Title: Understanding
Author: HermioneSparta
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Jane the Virgin belongs to Jennie Snyder Urman, CW (et al). No money is made from this fanfiction.
Summary: There is always more than one reason for a single action.

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"You're gonna lose your virginity to your baby?"

"Well, I wasn't thinking about it like that."

"Well, you should!"

God above, she had never been so angry with Lina before. And she'd been angry with Lina plenty of times to compare this to!

It really wasn't just Lina though. It was all of them.

None of them understood.

Not Lina, Michael, Nadine, Rafael, or her doctor for Christ's sake!

Not even abuela. Certainly not her mother.

It started with a promise to abuela, and then a determination not to make her mother's mistakes. But then, it became something more.

In a sad, sort of twisted way, she'd defined herself as "Jane the Virgin" long before the whole accidental pregnancy fiasco started.

Then those brats and the nuns turned it into an official moniker.

When she'd called herself that, in her head of course, it was never in the same way people whispered it with obvious reverence.

She wasn't Mother Mary incarnated.

She was simply…Jane. The virgin.

The girl who lived her life by a plan made five years in advance, who never really took unnecessary risks. The young woman who still would rather read than go to the mall, but who also enjoyed cuddling (and kissing) her…boyfriend. Lover?

What did she call Rafael anyway? They referred to one another as boyfriend and girlfriend, but weren't they a bit old for such titles?

Taking a shuddering breath, she shook her head and wiped her eyes, cursing pregnancy hormones.

One day maybe she could explain it to them. Or not.

It wasn't just about honoring abuela– or God. It wasn't just about not repeating her mother's history or wanting a permanent relationship.

A marriage certificate didn't make a relationship permanent, she knew that.

Not…it wasn't just about any of that.

She looked at the dried flower, with its crumpled petals, and couldn't help but smile.

It was about honor.

Her honor. Honoring herself.

She'd dated Michael for two years and hadn't been ready even when they were engaged.

She'd been dating Rafael for months and wasn't ready despite being pregnant with his child.

Lina could think whatever she wanted, because she didn't understand– and probably never would.

Jane wasn't losing her virginity to her child. It was the same reason you didn't "stop" being a virgin because you used tampons.

It was a state of being, of mind and soul, as much as body. Her child was a medical accident that she'd grown to love, but it didn't make her any less of a virgin. Not even when she gave birth.

Nothing would, until she was ready to have sex and did. She would be Jane the Virgin, honoring herself and her choices with that silly title, until every part of her was ready to experience her full sexuality.

Right now, she wasn't, despite her age and impending motherhood.

And that was…ok. Because that old flower and a child's promise was now backed by an adult's understanding and patience.

Most of the time.

Except when Rafael made her burn from the inside.

And then she just hated the waiting.

But…she would.

Anticipation made everything sweeter, right?

Besides, if a former playboy could behave himself, she could too.

It was a matter of honor.

And pride.

And stubbornness.

All three suited her just fine.

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AN: Another one-shot inspired by Chapter Nineteen. Lina's comment really bothered me.