looks at Monica. So, as usual, I read too much into it and came up with a story. What started out as a oneshot ended up as multi-chapter between 9-10 parts.

Ok, so let's see…season 4 – check, Chandler with a crush – check, AU hook up- check, little bit of angst – check, Mondler mushy bits –check, Happy ending –check…me getting predictable -oh yeah!

Rachel looked over at Chandler where he sat pining at the kitchen table. She could see how down he was about the whole Kathy situation. Usually, she left this kinda stuff to Monica to sort out -she was good with Chandler; she understood him. The problem was Monica wasn't here.

Her attention returned to her crossword when he let out another sigh, causing her to roll her eyes. He was making it mightily difficult for her to focus on her puzzle. That's all she wanted to do; was that too much to ask?

She glanced at him again, his shoulders slumped and his face a picture of misery. His whole demeanour was one of melancholy and gloom. Why couldn't he be bummed out in his own apartment? It was starting to both depress and annoy her in equal measures.

Rachel decided she might as well try to cheer him up and talk to him. It might help. She wasn't Monica, didn't have the same patience but she'd give it a damn good go. She had to try something before she went crazy…or killed him.

"You still trying to get over Kathy?" There, not the best opening line, Monica probably would have gone for something more subtle but at least she'd made a start.

Chandler froze. Slowly, he blinked looking up from his magazine, his attention turning to the only other occupant of the room. "What?" he asked after a moment, clearly surprised.

"You, Kathy, the whole unrequited love thing," she expanded, slightly annoyed she was having to repeat herself, "how's that all going?"

"Oh," he had heard her right. He frowned in confusion; he rarely spoke to Rachel about this kinda stuff. Not unless she was around when he was speaking to Monica. Still, the two of them had had a few moments over the years and it would be good to talk to someone. He let out an exaggerated depressed sigh his shoulders sagging hopelessly, "Awful, Rach," he admitted, "it's going awful."

"Oh," she hadn't really thought this through, "it'll get better, Chandler," she promised somewhat unconvincingly.

"No it won't!" He shot back annoyed by the whole situation he found himself in. "It sucks. Big time. Why do I always do this? It's like I have some sorta self-sabotaging system built in to stop me from being happy. Why can't I ever fall in love with a woman I can actually date? Would that be so hard? Why do I constantly go for those I can't have? I mean I'm still trying to convince myself I'm over the whole Monica thing and now-" He paused mid-sentence eyes wide.

Crap.

"Monica thing? What Monica thing?" Rachel asked suddenly very interested.

Double crap.

"No-no-nothing," Chandler lied, instantly realizing the importance of what he'd let slip and was now in full panic mode. Why could nothing go right for him? His heart beating rapidly, he jumped up from the kitchen table, needing to escape the apartment. To run away.

Sensing his attempt to bolt, Rachel leapt up from the couch. She quickly walked over to him, blocking his path. Needing to do something he quickly turned and walked back to the table, circling around it to keep it between them as a shield. Not that he thought it could offer much protection. Not now that Rachel sensed gossip.

"You had a thing for Monica?" She persisted, her eyes sparkling, "When?"

"Never, no thing," he insisted still dodging her. He was starting to sweat a little.

"Chandler, you have to tell me, this is juicy stuff."

"No, it's not juicy," he countered quickly, desperate to turn back time. Desperate to do something to stop her talking. "There's nothing to tell, so just forget I said anything, ok? I mean, come on I'm in love with my roommate's girlfriend, surely that's juicy enough."

He prayed it would be.

"Noo!" Rachel argued, not caring about the Kathy situation in the slightest; this was a lot more interesting. "Come on, you never tell me anything!" she whined.

"That's cause you're a gossip!" Chandler countered, his voice going more high-pitched than he'd like. She knew he was nervous and had something to hide. The woman could smell fear.

"I am not a gossip!" Rachel insisted trying to approach him. He kept the table between them, "Let me prove it to you, tell me about Monica and I promise I won't gossip to anyone. Not even to her!"

Fat chance.

"No!" He protested, shaking his head.

How could he get out of this?

"You have too!"

He shook his head again, running out of excuses, running out of time.

"Chandler tell me! Tell me tell me tell me!"

What to do? She wasn't going to let go of this any time soon. If he didn't say something then she'd bring it up again. She knew he was hiding something. Maybe, just maybe, if he gave her the tiniest bit of information, played it down, then she might accept it and leave him alone. It was unlikely but surely it was worth shot?

"Fine!" He snapped, taking a deep breath, his hands turning into fists before gripping the back of the kitchen chair, hard. "Fine," he grated, his knuckles turning white as he closed his eyes, "I had a thing for Monica!"

His explosion of a confession was met with silence.

Silence?

Opening his eyes he saw that Rachel's own wide eyes weren't focused on him. She was looking past him, over his shoulder in complete shock. He frowned, about to ask what was going on, when the sound of a door closing behind him clued in him.

Oh God no.

He held his breath. He couldn't turn around. Couldn't move.

He stared in horror at Rachel, desperately searching for any sort of sign of who was in the apartment with them; who had heard him reveal his biggest secret. Rachel met his worried gaze for just a moment, looking panicked before she quickly looked away with a wince. He could tell it wasn't good. He just hoped it wasn't...

"You had a thing for me?"

Chandler squeezed his eyes shut, cursing his luck; why couldn't it have been anyone else? Anyone.

"I'm, uh, going to leave you guys to it," Rachel announced, ignoring his silent plea for help. She did throw him one last wince in sympathy, before grabbing her puzzle book and beating a hasty retreat to her bedroom.

Crap.

TBC…

I hope you enjoyed the start. It's all written so hopefully it won't be long between updates. As always, thank you for leaving feedback to my previous fics. Very much appreciated! Please let me know your thoughts on this one. Thanks.