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Chapter 18: The Weight of the World

Year: 2186CE

Location: SSV-Normandy SR2, War Room

The quarian Admiralty Board. That elite group of leaders was nowhere high on the list of people Shepard wanted to see right now. But she needed their fleet, and, like everything else, their help in the galactic war wouldn't come free.

With the Reapers breathing down her neck, Shepard's patience was almost nonexistence. If the Admiralty Board expected her to deal with their internal conflict one more time, Shepard swore she'd invoke her Spectre status and tell them all to shove it.

"Commander," said Kaidan, leading a group of quarian guests into the war room. "The quarian Admiralty Board is here."

Do it for Anderson, Shepard. Straightening her uniform, Shepard folded her hands behind her back and awaited for impending drama.

Familiar faces – or rather, masks – filled in the room. Admiral Raan, the rational voice. Admiral Xen, the crazy scientist. Admiral Gerrel, the fighter. Admiral Koris, the geth sympathizer. And...

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty."

"Admiral?" said Shepard with an eyebrow raised.

"It's mostly a formality," said Tali. "I'm an expert on the geth."

Shepard nodded with a rare smile. "That you are."

"Commander Shepard," said Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay after everyone gathered around the round table. "A pleasure to see you again, though I wish it were under better circumstances."

"I'd hoped for your support in the fight against the Reapers," said Shepard pointedly. "What's going on?"

"Seventeen days ago," sad Admiral Gerrel, "with precision strikes on four geth systems, the quarians initiated the war to retake our homeworld."

You're fucking kidding me. Of all the time you could initiate a war, you chose now? It took all Shepard's restraint to keep her mouth shut.

Admiral Koris quickly added, "Which was a clear violation of our agreement with the Council to avoid provoking the geth!"

Admiral Xen was equally quick to argue, "A treaty violation is nothing compared to recovering our homeworld and advanced AI technology."

Rannoch.

"Three hundred years ago," said Raan, "we lost our world to our own AI creations, the geth."

"After we attempted to kill them," said Koris.

"We didn't try to kill them, Koris," Xen argued. "We tried to deactivate them. It wasn't murder."

"No, it was murder," said Shepard. Feeling a headache rapidly building up, she was very much tempted to toss all four of them out of the airlock.

"Commander," said Raan, "the quarians never intended to create a true AI. It was an accident."

"Which you chose to correct by trying to kill them," Shepard pointed out without missing a beat.

The admirals could only share a look with each other.

"Don't bother," said Koris, waving a hand. "Admitting we were wrong would undercut the justification for this suicidal invasion plan."

"Invasion was a mistake!" Shepard snapped. "Do you have any idea what's going on in the galaxy out there? You're throwing yourselves at the geth? Again?"

"And this time," added Koris, "we may have destroyed our people for good."

Her head was pounding by now. Shepard shut her eyes to will the pain away, which she failed miserably.

"Our predecessors underestimated the threat," said Gerrel. "They gave the geth time to mobilize."

Koris snorted. "Whereas you chose to attack the geth rather than consider negotiation."

"Couldn't you have picked a better time to invade?" Shepard seethed through her teeth. "Say, AFTER we're done with the Reapers?"

"Actually," said Koris, "our timing may have been premature."

Gerrel added, "We'd driven the geth back to the home system when this signal began broadcasting to all geth ships." His omni-tool lit up, and a holographic image of an unique shape object hovered above the map in the center of the table.

Shepard could recognize that thing in her sleep. "The Reapers."

The war veteran nodded. "Under Reaper control, the geth are significantly more effective. Our fleet is pinned in the home system. If we're going to win, we're-"

"Win?" Koris interrupted. "You insisted on involving the civilian ships, Admiral Gerrel! We need to retreat or we'll lose the liveships!"

The urge of kicking them all off the Normandy was mounting. But civilians were involved. Shepard ignored her irritation and asked, "Where's the signal coming from?"

"Here. A geth dreadnought," said Gerrel. "It can outgun anything we've got, and it's heavily defended."

The solution to their problem was obvious. Shepard knew what the quarians really wanted: Her ship.

For the galaxy, for Earth, for Anderson. Shepard suppressed a heavy sigh and proposed what the admirals had been waiting to hear, "The Normandy's stealth drive can get us in undetected. I could board, then disable the Reaper command signal."

Xen nodded. "Yes. Cutting off the signal should throw the geth into complete disarray."

"And while they're confused," said Shepard, "you get to a mass relay and retreat."

"Good." Koris seemed pleased. "Our civilian ships have seen too much fighting already. Are you certain you can disable the signal?"

Isn't that why you're here? Shepard's lips pressed thin. "No. But what choice do we have?"

"It's hell of a risk, Commander," said Gerrel. "But if you can pull it off..."

Shepard waved a hand. She'd rather fight an army of geth than to deal with a room full of politicians. "Just be ready, Admiral."

"I'm glad you're here," said Tali after the rest of the Admiralty Board had retreated from the war room. "I know you've had your own troubles."

"Who doesn't nowadays?" muttered Shepard wearily.

"I'm sorry about Earth. We've got the largest fleet in the galaxy. If you can help us, we'll hit the Reapers with everything we've got. Or... however much is left from this stupid war."

Shepard studied the old friend she hadn't seen for almost a year – or rather, studied the mask of hers. With their faces concealed, quarians were hard to read. But Shepard could always tell from Tali'zorah's voice. Right now, her tone was unusually quiet and drained.

"You've always wanted a home," said Shepard. "I thought you'd support the invasion."

"No. After talking to Legion, I thought maybe there was a chance for peace."

"So why help them?"

"I'm an admiral," said Tali with a sigh. "People look to me for guidance. Public disagreement would divide the fleet."

"You sound like a politician, Tali," Shepard commented. The girl Shepard had once rescued in the dark alley was now all grown up.

"We could lose the entire fleet."

"I'll get your people out safely."

"Thanks, Aerin. I couldn't do this without you." Tali paused, then added with a shake of her head, "I feel like I'm bluffing. Trying to convince them that the admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."

"Not the admiral's daughter. The admiral."

"The admiral." Tali let out a long sigh. "Seventeen million lives are riding on me... I don't know if I can save them."

"You're doing everything you can. If the fleet falls, it won't be because of you."

"I helped my father, and... Xen's ideas, the new tech that made an invasion too good to pass up? That's based on my father's work. If they die because of me... if... if I don't..."

The weight of the world on her shoulders was crushing the young quarian. It's the same weight Shepard had been bearing day in and out for the past three years.

"Even if we defeat the geth," said Shepard, delivering a dose of reality, "you will lose more ships, Tali. You need to be ready for that."

"My father once told me that commanders mourn losses, not people. He didn't think he could make the big decisions, the ones affecting the whole fleet, unless he put people at a distance. I don't think I can do that. Maybe I'm not meant to be an admiral."

Corporal Jenkins, Chief Williams, Doctor Solus... Knowing how much Tali admired her father, Shepard kept her opinion to herself. "They need you here."

"I know. And at least now, I can push back against the worst ideas. That's why I accepted the position... And because of you."

"Me?"

"When they offered me this position, I asked myself what you'd do. I thought you'd take the chance to make things better."

Shepard didn't have the heart to tell Tali the truth. If the brass offered Shepard a spot in their elite group, she'd have run the other way. She's a soldier, not a goddamn politician.

Tali shrugged. "That probably sounds stupid. It's just... I know I'm not really qualified for this..."

"You're doing fine, Tali," said Shepard, putting a comforting hand on the young woman's shoulder. "Get some rest while you can. We're gonna go kick some metal assess."

"What's it that phrase Vakarian used to say...?"

"Just like old times."

Location: SSV Normandy SR-2, Main Battery

"Of course the geth would figure into this war somehow," said Garrus as he assembled his spotless sniper rifle back into one piece.

Standing next to her turian twin, Shepard snorted at the comment as she cleaned her own gun. "Because Reapers weren't enough."

"You know, Shepard, looking back, I'd say we didn't ask too much from you. All we wanted was a primarch."

"Any word from the primarch?"

"Yes. He wanted my advice on the fleet strength when the Crucible is ready. The krogan are on Palaven in force, but they're just slowing the Reapers down, not stopping them. I'm not sure if it's going to be enough."

Shepard frowned, wiping down her disassembled rifle meticulously. "What did you tell him?"

"I said, at some point, we're going to have to decide if our fleet keep defending Palaven, or we go on the offensive."

"Can't do both?"

"Not with the beating we're taking."

"It's a tough call."

"What would you do?"

Shepard started to reassemble her gun, taking a moment to consider the question. "I'd go on the offensive. The longer this lasts, the higher the chance we're gonna lose everything."

Garrus shook his head. "Still can't get used to people asking me things like that. All the questions, and everyone of them with a million lives riding on the answer."

"You do the best you can with what you know. It's no difference from your days at the C-Sec."

"I told you once that I wasn't a very good turian, Shepard. I never could follow bad orders. And now I'm the one giving orders. Someone's dying at the end of every sentence."

"And someone's making it out alive, too."

"You're right. Though I'm starting to understand why the galaxy needs cold-hearted dictator every now and then."

"They get things done?"

"They don't give a damn about the consequences. Supposed that's what it's going to take, Shepard, the ruthless calculus of war. Ten billion people over here die, so twenty billion over there can live. Are we up for that?" Her twin asked, looking straight into her eyes. "Are you?"

"If all life in the galaxy vanishes because we hesitate, what choice do we have?" said Shepard as she snapped the last piece of the rifle back in its place. "The Reapers aren't about to sit down and sign a peace treaty, Vakarian. We're facing extinction."

Garrus sighed. "This is gonna be a rough war."

Location: SSV Normandy SR-2, Bridge

"We're approaching the quarian home system," said Joker. "ETA to Rannoch: five minutes."

"I have detected several hundred unique ship signatures engaged in active combat," EDI reported.

"A big ol' shitstorm, Commander," said the pilot. "You sure you want to do this?"

No, I don't. "Take us in, Joker," said Shepard.

"You just love to make my life hell, don't you, Shepard?"

"Admit it," said Shepard, "you love a good challenge."

"What can I say? Let's do this." The pilot flexed his fingers before his hands started to move on the console at a surprising speed. "Stealth drive engaged. Only way they'll detect us is if you all start singing the Russian national anthem."

The Normandy zoomed and landed right in the middle of an intense battle zone. Joker maneuvered the ship nimbly to avoid a burning vessel. Dodging fire and ships simultaneously, the Normandy headed to the dreadnought, undetected by either side.

Having full trust on her pilot's skill, Shepard didn't even bat an eye and left the bridge. The Normandy was in good hands as long as Jeff Moreau was on his leather pilot seat. Now, she had to do her part.

"Boarding team," Shepard called through her radio, "be ready in five."

"Ah, there you are," said Admiral Xen, approaching.

What now? "Anything more surprises I should be aware of?"

"There is." The admiral handed Shepard an unique looking gun. "Here. Tell me what you think of my new prototype. Arc pistol."

Shepard had to raise an eyebrow at the new toy. "Looks impressive."

"It is," said Xen. "On contact, it transmits an energy pulse that disrupts geth programming and shields."

"Perfect for a ship full of geth."

"I need feedback from your field testing. So do come back in one piece, Commander. Kee'lah selai."

A/N: "Just once I'd like to ask someone for help and hear them say, 'Sure, let's go. Right now. No strings attached.'" – Commander Shepard.

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