"That godforsaken reckless bastard!" Clint was swearing on a string. "Flying into a building like that!"

"Iron Man. Tony. Do you copy?!", Natasha demanded for what felt like the hundredth time.

"His comm is giving no signal", Steve stated. Bruce was just sitting nearby, tired and worried.

The Avengers – sans Tony – were standing on a rooftop next to a collapsed building that apparently had buried the millionaire underneath its crumbling concrete during an assault of a couple of DoomBots. He was not responding to any attempt of communications, the lines were completely dead.

Suddenly, a tall, dark figure appeared literally out of nowhere, making the whole team go into defence stances immediately.

"This is not", Loki stated firmly, "what it looks like." He was carrying an unconscious Tony (bridal style) in his arms. Thor was the first to think of something to say.

"Well, brother, it does look like you rescued him", he remarked with a grin spreading on his face.

"Exactly", the god of lies replied. "But I didn't."

"Of course you didn't", his elder brother replied and was levelled with a glare before Loki spoke again.

"Would you be so kind and take him already? I do not wish to stand here all day." Thor stepped forward and extended his arms. Tony was dropped into them effortlessly, like he had no weight at all.

The younger god stepped back, turned around like he feared no attack from the Avengers at all (he didn't have to, really; they were all too beat-up to pick up another fight now) and took two steps towards the building's edge. Then he briefly glanced up to state: "Besides, Thor. I'm still not your brother." Then he just vanished.

"Drama queen", Clint muttered.

Three months passed until Doom showed up again.

The world was spinning like a merry-go-round when Tony slowly left the sweet blackness of unconsciousness. And he hadn't even opened his eyes yet. God, this was going to be awful. He groaned faintly.

"Tony? Tony, you awake?", someone asked. Steve. "Oh, come on, stop playing the Sleeping Beauty."

"Did..." The engineer groaned again and blinked to get the sleep that was lingering in the corners of his eyes out. "Did you just make a pop culture reference, Cap?"

The blond beamed. "Ah, finally. Um, yes, I did. It's that fairy tale with the girl –"

"I know what it's from", Tony interrupted while he propped himself up on his elbows. "I just didn't expect you to. I see there's still hope."

"You're the one who showed the movie to me", the soldier remarked drily. "But whatever. How do you feel?"

"Like a building crashed down on me. Funny thing, because I think that's exactly what happened. How am I even here?"

"You..." Steve cleared his throat. "You were, kinda, um, rescued. Sort of."

"And why's that so hard to say? God, my head hurts. Shit."

Steve handed the millionaire a glass of water before he spoke up again. "Because you've been saved by Loki." Tony almost choked on the sip he had just taken and the soldier patted him on the back until he could breathe again. "I don't know if he'd approve of you choking to death when you wake up then."

"Loki?!", the engineer forced out. He was pretty sure Steve had only given him the water to let him choke on it. This wasn't just comical timing any more.

"Loki", the soldier confirmed. "He just happened to drop by and rescue you. Without your suit, by the way."

"Without my – that bastard."

"Any idea why he could have done that?", Steve asked cautiously. Tony shrugged, cursing inwardly. The Avengers really did not need to know about his little secret relationship with Loki, that might or might not involve feelings. A bunch of feelings. Nope, not a good idea.

"Maybe he's getting domestic", he replied, trying to look as innocent as possible and started to ramble. "You know, settling down in his evil-super-villain-mansion and doing the occasional assault without actually harming anyone and not allowing the other villains to hurt his favourite antagonists because he's the only one who's allowed to do that... this kind of stuff." He shrugged and winced at the pain in his shoulders. Of course, if Loki had healed him, it would've looked suspicious...

Steve looked sceptical, but being the goodhearted naïve golden boy he was, he agreed hesitantly: "Maybe it's... something like that. We might find something out later. I'll keep you up to date."

"Thanks, you're a dear", the engineer answered, trying not to grin too widely. He silently thanked every god he knew (well, except the princely siblings) that it wasn't Natasha who had interrogated him.

As it turned out, Tony didn't even need Natasha to give himself away.

Loki was grinning like a madman while fighting the Avengers. He was fast and powerful enough to be a challenge for all of them at once.

Clint was cursing and spitting insults on a string, Thor tried to convince his younger brother to come home, Natasha was deadly quiet, Hulk did what Hulk did (Loki avoided him pointedly), Tony annoyed his teammates and Steve tried to bring some organization into the whole thing.

Nobody noticed the god of chaos didn't hit as hard as he could have, and nobody noticed he was especially careful with hitting Tony. Just as nobody had noticed that they had been together for several months now (which was good, because sleeping with the main villain was really bad press).

Right now, Thor was engaged in a heated battle with his younger brother, both verbally and physically. Tony was hovering in a distance (because flying into there now would be plainly suicidal) and watched them. He enjoyed seeing Loki in battle – the leather stuff looked just awesome on him and if he wasn't angry at Tony at the moment, it was great to see him all dark-homicidal-bat-shit-crazy.

Suddenly he was ripped out of his thoughts when he saw Thor swinging Mjolnir while the other god was off balance and squarely hit Loki on the side of his face and fuck, he wasn't wearing his helmet and the impact sent him fly in a high arch through the air until he hit the ground and rolled several metres, limp and lifeless like a puppet.

"Hey Reindeer Games", Tony called out, glad the metallic speakers disguised the concern in his voice, "already tired?" Loki didn't move. "Fuck." He angled his thrusters so he flew downwards to the motionless body, landing clumsily with a stumble and kneeling down beside him.

Loki's face was full of blood, so much blood. The hit would've killed any average human and had been enough to knock the prince out and his white skin was covered in bloodbloodblood...

"Loki?" Tony lifted his faceplate while he heard the Captain yell at him over the comm.

"Iron Man? Tony, do you copy? What the hell are you doing there?!" The engineer ignored his teammates' shouting and brushed some strands, slick with blood, out of the god's face.

"Lokes", he whispered softly. "Hey, Lokes, are you with me? Come on, Snowflake, don't you leave me here." A painful lump formed in his throat and he pulled off a gauntlet to search for a pulse. It was there, faint and a little erratic, and Loki was breathing, even if shallowly. "Lokes, can you hear me? Come on, you can take a hit like that, right?"

He was aware that the comm was still active and the others could hear everything he said, he could hear them shouting at him like through a heavy fog, but all of that didn't matter because if Loki died, if he died now it would all stop mattering. He just couldn't bring himself to care of what the team thought.

"Hey, Lokes. Loki. Snowflake." With a hint of surprise he noticed his voice was shaking, his whole body was shaking within the suit. At that moment, Thor came to a halt beside him and the engineer's head snapped up. "Are you fucking insane?!", he yelled. "He's your brother, you idiot, and you hit him square in the face with your fucking hammer!" Tony could tell by the look on the thunderer's face that he hadn't meant it to come out like this, but if he didn't yell, he'd be crying – fuck, he already was crying.

Tony crouched down over Loki and repeated his name, "Loki, Loki, come on, Lokes, Loki no, Loki" like a mantra over and over again. He barely noticed the shouting around him until suddenly, someone laid his hands onto the god's shoulders.

In a sudden movement, the millionaire jerked up his hand – the one that was still armed with a repulsor - so it was aiming at a SHIELD agent in front of him.

"Don't you dare touch him!", he hissed through gritted teeth.

"Stark, what the fuck are you doing?!", Fury shouted over the comm.

"You're not touching Loki!", the engineer shot back and, god, this was so going to bring him into trouble.

"We need to take him into custody while he's still unconscious", the director barked. The thought of Loki injured and under SHIELD's surveillance made Tony feel nauseous. "Stark, stop this." The engineer just shook his head (Fury was definitely watching from somewhere) and refused to meet the eyes of his teammates that had gathered around him by now.

"Alright", Fury growled. "Iron Man is compromised. No deadly shots, but take him down." And if this wasn't just great, he didn't know what was.

Tony's faceplate snapped back down and he pulled the gauntlet back on, ready to fire at anyone who dared to approach him, when suddenly Thor – Thor out of everybody! – said: "Man of Iron, please stop this."

"And why the hell should I?", the engineer snapped. He had expected that at least the thunderer would be on his side, because hey, this was his baby brother they were talking about here.

"Because he needs medical treatment and neither you nor I can give that to him, but SHIELD might", Thor replied, calm and reasonable for once. Tony looked down and immediately knew the god was right. If Loki lost any more blood, he'd be done for.

"All right."

SHIELD holding cells were the most boring ones in the world.

Tony stared up at the clinically white ceiling and then turned around with a groan so he laid face-down on the thin mattress. There wasn't even a proper bed in here because they were afraid he'd build something with it. Well, he'd probably be able to, but still, it was uncomfortable. There was literally nothing to do in here.

He couldn't wait for Pepper to blackmail him out of here. He was dying of boredom.

Suddenly the door opened and Tony, grateful for any distraction, rolled onto his back to see (of course, whom else did he expect?) Fury smashing the door closed again behind him. The engineer propped himself up on his elbows and flashed a grin that was just as wide as it was fake. He didn't bother to stand up.

"So, Stark." Oh, this conversation was going to be so much fun (and if you didn't catch the irony here, you're an absolutely hopeless case). "Care to explain your little tantrum earlier?"

"Define tantrum", Tony replied.

"Tantrum defined as you threatening my agents with a repulsor if they dare to touch the guy who tried to kill them earlier", Fury snapped. Not very patient today.

"He wasn't killing anyone", the engineer blurted out before he could stop himself. The director cocked an eyebrow and inhaled to say something, but Tony didn't wait that long – now that he had started, he would finish it. "I mean, look at your folders – and I know you've got some about every fight – and then tell how many people Loki killed during the past few months." Just for show, he waited two seconds before he raised a finger. "Oh wait, none."

"He's still a criminal, Stark!", the director responded without missing a beat. "What the hell is up with you defending him now? He tried to rule the world and threw you out of your own goddamn window!"

Tony grimaced. "Thanks for reminding me, I hadn't noticed. Really, it's good you're my personal diary in case I forget my birthdate, or my biography, or the name of my boyfriend or –" Whoops. " – anything else", he finished lamely. Shit.

"Your boyfriend", Fury repeated with a raised eyebrow. "Whose name doesn't happen to begin with an L."

"Nope", the engineer replied. "It's an... S." Which wasn't exactly a lie; he used to call Loki Snowflake after all. "Although it's not Steve. Pity, isn't it?"

"No, actually not. Not at all. But I'm afraid you're trying to change the topic and that doesn't work on me, Stark."

"And there I thought you wouldn't notice. Bummer." Slowly, Tony's neck started to hurt from looking up at Fury and he decided that for what he was going to try next, it might be good to stand up. While straightening himself, he begun nonchalantly: "But you're right, Steve is not the point here. And since you've overheard everything I said on the comm before and most likely recorded and triple-saved it, there's a lot of evidence against me for fraternizing with the enemy." Fury blinked, obviously surprised by the fast confession. Probably he had expected to have to interrogate Tony for hours on end to get some information out of him. "But", Tony said, raising his index finger, "there's a point you're missing here."

"Which would be?", the director asked wearily.

"Which would be that you can neither turn me in nor keep Loki grounded", the engineer said lightly, but with an edge to his voice that gave away just how serious he was.

"Ah, and why would that be?", Fury demanded. He almost looked amused. "Just saying, we're talking about a war criminal and a guy who teamed up with him here."

"Nuh-uh, no team-up. I never helped him with any evil schemes or something. Just sex. Lots of sex", Tony corrected shamelessly. "I never helped him or anything, and you should listen to yourself here. I mean, beside the fact that you're just unable to hold him – because honestly, Nick, we both know he's going to escape sooner or later, he doesn't need my help for that – you should remember that it's actually better this way. Since we're together, he didn't kill even one person and caused no greater collateral damage. Guess why?" He didn't wait for an answer. "And as for me, I've got loads of information that SHIELD wouldn't want to be public, we can make a bet on that. Should Pepper get to know you keep me here, you can be sure it'll be on the news faster than you can say 'bastard'."

Tony allowed himself a smirk at the sight of Fury's jaw clenching. He could have dragged this out, negotiating and teasing, but had decided to go straight for it – he already was walking on thin ice here, and although he was going to keep his cocky facade up, he knew better than to toy too much with Fury. There was too much at stake for that.

Anyway, he added: "Oh, and since SHIELD's dirty little secrets are such wonderful things for blackmailing, you're not going to tell the team."

Now, Fury looked like he might break a tooth because his jaw was so tense. But then, he exhaled visibly and said: "Fine." Tony caught himself just in time as to not let his jaw drop. "But I have a condition, too. Loki will refrain from attacks on SHIELD, the Avengers or any citizen of the United States."

"So basically, you want to keep him from doing his thing. And you expect me to be able to convince him of that?"

"Exactly."

Tony hesitated, but then nodded. "Alright."

Needless to say, Loki escaped from the SHIELD facilities a day later without having said one word of agreement. Tony refused to be made responsible for that and since he had been in the SHIELD holding cell without any tech at hand all the time, Fury had to judge in dubio pro reo this time and set the engineer free begrudgingly.

He had to find excuses for his teammates, but they actually bought the story he made up about Loki being his favourite supervillain and him overreacting. Well, except Natasha. He was genuinely surprised she was the only one doubting him.

It was three days later when Loki reappeared.

Tony was alone in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hand and lazily sprawled out on a chair, sleep still clouding his mind and eyes when the god teleported right in. He was dressed in tight black leather pants and a green tunic, as he used to when not wearing his armour.

"Mornin', Snowflake", Tony greeted cheerfully, a great deal more awake now. Loki smiled at him and snatched the mug from his hands, taking a sip and then grimacing at the bitter taste before replying: "Good morning, Anthony."

"Show me your face", the engineer demanded before his boyfriend got to say anything else. Loki obediently turned his head and brushed a strand of hair back to reveal smooth, white skin underneath. Tony exhaled and tugged him closer. "You gave me a scare there, you know? For a moment, I..." He swallowed and Loki threaded a hand through his brown hair, calm and gentle.

"I am fine", he reassured softly. He knew when he had to refrain from jokes and understood when Tony needed something quiet, soothing, without the engineer having to say something.

After a few seconds, he pulled himself together and smiled up at Loki. While sneaking his arms around the god's waist, he replied: "Yeah, you are." Then, a little more guiltily: "And I... just might... have given us away. Sort of. To Fury. And I think Natasha noticed." To his surprise, the god laughed at that. "You're not angry?"

Loki straddled him on the chair, grinning, and leaned forward to rest his forehead on the mortal's. Then, he reminded: "You are the hero who has to put up with his reputation, public image and moral standards. I, however, am the villain and thus free to act at my own discretion."

"You've got a point here, Lokes", the engineer agreed while running his hands down the god's sides just to feel him shudder. Then, he ran both hands to the velvety black hair and dragged Loki in for a kiss that was returned eagerly. The prince shifted closer and made a low humming sound when Tony clung to him, holding him tightly while he broke the kiss and started sucking on a soft spot at the god's neck.

Then, the door opened and both of their heads snapped around to see who had run in on them.

"Oh look, it's the Wonder Twins and Mr Stripes and Spangles", Tony said and looked first at Clint's and Steve's appalled expressions (the latter turning a dark shade of red), then at Natasha's I-knew-it-smirk and after that, at his boyfriend who was still straddling his lap and wearing an daringly leering look. "Look, I'd deny it and say this is not what it looks like, but..."

"...it is exactly what it looks like", Loki finished, grinning.

Because keeping secrets is overrated. ;) I admit this is pretty much nonsense but it was still fun to write... Thoughts, anyone?