WOOOHHOOOOOO!!!!

Howdy Minna-san??

It's been quite a while huh? *gets rotten vegetables thrown at her*

Okay okay I know it's been too long *deep sigh* it's nearly let's see, last update on 19th January eto, four months? Waaaahhhhh, I'm the worst updater ever!!!!

Okay, gomenne *bows down apologetically* . It's just my head was so full of assorted ideas these days. Unfortunately none of them are in the genre of comedy nor humor (see my profile page, whole lot of drama there) and I was taking a brief (?) break from hxh and expanded my field to Inuyasha and Spirited Away and Fruits Basket... and Houshin Engi, and Malcolm in the Middleand *gets whacked* ehehehe sorry

But hxh is still my most beloved one. Though, if I read back the previous four chapter it was like OH MY GOD! So many typo and grammatical errors, gee! I was such a careless, immature, patient-less author. Maybe that's because this is my very first hxh fic, but that's not the excuse *sigh*. Hopefully this chapter will be much cleaner from such errors. Hopefully I'm maturer these times and have a fic with quality that will serve you some fun well enough.

I'll revise the previous chapters if I have the time.

Also, I made this one for fun, so don't protest any action put between ** which probably some of you will think that that form belongs to the script mode, not narration one, but again I point this out, I made this one for fun, so I don't care as long as it fun-worthy. Flame me if you want, I'll roast some marshmallow with it.

And excuse a little (just a teeny tiny little) OOC-ness kay? I need it for some comic relief.

Here's the fifth installment of Happy Odd Family

Enjoy =(^o^)=

I own HunterxHunter not *sighsighsigh and sigh*

Twas already night at Yorkshin. A figure with his silverhair glinting in the faint light of the lava lamp tiptoed inside the room, trying not to accidentally wake his spiky head friend who was snoring lowly in his peaceful slumber.

Soundless and carefully, he reached the phone in the table on the corner of the room and dialed the only person he thought could help him.

After several digits of numbers and a series of a tones, the line was connected.

"Moshi-moshi, Freecss' Tavern, may I help you?" greeted a female voice across the line with her familiar, genki-ever voice.

"Mito-san? It's me--" whispered the silverhair in the lowest tone he had.

"Are? KILLUA-KUN !!?" (0.0) okay, that was a loud pitch.

"SSSssshhhh hai-hai it's me." (.)

"AH! GENKI DESUKA KILLUA-KUN??" (^______^) my, how loud that was.

Horrified, Killua flinched his gaze at the sleeping Gon, he could have sworn Mito-san's voice had reached the spikyhead's ears. But he slept still; the silverhair sighed in relief.

"Anou Mito-san--" (.);; he tried to cut her excitement.

But failed heavily

"HOW'S YORKSHIN? I MISS YOU AND GON SO MUCH! OH AND OBAASAN TOO! SHE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU HERE!!" (^_________^) an even louder reply.

"SSsshhh! Mito-san! Listen! I--" (@--@);;;

But the voice across the line had change, "Maa Killua kun, genki desuka?"

"I-I-I- I-I'm fine, fine, Obaasan." he stuttered, but replied the greet anyway although all that he wanted was to speak with the aunt; but who could ignore Obaasan with her beguiling granny manner? And at least her voice wasn't going to wake up the entire room.

"I'm glad you call, finally you can wake up early." she said.

(0.o) " eto, it's eleven PM already in Yorkshin Obaasan"

"Ara eleven PM?." she repeated in surprise.

Killua parted his lips to answer, but before he could, he heard a shriek from the other side of the line, and instantly the over-genki voice was back, "ELEVEN PM? BOYA! IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING BY NOW!" (.)#

*sigh* here we go again, "I know Mito-san, but this is urgent. It's about Gon, he's--"

"OH MY GOD! DON'T SAY THAT HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF AGAIN! WHICH PART OF HIM WAS BROKEN NOW?!"

"SSsssshh. (.);;; No-no-no he's fine, he's all right. It's only-- um, lately he's been having this--"

"OH NO! That allergy against the weather again?! I told him to eat enough vegetables everyday, is he did that?"

"No--"

"HE DIDN'T EAT THE VEGGIE?!!" (.)#

"No! I mean-- Yes, he did eat it's just, Listen--"

"AND YOU?"

"Me? What?" (@.@);;;;

"DID YOU EAT THE VEGGIE?!" (.)# #

"Well I-I-I--" (@.@);;;;;;;;;;;;;

"KILLUA! WHAT I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT BEING PICKY?!" (.)# # #

"Well I just--" Oh Damnit!

"I MADE THAT RAINBOW STEW RECIPE JUST FOR YOU! IT'S GOOD TO ADD SOME COLOR INTO YOUR SKIN!"

"I know listen, I just--"

"Oh, It's so you, little sweet-toothed kid! I even dare to bet that you haven't brushed your teeth yet! Have you?!"

"Well, I--" damnit! Why was he suddenly only capable to say 'well' and 'I'? And what was she? Capable of smelling the chocolate he ate an hour before from a telephone line?

"Oh Killua, have you no idea of what those germs could do to your teeth?"

"Well I--"

"They are lurking and destroying your teeth and your gums! You don't want to get a toothache and spend a weekend with the dentist do you?!"

"Well no?" What is she talking about?

"Promise me that you'll immediately brush your teeth right after this okay?"

"Well umm" *sigh* At least she turns down her voice.

"And eat those paprikas all right?"

"All... right" *heavy sigh*

"Did I hear you sighed?"

"Umm no?" (.);;;

" what did you want to say earlier?"

"Well, I--" Pheww finally

"Yes?"

"I--" (@.@);;; What did I want to say earlier? Suddenly he couldn't remember the said thing that felt so urge to ask, "I Oh Damnit!" a swear escaped out accidentally.

"KILLUA! WHAT I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT SWEARING?!" (0.0)

Oh no! Not again, "Well, I--"

"OH I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU KIDS! LIVING IN YORKSHIN IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU! THAT CITY IS FULL OF SWEARING VOCABS!" #(0.0)#

"Oh Mito-san, I just--"

"I HOPE GON WON'T COME BACK HOME AS A VANDAL OR SOMETHING!" #(.)#

(@.@);;;; Gon? Yes, Gon! That's what I want to ask, "Listen-- Mito san--"

"HOW COULD I FACE HIS MOTHER'S GRAVE AND SAY THAT HER SON HAS BECOME SOME METROPOLITAN STREET PUNK--" # #(.)# #

"Mito-san--"

"--OH THIS IS ALL MY FAULT--" # # #(.)# # #

"Mito-san--"

"--Oh, I SHOULDN'T LET--" # # # #(.)# # # #

"MITO-SAN!"

"DID YOU JUST YELL AT ME?" # # # # #(0.0)# # # # #

" I-I-I-I--" (@.@);;;;; Shimatta!

"KILLUA! WHAT I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT RESPECTING THE ELDERS?" # # # # #(0.0)# # # # #

OH NO!, "But-But-But"

"OH KILLUA! YOU--"

"GON WANTS TO KNOW WHERE ARE BABIES COME FROM!" being cornered in rows, finally the Henka boy shrieked the news out.

Silence.

"What did you say?"

"Gon. Wants. To *deep inhalation* Know. From. Where. Are. Babies. Come. From." he took a sharp exhalation after, and continued, "--and I don't know how to--"

"Listen Killua dear--" she cut him, with a surprisingly soft tone.

Killua dear?

"-- babies are delivered by herons from heaven for the married couples--" she explained with a suspicious tone (which actually a mother kind of voice, but since Killua didn't have the *ahem* regular mother, he found that rather suspicious), which probably forced to come out

Herons Oh, Mito-san, I'm twelve for God's sake!, and that was exactly what he said to her, "Mito-san! I'm twelve! I know of how exactly a baby shows up! And Gon is older than me and he asked for the explanation. And I don't know what to say. I was hoping that you could do it for me."

Silence

"Mito-san?"

"Oh.. oh my H-how, Killua how could you know things like that?--" (0.0);;

"Well, I" NO! DON'T START THAT AGAIN! (.)'

But surprisingly the aunt didn't snap him again, ", how do you think would be the best way to tell him then?"

WHAT?! That's why I called you in first place!, "I, don't, know?" (o.0)

"Well I know time for this will come anyway Well I'll--"

Yes! She's gonna talk to Gon (^__^)

"--leave it to you"

WHAT!?, "Wha--hy?"

"Well you're his best friend. It would be much comfier for him if he hears it from you. It would be embarrassing to talk about it with me instead." (^.^)

"But-but-but--"

"I trust you Killua."

"But-but-but--"

"Ah it must be almost midnight there by now. You should be sleeping. Better chat next time okay?"

"But-but-but--"

The lady ignored his 'but-but-but', "Don't forget to brush your teeth"

"But-but-but--"

"Goodnight" she said.

"Mito-san--"

*smooch*

"Mito-san?"

'click'

"Mito-san?"

'toot-toot-toot'

"Mito-san!"

'tooooooooooooooooooooooooooot'

"MITOOOOO SAAAAAAAAN!" in the end the silverhair forgot about the surroundings and shrieked his frustration out loud, "AAAAArrrrghhhhhhhh!!!! Bakabakabakabaakkkaaaaaa!"

A low groan from the bed froze him. He totally forgot that he was still in the same room with the sleeping spikyhead. But he was amazingly still sleeping, undisturbed, so much like a baby.

Like a baby? Okay, took back that comparison, because faintly, he could heard a cry; coming from downstairs.

"WaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAhhhHHHHHhhhhh!"

The real baby was crying.

Then he heard someone climbing the stairs. And a moment later the door was opened. And like a cliché scene seen in those monster movie, he saw a pair of glowing scarlet orbs glaring him from the darkness.

Kurapika. Raging Kurapika

The silverhair gulped, not knowing what to do, he smirked at him sheepishly.

The blonde growled something incoherent and seized the smirking boy by his ear, dragging him downstairs to face the crying thing.

The silverhair could say nothing but 'itai'

Later in the morning, ever-genki boy Gon woke up, and as usual cast aside the curtain to hail the cheerful sun. And as usual he turned around to the bed and said, "Killua Wo~~Ke U~p."

But there was no Killua there in the bed. There was no boy snuggling in pillows, avoiding the morning lights. Killua was not there.

"Ara?" the kyouka boy was surprised to learn that his sleepyhead pal had woke up earlier than him. He went downstairs, and found the three others in the living room.

"OOOOOHAYO-- Mmmphh." he was about to shout out a good morning when suddenly Leorio shut his mouth with his hand.

"Sssshhhhbe quiet, Kurario is sleeping." The tall guy whispered wearily.

The spikyhead was released after he nodded. Then he scanned the others' features. Kurapika was sinking in the fluffy couch, had his face sulked, his hair tousled and his pajama stained by something smelled like milk powder. Killua had a swollen ear, swollen eyebags (which probably the reason he barely could open his lids) and was continuously yawning. The spikyhead whirled to see Leorio. He seemed very much better that the two; those dark shades around his eyes were hideous of course, but that could be considered normal, for he often got them; result from night shift in watching his patients. And he would wear glasses to cover them anyway.

"I'll make some coffee, you guys want some?" he asked, particularly to those who paralyzed on the couch. Answered by their weak shook, the tall guy shrugged then went to the kitchen. Oh yeah, he was the survivor of the rough night.

On second thought, not really, for he actually bumped his nose flat into the wall on his way, and poured salt into his coffee. Well, at least the coffee made him fully wake up.

But it was the worst hangover Gon had ever witnessed.

The only thing seemed normal was the kawaii baby sleeping with his thumb in his mouth, picturing the peace he got after all night torturing the three with his cry. Gon smiled at him; he could be the culprit, but he was still a baby, a cute one at that.

None of the three companions of him had a same thought after what they had been through. The baby was definitely harmful for them.

***

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, atop Sierra Padokia, was a bright noon above Kukuluu mountain and the residence of the Zaoldyecks.

But it was a flock of gray clouds on Illumi Zaoldyeck's head; mixture of displeasure and yet a tad of curiosity. What the heck was the jester doing in his house? Who was that red-headed woman? And his mother, escorting them to the manor instead of ordering someone or something to squash them like bugs?

The clown had realized his presence, and had given him a 'greet' even, with his card, which made him lost a few strands of his precious raven hair. Nothing could possibly annoy the young assassin more than that.

But he decided to keep his presence concealed, and as soundless as possible, followed them inside.

The three went to the living room, which probably for the first time ever had ones with no Zaoldyeck as a last name alive in it.

And soon conversation flowed, strangely colored with laughter The young assassin, who had found a strategic spot on the shadowed part of the ceiling to spy on them, shook his head to make sure that his ears were working properly

His mother, the killing bionic woman Kikyou Zaoldyeck let out some laugh as not a ritual after killing a being that's weird. And her tone of voice held some kind of what was that? Affability?

Curiosity crept further into his mind. His mother had always been the frantic one inside the family if she heard the 'f' word. The word was strictly forbidden inside the family's circle of life, and mentioning it inside his mother's auditory range would result a few days in the dungeon.

Oh, not that 'f' words. F for friends. Keep your language clean!

Anyway, as he thought, his mother would go berserk if she heard that word. But now, he was witnessing her chatting nonchalantly with those who seemed close enough to be called with that famous 'f' words.

What was going on in there? he ducked to get a better hearing,

Then came a familiar voice, but in an absolutely strange tone, "Gosh, what did happen to you dear? You seemed upset."

What? Dear? She called someone dear? She never even actually used that pronoun to call her own children!

And then sobs, from the read-headed woman. She wasn't looked like was crying though, she was looked more like angry, very angry.

"Men! All the same!" she said, followed with more sobs.

"Oh, poor you darling You can tell me the story if you want"

Darling? But that was his mother speaking for Great Zaoldyecks' sake!

The red-head inhaled sharply to summon her voice, and began to explain, "I dropped by at Yorkshin on the way here to see my fiancee. Him and I were betrothed by our late parents", she paused, exhaling deeply to regain her composure, " He was recently graduated from the medical school and had his own clinic by know *sigh* I've always waited for time like this, you know, Kikyou Nee-sama, when we both are having a firm carriers, we could take this engagement to another level"

Kikyou Neesama? As far as Illumi knew, he had no aunt from Kikyou's side, nor Silva's.

"So I went to his clinic to give him a sweet small surprise, and guess what I've got, and even bigger surprise; he was taken. I was mad of course, but I kept it at bay, and asked him to introduce me to that whoever bitch that dare to take somebody's fiancee"

"Oh dear, that was awful."

Oh now his mother was comforting; his father would be very jealous, for she had always done the opposite to everyone in the house

"He refused at first, I wasn't suspicious. I thought that he just didn't want to hurt my feelings. But I insisted, I was disappointed more than ever, I really wanted to see her." she paused again, drying her eyes with her handkerchief, and continued, "But then, I knew why he didn't want me to meet her; it was because be-because--BOOHOOOO---" she boomed crying.

Women

"I-I-I found out that they were not only living together, but they also have a child, a bastard child! Oh Kikyou Nee-sama, can you imagine how I feel?! I can't believe he could do this to me! He betrayed me! He betrayed our parents!" she shrieked between her sobs.

"Oh my! That's terrible!"

Oh no, terrible is your language dear mother added her son up there, only in his mind of course.

"And I can't believe he betrayed me for that flat-chested bitch *sobs*, for some completely-walking-fashion-disaster teenage blonde bimbo! *cry, cry and cry again*."

"Oh dearest! Poor thing! My first son is currently vacant of orders, do you want to have his service to get rid of that shameless slut?"

Oh great, a job for him, to assassinate the soap opera's vixen how ridiculous, that would be an insult for an assassin with Zaoldyeck's caliber.

The read-headed woman was still crying, but shook her head anyway.

"Are you sure? You don't have to worry about the fee darling, it's our compliment for an old associate."

Compliment? She meant work for free? Hell no way! And 'an old associate'? So that's the word his mother used to replace the 'f' words. Okay, he got to talk with his mother later, a lot.

The lady shook again. She dried her flooding tears and smiled weakly, "No thank you Kikyou Neesama, that was a wonderful offer of yours, I really appreciate it. It's only I know him, he's a bit too easy to be attracted by females; I assumed that he was only seduced. He's too kind that makes him act really foolish sometimes, and that vixen had seized the opportunity and used him to get herself a better life therefore, I'll try to win him back fairlyI have to open his eyes"

"Oh dear, that's very nice of you" sympathized the other lady.

Meanwhile her son up there on the ceiling began to wonder if someone had killed his real mother and replaced her with her twin evil or something ('evil' from assassins' viewpoint of course). If all the rules inside the manor were written into a list, she probably would have broken all of them. First, she invited the outsiders in, and brought them to the private family area of the house. Second, she had a chit-chat with them with no business involved; unless the free service she had offered could be considered as one, but no, it was more like another family law-breaking. Business's business, no money no goodie. And so far she had had series of non-evil laughter, three 'dears', one 'dearest' and three 'darlings' in her sentences at a single conversation, in span less than five minutes, what next? The end of the world?

Then something with the sharpness of the razor sliced the air. A card. He dodged it, and found his sleeve torn in between. He threw a glare downwards, at the grinning jester. He was so puzzled by the two women that he briefly forgot his presence. And the fact that that insane jester was seemed to have noticed his spying on them since the first time was a nuisance for him. He didn't like being watched without himself noticed.

'Hi' so Hisoka mouthed at him, earning another glare as the reply. He grinned wider at his annoyed face. Oh yes, he could see annoyance clearly plastered in the young assassin's face, even which it was no more than arched brows and gleam in his eyes. He could say that he knew him good

Curious eh? Illumi-kun? he teased him silently.

And since the young assassin didn't give him any reply else than a 'sod off!' glare, he threw him another card. And plastered a wider grin to see another cut in his burgundy shirt. Illumi was now wearing a sleeveless shirt.

Damn you! said Illumi through his famous glare, and threw his pin at the jester.

And the jester, fully aware, held another card to counter the silvery thing aimed at his face. The pin was successfully stopped; it stabbed his card right in middle. The jester took a glance at it and blew a low whistle. He held the card so the assassin up there could see where his pin had breached.

Ace. Heart. His pin had stabbed the big plump red heart printed in the middle.

I wonder what this means winked the jester at him.

It meant several more pins thrown at him. He dodged one gleefully, caught one with his fingers (which made them bruised a bit) and purposely let one scratched his wrist, leaving a thin wound opened. He gave him another smile, and the wound a lick.

During that silly silent battle of cards and pins, were chatting the two women, totally unaware of the harmful things the other two were throwing at each other, except the mistress of the mansion felt like to shoot somebody for letting too many 'insects' 'buzzing' around inside her beloved house. (which were actually sounds of pins and cards slashing the air)

Nonetheless she continued the conversation without paying any heed on that ."Now-now dear, don't drown yourself into tears, tell me about something nicer, how was your life?"

The read-headed lady sipped her cup of tea and gave a small smile, "Fine, Kikyou-Neesama, actually our house is going to have a show next month in York Shin for the latest summer and autumn collections."

The lady assassin's voice raised in high interest, "Oh really?! Fabulous!"

The other lady grew her smile, "And even more! This will be not just an ordinary show, but an auction also, the viewers can directly choose and bid the collections that are displayed by the models in the catwalk!"

"Oh! My! How exciting! I will definitely be there!" responded her again.

Somehow her words turned the other lady back into her gloomy face.

"What's the matter dear? Did I say something wrong?" asked the lady assassin.

The read-head shook, "No it's just I was hoping that you would be one of my models, Kikyou Neesama, but, oh, I never thought that you would have such a terrible accident like this" she trailed the bandage wrapped on the other's face bitterly.

The lady assassin sighed sharply, touching her bandaged cheek in disappointment, quietly cursing her future heir that had cost her those awful scratches in his attempt to escape his daily training. "Why that's a shame, but thank you dear, I will gladly be your model if it wasn't because of this" she bit her lips.

Then it was the red-head's turn to cheer her up, "Don't worry Neesama, it'll heal soon enough. And here's my regards to my beloved, most loyal customer." she chimed, handing out an invitation which was richly embossed with gold color, "This is your free pass to my show, front seats, valid for your entire family!"

The lady assassin's voice raised an octave, "Oh dearest! You are the daughter I never had!" she exclaimed.

At this rate Illumi was nearly falling off from where he was standing on The daughter you never had? Oh mother, you have Karuto!. He immediately forgot about his little dart game, startled, staring his mother in disbelief.

Series of low cackles from the read-headed jester. That visit was fun; too much fun, but to add some more would not harm anybody well, maybe somebody, but not kill anyway.

Taking advantages from the unaware assassin, he summoned a little nen inside of him. And with a little twitch from his index finger he threw the invisible bungee gum upwards. A perfect in and Illumi was now his yo-yo.

"Oh, good to hear that again Kikyou Neesan! But as always,you're too young to be my mother! You have a daughter now indeed!" she laughed, "Anyway, where's your children? They often got to be our emails' topic, but I never met them. I've already introduced my best model here--" she paused, glanced the other red-head with a smile, "-- why don't you introduce your children?"

Hisoka smiled at the two, smiled wider to notice from his eyes' corner, that a frown rose on the assassin's face. Another surprise from me Illumi. glanced him at the frowning assassin.

Model?! What is she? Event organizer or something? Using a clown for her model? so Illumi's frown meant.

"Oh, how rude I am. I'll send someone to call them here!" said the lady assassin

Another job for poor Gotto. He would find Illumi's three siblings, but not him. Uh-oh, never, he didn't want to know the lady, he just wanted to pretend that everything he had witnessed was never happened, that his mother didn't have a split personality or something close to that.

You won't find me and I won't come down he said silently to his mother.

Now is the right time to introduce yourself Illumi dear said the jester down there with a wink.

And just then the young assassin sensed something fishy. Then after a little tug, and a little stumble, and a little nen used as gyo, he realized that the jester had got him with that sticky nen of his.

Darn it! he cursed himself, clutching the wood to stop himself from falling. But it was no use, for Hisoka grinningly gave him another tug, making him hanging right above the two women.

Just with one more tug, the assassin was successfully landing on the couch right besides his mother, with quite a thud.

"Oh! Dear! You'll give me heart attack! How rude of you to show up in front of our guest like that!" baffled his mother immediately.

Guest? I thought she was an 'old associate' he replied sarcastically, and inaudibly, of course. Only let out a heavy sigh as a private comment.

"Oh, Kikyou Neesama, this is your daughter? Oh she's beautiful!" commented the guest spontaneously.

Hisoka let out a gurgle, in almighty holding himself from burst out laughing.

The lady assassin's lips gaped a bit.

And the young assassin himself, who happened to be a normal, perfect male in gender widened his eyes, which in his poverty of expression, could be considered substituting a scream or a howl maybe.

But none of them negatived the red-headed lady, too stunned maybe and so she did continue

"Kikyou Neesama, I'd like her to be my model!" she said, enthusiastically.

And the assassin's jaw parted agape. Wonder what's that meant, a deafening scream, maybe?

But I would be interesting for sure. Especially for the jester

***

My OC just can't tell who's a girl ad who's not, can she? *sheepish cackles*

Okay, I have to end this chapter here. It's way too long than I have predicted (^.^').

Actually I still have conversations followed after

But let's make that the next chapter shall we? (that's a hint, the next chapter is mainly about Hisoka, Illumi, and Jerica's job, and a bet between the two, and also a scene on how's Kurapika being left alone with the baby to take care (^.^) I just love torturing characters

Therefore I can't call this chapter 'Models' Bet' (like I've promised in the previous chapter, the said chapter is hopefully the next chapter)

I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you guys there readers! (especially you, one that via email threaten to kill me if I didn't continue this one ! *sweatdrops*)

Kay, any kind of feedback (review: critics, comments, suggestions, corrections, questions, flames) will be gladly appreciated!!

C'ya on next chapter(s) Pray that it won't take so long as this one

Lovekisshugsglomps

Quince